Looking for Mom

How dare he judge me like that out in the open. The anger in my heart is so much greater then ten girls on their period with emotional swings right now. And my period isn't until two weeks and that's already saying something. But don't worry after living with all those trash, I know better then to let my emotions come out into the open.

I hold out my smile as he leaves off. I don't even bother talking or acknowledging the other students walking into the class. I just wait patiently until he turns to the corner and out of sight. And like the saying goes OUT OF SIGHT OUT OF MIND and that's what I'm going to do.

I make my body jerk to one side sliding down to the floor in a semi obvious way. Shutting my eyes really tight (aka because that really hurt by the way) and hold my stomach for dear life. Focusing my breathing to speed up and slow down at uneven times. After doing this for about a minute my head is starting to get dizzy with all the blood rushing to my head.

By this time I have a group of students gather around me. Huddling myself into a smaller bubble, I try my best to hide my obvious smirk. Man, can some one give me an Oscar for my great acting.

"Willow are you ok" I can hear Ms. Tina asking in a very worried voice

"I'm fine Ms" I answer trying my best not to laugh, "It's just that,.... my stomach has been hurting since this morning"

"Oh dear, why didn't you let your parents know you were is so much pain" Ms Tina ask trying her best to hold onto her own lunch

And this ladies and gentlemen is where the fun begins.

"I didn't want to worry them. I figured I can just get some stomach meds when I got here" answering in my best 'I am not at fault voice'

"Why haven't you gone all day child" real worry taking over her voice "Didn't they have anything available"

"I did try to go but their was a note on the door and it said that she was out" now making my voice go softer, "I didn't get a chance to go again since then"

"Right they were saying she was starting her maternal leave" confirming herself

Like I don't know that. It took me two hours to get that information. But to think I will be using it on her first day gone, now that's just sad even for me.

"Well their isn't much I can do" Ms Tina looks like she could go into a panic at any moment.

"Hey Ms," trying my best to sound a little better yet still make myself sound like I'm on my period instead of a stomach ache "Theirs a pharmacy outside the school grounds right?"

"Their is" she looks very unsure of herself "It's right outside the school grounds"

"I know I shouldn't even be asking this but do you mind if I go and buy some medican at that store" setting my best 'about to cry eyes' mastered by your truly "

"I just can't leave the rest of the class alone, it'll set a bad example with all the other teachers" looking at me with mix feelings, "I know why don't you just stay in the back of the class"

That face of excitement kinda piss me off and at the same time make me feel really guilty. How can I have the heart to lie to such an honest person. Easy, faces we see hearts we don't know. Me being the ''boss' daughter" in name anyways, still gives me some respect from the teachers and I'm sure she is no different. I'm sure she doesn't want to get on THEIR bad side even if it's for their kid. Like if that ever stop me, just have to word it right and she is as good as mine to control. After all she isn't the first and she won't be the last to fall under my control, just like all the other stupid adult. Now to all good children out their, don't do this if you don't have the skills to back it off.

"But won't I just disturb your class," now watch closely, "You won't be able to focus on the lesson if your just thinking of me. Lesson Ms, of you can just walk me to the nearest exit. I'll walk the rest of the way. I know I can make it"

"But I can't-" Ms Tina thinking it over

"Please Ms. I'll take the whole blame from my parents you won't have to worry about it. All you have to do is walk me to the exit"

The look on her face just proves my point, relief and authority. Like I said she's the same as all the other adults I know remove the responsibility from their hands and they won't even bother to look back not even ones.

"Linda dear" Ms. Tina looks around for the class pet "I'll leave the class in your hands for a few minutes I'll be right back"

Ms. Tina takes her time in guiding me to the nearest exit closes in the direction of the pharmacy. She starts talking about something about...I don't know and I dont even care. Do you have any idea how annoying she is when she seems to act like a suck up to anyone that has power. It's beyond annoying and the word use really comes to mind, but I'm going to deal with it. She is my ticket out of here, I'll even kiss a perverted old man is it means I get to leave. (But don't get your hopes up, I'm not going to kiss anyone if they are not up standards,.... maybe I'm actually going to think about that for a minute)

"I really hope you get better by tomorrow, don't want you to miss out on a classical movie" Ms. Tina

What a movie? Don't tell me I picked the wrong day to skip out on class..... or maybe not.

"What movie?" I can't help but ask

"Oh it's a great classic," clearly in her own world, "Sadly not a lot of people now a days can understand how great old movies can be even if it's in front of them all they care about is the tech behind the film then the film itself"

That's true some of the greatest movies I have seen may not have the best CGI, but they make up for it in their acting. For example, tell me who doesn't know the movie The Exorcist. It's a good classic and one of my top favorites and it's still believed to be one of the best horror movies of all time. Don't believe me I'll give you three more. FREDDY KRUEGER and to the not big time horror fans... BRAVE HEART and TITANIC. Great films right oh and before I forget they are all based on real life events. That is if you can figure out where to look.

