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CHAPTER EIGHTY FOUR:

Driven by the renewed proof that Harry would need a bodyguard, the time traveler had Radley pop him up to Gryffindor Tower instead of walking, once again giving the Fat Lady the Parseltongue command to open. Entering Gryffindor Tower with a house elf was new to him, but then again so many things were that Harry didn't take much notice of the stares when he walked in.

"Well, well, if it isn't Lord Potter!" a Weasley twin exclaimed, sidling up to Harry and draping an arm over the shorter male's shoulders.

"Vanquisher of Voldemort!" the other exclaimed, coming up on Harry's other side and giving him the same treatment.

"Defeater of duelists!" the one on his right said, striking a mighty pose.

"Jeerer of Jechts!" the left twin said, striking a similar pose.

"I'm not sure that word exists, Gred," Harry said with a grin, and both twins scoffed indignantly.

"It doesn't exist, he says!" "He criticizes our formidable wonderlicious vocabulatory!" "Our expansivosibly scrumtiolicious lexicatory!" "Our hrumbanglable oratorilious pontificatorialiyly!"

By now Harry was laughing sufficiently that the twins exchanged a look before smirking and leaning in over Harry head to mutter to each other, "He jirmungle jerbandanglously pompeturnalurg hrmpfling," "Too true, dear Forge, he hrmpfling-"

"Enough!" Harry interrupted them with a peal of laughter, wriggling out from under their arms. "I'm here on serious business, you ridiculoispling hrunfdingers!"

The twins looked at him with comically shocked expressions before whooping indecorously, pounding on each other's backs and pointing at the young man impotently as Harry just grinned at them and gestured for his house elf companion to follow him as he turned and walked over to where the Golden Trio sat with Neville.

"Hey there," Harry grinned, sliding onto the bench next to Neville and bumping him lightly with his shoulder. "I heard some very high praise concerning you from Severus," he said with a huge grin that only widened at Neville's blush. "Unfortunately, that's not what I came to discuss, though," he said, tamping down his mirth to give his younger self a more serious look. "We discussed this, and I'd like to introduce you to Radley," he said, gesturing at the elf that was hiding his nervousness at being the center of attention admirably. "Radley agreed to being your bodyguard, and while he obviously can't protect you from challengers like today's, he'll do his best to keep you safe from less obvious dangers."

The younger Harry nodded earnestly before turning his attention to Radley. "It's great to meet you, Radley. You're sure you won't have any issues against wizards? I know that Dobby can throw a grown wizard down the hall, but I don't want to see you hurt." The house elf seemed surprised at Harry's obvious concern but nodded.

"Radley is happy to protect Master Jarry," the elf replied in his unusually deep voice. A heavy silence fell, then Hermione let out a peal of laughter and Harry turned an accusing gaze on his older self.

"Jarry?" he asked pointedly, and Harry grinned and raised an eyebrow.

"Well, you gave me that terrible nickname – Hames – so I figured you could use one as well," he said reasonably, ruining the effect with his mischievous grin. "And since most of our house elves answer to me over you, I'm Master Harry and you can be Master Jarry, since we don't need them getting confused. No?" he asked teasingly, and Harry groaned.

"Can't we just both be Harry?" he asked plaintively, and his older self shook his head, still with the same grin.

"Hey, you're the one who called me 'Hames' because it was too confusing having the same name," he pointed out, and Harry groaned again, dropping his head to the table.

"Why can't my life be normal?" he moaned.

"But life would be so boring then," Harry cajoled, but the others could see from his expression that he agreed with his younger self on that count. "At any rate," he said, bringing the conversation back to the original topic, "you need to bond with Radley and visit a tailor I know to get him dressed in a proper uniform. She came up with the designs for Dobby and Winky – I'm not sure if you've seen them lately? – but Radley will need a different design, since he's a bodyguard and your bodyguard. Both of you can discuss it with Madam Tinkleweather in detail, and find an outfit you both are happy with," he nodded at Radley, who looked surprised that he would have a say in his uniform but nodded back. "But first – the bond. Come on," he said, slipping off the bench and pleased when both Hermione and Ron moved so that the younger Harry could leave his side of the table and join him in front of the house elf.

Both of them crouched down, to the collective shock of Gryffindor Tower – who they hadn't realized were paying such close attention – and Harry guided his younger self through the relatively simple process of bonding with a house elf. After some discussion Radley agreed to accept a payment of three galleons a week, since Harry argued that he'd have no free days and have to be constantly alert, not to mention the danger he might end up being in, and both Radley and Harry agreed to visit the tailor the next day to see about a proper outfit. Standing again, Hames said one last thing to the elf before he popped away to watch over the young Lord Potter unseen.

