Midnight Reflections

The city hummed with a restless energy as Eleanor wandered the streets, her thoughts swirling in the darkness of the night. It was well past midnight, and yet sleep eluded her, her mind consumed by a whirlwind of doubts and uncertainties. With each step, Eleanor felt a heavy burden that seemed impossible to shake. As she walked, she found herself drawn to the quiet solitude of the park, the moonlight casting long shadows across the deserted pathways. It was here, amidst the stillness of the night, that she allowed herself to confront the tangled mess of her thoughts head-on.

 Seating herself on a bench beneath a sprawling oak tree, Eleanor let out a weary sigh and closing her eyes, she let her mind drift back to the events of the evening, the echoes of passion and desire still lingering in her memory. She could still feel the warmth of her date's touch but beneath it all, there was a nagging sense of emptiness, a hollow ache that refused to be ignored. With a frustrated groan, she buried her face in her hands, the weight of her emotions threatening to overwhelm her. She had thought that giving in to her desires would bring her some measure of relief, but instead, it had only left her feeling more lost and alone than ever before. 

While she sat, memories of moments with Rosa flooded her mind, transporting her back to a time when their love was as boundless as the starry sky above. She remembered the countless nights they had spent together in parks, their voices mingling with the gentle rustle of leaves and the distant hum of the city. They would sit for hours, lost in conversation, their words weaving a tapestry of dreams and desires that stretched across the vast expanse of their shared universe. Eleanor recalled the way Rosa's eyes would light up with excitement as they talked about their hopes and aspirations, their laughter filling the air like music. They would discuss everything under the sun – from their deepest fears to their wildest dreams – their words flowing freely like a river carving its path through the landscape of their hearts.

"Look at those stars, Rosa. They're so beautiful, aren't they?"

"Yeah, they are. It's like they're watching over us, you know?

 "I like to think that too. It's comforting, in a way."

 "Do you ever wonder what's out there, beyond the stars?

"All the time. Sometimes I feel like there's a whole other world waiting for us, just beyond our reach."

"Me too. I like to imagine that there are other versions of us out there, living different lives under different skies."

"Do you think they're as happy as we are?"

 "I hope so. But even if they're not, at least we have each other, right?"

"Right. I don't know what I'd do without you, Rosa."

You'll never have to find out, Eleanor. I'll always be here for you, no matter what."

But she found out....like she fucked around and found out, and it wasn't funny. It was completely messed up.

Amidst the laughter and the joy, there were also moments of quiet reflection, when they would sit in companionable silence, gazing up at the stars in wonder and marvelling at the beauty of the universe.

As Eleanor stared up at the twinkling lights overhead, she couldn't help but feel a pang of longing deep within her heart. 

"Fuck it! Can't believe I miss her this much", she let out a deep sigh as she made her way home through the darkened streets, fighting the tears that were already building up while mingling with the bitter taste of regret on her lips. Each step felt heavier and heavier.

Stopping at a convenience store, she numbly made her way to the aisle lined with bottles of alcohol and grabbed the first bottle she saw, uncorking it with shaking hands and taking a long, desperate swig. The burn of the liquor seared her throat, but she welcomed the pain, relishing in the temporary numbness it brought. With each sip, she felt herself sinking deeper into the embrace of oblivion, the world around her fading into a blur of shadows and half-formed thoughts. 

Back at home, she collapsed onto the couch, the bottle of alcohol clutched tightly in her grasp. Alone in the darkness, she let out a guttural scream of frustration and despair, the sound echoing off the walls of her empty apartment.

"Coward," she spat, the word dripping with self-loathing. "You're such a coward, Eleanor. A pathetic loser!!!"

With each sip, she felt herself sinking deeper into the embrace of oblivion, the world around her fading into a blur of shadows and half-formed thoughts . Alone in the darkness, she let out a heavy sigh, her mind swirling with unanswered questions and unspoken fears.

"I don't understand," she whispered to the empty room, her voice barely above a whisper. "Why is this so hard?"

But even as she voiced her confusion aloud, Eleanor knew that the answers she sought wouldn't come easily.

"I thought I knew who I was," she mused, her words tinged with uncertainty. "But now... I'm not so sure anymore. Maybe I never really knew."

There was no answer, no comforting voice to guide her through. In that moment, Eleanor felt more alone than ever before, adrift in a sea of doubt with no shore in sight.And so, she drank until the world around her blurred into nothingness, until the turmoil of her thoughts was drowned out by the numbing embrace of alcohol. 

As she sat alone in her dimly lit apartment, thinking deeply in solitude, the ringing of her phone shattered the silence of the night. With a heavy sigh, she reached for the device, her heart pounding with a sense of apprehension.

Hello?" she answered, her voice guarded and clipped.

"Hello my dear , how are you doing today?" came the familiar voice on the other end of the line.

"Dad?" Her tone was cool, devoid of any warmth or familiarity. "What do you want?"

There was a moment of uncomfortable silence before her father spoke again, his voice strained. "I'm sorry to call this late, but I wanted to remind you about your mom's memorial dinner tomorrow."

Eleanor's jaw clenched at the mention of her mother, a surge of resentment bubbling up inside her. "I haven't forgotten, so no need reminding me!" she snapped, her words laced with bitterness. "I just don't see why I should go."

Her father's voice hardened in response, his patience wearing thin. 

"Your mother would have wanted you there, Eleanor. It's the least you could do to honor her memory."

Eleanor scoffed, a bitter laugh escaping her lips. "Oh, please. Don't pretend like you care about honoring her memory now, you weren't exactly a good husband when she was alive, were you?"

There was a sharp intake of breath on the other end of the line, followed by a tense silence. Eleanor could almost hear the anger simmering beneath her father's controlled facade.

"That's enough, it's fine if you don't wanna come, do whatever you want" he finally spat, his voice cold and steely. "I won't stand here and listen to you disrespect me, not after all we've been through"

Eleanor's pulse quickened with fury, her grip on the phone tightening until her knuckles turned white. 

"Fine," she bit out, her voice dripping with sarcasm. "I'll come around. But don't expect me to pretend like everything's okay, because it's not."

With that, she hung up the phone, her chest heaving with anger and resentment.