Long Pig, Anyone?

The Good Chicken God and I plunge into the ground below us. It crashes into the cold hard stone on its stomach, and I'm thrown off due to the force of the collision. My hands scrape against the floor as I attempt to brace myself against the impact. I feel cracking and a sharp pain run up my arms before I'm suddenly flipped over on my head, and I land on my back.

I just lay there for a second as I process through what happened. I lift my right hand above my head to see it scraped and bruised; it kinda hurts to keep it up like this, so I lower my hand back down as I attempt to sit up without putting any pressure on my hands.

Sitting up, I look around at my new surroundings. It looks much the same as the rest of the kitchen. Grey stone bricks make up the walls, floor, and ceiling, and I see multiple wooden tables surrounding the room with more uncooked chicken cuts atop them.

There are also machines seemingly placed at random throughout the room. They look like large meat grinders, and there are multiple levers and buttons on them. A large cauldron is also in the middle of the room; I see steam coming from the top of it.

I get to my feet and wipe my hands against my robe without any thought. It stings, so I quickly stop, and I try to lift my right hand again. Both my arms feel really weak, and they hurt to move. Lifting up the sleeve covering my right arm, I see that it's starting to swell, meaning that I probably broke multiple things in that fall, given my current health points.

Health: 102/126

My vitality has already started working on healing me from the moment I first impacted the ground. Ever since I leveled up, I noticed that my healing speed has increased ever slightly.

Health: 103/126

Turning around, I see a bloody and broken chicken laying lifelessly on the stone. In a panic, I rush over to the Chicken God and kneel before it. Half of the Chicken's HP is missing from its health bar, so I stop worrying. I start to push the Chicken with my shoulder, attempting to turn it over without using too much of my arm.

Fortunately, I manage to turn it over onto its back. The Chicken God still lays unconscious, so I decide to take out one of my health potions, and I weakly try to uncork the bottle. I'm able to remove the cork from the bottle, and I drop it on the ground. I don't know why this one came with the top while the first one did not, but I don't dwell on it as I struggle to move the now uncorked health potion to the Chicken's beak.

I have never tried to force an unconscious person to drink something, let alone an animal, but I manage to open up the Chicken God's beak using the edge of the bottle, and I start to slowly pour its contents into the Chicken's mouth. This continues while I'm hoping that I don't drown my new friend, but it seems like I didn't have to worry for too long as I begin to watch the health bar fill back to full; and fast.

With both the Good God Chicken beginning to recover back to max health and my arms slowly healing back to tip-top shape, it won't be long before we are both back up and ready to rumble. But until then, I will continue to just sit here, with my back resting against the Chicken, while it remains soundly asleep in this dangerous butcher shop.

---

After a couple of minutes, the God Chicken startles to awareness and springs to its feet. I was lying up against the Chicken, all comfortable-like, so I tip backwards and hit my head against the ground below once it no longer permits me to continue being lazy. Groaning in discomfort, I lift myself back up, and I promptly stand on my two legs. My arms are now back to perfect condition, and my health pool is maxed.

I'm surprised that the Butcher hasn't come down to see us yet. Maybe he got caught up in all that glorious madness happening up there. Whatever the case is, I will make sure he regrets letting me and Good God Chicken heal.

Since he is not here yet, I explore the room for a bit while we wait. The first thing I do is walk up to a nearby meat grinder that draws my attention. Getting close to the meat grinder, I see a set of stairs leading up to where I assume the actual grinder parts to be. Going up the stairs of the meat grinder, I watch a chuck of meat fall out of a chute I see above me and into the meat grinder. Once up the stairs, I watch the chuck get ground into smaller pieces of meat and begin to enter the machine through the cogs.

I pull a random unmarked lever on the machine, and the lever causes it to stop running. I re-pull the lever, and it turns back on. I then press a big blue button with an up arrow, and I watch the machine speed up its rotations. Deciding to leave it like that, I head back down the stairs behind me and off the contraption.

Continuing to look around, I see many more grinders and chutes depositing their own fair share of meat into the machines. As far as I can tell, there are four mega-large meat grinders, twelve medium-sized ones, and a couple short meat grinders with hand cranks. The four mega-large meat grinders surround the middle cauldron in each cardinal direction.

