20. Chapter 20

Mirabel woke up the next day feeling good about her chances. She had fallen asleep almost as soon as she hit her bed after that awkward dinner, the trials of the day before having drained her. Despite that emotional exhaustion, Mirabel felt like she had helped Luisa relax a bit, and she hoped that that would buy her some more leeway. Candle was burning brighter from what she could tell, so she thought her efforts were working. Today she hoped to heed Tio Bruno’s advice to stay away from Julietta and Isabella by trying to help out Pepa and Felix’s side of the family. She was already making headway there, considering she had reconnected with Dolores.

It honestly had been most straightforward with her because she never really left completely. Sure, the older girl couldn’t really show her concern, but at the same time, she would promise to listen out for Mira and at least acknowledged Mirabel’s presence more than to ask that a task be done. Mirabel didn’t know if she had a low bar of expectation or if the lack of complete familial separation mentally were the reason the small concerted effort was enough for their relationship to revert to when Mirabel was five, just with a new flavor of maturity. She accepted it as the boon that it was and happily accepted another person who cared about her back into her heart, hoping that she wasn’t making a mistake in trusting Dolores. The ease by which the two had clicked back together gave her hope that she could maybe begin some of her other relatives down the path to rebuilding the relationships they used to share with her. Perhaps she could regain some of the happiness she remembered vaguely from before that horrible night.

Thoughts of the future aside, she was awake earlier than everyone else, as usual, and got ready, sort of missing the little lump that would usually be grumbling as she got up next to it. She really hoped that once this whole magic fiasco was solved, she and her Hijo could have some sleepovers or something. Finally, she gave a bittersweet sigh and walked out the door, tapping her usual good morning to her Mama and waving to Abuelo Pedro’s portrait and Candle. She smiled a bit despite herself at the way that the flame seemed to wave back for once. Maybe there would be more good from this experience than just a healthier family if Candle was mellowing out this much.

She arrived at the kitchen to silence. Which was weird because the only person who was always up before her was Julietta. Although considering that the woman didn’t sleep nearly often enough, it may be fairer to say that she was usually the only other person awake at this time. Such is the struggle of creating the magical equivalent of extremely perishable bandaids for an entire village, Mirabel supposed. Either way, it was odd to see the kitchen, not in use. The air was mortuary. Like any noise would breach the almost sacred silence.

Honoring the strange mood in the room, Mirabel set the table as silently as possible, her mouselike footsteps almost normal-sounding in the quiet. Then, realizing that Julietta would already be running late and that a late breakfast would make Alma unhappy, making everyone else unhappy, Mirabel set about getting out the ingredients for a quick and dirty breakfast. She had learned enough watching Julietta from a distance and directly from Tia Daniella to make some decent scrambled eggs and edible rolls. She just hoped that she wouldn’t need to actually make breakfast herself. Mirabel felt like she would hear about it from someone, and she really didn’t need that right now.

While she waited and hoped for Julietta to come down and make breakfast, Mirabel started the coffee water and then woke everyone up. If she wasn’t down by the time she got back, Mirabel would start cooking something.

*Knock* *Knock* *Knock* *BANG*

Pepa woke up with a thunderstorm already kicking off lightning. But, honestly, it was to be expected with what had occurred last night. She sighed at the previously sandstone, now fulgurite, urn on a table across the room (a wedding present from Felix’s aunt, if she remembered correctly) that had yet again been partially melted and was further vitrifying, then tried controlling her breathing. In and out.

In, Clear skies.

Out, Clear skies.

Slowly, almost like molasses, unexamined anger, angst, and worry all dripped into the metaphysical jar that she always shoved her emotions into on days like today. She didn’t know how maintainable this would be, but it had worked for the last ten or so years, so hopefully, it would hold for a while longer.

Breaking out of climate-altering thoughts, she turned and gave Felix a heavy kiss, getting him to stir. She was the lighter sleeper of the two, so the knocks always woke her up first. However, one of the many things that she loved about him was that he slept like a baby no matter the weather her dreams brought.

“Buenos Dias, Mi Sol.” The short man mumbled, slipping an arm around her waist and groggily misplacing a messy cheek peck on her nose.

She gave a small snort, “Buenos Dias, mi cielo.” They had been calling each other that since they were lovestruck teenagers. Felix had been calling her his sun for almost as long as they had been together. She had insisted on calling him her sky after recognizing all he did to support her, making a point that the sun is nothing without a sky to shine in. That always got Felix to melt.

She sighed once more, a stratus cloud taking place above her head for a second before she waved it off and said, “Mi Vida, as much as I would love to have a lazy morning with you, someone needs to make breakfast, and of the people in this house, you are the only one I know I can trust in the kitchen.”

Felix, who Camilo took after more than anyone but Pepa really knew, grumbled and rolled out of bed. “Ay, only because I love you, Pepita. Anyone else and I would tell them to …” he grunted a bit as he groped around in his dresser for a shirt, “well, you know.”

