34- Rosa pastel

I was resting in my couch, existing, trying to avoid the static playing in my brain and in my ears.

I feel awful in every sense of the word, I despise this feeling, and feeling as a whole.

I used to enjoy being alone in my room.

-Well I think it's pretty cool talking to you.

I used to enjoy nights where I had nothing to do but just look at a series marathon and then forget everything the next.

-I mean you could still do that.

not with you around.

I used to enjoy the night, I already hated the day and now I despise it countless times more and more as time passes by

-Why not, it's really pretty to see some sun once in a while

I despise what happens in my mind I HATE the fact that I know have something in my head screaming almost every minute of the day.

-We don't scream.

SHUT UP!.

-ok...

I... I want to see the real one, not this doppelganger, I want to actually hear her voice and not just a product of my memories.

-Sounds to me like you really lov-

I want to see Alan too, I want him to tell me stupid idiocies like that time with the cookies again.

-What ever happened that day?.

...

The real Faraday wouldn't be this annoying.

I actually would really enjoy her company this days...

Maybe she would like the same series as I do.

-She would like everything you like, don't you get it?.

Huh?.

-She loves you twerp, that is why she will like whatever she sees you liking, because she wants to be with you and will love everything you do or think about.... that is how love works after all....

The representation of Faraday looks sad, a first since they appeared for the first time in my mind.

Why are you so sad?.

-Oh... it's nothing it's just, I think this is a little bit too sad.

What do you mean?.

-I-I mean that girl clearly is not a good option for you, and you should seek someone else!.

Seek someone else...

Perhaps you're right, I have absolutely no business getting attached to someone like her, our relationship should be just a convict and a scientist...

-Wait so you were going to develope something with her.

She again, says it quite upset...

I meant friendship, I'm not going to develope a friendship with her.

-That is not what you meant and you know it!.

I'm pretty sure of what I meant.

-if you really mean it then go ahead and forget about her!.

It's not that easy to forget about a good friend.

-She is not a good friend, she is not supposed to be one!.

Why do you seem so eager to-

-That doesn't matter, listen to me, I am your brain!.

you need to spend more time with some other girl.

I'm open for suggestions.

-How about Mildred, she is as needy as Faraday an twice as cute.

She is not.

-Whatever, you said options and I'm giving you one.

There must be... other options.

-You're extremely picky you know?.

I'm just asking for someone other than Mildred, that is all.

-Why not?!.

Because she is Mildred.

-So what?!.

She is crazy.

And?!. -So is everyone else in your life

...

...

Yeah you're right, at least I can laugh at her.

-Hey that's mean!.

Don't care.

I grab my phone and dial her number, it's already noon, she'll re-

-HELLOOOOOOOO~~?.

She was already on the line, of course.

(-Tell her that you love her!)

Shut up.

(- Ok...)

-Hi Mildred.

-Oh it's you, I was wondering who this was. haha

She has my number registered and she was waiting in the line... she knows when and who I am, why does she lie?.

-So... I was wondering if you wanted to hang out, today? I guess.

-Oh, sure what are we going to do now?, that picnic was lovely.

-I actually don't have a plan or something so I guess I'll let you decide now.

-Wooow is up to me?!.

-Yes.

-For real?!.

-Yes.

-For real for real?!.

-... Yes...

-Oh, how about going to the movie theater?.

-Hmmm... to see what?.

-I don't really know, but I think it's pretty funny to and see if we find something interesting while we are there, don't you think?.

-Well... it does sound quite like an adventure, I think I'm ok with that, maybe we'll find something good.

-I hope so!, also when do we go?.

-Well I'm not doing anything... at all so how about now?.

-Wonderfull!. Let's meet at the one near the bridge in tuxedo street.

-Sounds good, I'll see you there!.

-Got it, I'll take a bath and head there after that!. Bye!.

-Bye.

-Congratulations, you have a date!.

It's not a date.

-It is!.

It's not, we're just hanging out.

-Ooooh so you're going to tell me that you're not thinking about this being an opportunity to "test" her?. Hmmm?.

I don't care about that I just want to spend my time until Monday.

-And the best thing to do in that time is to go on a date with your crush!.

SHE IS NOT MY-.... you know what, I'm going to ignore you, you're annoying as hell.

-Oh come on I was just joking!, please don't give ignore me I really like spending time with you.

...

I continued to ignore her all day until I went to the cinema, however that thing saying that... while I know it's DEFINITELY not faraday still felt.... really bad, I got that pain inside me again, the urge to come back came again.

Reaching the entrance I was met with a Mildred dressed in a flower dress holding her little purse in her Arm and waving her hand to me. I on the other hand I just went with some jeans I found on the closet and what I think it's a shirt with no sleeves, and I'm still unsure if this is how the shirt was in the first place.

-Hi there Ceci!.

Ceci...

Am I supposed to give her a nickname too?. I'm not good with this stuff, I can give some asshole a nickname, plenty even, but I haven't given a "cute and wacky" nickname for a friend.

-Hi there eh... M-mild(?)(?)(?).

-Eh?.

She says as she practically freezes in front to me.

-N-nothing, nevermind that lets just get inside.

I said as I pushed her to the cinema.

I looked at the board with all the movies, they were all names that I didn't recognize as I usually don't go on my way to look at what is playing in the cinema.

Since I don't go the cinema. Ever.

-Are any of these good?.

-I only recognize 4 of these, but they're all action movies.

-You said that like that you don't like action movies.

-Well they're cool and all but I really prefer comedies and love stories, how about you.

-Well I do prefer action movies but I do like comedies and love stories too. So I'm fine with everything.

