CHAPTER 86: RESOLUTION

"Don't say anything," Malik says just as I open my mouth. I flinch at his tone. Malik's stares are actually scary, but I can't help but to feel somehow glad. Knowing that people care about you is truly a good feeling.

"Don't be too harsh," Keaton reprimands Malik, with a frown and a clearly disapproving look.

"No… I… I… He's not wrong," I tell Keaton, with a smile which probably looks hideous because Keaton frowns even more. I shake my head, sighing. I know I messed up big time this time, and it will probably be some time before they will somehow forgive me.

"Don't think stupid things," Malik brings me back from my thoughts. With less snap this time, thankfully. "Well, all you have in there is stupid anyway, so, just don't think anything," he adds, reaching for the glass of water and handing it to me.

Ouch to that, by the way.

"Thanks," I take the glass and sips the water slowly. My throat feels better, just a little sore. And my voice is still somehow hoarse and trembling every time I talk.

"He means for you to relax and recuperate," Keaton, his gentle smile really soothes me. While Malik's adorable eye roll can always tickle me.

"Don't you want to know?" I ask. This always got me wondering. I also somehow want to see their expression when I finally told them all about me and Allen. They'd probably hate me. Or disgusted with me. Or both.

"Are you ready to tell us?" Malik asks back. His face betrays nothing of his feelings. Unlike Keaton whose face clearly shows he's distraught and torn.

"Maybe after I settle everything," I tell them after a while. Both of them are silent as they stare at me. Probably trying to accept my decision.

"You're not gonna settle anything stuck in bed," Malik gets up and takes the tray with him. "Drink your meds and rest." he says before going back out of the room, leaving me and Keaton.

"How bad is it?" I ask him.

"It's…" hesitating, Keaton takes my hand and holds it in his, squeezing gently. More to reassure himself, it seems.

"Don't say it," I wave my hand, smiling at him. I don't really wanna know anyway. I mean, it is my body, so I can kinda figure out all the damage.

"Well, at least now you really can't do anything stupid even if you want to," Malik sighs. And well, he kinda underestimates me. I can do stupid things lying on my back just fine.

"I can move around, though, right?" I ask as I'm trying to get up and put my foot on the ground. They don't have to stop me since the pain stops me first from doing that.

I hiss and wince.

"Got your answer," Malik grins and It's my turn to roll my eyes at him. Pale as I am, I'm still not going to be undone by him.

"Do you want to go back to your dorm? To get your things? And maybe, inform your friends?" Keaton asks carefully.

"No, no, and no," I smile at him. "Can I stay here? At least until I can run around without problem?" I ask, trying to give him my most puppy-eyed look I can muster amidst the pain.

"You can stay here as long as you like," Keaton assures me. His gentle pat really calms me. He's so gentle.

"But maybe you should call someone. Marsha? I believe she'll flip if you ghost her," Malik reasons. I think so too. But I really have no idea what to tell her.

"I'll just text her," I tell them as I look around me, "where's my phone?" I ask them. Keaton opens the drawer next to the table and hands me my phone. Which was dead. No battery, it seems.

"Sorry, forgot to charge it. Kinda hectic last night," Keaton says as he takes back the phone and connects it to a charger.

"It's okay…" I say but then I remember something else and I can feel nervous sweat trickling down my back. "My room…" I turn to them.

"I have someone clean it," Keaton says with a small voice. He isn't looking at me, but at Malik who is frowning and scowling.

Yep. They did see everything. It seems.

"That bad?" I ask, knowing the answer already. Still. Never hurts to ask.

"No. Not really. Aside from the blood which was kinda everywhere and broken glass and torn clothes and ripped sheets, it wasn't bad at all," Malik says between gritted teeth and I wince at that.

"I'm sorry," I tell them. I feel really bad. And embarrassed. To be honest, I am mostly ashamed that they found me in that shape. Wouldn't have looked pretty.

"You should be," Malik seems to agree. "More so to yourself," he adds, which makes me kinda go 'huh?'.

"What he means," Keaton interrupts before Malik can spit another fire, "you should care about yourself more and not get into situations like that. It was really dangerous, you know? Had we come a little later, you could have ended in a worse situation than you are right now," Keaton explains.

I sigh, knowing they are right.

"I know. It won't happen again," I assure them. And myself, of course. Since that was also what I was determined to do last night. Ending everything. Meaning, I have to confess to Joy to fucking her boyfriend. Which I gather will end up catastrophically.

It usually is.

I don't even hope for forgiveness. God knows I don't deserve it. I just hope she won't hit me. I don't just look weak. I am weak. Heheh.

"I promise I will not get myself in situations like that again," I tell them. "I already ended things last night. Hence, me," I gesture to myself.

"Are you sure whoever it was you ended things with, accept that it ended? Cause it doesn't look like they did," Malik says.

"No matter," I wave my hand, "It's my call. He really doesn't have a say in it," I scoff which makes the two of them frown.

"Do you need help?" Keaton asks. Worry apparent on his face. Which truly warms my heart.

"No, it's okay. I can do this alone," I tell him. Them.

I have to do this alone.