"As I said to the other elves, you're always welcome to come to me if you need anything, or if there are any problems with your Master. Obviously, I don't anticipate there to be any issues," he smiled, "but even so, please keep it in mind." The elf bowed in response and popped away.

Sweeping his gaze over the gathered Gryffindors, Harry addressed them all with his next statement. "You all saw what happened, and you all know that now Harry is protected. Please spread the word that Harry has a bodyguard – but I'd prefer if it remained secret for now that his bodyguard is a house elf. I have full confidence in Radley's abilities, but the element of surprise is always one worth having." His eyes rested especially on Lavender Brown and a pair of seventh-year students that he knew loved to gossip. "Alright?"

A ragged chorus of agreement came back, and Harry's lips twitched at the exaggerated salute the Weasley twins gave him. Deciding that he might as well do this in this semi-public setting he beckoned them over. "There's someone I'd like you to meet," he said, trying not to smile as he went back down on one knee. "Skip?" Beside him Harry's eyebrows rose, clearly recognizing the elf he'd tried to call earlier that day. With a pop the small elf appeared, bouncing happily at being called.

"You is calling, Master Harry?" she piped up, then abruptly became aware of the many gazes resting on her. With a little squeak of fear she launched herself at Harry, trying to hide in his robes even while she looked around with wide, apprehensive eyes.

"It's alright, Skip," Harry tried to reassure her, bringing his arms up to hold the small body comfortingly. "I wanted to introduce you to the Weasley twins. Fred, George, if you would introduce yourselves?" The look he gave them strongly suggested they join him on Skip's eye level and they promptly sat down on the floor.

"Hey Skip," one of the twins said, equal parts curious and friendly. "I'm Fred."

"I'm George," the other one said, leaning forward with a friendly smile to hold out his hand. "It's good to meet you."

After several moments' hesitation the little elf reached out a dainty hand to hold the wizard's. "I is Skip, Master George." The boy's eyes widened and flicked to Harry's as he realized what the young Lord was planning. Harry simply nodded, and George turned his attention back to the young house elf.

"Could it be that you're looking for a family, too?" As soon as George voiced the question Harry realized just how much the twins trusted him – there was no question of whether Skip would even fit to them, no doubt that they might not need a house elf, no denial that they couldn't accept such a gift – for that was what this could be considered. Skip merely bit her lip and nodded, unsure that she would be wanted until Master George smiled warmly at her. "Mum always says that Fred and I are a handful," he said, giving his twin a grin, "but we just like having fun. Do you think you might want to join us?"

Skip was gnawing at her lower lip, but her eyes lit up. "Master Harry is saying that yous is making tricks and a joke shop, and that yous will be needing help," she said, leaning her head sideways against Harry's chest but feeling her hand warm in Master George's. "Master Harry is telling Skip that Skip could be helping yous."

"We'd be happy to have you, Skip," Fred said, while George gave Harry an awed and grateful look. "I'm sure we can have a lot of fun together." With a grin he held out his left hand to the elf, and Harry gently turned her so that she could give Fred her free hand, and couldn't help but smile at the sight of the small elf with her arms crossed, either hand in the far larger ones of the redheads.

"I, Fred or George Weasley, take the house elf Skip into my care," Harry prompted them softly, and the twins simultaneously bonded with Skip, the flash of light that enveloped them twice as bright as normal since it was a double bonding. Looking down at Skip, Harry impulsively kissed her on the top of her head. "As I told you," he said quietly, "you can still come to me for anything, but I think you'll get along wonderfully with the twins. Why don't you three go get to know each other?" he suggested more loudly, and the twins gave Skip's hands one last squeeze before releasing her and standing with strange expressions on their faces. Then Fred reached forward and swept Skip up and onto his back like he used to with Ginny, grinning over at his brother.

"Harry, mate," George said, pulling Harry up from the floor and giving him a hard hug, clearly overwhelmed.

"Just treat her well," was all Harry asked in return, and George squeezed him tighter in acknowledgement.

"Of course, Harry," he said, pulling away. "Skip's family, now."

Harry smiled and exchanged a long look with Fred before the twins smiled as well and left to get to know their new companion. Turning, Harry met Hermione's eyes, and she must have read his intent there because she held her hands up weakly. "Harry..."

"Kerrilee," Harry called calmly, and the old elf appeared before him, her eyes focused on Hermione's face.

"Miss Granger," she said, giving the girl a one-over. "I was informed that you needed some further education." Ron, who had begun to look upset that everyone but he was getting a house elf, suddenly grimaced and scooched away from Hermione, who was simply gaping at the house elf. "Do shut your mouth, child, it's rather unbecoming," the house elf raised an eyebrow, and Harry stifled a giggle as he thought she sounded like a cross between Severus and Minerva. And Augusta Longbottom. Maybe that was why Neville looked wary of the house elf.

