006 Time's Up

[January 22, 2017 Sunday] 

It sounds unusual, but I felt alive again when I signed up for Beeble. It brought me back to when I first met Nate online. Sometimes, I still wonder how he turned out.

Nate was one of the first few people who showed me how livid life can be. I was able to get a glimpse of his teenage life through the screen. Surprisingly enough, what he used to do didn't scare me. It left me amused and somehow confused as to why his parents never intervened.

My thoughts were interrupted as Beeble was notified. Mark. Cheeky Mark, as I call him, messaged me thrice in the last hour. Now that Sasha's off to somewhere this Sunday afternoon, I feel lost and confused. I'm not used to this.

"Heyy ;))"

What an opener. I laughed to myself, and my eyes rolled. This kind of approach makes me cringe. I mean, I haven't spoken to any guy in years… I just witnessed it through Sasha's experiences. One could say that I've dated vicariously through Sash.

"Yes?"

"You good?"

"Yeah. Why'd you ask?"

"There's something off with your energy, Armie."

"Lol maybe I was just overthinking ahah lol"

Is he an aura reader now? The way he speaks—types in this case—tickles my irritated side, but something is amusing about him. I don't know it yet, but I am itching to find out.

"Slow Sunday, that's why."

"I get you lol when's your day off?"

"Why'd you ask?"

"Just tryna strike up a convo lol"

"You seem hard to break haha you're testing me and I like it ;)" 

"Should I be honored then? Hahaha"

"I should be the one feeling honored and she. Up for a call?"

"Calls are not my thing. Haha."

"Why?"

"It's been a while since I talked to someone."

"I see."

I heard my phone notified, but I didn't bother to answer it anymore.

I got up and drew my curtains. The view from my apartment makes my rent higher for sure. I opened my windows and let the polluted yet cold wind of the metro swarm inside my apartment. AC's not on my option right now, so I turned on my fan.

Looking at my digital clock, it's just 3:17 PM. I slept longer than I expected. It's been a while since I felt bored in a good way. But my body is craving to do something for myself.

I walked to my humble coffee corner in my kitchen and grabbed my essentials.

Ding!

 It must be Mark. I know Beeble's notification sound by now.

I started preparing my coffee when it was notified again. What does he want now? Letting my coffee machine do its thing, I went to my room and got my phone. This guy sure likes chatting and talking to people. I wonder what he does for a living.

"You always disappear. Don't do that to my heart ahahha lol"

"I was just making coffee. Why do you wanna call?" 

I asked him directly. Why are some people allergic to telling things right away? But here I am, still entertaining this out-of-my-league guy.

"Coz I wanna hear your voice lol"

"It's intriguing me. I wonder for days now how sweet your voice is."

"We just met yesterday. LOL"

It sounds corny, but it made me smile. Does that mean we are destined to meet? No, I cannot be this dreamy. I cannot be like her. I cannot afford to ruin my life after escaping from hell.

"C'mon don't be like that."

"Just for five minutes please?"

"Fine. Just five minutes."

I heard my phone ring and saw that Beeble has a call feature. Not gonna lie, I feel nervous. There's a lump starting to form at the back of my throat, and I'm doing my best to swallow it.

Then I found myself putting my white earphones on while walking towards my coffee corner.

"Hey, Armie. Finally," he said, clearing his throat. I wonder if he lumps too.

"Hi. Just give me a second, let me finish making my coffee," I told him. I placed my phone on the countertop and started making my vanilla-infused iced coffee. "I'm wearing my earphones so yeah, you can talk," I assured him.

Since when did I start assuring someone? Specifically, a man? My actions surprise me. I don't know me anymore. If only Sasha's here to explain to me how I feel.

"Anyway, what made you want to call me?" I asked nervously, hoping that he wouldn't notice.

"Like what I said earlier, I'm curious to hear your voice," he told me. I can almost feel his smile through the phone.

I cleared my voice, trying my best to compose myself. What on earth… I am losing my words.

"I get it," he said, chuckling dryly. "I'm not your type," he explained himself. His voice didn't sound irritated at all. He sounded like he was sure of what he just said.

"That's not it," I retorted back. How my body responds surprises me. I almost spilled my coffee just thinking of wanting to feel his stare at me.

"Then what is it?" he asked.

"It's just that… I'm new to this," I finally told him. The words slipped out of my mouth even though I never wanted to. I don't want him to sniff any ounce of awkwardness and unsureness from my end.

"Whoa, what do you mean by that? You've never talked to a guy before?" he sounded amused. His words are laced with smiles and excitement.

"That's not the point," I collected myself, sipping my coffee and then grabbing a stick of cigarette on my counter. I went to my reading corner—my former living room which I turned into my sanctuary—and sat on one of my bean bags.

I took a deep breath and composed myself before I spat nonsense. "What I meant is, I have talked to a guy before—guys even—but not during my 20s…" I trailed off then sipped my coffee as I stared out my window. I just realized that it's been a while since I changed my curtains.

"You've got to be kidding me. You're hella pretty and sound smart too," he tried to play it cool. Was it a backhanded compliment?

But this time, it didn't get to me. I know he's just trying to make me more at ease, so it'll be easier for me to open up.

I can't let this beautiful guy with a goddamned voice crack me open.

I felt the uneasiness running through me, so a random throat cough might clear it. Good thing it worked.

"Alright, I won't push it. And I realized that what I said was… uhm, had a touch of backhandedness to it," he explained himself.

He sounded…sincere.

"It's okay," I told him.

"Are you sure? You can lash out at me," he answered back defeatedly.

Just right before I could feel the ounce of giving in start to kick in, I heard my phone alarmed 

"What was that?" he asked surprised. His laugh was hinted at by curiosity and amusement. 

"Time's up for us," I told him sheepishly.

"I bet not," he challenged me.

I hope so too.