Pepa snickered a bit and got to getting dressed next to him. Tired Felix was always good for a sunny morning.

She and Felix had gotten to the Kitchen to find Mirabel at the stove stirring something. She looked over her shoulder and absently waved her spatula before turning back what looked like scrambled eggs. The two adults watched silently as the girl quickly finished the batch of eggs. She put them on a platter before pointing to the fruit on the counter, waiting to be cut, then carried the platter to the dining room. Felix shrugged and passed her a knife; cutting fruit was something she could handle while he finished the rolls that Mirabel had apparently made. They worked in silence as Mirabel intermittently entered and exited the kitchen to bring food to the table and collect the coffee.

Breakfast had been a somber affair. There wasn’t any feeling of mourning or grief, but the myriad combinations of muted shame, annoyance, and thoughtfulness across the family along with the pervasive silence got to Pepa more than she would have liked. Nevertheless, she really needed today to be a good day… so she decided to get away for a bit and prove to herself that what she overheard the day before was false. She wanted to prove that despite what others (and maybe even she) thought, she could be trusted with her own child. So after she had quickly helped the farmers, she made her excuses and went looking for him.

Pepa eventually found him outside on the hill behind the house, with Mirabel watching him. Mirabel was enjoying the morning before she tracked down Camillo with Dolores. She was quietly sitting on a blanket, working on a pair of socks since her old ones were getting small, watching her Jaguarcito playing with a group of animals at the forest edge. He knew to keep in her sightline, and his new animal friends would listen to him about that.

The woman yelled over to him, completely ignoring his current minder, “Antonio! Could you come over here for a second?”

The boy ignored her, making Pepa repeat herself for a while before Mirabel, mildly annoyed at the interruption to her quiet time, gave a silent huff and whistled shrilly. Antonio immediately stopped what he was doing and turned toward her. The girl gave him a gimlet eye and gestured to Pepa before gesturing for him to come over. He said something to his animal friends and booked it over.

Deciding that if he was being difficult, she would need to be ready to extinguish fires, Mirabel put away her knitting and stood. She walked closer to Pepa and crossed her arms.

He eventually got to the two and asked, “Si? Wha’ssa matter, Mami?”

Hoping that she was playing it off well, Mirabel looked at Pepa with an expression that clearly yelled, “Well? Get on with it!”

“I was hoping that Antonio would spend the day with me. So I can take over here.” Pepa stated, rubbing a hand self-consciously along her braid.

Mirabel looked at Antonio (“Well, Hombrecito? Do you want to spend time with Pepa?”)

Antonio shook his head, “No.” He crossed his arms.

“Come on, Mijo, you’ve grown so much. I just want to spend time with you.” Pepa asked, slightly annoyed, as shown by the grey cloud that started forming.

"I don't wanna!" Antonio replied, then added in that matter-of-fact way that five-year-olds can, "You're boring, and you smell!"

Mirabel gently pulled Antonio away from the quickly angering woman and carefully suggested, "If he doesn't seem to want to spend time with you, maybe it would be better if I just kept watching him for today?"

Pepa straightened and thundered, towering over Mirabel as Antonio cringed behind the girl, "He's my Son. If I want to spend time with him, who are you to stop me?"

Mirabel’s eye twitched a bit. She didn’t just say that… No, I had to have misheard; she can’t be that dense, she thought, asking in a contained voice, “I’m sorry, could you repeat that? I don’t think I quite caught it.”

Pepa just puffed up further in her pride and doubled down, “I said, who are you to stop me from spending time with MY son.”

Mirabel's face hardened. The younger woman's back went ramrod straight, and one of her fists opened and closed a bit as she pushed Antonio behind her even more with the other. Suddenly, Pepa was startlingly reminded of when she had angered her mother when she was young. Despite the rather hilarious size differential, the girl had suddenly gained a presence that made you pay attention to her, and that glare could definitely strip paint if she looked long enough.

"Who am I?" Mirabel asked in a dangerously quiet voice,  "I'm his Mother! I raised him since he was less than a year old!

"I did.

“Not you,” She jabbed Pepa in the chest, forcing the woman back. Due to the proximity to Casita, some light ripples flowed through the grass as she attempted to keep her anger in check.

"ME.” She jabbed a finger violently towards herself before continuing, thrust onward in her tirade by the quivering from behind her and all the motherly instincts she had fostered over the last five years. Back at the house, Candle shuttered and expended the magic he was saving on Luisa, keeping the damage to hairline fractures flowing almost unnoticed through the stonework.

"I was the one who changed his diapers, kissed his boo-boos, helped him explore the world around him. I, not you, I, talked him through nightmares, chased away the monsters under the bed, and sat with him through his sicknesses.

