Temporary Reprieve

Emily was not much of a drinker, she never had been. But she had to admit, for her, coming off the sleeping pills felt a lot like the worst hangover ever. The morning after flushing the pills down the drain, she had gotten out of bed feeling like she had been hit by a truck and then gone toe to toe with a heavyweight boxer. She had spent the early hours of the morning hunched over a toilet bowl. Then she had been wrecked by shivers, her whole body trembling despite her feeling like she was about to explode from how hot she was. That had not been a great day at all, but she had held firm and the problem had resolved itself in a matter of hours, and by the time she had gone into work, there had been no signs that she had struggled with anything at all. But she had not liked a single second of the detoxing phase, and had been glad when it was over.

Then once her body was back on track, it had been time for her mind to heal all the way. Throughout the whole time that she was taking the pills, Emily had felt like a builder given an endless task. Trying to build a wall, where she would get half way up. The wall standing tall enough and then crumbling down, forcing her to restart, building on top of the rubble.

By the end of it, she had been so done with constantly feeling faded that she had been sure that even without the pills she would not be able to feel anything anymore. Luckily she had been wrong on that front. Without the pills, colour had returned to the world once more.

She got angry, she got sad, she felt joy, happiness…she just felt, and she loved every minute of it. It was wonderful, waking up in the morning as a grounded person and then going to sleep still feeling grounded. No pills to make her feel as though she were cut off from the earth.

She went to work and actually remembered that she was good at her job. Being able anticipate Derek's needs and fulfil them before he asked giving her mood an extra boost.

With the pills no longer part of her routine, it wasd not just her mood that improved, but also her interest for things that she liked. For the first time in a long time, Emily picked up a needle and thread and embroidered randomly. She did not do it to come up with some sort of presentable end product. She just did it for the sake of seeing random shapes come alive in her hands.

Pretty soon, sooner than she would like. Her nightmares would overwhelm her again, and she would be embroidering to pass the time when she could not sleep.

But in that moment, she was just embroidering for the sake of it.

She did not know how long the almost restful state would last, so she decided to just enjoy it as best she could.

And as luck would have it, the return of her mom, came right when Emily was still riding the wave of being pill free. She welcomed the older woman back with the biggest smile ever, not even minding when she was teased for being too clingy.

When she had been on the pills, she had not even been able to muster a smile for her mother. And now that she could, she made sure to smile at her mom and hug her as much as possible. It did not matter that the older woman thought that it was just because Emily had not seen her in a few days.

She could do something as simple as enjoying a hug from her mother instead of going through the motions and not really feeling it. For however long her unbothered state lasted, she would make sure to enjoy it fully.