CHAPTER 17: Not so much a realization as it is acceptance

I groan. I have been feeling all tingly all over since last night and the fact that I feel pinches doesn't help. I don't even know why I keep feeling tingly or having those slight pinches that's not only annoying, but actually hurts. Well, not that I am really clueless. I'm not that oblivious. I mean, I kinda' get what's wrong with me but I can't (don't want) to admit it just yet. Because, truth be told, I'm not exactly sure of it either. And... I kinda' also, well... Hoping that... I'm wrong...

I groan again, finally deciding to take a long warm bath to calm myself. After spending that supposedly relaxing bath (not helping, btw), I decide to work on the calendar and booklet, which also, not helping, like at all. I can't even concentrate on editing because his face keeps popping up (he's in the basketball team, duh!). I sure took a lot of his pictures.

I groan (again), feeling rather stupid, realizing that I have unconsciously taken mostly his pictures alone. Not so much of the other team members. I might have to go back and take more shots.

I groan (I do this a lot don't I?), snatching my phone and my beer, finishing the latter before opening my Line account and start typing.

'Are you still awake?'

I ask in the chat room.

'Yeah, what's up?'

His reply comes fast, startling me.

'Can I come over? I'm bored.'

Now I'm lying. What has become of me? I tap my fingers on my phone screen. It takes Allen longer to reply to this one. Am I disturbing him? I grit my teeth impatiently.

'I'll go there.'

I smile at his reply, walking to my fridge and taking out two bottles of beer. I sit on the carpet of my living room again after unlocking my door. Not long after, Allen joins me.

I honestly don't know what I'm trying to do or say when I asked him whether we can hang out tonight or not. And now that he's here, I am at a total loss.

"Why aren't you sleeping?" Allen asks.

"Not sleepy," I tell him, sipping my beer. "And bored," Well, that one's a lie. I say to him without turning to look at him who sits on the couch.

"Come here," He taps my head. I look over my shoulder at him.

"Huh?" he taps the space between his legs on the couch. I absentmindedly oblige.

I get up and approach him slowly, settling myself between his legs. I rest my back on the inside arm of the couch and my legs stretch over one of his and the rest of the couch. Oh, this is surprisingly comfortable. I lean against his shoulder, sighing. Now I'm sleepy.

Allen is gently stroking my hair with one hand while the other's holding the beer. We have consumed quite a few and I've walked one last time to my fridge, getting a few bottles at once because I'm getting tired of having to walk back and forth for it. We are now sitting on the floor which is closer to the table, which means closer to the beers and snacks. Now I'm actually sitting on Allen's lap, playing with his hair using a weird round hair brush and Marsha's monster hair clips (they kinda' appear everywhere in my room, hence the monster name).

"Ooppsss... Sorry!" I chuckle when Allen growls because I kinda' pulled on his hair too strongly. I laugh when he buries his face in my neck. I smack his head but he won't budge and instead inhaling deeply.

"You smell nice," I can feel his hot breath on my neck. It's tickling my every sense.

"I took a bath earlier," I tell him, trying not to stutter.

"Hmmm..." he inhales, taking in my scent and I shudder. "No, you always smell nice," He states.

Somehow, I feel his hands around my waist engulfing me tighter, pulling me in closer. I laugh as I throw my hands around his neck when he keeps rubbing his nose on my neck.

"Allen! Stop! It's ticklish!" I tell him as I grab a hold of his hair, trying to pry him off of my neck. Then, I feel something softer on it. I tighten my grip on his hair. "Allen," I breathe his name.

I don't think he hears me pleading him to stop, because he starts kissing my neck, softly, slowly. Tracing it. I feel hot. And cold. My head is spinning. His hands that were around my waist are now on my back. Under my shirt. Caressing it, gently. I shudder despite trying so hard not to with everything I have.

He needs to stop!

I pull away as strong as I can, leaning my body away from him. Then I see his face and I gasp. The look on it... I don't know what it means. But it's making me shudder, making me scared. He's not looking at me the way he usually does. It scares me. I am scared. But...

My body moves faster than my thoughts. I lean in closer to him, grabbing his hair again, before finally crashing his lips with mine. I can feel Allen gasping in surprise. But I can no longer think. I keep my lips on his. Until he starts to kiss me back, pulling me even closer to him. Chest to chest. His body between my knees. My arms around his neck. His hands all over my back. And we kiss. And kiss. And keep on kissing.

He licks my lips and I part them, letting our tongue intertwine. Playing and teasing. My whole body feels hot and tingly. His touches are so gentle, yet so desperate, mimicking my own. So does our kiss. I can't think straight. I can't think at all.

All I can do is feel. His soft lips. Sweet. His fingers. Burning. His breath. Ragged. I take everything in. This isn't my first kiss. But this is definitely the best. I can't stop. I want more of him. I need more of him.

But then, Allen shoves me back abruptly. We're panting from the lack of oxygen. I look at him, my eyes and my mind are clouded from the kiss. But I can see him staring at me with another expression I can't read. He then gently pushes me down from his laps and gets up.

"I have to go," He murmurs, breathless. "I'm sorry."

With that, he leaves me here. In my room. Contemplating, not very much regretting, the stupid mistake we (I) have just made. I mentally and physically slapping myself a good few times to make sure that I understand full well that what I did, was completely wrong and inappropriate.

Why the fuck did I do that? I scream mentally. What the fuck am I going to do now?