"It is from 70's" please tell me it is, please tell me it's not. What I have mix feels with this

"What no,... good decade thou" I think I might have a crush on this teacher, "The Odyssey 1997 one not the remake I really hope you can make it"

Yep I think I do have a crush on her, but this love will never be. Oh did I forget to mention she has a thing for my step dad. I'll let you take a guess, but it's not what it seems he is over the moon for that woman. This info can come I handy in the future.

"Sure, I'm sure I'll be better by than" I said it in the most cheerful voice it even scared me how believable I sound

But I really mean that,... besides some cloths the only other thing my mom left me was HOMER' s book I'll even let you figure out which one. She said it's one of the best ways to understand how our world works.I didn't get what she meant then but I'm starting to and let's just say I understand the feeling of waiting a little too well.

"Alright Willow, this is as far as I can take you" in a matter a fact voice, "I need to get back to class. I really hope you can get better"

"Sure" just bothering to look back ones before walking out throu the doors.

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Pretending to be sick comes as second nature to me, but forcing myself to take stomach medican when I don't even need it. Funny part is it actually makes me feel sick, but I have no choice. If I want to make this work I've got to buy this medican. Go figure, me standing in line waiting for a medican that will cause me more harm than good.

"Do you sale Emetrol" knowing full well they should.

If you don't know this it's actually real. No lie on this one, I always use it when I'm in a situation like this. It's not that bad but you know what I mean. Anyways to make this interesting story a lot shorter they do have it and it's a little bit more expensive to what I'm used to paying, then again I haven't used them in a year. I guess the price would change.

Taken the medican in front of this lady, also has to do with my plan. I also need to buy some water the after taste it's terrible. Don't believe me ask the cashier on the other side of the register.

On my way out of the store I think I'll go to the right. Completely different direction if you want to get back to school but the best route to get to the park and if I walk another three minutes or so their should be a smoothie shop near by. It's always a good idea to know where you're going before you go out and it's a plus in getting to know my "new home" and I've been postponing this little trip for a while now.

The trip getting to the park helped me find the best spots if I want to hide somewhere and I don't want them to find me. Besides that the park seems like the best place to do what I'm about to do... let me explain it in a way even you can understand what I'm planning.

As you have guessed,.. I do have mother issues but it not what you think. I don't hate my mom, I hate.... the reason why we split up in the first place. Only when I'm alone can I honestly talk to my mom. Well more like write to her. This is my version of family therapy. But I do it special and I'll show you. All I need to do is find a good spot to sit down and I'm all set.

Let's see, people to the left animals to the right side of the park. The only place with no one is at the cemetery but I'm never going to talk to her there, I promise you that. After walking for another minute I can see a bet up old bench really close to an even old tree. (and when I mean old, I mean close to a century old) Right between the two theirs a little spot with enough space so I can do my thing. Walking over was the easy part the hard part is making sure I do stain my pants. Dirt is a little hard to clean after all.

It's my lucky day, a worn out branch just happens to be sticking out like a sour thumb under the bench and it also perfect so I can use it, even if it's only for a few minutes. Oh right I forgot to tell you, right. Well you know how some therapist make you write down you problems in a notebook so that later on they can read it on their own. Well I do the same thing, but I like to do it on nature itself. I can write on a leaf and when I'm done with it I just let it blow away with the wind or just burn it, (donydon't do this if you just want to be cool, the forest will be happier if you didn't do that with your ego in mind, thanks) write it on the air itself (no paper or pen needed just your thoughts and your figure that's all you need for this one) and the one I feel the biggest connection to her with. Writing it down on the dirt. Just find a quiet and secluded place and just write down what you think and how you feel it does work. Now if you'll excuse me I need to talk to my mom.

Setting my things down. I grab the mini branch I take a deep breath. Focusing my emotions as well as my thoughts into this letter. I just hope I can finish it before my stomach starts acting up again.

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Dear Mom,

How long has it been since I wrote to you? Maybe a little before I moved here or was it that same day I found out I had to move. I'm sorry it only seems like I only turn to you when I'm at my lowest and have no one else to turn to and sadly it's true. Just like time when you left me. Leaving me before he could do anything to me.

If I had know at that time what I was doing I would have never asked you what that word is, what it really means. But than again it's thanks to this word you saved me from a sad fate. I curse this word, it took you away from me and I can never forget the question that destroyed our home.

"Mom, what's a pedophile?"-

Crap I got to go, the after taste is stuck on my tongue. I'm going over to the other shop. I don't have the will power to finish it and much less to erase it.

Looking to my left then my right, no one seems to be around. I take this as my chance to run away as gracefully as I can, hoping no one will notice my letter to my mom. But KARMA is a bitch, she will always have it her way. Making us toys to her little game.