chapter nineteen.

WHEN I AWOKE I WAS IN A PRIVATE TENT ALONE with no sign of Alina or anyone. A fresh set of clothes lay on my camp cot beside me along with a tub of hot water and my blue kefta. It had only been a few weeks, but it felt strange to wear Summoners' colors again.

The Darkling's guards were most likely stationed all around my tent. Probably here to monitor you. I thought bitterly. The tent was luxuriously appointed with piles of furs, a painted table and chairs, and a fabrikator mirror, clear as water and inlaid with gold.

I would have traded it all in an instant to shiver beside Alina and Mal on a threadbare blanket. I had no visitors, and I spent my days pacing back and forth with nothing to do but worry and imagine the worst. I didn't know why the Darkling was waiting to enter the Shadow Fold nor was I sure if I was going to be dragged along with Alina, I was useless now.

I felt empty like a part of me was missing. Because it was. My body was weaker, and I could barely set up on my own, but I managed, with whatever effort I had to pace the room so I wasn't just sitting, feeling completely and utterly useless.

❂♕

On the fourth night, when the flap of my tent opened, I nearly fell off my cot. My breath hitched in my throat. There stood Genya, holding my dinner tray and looking as impossibly gorgeous as ever.

I weakly got up and onto my elbows and scanned her from head to toe, she was wearing red. Corporalki red. Her cuffs and seams at the chest were embroidered in blue, a combination I had only seen in my Kefta at the winter fete, just different.

She hovered near one of the tables and set down the tray, "I shouldn't be here." she said.

"You don't say," I said, bitterly. Genya looked over her shoulder at me and took four long strides over to me on my cot. "That's not what I meant," she said with a small smile.

She sat down on the cot and looked down at her hands, "I've missed you." she whispered, "It's been quieter without you and Alina."

"Alina." I said, "Have you seen her?" I asked with desperation, "Is she alright?"

Genya looked back up and nodded, "Yesterday. But it didn't go well."

"How is she?" I asked, "She's fine, but she talked about what the Darkling did—" she paused, "I'm sorry, Freya."

I looked away from her and pulled up the sleeve of my hand. Genya gasped and grabbed my hand to inspect the coin. "he really did take it, didn't he?"

I let out a bitter laugh, "Why do you sound so surprised? After all.." I scowled and motioned to the color of her kefta, "You are wearing red."

Genya pulled away and my hand fell onto the blanket, "Freya." She whispered, "I only did what I thought was right."

I shook my head, "do you know what it's like to feel like everything has been ripped away from you? I feel completely and utterly useless. Just a few days ago, I could summon sunlight and

the next it is taken away from me."

I closed my eyes and turned my head away, "I should have known," I whispered, "I should have known from the beginning that the Darkling was planning on using Alina and me."

"I shouldn't have let my feelings get in the way and most importantly," I sucked in a breath and turned to face her, "you should have warned me."

Genya's ocean eyes were filled with regret, "I wanted to—" she paused swallowing, "I wanted to warn you, more than anything." she grabbed my hand, "Believe me, Freya, I would have but the Darkling—" she clenched her jaw.

My body thrummed from her touch and suddenly I felt as if everything that has happened in the past few weeks has been a mere memory, a nightmare. My heart skipped a beat, but this time, there was no one to come barging in and ruin the moment. Genya was looking at me the way she looked at David.

Like I was her everything, saints I want to be hers. But then it came crashing back, reality came back and I had to pull my hand away from hers, and I swear when I did I saw her eyes flash with anger, pain, and sadness all in one.

"The Darkling has done a lot for me, Freya." Genya's voice wavered, "And I owe him,"

"I never meant to hurt you." She whispered, "But it was my choice, and I made it." She pushed herself closer to me, "I—" her eyes flickered to my lips, but then she pulled away.

"I would have done it again... for you." she got to her feet, "Now please, do not make this more difficult. I'm already guilty for what I have done to you and Alina."

I looked up at Genya from the cot, "As you should, Genya Safin." I paused, "I may not know why you chose to betray us, but I will not hold it against you. You have your reasons and I respect that.... but I would also assume it is because of the king?"

Genya didn't have to respond because I already knew the answer to that question in my heart. "I got my revenge." she said, "he has paid his price, and now I shall pay mine."

By fighting on the wrong side of the war, I thought. It shattered my heart to think about it, and a part of me wanted to be angry with her, to hate her but I knew I couldn't. I didn't want to hate her.

"David feels horrible..." Genya said, "He hates himself for what he did to you."