"Hermione," he said, getting himself under control again, "May I introduce Madam Kerrilee? I thought you might like to hear from her about house elves, their culture and history. Maybe you could write a book together; I don't think there's much literature on house elves out there," he said, knowing perfectly well that Hermione had complained plenty of times about the lack of information on house elves. "Madam Kerrilee declared herself willing to bond with you, but warned me that she was, and I quote," his lips quirked but he tried not to let the smile show, "'much too old to do more than tidy up a little'."

"I believe I said I am 'too old to do much more than tidy up a little', young man," the elf said drily as she looked up at him. "A lady would never say that she is 'much too old'," she sniffed.

"She sounds just like my Gran..." Neville whispered, and Hermione shot him a surprised look. Harry, knowing her expressions better than most, recognized the moment the thought crossed her mind that interacting with Kerrilee might be good practice for meeting the Dowager Longbottom, and Hermione turned back to the house elf with a politely resolute expression.

"I'm afraid there is no House of Granger, but I would be honored to learn from you, Madam," she said firmly, and the house elf scrutinized her for another minute before nodding sharply.

"Come here then, Miss Granger," the aged elf held out her hand demandingly, and Hermione promptly slid from the seat into a kneeling position on the floor, accepting the frail hand.

"I, Hermione Jean Granger, take the house elf Kerrilee into my care," Hermione said, holding Kerrilee's gaze as she recited the required words. Once more the flash of a completed bond appeared, and when Hermione released the elf's hand they both bowed slightly to each other.

"We will go to see Madam Tinkleweather when Mister Potter and bodyguard Radley go tomorrow," the house elf informed Hermione, and the girl nodded.

"I'll have to arrange it with Professor McGonagall," the student agreed, and wondered why Kerrilee quirked an eyebrow and smirked slightly. Harry seemed to be stifling laughter, too. "I'm not sure how to pay you, though – I don't have access to any money, and I'm afraid you'll have a lot of time off while I'm in class..."

"There is no need for payment," the house elf sniffed. "The younger elves can perhaps use the money in the future, but I am not so long for this world that I would need wizarding money. It is compensation enough if you write a proper book about our history and culture and have it published. We are hardly the mindless slaves most wizards consider us to be, but while your intentions behind The Society for the Promotion of Elfish Welfare were good, your methods were sub par."

Hermione blushed bright red, mortified to be rebuked so publicly by the very type of person she had been trying to save, and the elf took pity on her.

"I would not have agreed to bond with anyone else, Miss Granger," she said more softly. "I was impressed by your tenacity, and alone the fact that all house elves in Britain know your name is worth commending. Let us work on ensuring that in the future your name isn't spoken in terror, but in awe."

Hermione looked horrified that the house elves would speak of her in terror when she had only tried to have their best interests at heart, but swallowed hard and nodded. "Thank you, Madam," she said in a less than steady voice. Kerrilee held her gaze for a few seconds longer, then nodded. "I will see you tomorrow evening, Miss Granger." Then she popped away without waiting for a response, leaving Hermione kneeling with a dazed expression.

Harry bit the inside of his lip to keep from smiling as he crouched down before her. He wouldn't have put it quite as bluntly as Kerrilee had, but it was true that all house elves he had ever known bar Dobby were terrified of Hermione Granger, who tried to trick them into dying by hiding knitted hats around the Gryffindor common room. Oh, they wouldn't have died simply by picking up a piece of clothing, of course – only their Master could release them from service – but the thought behind it was all too clear: Hermione Granger wanted their bonds broken. And that meant death.

"Sorry, Hermione," he apologized, carefully keeping all traces of laughter from his voice. "I thought she'd have a lot to teach you, but she's a little blunter than I had anticipated."

Hermione blinked at him dazedly, then shook her head as if to clear it. "No, Harry, it's great! It's impossible to find any proper literature on house elves, so it's amazing to have such a great source – and hey, if I survived five years of Professor Snape under spells, then I can survive a house elf," she managed a teasing smile, and Harry let out the laugh he'd been holding in.

"Poor Severus. I'll have to tell him that you consider him on the same level as a house elf," he grinned, and that got a proper chuckle from Hermione as the color slowly faded from her cheeks. Then he leaned in close so that only she could hear what he whispered in her ear. "You'll have to make sure to tell her to tone it down around Neville, though – he's very intimidated by his gran, and I'm sure you don't want him afraid to spend time with you because of your house elf," he winked, and her blush returned, though there was concern in her face as well.

"Thanks, Harry," she said, giving him a hug before standing and taking a seat next to Neville instead of sitting across from him as she had been before. Harry raised his eyes to look at Ron and the boy immediately put his hands up as if to say 'Please, mate, I'm good without a house elf!'. Harry just shook his head and they traded an understanding grin.