Chapter 45 ~ Photo

"Did I miss something?"

"Don't you always?" Kris asked in response to Alex's question and sat down next to him at the piano. "What are you thinking about Alex?"

"What makes you think I'm thinking of anything?" Kris merely lifted an eyebrow, really thinking that Alex knew better than that.

"The music stopped playing."

"Oh." Alex set his hands back on the keys and then finally looked at Kris. "I miss her." Kris knew this was coming. No matter how much she tried to stop it. "I love her. But, I don't want you think, for any given moment, that what we shared wasn't special to me. Or that I regret it." Kris was gonna say something but then stopped and just looked at him.

"Tell me Alex, would you regret it if Resa left you over it? If she said goodbye forever?" Kris reached out and took his glasses off, wanting to stare into his eyes while he told her that answer. In this way, he was more exposed; not like he was any good at lying to her anyway.

"Kris, how can you ask me that question?"

"Very simply. I open my mouth and the words come out. And I want an answer Alex. Right now, I'm the hoe that slept with Alex, and in a way, I am. But what's funny about that night, the blame isn't mine. You knew you were cheating. My blame comes in the fact that I didn't tell my best friend and in the end, hurt her. But, you played me for a fool that night. I just wanna see if you would play me that way again."

Alex stared into her eyes and knew that every word she spoke was true, but that sure didn't help the ball that had settled in his stomach. He would never regret it though, no matter how much he loved Resa. Maybe he really didn't think she would leave him.

"Kris, I love Resa, she's the woman I wanna marry. But even if she left me, I will never regret out night. That was special and always will be. And I'm not just saying that because I don't want to hurt you; it's the truth." Alex grabbed her hands, the last thing he ever wanted to do was hurt her. Yes, he knew he did, and regretted that. But, like he said, he couldn't hate that night, and never would, no matter what the final answer was.

Kris watched him, his eyes always bearing his soul, and nodded. The truth was within in those brown depths, and in all consideration, she had no idea how to take it. On one hand, he was saying he didn't want to hurt her and said he would never regret it; which she knew and actually relished. But, on the flip side, he was hurting her best friend, the woman who was pretty much like a sister to her. And so she had no idea if she should be happy or if she should be pissed off. Right at this moment, both her heart and her mind were at odds.

She sighed and looked down at their hands. She wanted to yell but merely asked, "you love her?"

"I do."

"Then don't you dare hurt her again. She's my best friend, and I really don't want to say that she deserves better than you." Alex visibly winced at that, for he knew she was right. "And I'm only staying on the tour until we get to New York. You need time with her, without me in the way."

Alex opened his mouth to protest, to tell her how untrue that was, but he knew how big of a lie that would be. If he really wanted a life with Resa, he couldn't have Kris around, clouding his mind.

-----

She watched him for a few more minutes before she took her coffee mug and went to go sit by him on the couch. He was looking at their engagement picture. She could see Resa's Alex in there, but there was still a lot of Kris's ALEX coming through, and she often wondered if he or Resa ever thought about that.

She sighed and finally rested her hand on his arm, making him jump slightly. Alex had become really good at going into his own world and blocking everything and everyone out when he wanted.

"Hey mom."

"Hey." She fought for something to say and then stated the obvious. "Looking at the photo?"

"Yeah. It's always been one of my favorites of us."

"It's a beautiful photo. I love your smile. And the twinkle in her eye."

"That twinkle has been there since the day I asked her to marry me." He sat back and chuckled. "She screamed and jumped on me, almost breaking the banister. I hadn't even gotten the ring, the words just came out. That has to mean something." Alex looked at his mom, who mentally sighed.

She wanted to tell her only child that he would be forever happy with Resa; part of her did want that, did think that. But the realistic side of her saw how Alex was with someone else and couldn't believe that.

"Of course it does hon." She took the photo and stared at the woman in the picture. "I know Resa thinks I don't like her or that I don't approve; especially now with Kris here." A;ex was just about to say that wasn't true, for a certain friend had spilled about what Resa confided in him, but he couldn't make one sound. "You don't have to deny it, I could tell, her actions speak volumes. But, you know that's not the case. I think Theresa is a great woman, that she would stay beside you and be a wonderful wife. And I never meant to hurt her, you know."

"I know." Denise kept looking at the picture and then finally handed it back to him.

"Alex?" He looked at it for a moment and then put it back, finally turning to look at his mom. "I don't have to tell you marriage is forever. And it's hard work. Granted, if you have the right partner, it is so much easier. You want someone who will be there to lift you up when your fall down. You want someone who knows your deepest fears, and won't laugh nor prey on them. I know you have heard me say it a 1000 times, but you do want someone that is your second half." She patted his hand and then got up, leaving him alone to think.

But, he was tired of thinking. That's all he had been doing since she left. And that's how he finally came to the answer that he loved her enough to push everything away and focus on just them. And maybe they weren't in love, but that's something they could grow into, his heart and mind both told him that. Or, at least that's what he wanted to believe.

And although Kris was his best friend and he loved her dearly and loved having her around, he really knew that Resa would only believe him if Kris was away. And maybe have her talk to his mom. He could read her well enough to know that she thought his mom didn't note her high enough. And that was true. He knew his mom and knew she compared every girl he ever dated to Kris. And since Kris was here, it was easy to see who she wanted and show would prefer spending time with. But, he told his mom that Kris wasn't his choice and oh well to her.

He sighed and finally stood up. He had waited to call her, waited to hear anything, and no word to him, although, everyone else seemed to have talked to her. Not that he could blame her, but it did hurt. He grabbed his phone and went to sit on the back deck, finally starting a text message.