A Mix of Feelings

"Wanna eat with me?" My words keep repeating in my mind.

What did I just do? I'm going crazy, right? Wait...

This is all Seo-yoon's fault. If it weren't for her, I wouldn't think this is such a big deal. But with Seo-yoon saying that I should go out with Won-shik, and that he likes me, it's awkward... And if it is true, I may give the wrong idea, as if I had a second intention.

I stare at him coming back with his plate, all smiles. I take a deep breath and smile back. We won't see each other again anyway, I'm worried for nothing.

"You look kind of tired..." He looks at me concerned.

"I've been transferred to another department, and things aren't going very well..."

"What do you do?"

"I used to draw for posters and design characters, now I'm part of the animation team. The MV for your song, I'm helping with that, I think."

"You didn't want it?"

"No, that's why I'm so frustrated, but I can't say no to my boss."

"True. We should obey them, even if we don't want to..." Won-shik looks deep in thought.

"Did this happen to you too?" I ask curious.

"Of course it has. For example, two of our members are very good at writing and producing songs, but the CEO didn't like it, he gave songs that were so generic... it didn't feel like us."

"Isn't that for all idols? The agency decides the songs and the concept, at least in the beginning."

"But we aren't idols, we don't want to be."

The conversation was flowing so naturally that I didn't even notice the time passing.

"You want to be an artist."

"Exactly! Of course idols are artists too, but something is different..."

Won-shik was so excited to see someone understanding what he feels that his eyes were shining. I tried not to laugh or he might think I'm making fun of him.

"One of the members released a part of one song on youtube and everyone kept asking for the full song and we managed to convince the CEO. After the first mini album, we participated in each song and chose which song will be released."

"I'm happy for you. When we met earlier, you said you're still learning to compose, right? Well, I'll be rooting for you."

Now shy, he shrugged his shoulders and his ears were slightly red. His voice really didn't match his cute personality. Though, yesterday I watched a live and this cute guy was nowhere to be seen. He looked mature and was deep into the song, you could feel the emotions that the song conveyed, not just Won-shik, but all the members. This must be one of the reasons why the company chose him to sing the OST, even though the band - or Won-shik – isn't that famous.

Suddenly I notice our plates are empty and an hour has passed, it's almost time to get back to work.

"Ahh I will be late if I stay here any longer!"! I start to gather my things desperately.

The time passed so fast! It was so comfortable talking to him that I forgot everything.

"Wow, it's past 1 p.m.". He checks the time on his phone in surprise. "Too bad... I wish we could talk more..."

His words make me freeze. I can't disagree with him. Things flew by so naturally and my stress dissipated. If it wasn't for work, I would probably keep talking to him.

"Right, take this." Won-shik takes a chocolate bar from his pocket and gives it to me. "It's good for relieving stress."

I could only smile at his sweet act. In fact, for me, chocolate is the best remedy for stress. I thank him and we say goodbye. His expression was somehow sad, a little lonely, for some reason it made me feel guilty. Yeah, I can't understand myself either.

In the workroom, Kyung-soo is already back and focused on his own part. Oh God, thank you so much. Please let him stay like this until the end of the day, only then I can work in peace and make fewer mistakes. It was all his fault, I'm not that bad....

"Hm?"

After turning on the computer, I touch my glasses to fix the position, but it's not there. I touch my bare skin, confused. I look at my desk and it's not there too.

Wait, let's think. Was I wearing my glasses when I went to eat...? I think so... Then I took it off to eat... but I grabbed all my stuff, I think…

Damn... I was so distracted that I didn't check everything. If I went to look for it, it might take a while and Kyung-soo would be furious.

Oh, I brought my contact lenses! What a relief.

Kyung-soo, whose desk is across from mine, looks at me with a raised eyebrow. My expression went to shock from confused to despair and relief. I would find that strange, too. Hiding behind the computer screen, I laugh.

After hours of work, Kyung-soo receive a phone call, breaking the long silence in the room. All he says is "yes, okay, no, all right," without changing his blank expression. In a few minutes, he hangs up his phone and looks at us.

"We'll have a meeting tomorrow. You can all leave for the day."

Wha- It's not even 7 pm yet...and I'm far from finished. He must be joking, yeah, this has never happened before. It's a different department, but it can't be too different, right?

As I stare at Kyung-soo, the others start closing their computers and grabbing their things. Na-ra, who is standing near me, gestures with her head to leave.

'Let's go.'

All I could do was agree and go after her; after checking if I took everything. Lesson learned.

Outside, Na-ra laughs softly at my state of confusion. When she is serious, she sounds cold as ice, but she's actually very warm and friendly. She saw me lost and gave me tips when I didn't dare to ask.

