Chapter 9

One year has already gone since I first came to Harvard. Eventful it has been. I had changed into a completely different version of myself. The old me would have wanted me to remain chaste, the old me would have detested the smell of alcohol and old me would never have wanted to absent herself from school unless necessary.

Who am I?

My first semester grades were impressive but since then my grades had fallen significantly. Some lectures tried to advice me to get my A game back but I didn't listen. I became so addicted to drugs. I spend all my scholarship allowance buying drugs that I usually don't have money to pay for essentials at school. The funny part was as I kept failing in class, my new company of friends never fail to make me feel good about it.

Richard and I became a couple. We continued our sexual relationship. Becky kept pushing me into buying seductive clothing to make him get a boner so hard the extent of breaking concrete. She would keep ringing in my ear the fact that I have a nice butt,a curvaceous body and big firm breasts to get any man I want. To me, it felt unreal because back in JHS(Junior High School) and SHS(Senior High School) days, I never had anybody say anything good about my looks even though I knew I was attractive.

In my eyes, I was having a good time. Partying, going out with the "cool people", having sex with Richard. There were times were Amahle tried to tell me to stop living my life this way but I kept pushing her away.

One morning, I woke up in Richard's bed and naked as I usually do almost everyday since our affair started. I woke up to a very hard headache and not because I drank any alcohol yesterday. I felt very dizzy as well.

'Good morning', Richard woke up.

'Hey', I retorted.

'Are you feeling well? You look pale this morning?'

'I don't really feel well. I feel dizzy plus I feel nauseous '.

'I would make you some breakfast maybe it will make you feel better ', he quickly jumped off the bed, wore his shorts and left the room. I also got dressed and went downstairs to check up on what he would cook maybe he might need a helping hand.

He was facing the stove when I got there. Upon smelling the aroma, I rushed to the guest washroom and emptied my stomach in the water closet. I felt really good when he came over and held my hair back.

'Do you need to visit the hospital?' he asked while I rinsed the traces of vomit out of my mouth. 'No I am fine. Don't worry. Let's eat that food you have prepared'.

In my hostel that afternoon, I once again didn't go for lectures. Not because I wanted to skip again but because I wasn't feeling well. By now, I should be feeling better but only dizziness and vomiting have been the rounds of the day.

'You look awful', Becky returned after a morning of messing around with Tristan.'I don't know but when I woke up next to Richard this morning, I started feeling some headache with some dizziness. Let's not forget how I kept feeling the urge to vomit after entering the kitchen to help Richard cook us breakfast', I narrated.

'You look rather pale...Is it me or does your breasts look bigger today?

'I noticed it earlier when I was taking a shower but I paid no attention to it', I answered.

She looked at me with a rather worrying expression.'When you and Richard have sex, do you use contraception. You know pull-out, condoms and some plan B because I am getting suspicious here'.

'We do. I ensure I take my after pills and he pulls-out and occasionally we use condoms', I retorted.

She took a deep breath, sat on the bed and indicated that I sit by her which I did. 'Look I think we should go to the pharmacy across the street and buy a pregnancy test', she said in a very calm tone.

'You are joking right. Pregnancy can't be the reason for my illness. I mean morning vomiting when I smelt the food...', I trailed off after consideration. It could be that I am pregnant even though I doubt it.

'You see, even you agree with me that pregnancy is a possible cause for your illness this morning'.

I was in denial. I refused to accept that I am pregnant. I can't be pregnant. Just imagine me telling the agency that I am pregnant. I know for sure I am going to lose my spot at Harvard and I have worked so hard to get here. Even my parents would be very angry with me. I have already started getting low grades in school. I really resent myself at this point.

'No, no. I refuse to believe I am pregnant', I got up and started pacing up and down repeating it like a chorus.

'Would you stop overreacting. It's pregnancy not a murder case', she shouted at me.

'Do you know what that single "pregnancy" can do to my life and my dreams', I scolded her back.

'Well, am I the one that told you to have sex and not do it responsibly', she asked rhetorically. 'Did I blame you?' I kept throwing my hands at her face.

'Whatever we better head to the pharmacy and find out for sure if you are pregnant then we can find a way out of this mess'.

At the Erica Rose Pharmacy, Becky stood outside the washroom, waiting for me to urinate on the stick. Then I placed it by the sink and waited until the result had appeared and it came out...