Tale #19: A Mask

I always wore a mask, every time. It wasn't the kind of mask that is used to show what someone wants be viewed by the public, it wasn't the kind of mask where we hide our true selves fearing to be criticized by the harsh society. It wasn't the kind of mask that is especially crafted for every person we face, or every occasion that we go to. It wasn't the kind of mask that makes you look— normal.

My mask wasn't like that, it was something that I think I'm the only one who has it. It was the kind where it makes you feel like you have a purpose. It makes you feel like you have a drive in life. It gives you the feeling of having to achieve a certain goal, and yet the goal is non-existent. It wasn't the kind of mask that makes you feel fake, it was the kind of mask that makes you feel— alive.

I always wear that mask of mine, lest I want to be viewed like a dead girl walking. My true form isn't something that you'd hate to look at, it is something that rather pity than hate. My true form is that wooden doll with severed strings because the puppet master just dumped her since she no longer has a purpose in his plays. My true form is that lonely and dark place that anyone would love to enter, but will eventually leave when they finally found the light.

Looking at myself now in the mirror, I only see a girl without motivation life. She's just standing still, unmoving unless ordered to. She's just staring, not caring about her surroundings or the people passing by. She's just there, existing, and nothing more. A girl lying motionless, waiting for an order, for someone to move her strings, waiting someone to give her an order because she knows in herself, she's nothing but a doll if not given a purpose. It was like—

—I am a galaxy devoid of glowing stars—

—and I will never be able to shine if no one will give me a reason, an order or a purpose to shine. I feel like a lull ocean but never calming to look at.

I always wear that mask, hoping that someday, I will never need them to pull my strings just so I could move.

I'm still hoping that someday, I will never need someone's control in order to live.

I'm still hoping that someday, when I remove this mask, I would be able to shine in my own universe and that I would be able to glow with my own stars.

That someday, I would be able to live without always needing their command.