"It isn't his fault," I whispered, "the Darkling probably forced him to."

Genya gave me a sharp look, "You don't really believe that." Distress was clearly written on her face, though she tried to hide it. Was there a warning there as well?

I thought of the Darkling's threats, "No," I said hollowly. "Of course not." I swallowed, "but a part of me wonders..." I trailed off.

I knew the look she gave me, but her brows cleared anyways, and she forced a smile, a beautiful yet terrified smile. "For what it's worth," I started, "tell David I forgive him."

And I forgive you, too. I added silently. I meant it. I knew what it was like to want to belong.

"I will," she said quietly. She walked to the foot of my cot and leaned over and gave my leg a gentle squeeze, "I am your friend, Freya. In any universe, under any circumstance. I am your friend."

And then without another word or glance, she turned and disappeared into the night, but not before I saw that her lovely eyes were full of tears.

❂♕

I picked at my dinner and then lay down on my cot again, turning over the things that Genya had said. Genya had spent nearly her entire life cloistered away in Os Alta, existing uneasily between the world of the Grisha and the intrigues of the court. And I had now realized that the Darkling had put her in that position for his own gain, and now he had raised her out of it.

She would never again have to bend to the whim of the King and Queen or wear a servant's color. But David had regrets. And if he did, maybe others did, too. Maybe there would be more when the Darkling unleashed the Shadow Fold's power. Though by then, it would be too late.

My thoughts were interrupted by Ivan's arrival at the entrance to my tent. "Up," he commanded. "He wants to see you."

My stomach twisted nervously, but I weakly got to my feet and followed him. As soon as we stepped out of the tent, we were flanked by guards who escorted us the short distance to the Darkling's quarters.

When they saw Ivan, the oprichniki at the entryway stepped aside. Ivan nodded towards the tent. "Go on, weakling," he said with a smirk. I desperately wanted to smack that look right off his face. Instead, I lifted my chin and strode past him.

The heavy silks slid closed behind me, and I took a few steps forward, trying to keep my balance. The Darkling sat in a large chair, his legs sprawled out before him, staring into the fire, a glass in his hand and a bottle of kvas on the table beside him.

Without looking at me, he gestured to the chair across from him. I walked over to the fire, but I did not sit. He glanced at me with faint exasperation and then looked back into the flames.

"Sit down, Freya." I perched on the edge of the chair, watching him warily. "Speak," he said. I was starting to feel like a dog.

"I have nothing to say to you," I said. "I imagine you have a great deal to say," he said pointedly. "If I tell you to stop, you won't stop. If I tell you you're mad, you won't believe me. Why should I bother?"

"Maybe because you and Alina want the boy to live." All of the breath went out of me and I had to stifle myself from wanting to reach across the table and snap his saint's forsaken neck.

Mal was alive. The Darkling might be lying, but I didn't think so. He loved power, and Mal's life gave him power over Alina and me. Even Genya's.

"Tell me what to say to save him," I whispered, leaning forward. "Tell me, and I'll say it."

"He's a traitor and a deserter." He said, "he's the best tracker you have compared to me." I said. "Possibly," said the Darkling with an indifferent shrug.

But I knew him better now, and I saw the flicker of greed in his eyes as he tilted his head back to empty his glass of kvas. I knew what it would cost him to think of destroying something he might acquire and use. I pressed this small advantage.

"You could exile him, send him north of his life in a work camp of a prison?" I said. But the Darkling only threw his head back and laughed, "Alina said the exact same thing."

I looked away, "and let me guess..." I said before lifting my eyes back to his, "you think she'd eventually find a way back to him and refused."

His face broke out into a smile, "you know me too well." He said almost bemused, "and you know me too little." I muttered.

He rose an eyebrow, "I know enough about you," he said. I shook my head, "that's because you were manipulating me then, now I'm not as stupid."

"I was never manipulating you, Freya." The Darkling said, "I never intended for things to go the way they had." I scoffed, "then why lie to me about the sea whip? Why lie to me about everything?"

He ran a hand over his jaw, his expression fatigued, human. But how much of it was real and how much of it was pretend? "I couldn't take chances," he said. "Not with the power of the stag, not with Ravka's future hanging in the balance."

"Don't pretend this is about Ravka's welfare. You lied to me. You've been lying to both Alina and me since the moment we met you." His long fingers tightened around the glass. "Did you deserve my trust?" he asked, and for once, his voice was less than steady and cold. "Baghra whispers a few accusations into your ears, and off you two go. Did you ever stop to think about what it would mean for me, for all of Ravka, if you two had just disappeared?"