I move towards the middle cauldron to get a closer look at it. The pot radiates a heat that I can feel just standing next to it. There is no viable medium that I can take to get higher off the ground, so I don't know what's inside the cauldron, if anything at all, due to how gigantic the whole thing is, and I'm not necessarily short myself.

While lost in thought and looking at the cauldron, I get startled by the sound of a door slamming open at the far corner of the room and a loud, boisterous man shouting, "Where are you, my little cutlet! Come to me! I swear I won't bite... Yet!"

My first reaction is to slouch behind the cauldron and hide, but I quickly remember that I have an oversized cock making that idea unwise. I jump out from behind the pot to show myself to the obese Butcher; I ready my staff for combat while doing so

"I'm right here you... ... You!" I point at him with my staff while responding in turn, failing miserably at saying something witty because of how nervous I am.

I immediately point my staff in his direction and start blasting bolts and bolts of fire his way. He simply sidesteps the six or so firebolts and instantly starts to charge towards me while yelling, "Come 'er, meat!"

While I would rather talk my way out of this situation, I don't believe for a second that I would be able to do so, especially with those cannibalistic words of his... Actually, I don't even know if he's even human. He looks like one, just almost twice the size in both width and height... Scratch that, just height. You would be surprised by the sheer mass of people you would see in 'My six hun...'

My thoughts are interrupted by the battle cry of a ferocious beast coming from behind me. "CLUCK CLUCK CLUCK!"

The Good God Chicken charges towards the Butcher, passing me, claws clinking on the stone beneath them as it rushes its prey. I see its glorious red tail feathers bobbing in the non-existent wind, and its glistening brown wings spread fully in defiance as it gloriously charges towards the Butcher.

Right before reaching the Butcher, I watch the Chicken suddenly jump into the air, rotate to its side, right leg extended, and attempt to hit the giant of a man with a flying kick. The Butcher chops down with surprising speed towards the God Chicken using his cleaver.

The Chicken's flying kick lands directly into the center of the Butcher's chest, but as a result, The Butcher's cleaver dig's deeply into the Chicken's left side, right next to its neck and above the wing.

I notice the boss bar pop up near the top of my vision once again. The menu now shows the Butcher's name and health.

[444/450]

[Bonegrind The Butcher]

"Four-Hundred and Fifty!" I shout out in disbelief.

I can also see the 'Evil' Chicken God's boss bar, which now stands at a solid [138/150]. The Bleed notification also appears directly above the Chicken's bar.

While Bonegrind is distracted by my chicken friend, I take the time to position myself to their right side to continue blasting the Butcher with my firebrand staff. I manage to land eight of my ten shots directly into the Bonegrind's right side while avoiding my chicken friend, bringing his health down to a whopping [352/450]. Still, Bonegrind seems unfazed by the sudden drop in health points.

Fricking God Damage! I'm a badass motherfucker! Die!

I look to my magic bar to see that I'm at [MP: 109/114]. I could literally shoot him one-hundred and nine more times, which would definitely do more than enough to bring him down. If I can do a little bit less than one hundred damage with only five magic points, I can imagine what I could do with one hundred magic points, and the idea makes me giddy.

Right before I shoot another firebolt their way, I watch Bonegrind swiftly thrust his hand out, grasping around the neck of the God Chicken who was about to peck him. Bonegrind lifts the Good God Chicken off the ground by its neck, keeping it tight in his grasp.

"This one can go in the soup!" He shouts out before storming towards the cauldron in the middle of the room.

Now with Bonegrind's back exposed to me, I take the time to get a little closer while I recontinue my barrage of fire. Bonegrind pays little to no mind to me and my firebolts as he opens up the cauldron and tosses the God Chicken inside it. Four firebolts pelt his back from behind, doing forty-three damage, and the only response I get from him is a weak grunt.

[309/450]

[Bonegrind The Butcher]

"NOOO!!" I yell out in distress as he tosses the one and only friend I have met since entering the 'Exalted Kitchen," that's if I ignore every other Chicken...

I equip my Bronze Short Sword and rush ahead as I hear the cry of my chicken friend being boiled alive. It only takes a few seconds before I reach him, and I stab him directly in the small of his back due to how tall he is. My sword seems to get stuck in him, and I attempt to pull my sword out, but it doesn't budge. He swiftly spins around, cleaver ready to strike, coming directly for my right side.

