Chapter 22

NANLAMIG ang katawan ni Quincy. Pakiramdam niya ay binaril siya ni Yuan sa kanyang ulo. Itinulak niya ito palayo. "Nang-iinis ka ba o joke lang iyan? Ako? Gusto mong pakasalan?" Humalakhak siya pero parang gusto rin niyang maglupasay sa iyak. Mukha kasing hindi nanloloko si Yuan. He was dead serious.

"Hindi ako nang-iinis at hindi rin ako nagdyo-joke. You know me, Quincy. I mean what I say," anito at sumandig sa likod ng sofa.

"Sige nga! Sabihin mo sa akin kung bakit dapat mo akong pakasalan," hamon niya. Baka sakaling makakita siya ng butas sa mga sasabihin nito.

Ibinulsa nito ang kamay. "The moment I met you when you were eighteen, I already resigned myself to marrying a boring young woman. I don't really mind. Una, wala naman akong love interest that time. And my grandfather told me everything was predestined. So I had to face my destiny. And besides, he told me you were the perfect wife for me. Sabi ko, walang problema sa akin. You seem like a nice girl. Hindi ka mapaghanap. Basta maibigay ko lang ang lahat ng gusto mo, susundin mo na ang lahat ng sasabihin ko sa iyo. You will be happy with simple things. You aren't the type who ask so much after all. And besides, I know you consider our family's agreement as sacred and binding."

Nakadama siya ng lungkot sa mga sinabi nito. Parang napakamiserable kasi ng tingin nito sa kanya. Na parang masaya na siya sa tira-tirang atensiyon na maitatapon nito sa kanya. Ganoon ba ito sa ibang babae?

"Yuan, I must admit I was shy and stupid. Masayang-masaya na ako kapag tumatawag ka sa akin. Sinasabi mo na maganda ako kahit hindi naman iyon ang tingin sa akin ng iba. I can even say that for sometime, my world revolved around you. Until I started to see the people around me. Bakit masaya sila sa relasyon nila? I could see how much they care for each other. I wished we could be like them.

"But you weren't always there for me. Hinintay ko na maging katulad ka ng ibang lalaki. But it never happened. At kahit na i-shower mo ako ng regalo at sundin ko ang gusto mo para sa akin, hindi ako masaya. Naisip ko na baka ako ang problema. I started to view things from my own point of view. Hinanap ko ang mga bagay na magpapasaya sa akin. Natagpuan ko iyon. I started to develop my own identity. I started to build my own plans without you."

"I didn't know we were growing apart," he whispered.

"Masyado ka lang sigurong confident na kaya mong kontrolin ang lahat."

Huminga ito nang malalim. "Right."

"It also shows how little we know about each other. Ni hindi mo nga makita kung ano ang mga nagbago sa akin. Maybe you are busy looking at other girls so you don't recognize me at all," she baited.

Yumuko ito nang bahagya. "I told you, it was nothing serious. I just amused myself with other women. Aaminin ko, `di ako tumitingin sa pictures mo. After all, I would spend the rest of my life with you. Why bother with the pictures?"

Samantalang dati, wala siyang ginawa kundi titigan ang picture ni Yuan. Mukhang satisfied na itong makibalita sa hitsura niya mula sa ire-relay ng ibang tao. "Masaya ka na sa kung ano ang nakita mo sa akin dati—tame at `di basta-basta papansinin ng ibang lalaki. Kaya itinago ko sa iyo ang mga nagbago sa akin."

"Pareho lang naman tayong may itinatago sa isa't isa, `di ba?"

"So I don't think our relationship would work. Let's call it quits," she said then offered her hand for a handshake.

Parang mabigat ang loob niya na gawin iyon. Once Yuan accepted it, he would be out of her life. Parang malaking bahagi ng buhay niya ang mawawala sa kanya.

This is what I want, right? I will get my freedom and Yuan will get the woman who is right for him. At least, magiging masaya siya.

Hinawakan nito ang kamay niya at hinila siya palapit dito. Pumaikot ang kamay nito sa baywang niya. "The truth is I hate complications. Siguro nga, wala sa plano ko ang lahat ng nangyayari sa atin. But when I met the new you, I realized I loved the challenge." His fingertip traced the contours of her face. "Thank God! You saved me from a boring life."