"You didn't give us a choice." I said, "of course, you two had a choice. And you two chose to turn your backs on your country, on everything that you two are."

"That isn't fair." I hissed, "Fairness!" He laughed. "Still she speaks of fairness. What does fairness have to do with any of this? The people curse my name and pray for you, but you two were the ones who were ready to abandon them. I'm the one who will give them power over their enemies. I'm the one who will free them from the tyranny of the King."

"And give them your tyranny in return," I said. "Someone has to lead, Freya. Someone has to end this. Believe me, I wish there was another way."

He sounded so sincere, so reasonable, less a creature of relentless ambition than a man who believed he was doing the right thing for his people. Despite all he's done and all he intended, I did almost believe him. Almost.

I gave him a single shake of my head, "You took away my power and probably forced David to bind all three of us by Merzost. Do you think doing this will do any justice for you? you are nothing but a liar and a manipulator and I hope someone other than Alina and I sees it."

The Darkling slumped in his chair. "Fine," he said with a weary shrug. "Make me your villain just as Alina has." he set his empty glass down and stood. 

"Come here." Fear shot through me, but I made myself rise and close the distance between us. He studied me in the firelight. He reached out and touched my cheek, letting his long fingers graze my lips with his thumb.

I felt a jolt of revulsion, but I also felt the sure, intoxicating force of him. I hated that it still had an effect on me.

"You betrayed me," he said softly. I wanted to laugh. I had betrayed him? He had used Alina and me, seduced us, and now enslave us, and we had betrayed him?

"No." I whispered, "you betrayed yourself." and pushed away from him, but he gripped my waist and pulled me to him forcefully and his other hand gripped the back of my neck, "tell me." He whispered, his grip tightening painfully, "tell me how much you care about Genya. Beg for her. For the tracker just as Alina has."

"Please," I whispered, fighting the tears that welled in my eyes, "please don't harm him, not for me but for Alina please spare his life."

"Why?" He asked, "Because Alina and I can't give you what you want." I said recklessly. I had only one thing with which to bargain and it was so little, but I pressed on. "We have no choice but to serve you, but if Mal comes to harm, we will never forgive you. We will fight you any way that we can." I hissed, "I will spend every waking minute looking for a way to end my life, and eventually, I'll succeed. But show him and Alina mercy even if she will be your beck and call."

"I am useless to you." I hissed, "I have nothing else to give." The darkling cocked his head to one side, a small smile playing on his lips.

"Mercy." He said the word as if he were tasting something unfamiliar. "I could be merciful." He kissed me softly, gently, and though everything in me rebelled, I let him. I hated him. I feared him. But still, I felt the strange tug of his power, and a new power that was once mine lingered in his calloused hands, in him. Calling to me, begging for me to save it.

He pulled away and looked at me. Then, his eyes still locked on mine, he called for Ivan, "take her back to the tent." The darkling said when Ivan appeared.

He pulled me close again, his lips brushing my ear. "Tomorrow, you will be accompanying Alina and me to the Shadow Fold," he whispered, his voice like a caress. "And when we do, I will have the two of you watch as I feed  all your friends to the Volcra what were their names?" Fear pierced me, "Rebecca and Aliya?"

My eyes widen, "No!" I cried, recoiling in horror. I tried to pull away from him, but his grip was like steel, his fingers digging into my skull. Ivan was at my side in seconds pulling me away from the Darkling, "Murder!" I shouted, "Monster!"

The Darkling tutted, "all of those things." I shrieked and tried to break Ivan's hold so that I could attack him, rip him apart but I was too weak. "I hate you." I spat.

He shrugged, "You'll tire of hate soon enough. You'll tire of everything." He smiled then, and behind his eyes, I saw the same bleak yawning chasm I had seen in Baghra's ancient gaze, "Alina will wear that collar for the rest of her days, Freya, and you will forever be bound to me. You will do everything I say even without your sun-summoning abilities. But you will do whatever I ask of you with your tides. Fight me as long as you are able. You will soon find I have far more practice with eternity."

He waved his hand dismissively, and Ivan pulled me from the tent and down the path, still struggling. A sob tore loose from my throat and when I looked up, fighting Ivan I saw Genya in a group with Corporalki, but her eyes were zeroed in on me.

Her eyes were filled with pity, but as soon as I'd seen her she was gone, tears in her eyes as she disappeared behind the silk of a tent's entrance.

Ivan led me back to my tent and pushed me inside. I lost balance from my weakness and fell to the ground, I didn't think to move. I couldn't so I cried.