"I was the one who woke up in the middle of the night because he was crying and didn't go to bed until three in the morning, only to wake up at six to get everyone else out of bed and do chores all day, while watching him.

“I was the one who was there for him. And I've been doing that since I was TEN." - A disdainful snort - "A single mother at ten, because you couldn't. Wouldn't take care of the child you brought into the world. I may not have pushed that boy out of me or carried him around inside me for a year, but he's my child. A hell of a lot more than he is yours. And don't you dare even imply otherwise ever again. Because no matter what blood runs through him, I'll always be the one he runs to when he needs his mother. And that means a hell of a lot more than whatever you've deluded yourself into thinking earns you the right to that title."

Throughout the stern, contained tirade, Pepa had started deflating, taking each accusation like a physical hit. Her cloud lightened, and the air around them warmed as her anger dissipated into shame and embarrassment. She couldn't bring herself to be angry when the truth was sucker-punching her left and right. By its end, she had crumpled to the ground and begun hugging her knees as the jar finally shattered and years' worth of repressed sadness flooded her.

               She dropped her head and whimpered a bit as she muttered to herself more than Mirabel, "I... I couldn't...  wanted to care for him. But, Mama ... never let me. She ... angry ... at mood swings ... when Camillo was young. The- worrying if Tonito would have a gift or not... the storms, the destruction... She would disown me or worse. I'd have to leave! And then, none of my children would have a mother. I... I just want to be there for my children... care and fret for them like a mama should... But... *sniffle* I'm not ALLOWED to!" The woman shoved her head farther down, resting it on her knees, and burst into tears, a scalding rain beating down on the trio. Mirabel hurriedly popped the umbrella that her Mama had shoved into her hands earlier this morning and pulled her son out of the localized boiling deluge. Something, probably whatever was happening with Candle, was keeping the rain contained to the hill they were all standing on, so hopefully, the townsfolk wouldn't have anything to complain about.

               Mirabel forced air from her nose in exasperation. “Of course, Alma would have influenced this too...” the girl grumbled internally, “The woman seems to delight in making her family a neurotic mess.” Despite the bitterness that had exploded back to the forefront of her mind due to that little thought, Mirabel's heart panged a bit in sympathy for Pepa. She knew what it felt like to worry about her child no longer loving her, so she, very begrudgingly, came up with a compromise. She huffed and pulled Antonio around her, still hugging him in front of herself. “Being a good person is so hard sometimes.” Mirabel griped mentally as she edged a bit closer and got the woman's attention again.

               "If you want to talk about being a better mother, I guess we can discuss co-parenting." Pepa stopped crying and looked over at her; the rain still fell, steaming as it hit the umbrella. "If you don't think you can handle that much responsibility, we can talk about you being the motherly aunt. If even that is too much, we can talk about you actually being there for the child you brought into this world.

“But.” Pepa slumped slightly but continued listening.

“You need to know that everything that happens from here on is at Antonio's pace. If he decides you're his Tia. That's what you are, and you don't push further even if you want to. If he wants you to be another mom, I'll try to work with you on how to be the best mom you can be for him. If he decides that you mean nothing to him other than being another relative. You accept that, give him space, and support him from a distance if you feel you need to. Point is, you need to accept the consequences of your choices, and whatever comes of this will be one of them. I will not, however, even consider relinquishing my role in his life to you. If he accepts you or Felix as a parent after you've gotten to know him again, you're going to have to get used to sharing that responsibility, ALL the responsibility this time, with me. I'm making it known right now that I won't be slipping quietly into the night. I'm proud of being his Mami, and I'll not give that up lightly."

               Pepa brightened a bit, the scalding rain slowing down as her personal cloud lightened to more of a dense fog bank, "I... I don't know why I even implied that you weren't. I've known for years that he saw you as a mother. I... I guess I just never accepted it. That he may see you as a parent, to the exception of Felix or me. I... Dolores always tried to temper my expectations. I guess that I just never really took her warnings to heart."

               A look of emotional pain appeared, "I wish that I hadn't avoided you after your ceremony. It... when you were little, you were always so good about helping me through my bad days, even better than Felix sometimes. You probably don’t remember, but we had a lot of fun together when your mother was busy. I ... when Mama started to hound on you, I just, I couldn't take that stress. Bruno had disappeared after he disappointed Mama, and I was scared of being pushed out as well if I made too many problems. I knew that if I started to stand up for you, It would only lead to more problems, but they were problems I should have made for myself. Problems that I needed to make for myself if I wanted to be called a good mother... or a good Tia. If I had, then neither of you would be in this situation. You wouldn't have needed to assert your place in his heart to me, and Antonio wouldn't have needed to worry about me taking him from his Mami. I... I'm so sorry that I had any part in how you've been treated in this family. I... I would love to be a part of both of your lives again, in whatever way either of you would have me. And I'm willing to do whatever I need to, to be worthy of whatever part that is."

