Omake 11:FGO #10

"So, you didn't do any high jump practice to end up getting any of them."

I could only frown at the curious question I was bestowed with. It was a chilly summer day in Chaldea, and I was trying to fight the heat. Quite a tough task when the Barghest from my home dimension, which had been recently summoned, decided to use her head-pat rights to settle her head onto my lap and get herself a few hours of affection through that.

I was sweating a storm at that moment, but, luckily enough, my peculiar conversation buddy was providing me with some refreshment in the form of water, cold tea and some light-soda beverages. So yeah, it wasn't the worst, but it was far from good. And with this question, my poor heat-weakened brain felt itself stuck in a pseudo-brain fart.

"What?"

"I mean, there could be other ways but-"

"No, like, what?" I repeated flatly, trying to reason with this logic. "How could you expect me to do any 'high jumps' in medieval Britain?"

"It's just..." The Sword-thrower of an Archer paused at my question and sighed. "It's just that this is how I landed myself a harem. Well, my old self and now… this manifests with the other demi-Servants."

"Have you considered that maybe the action wasn't what really triggered their attraction?" I groaned calmly. "Like… your name's Shirou, right?"

"Archer, or Emiya-"

"I am quite sure Ria called you Shirou- Wait, is this one of those 'I do not like my name, so I have to rely on something that barely resembles it'?"

"...Sorta."

The admission had me humming. "Well, I think it's stupid at this point. Everyone here is going to be stuck with the humanity-saving job for a while. And we are all tagging along for this."

"It's more complicated than that," EMIYA rebuked.

"Well, the 'high jump' is also complicated in its own way. Which is why I can tell it confuses you as much as it annoys you," I pointed out. "These girls you mentioned- your 'harem' is made of girls that, one way or another, have been missing something which that training definitely found strong in you. And that was… I want to do something, something I am not good at precisely, and despite my lack of skills, I will try on and on until I get it."

"And?"

"And you got it, right?" I asked back and he nodded. "And that's why you gained their respect and hopes. You put yourself onto something which sounded so hopeless and without meaning, and yet you did it because you willed yourself into the matter. Perhaps that's also what you should take as your own advice."

His eyes narrowed at this. "How?"

"Let me ask you something, Shirou. You definitely look like the kind of guy that tried everything to find closure, but I have a feeling the one thing you didn't do was look back to before you were a hero."

"Why would it matter?" The Archer-Class Servant pressed back. "What's the point of involving someone that wasn't a hero yet?"

"The same reason why you are looking to stop behaving like a reluctant one," I remarked quietly, giving a look at Barghest and noticing a tired look on her puppy face. "Which is that you gave up on yourself long before you tried to find a solution."

"I see..."

I sighed, giving him a look. "Also, you need to get laid."

EMIYA tensed up. "...What?"

"Shirou, do you want to feel manly?"

"W-What?!"

"Manly, do you want to feel that?" I reiterated half-annoyedly.

"Y-Yes?" Shirou replied, confused.

"Then say yes to Ishtar and Parvati, go to your room and show yourself a gentleman in bed."

"B-But-" He spluttered nervously, blushing like a little boy that was introduced to the Birds n' Bees and I groaned.

"I swear- man, you are in a situation where ignoring the problem will 'hurt' the problem. They are not bound by any reason to not go through with that and there's nothing but mere nervousness stopping you from going through that duty."

"I-It's not a duty-"

"Oh right. An honor? A service? A mission of justice-"

"D-Don't call it like that!"

"Then do it and stop whining. I can tell you are pulling the righteous BS to save your hide from that chore. Be a man, be a hero, be their hero as much as they will be yours," I remarked dully. "And now go, I really need to get a cold shower going or I will catch a heat stroke."

He nodded, but before leaving he asked a question out of curiosity. "Since we are Servants, we shouldn't be dealing with that sort of issue."

"We are more resilient to sickness, but we aren't completely warding off if our bodies want to mimic the symptoms out of muscle memory," I replied dryly and the guy was off to more pondering and maybe some deed-doing. I looked at Barghest again. "Are you up for a bath, girl?"

"Bork~!"

"Yeah, but no tsunami in the tub or I will leave the cleaning-duty to Mordred. And you know how she handles that sort of business if pissed off."

To her credit, Barghest whined in remembrance at those big episodes of defiance, rebellions against her owner's kid that ended in 'tragedy'. But at least she accepted this reasoning to not misbehaving during the bath session and was wagging her tail through and through while I helped her clean up. It was a bit awkward as I remembered there was a human-like version of her running around but… at least I didn't get to go through that awkwardness with Melusine.

The lil' drakeling had yet to be summoned, but I have a feeling the possessive flying lizard was going to find her short and adorable fairy version worthy of some whining and maybe some assault to be considered the 'best Melusine out of this world too'.

I shook my head at that potential thought and… I felt like something was wrong. It came with the feeling I had when some familiar Servants were summoned and I could tell it was going to be dreadful. Imagine my surprise when, as I was done bathing, I walked up to my room to find 'King Morgan' glaring at the similar-looking witch now happily sitting on my bed and smiling as she saw me approach.

"Greetings Dear~." Two words that meant a lot, but also seemed to be enough to piss off the Kingly version of my Morgan a bit more than I would like…