"Hyun-joo, no matter what he says, just do it. He is the boss, after all."

"He's the boss?!" I gasp. "Now that's explained..."

Why he has this attitude, why he acts like he's the best, Kyung-soo is actually above us, for many reasons. All this time I thought Jeong-ho was still the boss. He was at the first meeting, and I have a feeling he'll be there tomorrow too.

"Didn't know?" She laughs.

"You didn't mention that!"

"But it's obvious."

I can't deny that she is right. I just wish I had known sooner. Inside, I cursed him, like "who do you think you are?" "I am the boss," that would be his answer.

"That's why you can't say 'no' to him." Na-ra explains.

"I'll remember that..." I smile a little awkwardly. "Anyway, I forgot my glasses in the cafeteria."

"During lunchtime? What... why didn't you go earlier?"

It's embarrassing to say this... In a low voice, I answer.

"I was afraid of Kyung-soo..."

Na-ra covers her mouth, trying to hold back a laugh, but wasn't successful.

"No." She suddenly looks at me seriously. "It's normal, Kyung-soo is scary, today is only your second day with him..."

And I am lucky to be on the same team as her.

"If it's not with the janitors, someone took it. On the table it won't be."

"Uhh... I don't have another... and it's special to me..."

After thanking her, I ran to the janitor's office. Kim Haneul, the chief, must know it. She's everywhere cleaning, and even when she is tired, she always greets us with a smile. Many are close to her, she treats them as if they are her children. Of course, some simply ignore her, talking to her is not mandatory. However, if you treat her badly, someone will always defend her.

"Oh, you were looking for me?"

I couldn't find her in the janitor's office, so I had to walk around the building, it took me almost 1 hour to finally see her cleaning the window.

"Yes. Actually, at lunchtime, I left my glasses on a table... have you perhaps seen them?"

"Glasses?" She looks up, thinking. "Sorry...when people forget something we tend to take and store it, but I don't remember any glasses today."

My shoulders slump at her answer. If someone really took it, I'll never find it again.

"Was it special?"

"Hmm... somehow? My boyfriend gave it to me years ago."

"Oh poor girl... I'll tell you if I find it. Still, don't get so attached to objects, feelings are what matter most."

She's not wrong... I must look silly right now. Although saying it is easier than doing it. Well, there's nothing I can do, it's late and I'm tired.

Arriving home, I find Ji-hun in the kitchen. Already in his pajamas, he is making dinner and quickly notices my expression.

"What's wrong?" He asks me, worried.

For some reason, I didn't want to talk about what happened at work, I don't want to worry him, but I need to say something that might explain my face.

"Ji-hun... Sorry... I lost the glasses you gave me." I used the glasses to be the reason for everything.

"What, you don't have to be sad about it. I'll buy you a new one, in the meantime you can use mine."

Ji-hun held me around the waist, kissing my forehead. I lay my head on his chest.

When people found out about us, people started calling us the "glasses couple," so wearing it made me feel connected to him. Now that I've lost it, and listening to Ha-neul, I see that the object is not what connects us.

"Oh, the food!" He rushes back to the kitchen, worried to burn it. "Go get some rest."

"Okay."

In our bedroom, I throw myself on the bed, without even changing clothes. Eyes closed, I think about everything that happened today.

The co-worker who made my morning hell is actually my new boss. My old boss Jeong-ho is an angel compared to him. After that, I had lunch with Won-shik… We talked about work, but it felt so light. He doesn't have a soft and sweet voice, like Ji-hun, but the air around him is comfortable. His smile is lovely and made me forget about my demon boss.

I wonder what he looks like while singing. Let's go check out a live of the band.

Picking my phone, I look up the band's name.

"This song! I love this one!"

The live started with the main vocalist whose voice is perfect for ASMR. Close your eyes and you'll go to heaven. Won-shik's part is coming soon.

Wait... Who is he?!

The guy on the screen is so different that it's hard to imagine it's the same person. Sure, it's the same hair, but his gaze, his expression... he's not the cute guy I knew. With eyes closed or open, it feels different. He conveys the story of the song so perfectly, the emotion, everything.

When I listened to it before, I already felt it was different, but watching him sing... It's like he has two faces, one sweet and one sharp. I couldn't take my eyes off him, and when the screen changed to another member, I kept thinking about him.

Am I shocked, surprised, confused or amazed? Probably a mixture of feelings.

The other videos are the same. When the song is sad, you can see it in his eyes, in their movements. When it is a powerful song, you follow him.

"Well, you just got a new fan." I laugh to myself.