CHAPTER 33: DECIDING.

I must have dozed off again, I thought as I slowly opened my eyes. The room is dark now. Only a dim light coming through the crack of the bathroom door and through the curtains. I turn my head and see Allen, already changed, sitting on the chair beside my bed. I slowly get up and let out an unintentional groan.

"Hey," Allen immediately greets me and rushes over to my side. "How are you feeling?" he asks as he helps me sit up.

"Sore," I groan. My whole body is stiff, it's annoying. Allen lets out a soft chuckle.

"Too much sleep?" he asks.

"Yup. Can't wait to get out of here and get back to work," I tell him and his smile fades as quickly as it came.

"You can't," he says. "You have to take it slow for a few days, remember?"

Well, now that he reminded me...

I pout.

"Do you really expect me to just be a good boy and sit around not doing anything until all my brain cells and muscles rot?"

"I don't expect you to," He says softly, "But I'll make you. If I have to," He's grinning now.

Allen chuckles and proceeds to sit beside me. He gently slips his hand behind my back to circle my waist. With his other big hand, he takes my good hand and softly kisses my palm. It sends shivers down my spine and tingles every sense of my being joyfully. My head that rests on the crook of his neck comfortably makes everything perfect.

Until my ever-so-annoying conscience and of course, my fear of everything related to Allen, knocks me into my senses.

I bite my lower lip trying to contain all of these questions that are threatening to come out. Too many of them.

Why is he treating me like this?

Why is he being so nice?

Does he like me?

Is he playing with me?

Is he attracted to me?

I say none of those, of course. I gulp them down like I down those bitter and nasty medicines they've been feeding me with.

I try to focus more on the soft kisses Allen has been planting on my head and the gentle touches he gives me to my soul and I don't want them to stop. Ever.

I am becoming far more possessive for my own good.

I want him more than I have ever wanted anything else in my life. I need him more than I have ever needed anything else in my life. I have never known such joy of being in love and the pain of an unrequited love all at once. I need better words than overwhelming.

"Do you want to eat anything?" Allen's voice disrupts me from my thoughts.

"I'm not actually hungry.... But I probably should eat..." I finally say after realizing that it's already past dinner time. "Have you eaten?" my turn to ask Allen.

"I ate before coming here," He says as he removes himself from me. I suddenly miss the warmth. I feel cold and sad and I want his warm body back. And my body seems to register the unconscious thought before my sober mind could because without realizing it, I have my hand clutching on Allen's shirt, stopping him from going anywhere. I blink and immediately release my hand as he stares at me questioningly.

"Oh, sorry," Well, if this isn't embarrassing.

Allen gives me a small smile before leaning in to lock our lips together. I sigh in content when I taste him.

His kiss is soft. Reassuring. Lovely.

Then we pull apart. Panting slightly, Allen ruffles my hair gently and pecks my lips again before making his way to the table and rummages through some plastic bags.

"Toast?" he asks, holding up a packed toast from one of my favorite bakeries.

"Milk?" I ask back and he holds up another hand, showing a bottle of my favorite milk, strawberry milk. I grin at him and he smiles back as he makes his way back to his place beside me.

He opens the packed bread and hands to toast to me before opening the lid of the bottle and putting it on the bedside table. I start eating while Allen starts playing with his phone. He has his free hand playing with my hair and I am loving it.

"Thought you weren't hungry?" Allen teases as I take the last bite of my toast and then take a big gulp of the milk and sigh like an old person; satisfied.

"I am always hungry for Murphy's toast and strawberry milk," I tell him shamelessly. "Thanks for getting them," I tell him.

"They're... from Chuck... actually...." He says slowly.

"Oh? No wonder," I chuckle. "Those two things are my favorites. Especially when I'm sick and pissed," I grin at him but he just gives me a small smile in return.

"I see..." he says softly and gets back to his phone after tossing the remains of my meal to the bedside table.

The silence feels slightly uncomfortable after a short while. Allen has dropped his hand so now it lays limp on my back. I don't like it. I feel lonely without him embracing me. I shift my body a few times, trying to get more of his warmth.

"Are you uncomfortable?" Allen asks me suddenly as he looks down on me and my stupidity.

"No!" I answer too quickly. Subtle, huh? "I mean, no. It's okay," I smile at him in embarrassment. He smiles back and finally puts his arm around me and pulls me closer to him. I rest my head on his chest, content.

"You should sleep some more," He says, ruffling my hair.

"Have had plenty," I state, scoffing.

"Sleep," Allen repeats and I roll my eyes, of course.

"What are you? Chuck?" I scoff.

"Don't..." he mumbles but I continue on anyway.

"I mean, seriously. I think you spend too much time with him. You're starting to sound eerily like Chuck and..." I don't get to finish what I'm about to say though, because Allen suddenly grabs my face and lifts it harshly before crushing his lips against mine again.

I gasp in surprise but immediately moan as he licks my lips, demanding me to open them and slips his tongue, teasing my own. His kiss this time is a little bit forceful. Almost... angry... but I still clutch desperately to his collar, pulling him into an even deeper kiss shamelessly.

We break it off after a while, panting hard, still in each other's embrace. I look down, my face feels hot and I feel kinda shy all of a sudden.

Allen buries his face in my neck, sighing heavily. "I'm sorry," He mumbles softly but loud enough for me to hear.

I say nothing and just brush his hair gently, laughing inside. Feeling miserable.