CHAPTER 55: A NOT SO CASUAL CONVERSATION

I really don't want the discussion about Allen to resurface so I decided to just drop off the gifts in their respective rooms stealthily in the morning. And, remember that nagging feeling I said I felt last night? Yeah, that hasn't gone away. And it's really irritating me. It feels like I'm forgetting something I am sure I haven't.

"Stop spacing out," Chuck taps my forehead with his phone and I frown at him. It didn't hurt, but I was thinking, here. "What's wrong with you?" he frowns.

I shake my head, "nothing," before walking again towards Ma Linda's place. We didn't get to come yesterday so we're thinking of having lunch there and then call up the other guys to hangout later after we take a dip on the beach in the evening.

I miss swimming in the sea. It feels more free than in the swimming pool. The saltiness is nostalgic and the waves calm me.

"Sorry," I start walking again with Chuck, offering him a small smile. He stares at me, I can feel it, but I'm still too preoccupied with my own thoughts. Even when we're already in Ma Linda's place.

"You kid really gone so long," Ma Linda nudges me with her elbow and I give her an apologetic smile.

"Sorry Ma Linda," I grin at her, trying to placate her although I know she isn't really angry and more teasing me.

"Do you know how many people asked about you while you were gone?" Ma Linda drops herself beside me, grabbing my shoulders and hugs me. "We miss you here, kid," she gives the best hug, this wonderful 50 year old woman who had been treating me like her own kid ever since I could remember.

"I miss you too," so, of course I hug her back just as tightly.

"What do you want to eat?" Ma Linda, smiling brightly, excitedly lists all of her new menu which she created when I was away.

"You know I can eat anything," I grin at her and she grins back crealy pleased before giving Chuck the side eye.

Chuck, rolling his eyes, turns to me, "love yourself, Levi Alexander?" Chuck says solemnly.

"Rude," Ma Linda says before getting up and walking straight to the kitchen before throwing Chuck a dirty look and says to me, "I'll make you something I've been working on," she smiles and waves excitedly.

To be fair, Ma Linda's place is indeed isn't known for it's food, but rather it's booze and ambience and the people. Ma Linda insists on cooking the food herself but since my grandma Allison helps out, Ma Linda has been constantly denied access to the kitchen.

But since my grandmother isn't here today, I guess Ma Linda will cook for me herself.

I mean, in my own honest opinion, though, her cooking wasn't all that bad. I mean, if you look past the combination of ingredients she uses (she once made lobster coconut ice cream), they are pretty okay. Edible, at least.

I smile at Chuck and slap his head lightly for teasing Ma Linda like that. Chuck just grins and continues playing with his phone, leaving me to look around and take in everything, every little detail that may have changed since I was away.

This place means a lot to us. We often hang out here after (or during, sometimes) school, on the weekends. We spent many birthdays, anniversary, holidays here in this place and being here now, a lot of memories come flooding and it almost chokes me.

Three years ago, it was also started here, perhaps.

"Lee," Chuck takes my hand, tugging me, and my mind, towards hum.

I blink, surprised. But then I smile at him.

"Thank you," I tell him.

That was close. I almost wallow in my despair again.

I have apologized to those who matter, but that doesn't mean I'm over everything. Thinking about it still brings me pain and Chuck knows that (of course he does) and him tugging me just saves me from hours of bawling my eyes out.

"What's on your mind?" Chuck asks, not letting go of my hand. He scoots closer even though we're already sitting with our thighs sticking to each other. This ridiculous boy.

"The night before," I shrug, trying to smile a more genuine one and not the wincing, hiding tears kind of smile which he hates most.

"Yeah, don't do that," Chuck taps my forehead with his knuckles.

"Which one?" I grin, teasing him. I'm feeling slightly better because I have Chuck with me. It's actually a really good decision to come back here with him. I really don't know what I'd do without him.

He's about to say something, probably either scolding me or joking with me, but either way, I cut him off, "Chuck," I call out to him. He closes his mouth and frowns at me, "Will you ever hate me?" I ask and his frown deepens.

"What kind of question is that?" he asks back and I can see clear confusion in his eyes and by the way his body straightens up.

"I don't know…" I shrug, taking my eyes off of him and looking around the room. Not many people are there because it's wednesday and also nearing the start of school. "I'm just curious as to what your bottom line is with me. I feel like I've been too pampered," I chuckle.

It sounds ridiculous and a little vain, no? I feel that too. But I am right, though? I feel like I have been pampered my whole life and people have been constantly giving way to me too often. Even Marsha. She's strict, but in the end. She never really punished me for anything I did. Even when those things could result in my actual demise.

"Why are you asking?" Chuck's tense body surprised me. His grip also tightens and I can't help but chuckle.

"I was just asking, Chuck, don't be so tense," I gently pat his hand and with another, I touch his cheek, trying to pinch it, but he swats it away. Not hard, but that tells me even more that he doesn't like my question.

"Did something happen?" Chuck turns me so I'm fully facing him now and he blocks all my escape routes with his obnoxiously big body. "Does it have anything to do with what you told me and Sha before?"

"Yes," I nod, trying to push him away as gently as I can without being too obvious or hurtful, "but I'm not going to tell you about it. Not yet," I try to be firm about it and that just makes him frown even more.

I want to know. By denying him this, will something change? I know this is not a good thing to do, especially towards those you love, but I'm just really very curious about how much he is willing to give to me.

I don't even know why I'm acting like this, to be honest. Just say I'm impulsive, okay?

I stare at Chuck, waiting. He stares at me, seemingly confused and slightly angry. I can tell by his frown and the way his lips thinning and his grip keeps loosening before tightening up again.

"Why are you just staring at each other? Better kiss before I shove this food in your faces," Ma Linda, bless her heart, brakes our silent, not really, confrontation. Chuck lets go of my hand in surprise and glares at Ma Linda who glares back at him before smirking and placing the food on our table.

"Your timing always sucks," Chuck accuses, taking a napkin to wipe the utensils before handing a pair to me and wiping a pair for himself.

"It's just your luck," Ma Linda grins and sits down with us and proceeds to tell us about the happenings around here.

I am glad Ma Linda came. That kinda saves me from doing something stupid, which I get the feeling that I totally would, then.

I glance over at Chuck every now and then. He chats with Ma Linda, but I can feel that he's still bothered by our earlier conversation. That'll surely keep him awake. I feel bad, but also, kinda excited.

I think I just acquired a new strange, slightly deranged hobby.

Oh no?