"Catch my cleaver, meat!" I hear his roar, and I'm abruptly struck in my upper right arm, just below my shoulder.

My body folds in on itself as I'm sent flying due to the force of the strike. I crash into the stone floor, head first, or rather neck first, and then...

Suddenly, I'm startled to awareness due to the sound of a pot smashing into the ground and liquid splashing. A headache is currently threatening to split my brain in half. I can barely hear or feel anything, and my vision is jumbled. Rolling onto my back, I look to my right arm, which feels numb. Looking at it, I can see that my arm is barely hanging on, and it's practically cut clean through. Though; I don't really care,

All I know is that one second I was standing behind Bonegrind, struggling to pull my sword out of his flesh, and the next, I'm laying on the ground with a nearly missing arm and a severe case of whiplash.

[281/450]

[Bonegrind The Butcher]

[52/150]

[Evil Chicken God]

[HP: 28/126]

[Bleeding] [Yellow Star] [White and Black Swirl] [Yellow Swirl] [Two Grey Ss'] [Blue Arrow]

I turn to look at where the only source of sound is coming from, and I see that the Chicken God has managed to break free from the cauldron and is now featherless for the most part. The Good Chicken is keeping Bonegrind distracted from me, so I take the time to weakly say, "Health Potion."

A health potion shows up in my left hand, uncorked. Dragging it up to my lips, I start chugging down the red liquid. The refreshing liquid pools down my gullet, and I instantly feel the tingling feeling spread across my body. I watch my health bar reach full, and all of the notifications disappear.

Since I wasn't paying attention, I didn't notice my arm healing, but now that I look at it, I see that it's fully healed; not even a scar left behind, but my sleeve is still cut and bloody. I continue lying down for a bit of time before finally rising back up on my two feet. The first thing I do once up is look around to find my bronze sword.

Looking towards Bonegrind, I notice that it's no longer logged in his back. I look around just a bit more before finding it on the floor, just a little ways away. I opt to instead equip my Ice Wand because I plan to use that to damage the Butcher from this distance.

"Hey, Fatty! Look at this!" I shout out to get Bonegrind's attention.

Bonegrind heeds me no attention and continues swinging at the Chicken God with his meat cleaver. Frowning, I shoot a big 'ol iceball directly towards the Butcher's head before he can hit the Chicken. I watch the ball of ice form on the tip of the wand before finally condensing enough mass and exploding towards Bonegrind, smashing right into his thick head.

[242/450]

[Bonegrind The Butcher]

Bonegrind finally looks in my direction before snapping his head back and backhanding the Good Chicken God in its face. The Chicken falls onto the ground while Bonegrind finally charges towards me. I power up the wand again, and I shoot another ball of ice towards the Butcher. The iceball is slapped out of the way but still does seven damage to Bonegrind as he continues his charge.

I skip backward while I continue shooting as Bonegrind gets closer. He should honestly be dodging my blasts of ice, but I don't think he is capable of such feats, not with that body. I shoot at him again, but he slaps this one out of the way as well.

Bonegrind reaches my location and bellows, "Eat this, meat!" He thrusts his cleaver towards my head, but I dodge to the right and yell, "Plain Kitchen Knife!"

The knife appears in my hand, and I stab Bonegrind right in his thigh. He swats at me with his hand and beats me off to the side. I stumble back a bit before I bound backwards, narrowly dodging a downward swing from his cleaver.

I continue retreating to a safe distance, and while I'm doing so, Bonegrind shouts out, "Guards, grub is ready!! Looks like we're gonna have long pig tonight! Come cut the meat yourself! HAHAHAHA!!!"

Out of nowhere, guards, garbed in chainmail, and those fat butchers, drop out of chutes above us. The armored guards land skillfully on the stone floor without any difficulty, but the fat butchers all crash into the ground and take their time standing back up.

Multiple sword-guards race towards my location but are each intercepted by my good friend, Good Chicken God. I'm sure that it can handle itself... maybe, but if it can keep the extra's off of me, then I can deal Bonegrind. I know just how powerful the Chicken can be; after all, I have experience.

I equip the Firebrand Staff, and I run to one of the mega-large meat grinders. After rushing up the stairs, I start blasting firebolts towards Bonegrind, but I don't get to for long because he was right on my tail the entire time... But I have the high ground, so I will win obviously.

