PAST

Akki Pov

"Get her out of there. Get her out of there, they're coming fast, a terrified woman screamed. "I won't let anything happen to you," a manly voice assured. My chest began to compress, making it difficult to breathe. The sound of a baby wailing, bodies lying around with blood all over them, and a lady sobbing tore my heart apart.

"Te iubesc zăpadă până ne întâlnim din nou," she cried, tears streaming down her cheeks. Now go…

*************

I opened my eyes, tears streaming down my cheeks as I struggled for air. I've had the same nightmare since I was eighteen, and it's been worse since I lost my mom, Bessie.

It's been six months since i lost my mom, and the grief has been difficult. Everything in the house made me think of my mom. Her giggling still resonated around the house. Bessie was the best mom i could have imagined. Because of the love mom lavished on me, no one could tell i was adopted. She treated me equally, as she would her own children.my siblings were fantastic; my brothers adored me and would do anything to protect me. My thoughts strayed as i reflected on the wonderful memories i had built at the cottage and how sad it would be leaving. 

I had to leave for Moldova in three days time.

A new setting could be exactly what I need. My boss suggested I take my overdue leave and rest for six months before returning to work. At this moment, I'm too tired to fight.I went back to packing when I heard a familiar deep voice call my name. My gorgeous baby brother's dimples sparkle brightly everytime he smiles.

Hey, sis! good morning, Zen says, smiling.

"Good morning, bumble bee," I said with a fake smile.

Zen was always upbeat before we lost Mom, but these days he keeps to himself and doesn't say much. Mom's passing was devastating to all of us. I don't know what he's thinking anymore; he no longer shares his thoughts with me. It definitely affected Zen much harder than the rest of us.

"Are you finished with your packing?" Zen inquired, taking a glance around my room before settling into my bed.

" No, not yet." I still have some items."

You don't seem to have any plans to return." Zen stared at me 

with sadness.

  "Why would you say that?" I wondered as I glanced at him. I'd absolutely return, albeit I might not remain for six months. I would have taken you, but you've got school." 

Zen and I are closer than my other brothers. We've always understood each other, and leaving him will be difficult, especially when he needs me so much. But I don't want him to realize how emotionally drained I am.

" Bumble, look at me. You know I'm not going to leave you alone, right? Holding his hand.

"I know, sis, it'll just be sad without you here," Zen wept.

"Oh, no. You may come visit after your exams; it's in a month, so we won't be away for long, okay? I said, wiping his tears gently.

"Okay, Zen answered, weeping.

"We'll be alright, I replied, leaning in for an embrace as I let out a low sob.

" Okay, enough of these sad vibes.

"What would you like for breakfast? "Hmmm, bumble bee," I chuckled as I tickled him.

Stop, I'm not a baby. Zen laughed.

"Ah, say who; you're a baby, my little bumble," I murmured, caressing his head.

I'm twenty two and an adult, you know. Zen smiled at me.

Oh, really?" an adult, huh? I charged at him, chasing him around the house.

I could hear his laughter echoing around the house. Oh, I missed this. He hadn't laughed like that in a long time. I couldn't help but stop and stare at him.

"Come make me breakfast, sissy, I'm starving" Zen pleaded.

I went to the kitchen to make breakfast, and when I heard footsteps, it was Jayden and Kayden, my too-adorable big brothers. When Mom adopted me, Jay and Kay were fifteen years old. The twins greeted me with open arms and taunted me to no end. The Sloans were the greatest family ever. We lost my father when I was fifteen years old; it was a difficult time for mom, but she took care of all of us. She instilled in us as children the importance of always having each other's backs and that nothing was more important than family. Ben and Bessie were the best parents. Even when I found out I was adopted when I was twelve years old because I was being bullied at school for looking so different because of my hair color (my hair was white and snow and my eyes were emerald green, which caused kids in school to call me an alien), I was so upset because I knew deep down I looked different from my siblings. Ben and Bessie, on the other hand, genuinely cared about me. My parents were unaware that I had discovered out I was adopted. I genuinely miss them; the home seems empty without them. I'm genuinely thankful mom was able to see Jay's wedding to his longtime sweetheart Amy, and she also got to see her grandson Kay and Belle's beautiful baby boy. Her final moments were wonderful and full with delight; I couldn't have asked for anything more. Mom battled cancer for six years and put up a valiant fight. She did wonderfully; she provided us the best lesson and the best memories. She was my hero. And I'll always remember her..

  Her absence has left me feeling disoriented; I can't seem to concentrate, and I frequently find myself lost in contemplation or with tears streaming down my face. I had to go to therapy because I was suffering from anxiety and despair. This has had a significant impact on my career; I am no longer able to concentrate on my work. My therapist recommended a change of scenery, which is why this trip to Moldova is so crucial. It's an opportunity to rediscover myself. My attention was drawn away from my thoughts by a deep voice. 