               Mirabel sat down next to the woman, settling her hijo in her lap. She reached over and rubbed the woman's back. She gave a sigh tinged with both remembrance and some self-deprecation as she realized what she was about to do.

               "I missed the time I spent with you. When I was little, I liked watching you when you were free to feel whatever you needed to. It was fun sitting with you in the rain and listening to you read your romance stories to me. After my ceremony, over time, I just accepted that I wasn't in the position to do that with you anymore, and I just, adapted, I guess. I've already started reconnecting with Dolores. And I'm willing to try again if you're willing to try as well, and promise to never treat me or anyone else in the family like that again. Do that, and you’ll be forgiven. All the problems forgotten, though? Probably not for a long time.

And, for the record, I don't think you're a terrible mother. Dolores and Camillo came out well enough. I believe that you just mixed up your priorities. Your mother or the town's needs or potential anger should have never taken precedence over your child. Once you've fixed that, we can fix things between us, it'll just take time and effort.“

               Pepa gave a worn-out smile as her cloud finally dissipated into a washed-out rainbow, "You’re too wise for your age, Mirabel. Thank you. I promise to be better, and I'll do whatever I can to make up for my mistakes." The woman brought her arms to hug the girl but flinched a bit and decided to put a hand on Mirabel's leg instead since she didn't know if she was allowed to hug her again yet. Mirabel patted the woman’s hand, not necessarily comfortable with a hug either.

               Antonio looked at the awkward woman and humphed, "If Mami wants to give you a chance, I can too." His nose wrinkled a bit, "But... you really do smell-"

               Mirabel turned her Hijo on her lap so that he was looking at her, "Mijo, You can't just say that to someone. It's rude. I should have scolded you when you said that before, but I was preoccupied."

               "But Mami, she does. She smells like Luis' breath after he just ate." Antonio complained as Pepa looked on bemused, wondering if she should be offended or not.

               "Isn't Luis that anteater that you said keeps trying to get into the rotting logs because the ants there 'taste more refined'?" Mirabel asked for Pepa's benefit.

               "Mmmhmmm," Antonio affirmed. "And she also smells like that weird shockey smell, like after a big lightning storm!"

               Mirabel sighed, "She can't help that she smells like lightning, Tonio. I guess she could use an umbrella more to stop the musty smell. But if she's raining for the farmers, it would be dangerous if she lightnings. However, I guess jackets are coming back in season, so that may work." She gave a slight look of 'Kids. What can you do?' to Pepa, who chuckled.

               "I suppose I should start wearing a raincoat again anyway. The soggy dresses get to you after a while and don’t get me started on any makeup whatsoever. I only stopped with the raincoats because I felt self-conscious after Mama asked me why I was wearing one after I wore my favorite red one on a date with Felix. But, honestly, it was stupid of me to stop for such an insipid reason." She noticed that Mirabel still seemed worried about what Antonio had said, so she continued, "It's fine. He could definitely complain about much worse things, so I suppose I should count my blessings." She reassured Mirabel, whose shoulders relaxed a bit.

               "I suppose so." Mirabel responded neutrally before partially saying to her and partially to Antonio, "Either way, I don't know what's got into him today. He's usually much more well-behaved." She gave Antonio a light stink eye, causing the boy to wilt a bit at her displeasure, "If you still want to spend time with him, you couldn’t have picked a better day. I was willing to put them off when he was uncomfortable spending the day with you, but if he's willing to spend time with you... "

               She looked down at the boy, who nodded, trying to please her and make up for his earlier rudeness, "Then I have things that I need to do today that I don't really want him underfoot for." Mirabel pulled out her watch and hummed as she took in the time, "It's almost lunch, so after we eat, maybe the two of you could go down by the creek. He likes to catch frogs, and you can get to know him again. So make an afternoon of it. If either of you needs me, Dolores should be with me, and if not, Antonio knows who to go to in an emergency. Oh, and don't be surprised if the Moreno kids show up; they're friends of his and always just seem to come out of the woodwork when animals are involved. If their mother shows up, just let her know that I let you watch Antonio; Tia Daniella gets very protective of the niños."

               "I'll be sure to remember that. And a day by the creek spending time with m- Antonio sounds nice. I'd like that." Pepa responded, not catching Daniella's appellation. Instead, she looked at Antonio with slight unease and asked, "Is it alright if I bring Felix with me? He's more of a frog catcher than I am nowadays."

               Antonio's face scrunched a bit in thought before he said, "Ok. He can come too."

               Pepa smiled, "Thank you, Antonio. And Mirabel, I’d love to get to know you again when you’re free."

               “We'll see, Pepa,” Mirabel responded, moving to clean up her lounging spot. Pepa and Antonio went to help her, one feeling strangely lighter than she had felt in years.