-Hmmmm... let's go with that one!.

- Voyage of the dawn?. K, sounds good to me.

It sound like an action movie, I really hope it is at least.

-What are we going to eat during the movie?.

-What do you mean?, popcorn of course!.

-They give you popcorn here?.

-Well yes, just like every other cinema(?). they also sell things like hot dogs or nachos. Even some candy, I always go for the candy!.

-Huh, sounds nice, I think I still have some money on my card.

-I can be the one paying if you want.

- Oh I appreciate the detail but I would prefer to not let you spend your money that way, I can buy my own stuff.

- Oh... ok.

-Well let's get inside.

We went to the store inside the cinema, I bought a big pile of popcorn, I like them spicy, Mildred however grabbed some candy. I told her that she would be hungry mid movie if she just went with that stuff, she said that It would be okay because she'll grab from my popcorn.

I told her that if she dared to touch my popcorn I would bite her arm.

She, for some reason, thought that was a joke.

We reached our seats in the back of the room and the movie started.

-Have you watched this one before?.

-Not really, I just went with the name, it sounded cool. What do you thinks it's about?.

-Well I can barely assume this has to do with some boat.

-And you're correct!.

(-Shhhhhhh!)

-Oh, sorry hehe.

-Well I just hope it doesn't disappoint.

-I don't think it will.

After the opening credits the movie finally started.

The movie is, shockingly, about a boat. However I thought we where talking about an action movie set on a boat, but no, it's actually a romance movie. a really lovey dovey one. I actually didn't expect this.

I mean look at the name, what romance movie puts "Dawn" in their title?. "Dawn" is more for zombie movies, like, come on, everybody knows that.

Well I'm already here, might as well just endure it...

Also I have popcorn, and they're the hot potato chips ones.

I love this stuff.

I really didn't get most of the jokes, at best most of them just made me exhale air from my nose. so that is... something I guess.

I don't quite enjoy it but it is a little too lovey dovey for my taste, Mildred seems to love it, she is always laughing or crying when a sad ""broke up"" scene happens, I really don't get the appeal but it is quite funny to see her reactions.

However while I was thinking that and while looking at her I can't avoid but think about myself... why I don't care about this stuff, why my apathy towards something so... human, something that is embedded into our DNA to be as necessary in live as breathing.

Somehow, I don't feel anything towards the need for someone else in my life in a romantic way. I don't feel like I need somebody, nor do I really need to, relationships only exist to hold one down, to make you waste your time instead of doing something productive, I know saying that is quite hypocrite of me, since I haven't go to work in a long time and I'm just hanging around, but it's not like I'm doing this because I want to, but because I need to. I would have loved to be making studies about Faraday ever since I left.

...

I always think about her no matter what...

Every time I am feeling like nothing matters, like what I'm doing is a waste of time o that I just really should give up I end up thinking about her and remind me that I have a purpose right now, and that is to go and see her so I can help her no matter what.

...

Yet I still feel like I'm not seeing the bigger picture... Faraday was the first person I have ever met that actually made me consider someone a friend, she even accomplished that before Alan, and Alan tried way harder from the very beginning.

She is my friend... I wonder... would these dates have been better if she took the place Mildred is right now.

Would I enjoy her company more than what I do with Mildred?.

...

I know that saying this is a sign that I am an awful person, but I truly feel inside of me that this is the correct answer. I do think about how funny would it be to se her face as she discovers everything around her, what face would she make when she discovers all kind of new sweets, all the lights in the night, all the animals around.

That would make for a really good experience...

-WAAAAAAAA~~~.

I'm interrupted by Mildred crying her heart out next to me, apparently the main protagonist died or something, I really didn't pay attention in that part.

We walk out of the movie theater after she finally returns to herself.

Mildred... I said I would prefer having the company of Faraday but that isn't meant like I hate Mildred or anything, she is a really good caring person, and hanging around with her is quite fun, but mostly because I can laugh at what she does.

The voice inside my head said that I should give love a try with her but...

I really can't think of any reason for me to NOT do it. I don't like the idea that much but at the same time it's like my brain it's blocked and I can't see myself saying no to her.

I guess... I could give it a try. just once.

-Hey, Mildred.

- Hmm?. What's wrong.

-Nothing, I just wanted to ask you... eh... well I don't know how this works but.... agh screw it.

Would you like to go on a date with me tomorrow?.

-Y-you mean like another friendship trip? haha...

Her face seems to me like she is surprised to a degree, and clearly knows what I meant but doesn't want to acknowledge it at the same time.

-No, I mean it like a date. A lovers one.

She Stops in the middle of the side walk while I walk a little in front of her do to my momentum.

-W-W-What?!. Y-Y-You like me?!?!.

-NO-oooot really(?)?()(??())??. But I want to try it out.

-Y-You mean you w-want to see if we could be a c-c-couple?!.

-Well I mean... yeah I guess.

I said while looking away and scratching my head. I really don't know what to say right now.

-E-Eh... well... s-su-Sure ha~ha...

She is mostly red now, she is desperately trying to look away.

-So how about we go to a restaurant tomorrow at 7 pm?.

-U-Uh this is quite a sudden move i-i-i really don't know to uh... s-sure why not he-he-he.

She is really nervous.

-Well, sounds good, we have a date then. See ya.

-B-Bye! S-Sweetheart < 3 (imagine the heart all wavy and trembling)

I leave without turning around to see her when she says that.

Somehow I feel guilty but to be honest that was quite.... odd.

I have a date now huh...

Why do I feel so empty inside?