"Hey snow," Jay remarked as he reached for an embrace. He's always called me snow since we were kids, claiming it was because of my white hair.

How are things going, sis? He gave me a troubled expression.

" Don't be concerned about me. I remarked this as I returned to cooking.

Have you have your breakfast? Come join us; I'm making mom's favorite spaghetti with shrimp, I added.

Kay smiled as she walked in, "Hmm, that smells delicious."

How are you doing, Baby Sissy? Are you all right?" I'm worried, too.

"I'm fine with you both, seriously," I told them. I know they're asking because I'm anxious. "You don't need to worry about me every five minutes," I respond, putting on a phony smile to assuage their fears. Instead of standing there doing nothing, why don't you go to the dining room and make yourself useful while I serve breakfast? I shove them out of the kitchen.

  I haven't been feeling well for a few months, and the previous suicide attempt terrified them. I only need to reassure them that it will not happen again. It wasn't on purpose; I accidently overdosed on a sleeping tablet. Zen discovered me on the floor and had me sent to the ICU, so everyone is really concerned. That's why I need to get my act together as soon as possible.

But it was all in the past, and I didn't want to put them through it again. I knew what had transpired had affected all of us, and my overdosing had further exacerbated the situation.

I didn't want to be a burden to them anymore, which was the main reason for this trip.

  I took a long, trembling breath and tried to get my anxiety under control as I picked up the tray of food and returned to the dining table where the boys sat, making fun of each other.

Kay and Jay were arguing about who had the superior body, despite the fact that they looked so similar that it was difficult to tell the two apart.

I'm the more attractive twin.

"You'd think so."

Zen, who appeared bored with their chatter, stood up to assist me in setting the table.

Break it, too, Zen replies, drawing both of their attention to him.

He got things started. Jay groans, pointing to Kay, who had been giving him the stink eye.

" No, I did not. The other responded with a glare. You are the one who is duped." They both exchanged glances, and Zen rolled his eyes while I battled the impulse to chuckle.

We took our places at the dining table and began eating in comfortable silence. At least for a time, but it was interrupted by Kay, who cleared his throat and focused our attention on me.

So... he began with a beautiful smile. With you departing in three days, I was thinking, 

"Why don't we throw a pre-departure party?"

You are aware that I will only be there for six months.

" True, but still. We won't see you for another six months.

I'm not sure, Kay. I'm not sure I'm in the mood for a party right now. Unsure, I said. I wasn't much of a party person, and holding a party just for me wasn't something I was interested in.

Snow, a party doesn't sound so horrible. It will only be between relatives and friends. Jay adds that his hand grabbed mine on the table and squeezed it slightly.

" yeah,??. Besides, this is the only way Zen can get any action; at this rate, I'm concerned he'll go celibate. Jay says it slyly, with a sneer on his lips.

" Dock!." Zen mutters and gives him the finger, stretching his smirks even farther.

"Ugh... You two." Kay shoots them a stern look, thus ending their joking before it can resume. So, Snow, what do you think?"

I gave him a dubious glance. I still wasn't in the mood for a party, and the prospect of throwing one didn't appeal to me, especially since it meant spending time with family and friends who were all aware of what had happened to me.

I wasn't prepared for the sorrowful look they gave me whenever they saw me, or how they always seemed to tiptoe on eggshells around me. It made me feel insignificant and insecure.

I took a deep, calm breath, resisting the impulse to sigh.

Akki Sloans, it was just a party! It's not like they were plotting your assassination. I tell myself, trying to keep the fear at bay.

My gaze returned to the boys, who were staring at me, waiting for my response.

I nodded with a false smile. " Sure. "I suppose a party doesn't sound so bad." Sweet! I'll start making calls. Kay says, as he picks up his phone, with the same grin as his brother Jay. My guess was that he was also inviting his pals.

My gaze returned to the plate of pasta in front of me, and I twirled the fork, fiddling with the food without taking a bite. Every appetite in me is steadily fading.

I felt a hand on my shoulders, which caused my head to rise, meeting Zen in ocean blue as he looked at me with worry. One I was becoming acquainted with.

You don't have to worry about anything; I'll make sure the guys keep things moderate so it doesn't become too much for you. His voice tells me that I don't have to worry about anything, which helps to soothe my nerves.

Thanks." I said to him, returning to our food as the twins discussed who to invite and who not to invite.

This went on for the rest of breakfast till Zen had to leave for work, while the twins both walked out to acquire the party supplies, leaving me alone in my thoughts once again.

It's funny how old they are, but they act like children most of the time, and Zen has to act like an adult.