I’m Deadpool?

After an uncomfortably long silence.

"What's with the kid sensei?"

"I need you—-"

"Ah! I'm being ignored! but worry not my dear for I Hyuga Ren, the fourth Hokage, the wisest of all Kage, the future God of medicine! I am benevolent and kind so I will always forgive my wife!"

"Pfft you're the fourth Hokage now are you? The thirds not even dead you know? He's literally right next to you."

"You're right my dear but look at this old sca- cough- timer, [pointing at Sarutobi] how much longer do I really have to wait!?"

I swear I could hear crows singing aho aho aho. I can't prove it but that third welt definitely came with that sound effect. This welt hurt too. What a sensitive old man. Is this guy maybe actually strong though?

"The kid is here to learn medical ninjutsu from you Tsunade. I also need you to give him a full medical exam."

"Wait wait! [Signaling Sarutobi to lean in for a whisper] can someone else do it? A husband shouldn't show such a thing to his wife you know."

"Haha your wife here is one of the best medical-nin in the village she's the best teacher you'll ever get."

"Wait, when did I agree to teach the brat!? What's the meaning of this Sensei!?"

Oho so the wife part was silently accepted. Am I the only one who caught that? Winning! I'm sorry Dan but I can't let you near her she's taken.

"Just give him a complete check up Tsunade, you'll understand after that."

So it went that I was put in a patients gown and went through a series of tests. The world of Naruto is weirdly advanced in this field. Like medical equipment that would revolutionize medicine on Earth is just lying about at random here. If you think about it Orochimarus scientific achievements alone are beyond out of place for a world that still uses cold weapons. I mean the super power that is chakra will do that, but still psychosis aside the mans impressive.

Much like the medical-nin and Hokage before her, Tsunade was horrified looking at my body. I was 2 years younger than her brother and her care for him was slightly projected on to me. Had the Anbu and Sarutobi not held her back, she would have tried to single handedly declare war on the Hyuga clan.

I was touched to be honest. With my back story in this world I had developed some trust issues with women, I didn't want to admit it, but it's true.

Eventually the tests ended so Tsunade and Hiruzen left the room. As soon as they did I immediately activated my Byakugan. The ability to see through walls comes in handy for stuff like this. As long as things didn't exceed my 25m range I felt like a god looking down on Earth too cheap to pay for porn. Putting my stray thoughts aside I focused on reading their lips.

"Sensei this boy needs to be taken away from the Hyuga clan not just for the boys safety, but for his clans as well."

"Oh really? Why would you say the latter?"

"Sensei… the boys mind is beyond distorted…he's more or less insane. His spiritual energy has been damaged to an extent you'd think he's had genjutsu applied to him every day of his life. To be honest I'm not sure how he's managed to maintain his grip on reality. Worst of all, the distortion has reached a stage where he'd slaughter his whole clan with a smile on his face and not even be aware of what he'd just done."

" [Sigh] I'll speak to the Hyuga head, I'll say you're the boys Sensei from now on. The boy will be in your care until I figure out exactly how to handle this. He's clearly taken with you so you're his best shot. Take it as your honey moon haha."

" You're not very funny Sensei. "

" You didn't say no though.. ahahaha"

As the Hokage walks away belly laughing. Things start to click in my head after that little conversation of theirs though.

No wonder I'm struggling to remember my past life.. that woman did use genjutsu on me daily. To be honest for a Hyuga I clearly have a much lower chakra reserves than I should. This explains why.

Chakra is a combination of physical energy and mental energy. My mental energy has been weakened to a pitiful level so my chakra is imbalanced.

The only reason I'm not insane is probably my Save/ Load power or the half that is my original soul took all the damage I've received from that woman. Who knows, but thank god I'm not completely insane.

My inner monologue constantly talking like I'm Deku muttering about someone else's quirk and my inner thoughts breaking the 4th wall even though there's no such a thing as a 4th wall makes complete sense now.

Wait… Fuck! I'm Deadpool!?

Regeneration power? Check.

Insanity? Check. Well close enough.

4th wall breaking inner monologue? Check.

Severely scarred body? Check.

Endless wit and charm? Check. Well check-ish.

HOLY SHIT I'M DEADPOOL!

As Hiruzen takes his leave Tsunade walks in.

"Okay kid looks like I'm your Sensei from now on, I will teach you all the medical ninjutsu I possibly can. You'll also be my patient and I'll help take care of your wounds. By the time we're done you'll never need to see a medical- nin again. Sound good?"

"Of course wife I would follow you to the ends of the Earth! We shall be called the medical god couple and heal the world!"

"Stop calling me wife, I'm your Sensei now. It's disrespectful. Now come on follow me."

As we walk down the hall I can't help but stare at her. Well this wasn't supposed to happen. I can't fall in love with this woman. That's not the game plan. It's lust, just lust, thats definitely it, out of sight out of mind.

As I'm lost in my own mantra we come to a door and stepping into the room i clearly see it's another library.

How many freaking libraries are there!

"Read every single book here. Bye for now."

Wait what!?