"Ano'ng ibig mong sabihin?"

"I will marry you because I think my life would be exciting from now on."

Napaawang ang mga labi niya. "What? You expect me to amuse you? O baka naman gusto mong maging action film ang buhay mo o debate show? Because I assure you, not only will you get complication from me. I will turn your world upside down, Yuan. Tingnan ko lang kung matuwa ka pa sa exciting life mo."

Gusto pa pala siyang gawing clown ng walanghiya! Kung gusto nitong hindi maging boring ang buhay nito, stand-up comedienne dapat ang pakasalan nito.

"Nakakasawa na rin kapag puro predictable ang nangyayari sa akin. Dapat lang siguro na may maranasan naman akong kakaiba," nakangiti pang sabi nito.

Gusto na niyang maglulupasay sa sobrang inis. Gusto na rin niyang magpapalahaw ng iyak, magwala at ihagis sa dagat si Yuan para tangayin na ito palayo sa kanya. But he was still there, with his arms around her waist.

Mangiyak-ngiyak na tiningnan niya ang nakangiting mukha nito. "Galit ka sa akin, `di ba? Pinarurusahan mo ako dahil niloko kita. Naiinis ka, kasi nautakan kita."

"Ha? Nautakan mo ba ako?"

"In a way, yes! You didn't see through my pretense. I was also able to bloom despite your manipulations. Kaya ngayon tino-torture mo ako. Gusto mong maging miserable ako? Yes, I am miserable!" Siya na lang kaya ang magpatapon sa dagat para maglaho na ang paghihirap niya?

"I don't want to see you miserable. I like you, Quincy." Unti-unting inilapit nito ang mukha sa kanya. "I like your spirit and your independence. And most of all, I like kissing you."

"I don't like kissing you! I hate it! You kissed me without knowing who I really am. Malay ko ba kung ilang babae na ang hinalikan mo?"

"You don't like my kiss? Lie, Quincy. Lie some more. Let's see how far you can go," he said with an assuring smile before he claimed her lips.

He devoured her mouth, tempting her. And she was tempted. Damn him. She opened her mouth and gave in just like before. He sifted his fingers through her hair, coaxing her to follow his lead. Nakalimutan na niya kung ano ang pinagtatalunan nila kanina. She could feel how much he desired her and she felt like melting like she did before. Mabilis ang tibok ng puso niya na parang katatakbo lang niya sa marathon.

She was in a daze when his lips left hers. Kanina lang ay kinukumbinsi niya itong huwag siyang pakasalan. Bakit bigla ay siya na ang nakumbinsi nito? All in just a single kiss. She must be crazy.

"See? We have something good together. That is something I didn't expect before." Hinaplos ng daliri nito ang mga labi niya. "You obviously enjoy kissing me. At least, we won't argue in this department."

"This is worse, Yuen Zheng. Now you want a marriage out of desire?"

"It is a nice surprise, don't you think?"

"Alam ko na utang-na-loob ko sa iyo at sa pamilya mo ang maraming bagay. Sinabi ni Lolo na inako mo na ang maraming responsibilidad sa akin kahit `di pa tayo kasal. I am grateful for that. But please don't marry me just because you have invested so much for me. At nanghihinayang ka sa investment mo."

He smiled wryly. "Nice term. 'Investment.'"

"Tama naman, `di ba? You don't really see me as a real future wife. 'Investment' ang tawag mo roon. Parang sa business, tinitiyak mo na wala kang talo. Pero hindi ako negosyo, Yuan. Tao ako. May nararamdaman. May sariling pangarap. I want to marry a man who will see me for what I am. That's not you."

"How will you know who I really am if you are pushing me away? Hindi ba nagiging unfair ka rin naman sa akin?"

"I guess it is too late for that. Marami nang nasayang na panahon. Sana, noon mo pa ginawa iyan."

He held her hand. "No. It is the perfect time for that. Let's give each other a fair chance. Kung `di ka mai-in love sa akin at `di ako ang lalaki na makapagbibigay sa iyo ng gusto mo, then you are free to go."

"Hanggang kailan?"

"It is for you to decide. Until you give up on me, maybe. Or I give up on you."