Two firebolts strike into Bonegrind's groin, both doing the same amount of damage. Still unfazed, he continues onwards towards my location and runs up the stairs. I back up even more until I'm on the edge of the machine railings.

[190/450]

[Bonegrind The Butcher]

Maybe, coming up here wasn't such a great idea.

I vault over the railing, and I balance on the thin edge. I'm still holding on to the rails so that I don't fall, but Bonegrind is getting closer and closer. Dropping my staff onto the stone floor below so that I don't have to deal with it, I shout out, "Bronze Short Sword," which had moved back into my inventory after I equipped the Ice Wand.

The sword appears in its sheath on my left side, which is somehow strapped to my robe. I let go of the railing; I try to stabilize my balance while slowly walking further away. If I need to fall, I can always fall back to the ground; that may be disastrous, but it's far better than falling into the machine.

After a little bit of this, Bonegrind is now atop of the machine where I once was. I'm still swaying left to right on the edge of the meat grinder, trying to stay balanced. Suddenly Bonegrind vaults over the safety railing as well and onto the same edge as me.

I stare at Bonegrind in surprise, absolutely baffled at this showcase of human stupidity. I have no flipping clue what the fuck he's doing, but he's more insane than I am! Just look at him!

Bonegrind sways for a tiny bit before stabilizing, and he swings his cleaver directly at me.

"AHHHHH!" I shriek in surprise. I take three quick steps forward, just barely getting out of the way in time.

Bonegrind stops once again to stabilize himself while I continue getting closer to the corner. I equip my kitchen knife, and I throw it at Bonegrind, but the blunt part of the knife is what landed the strike, a measly one point of damage.

I'm so screwed...

I almost fall because of that throw, but I manage to keep myself stable, and I start moving again. I'm in serious need of help right now. Looking towards the Chicken God, I see it surrounded by guards and butchers. Bonegrind starts following me again and continues to get back into striking range.

Making the quick and possibly foolish decision to turn around and face Bonegrind, I re-equip my sword, and I pull it out of its sheath. I take two vast steps towards Bonegrind and ready my sword for striking. Once I get close enough, I thrust out, aiming to neuter. The Butcher reacts quickly and steps back, moving out of the way of my sword. He then swings his cleaver diagonally towards my head, but I also manage to step away from the swing.

If this keeps up, I will eventually fall.

I move in for another thrust towards Bonegrind. I aim for his right leg this time which he is keeping in front of him. My sword pierces deep into his leg successfully, and I can back out at the expense of my balance once again.

After backing up and stabilizing, I go in for yet another thrust, but that plan is cut short once Bonegrind takes another swing. I dodge the cleaver and take another step back. Reaching the corner, I move my feet to continue on the path to avoid any complications, and I turn the corner.

This actually puts me at a slight disadvantage, so I need to continue moving back. My movement is a lot slower because of how short I am in comparison to Bonegrind and because, well... I can't really see where I'm going.

Bonegrind turns the corner, and I take the opportunity to go in for a swing. I raise the short sword above my head, and I clumsily swing down after lunging forward. My swing cuts through his stomach and groin.

[Bleeding]

[117/450]

[Bonegrind the Butcher]

It appears like my cut was deep enough to cause him to bleed, which, I have no clue why none of my other cuts or thrusts weren't adequate to bleed him...

I then go in for yet another thrust; this one pierces deep into his left thigh this time. Unfortunately for me, he took the same opportunity to shove his cleaver into my forehead, knocking me down.

While I am falling towards the ground below, Bonegrind loses his balance and yells, "The meat ain't supposed to bite back! Waaaaa!!"

Bonegrind subsequently falls into the meat grinder while I slam into the ground on my feet with a bone-shattering crunch. I can hear loud, obnoxious screaming in my ears as Bonegrind is ground in the grinder.

[Bleeding] [Two Yellow Zig-Zags]

[51/450]

[Bonegrind The Butcher]

[HP: 94/126]

[Two Yellow Zig-Zags]

I try to stand up, but I'm experiencing too much pain in my legs to move; I probably broke something again. I need to stop hurting myself...

Taking out another health potion, I drink that down, leaving me with only one left. Once I finish the liquid, I watch another wave of guards and butchers drop out of the chutes. It appears like the Chicken God has eliminated a couple waves alone while I was dealing with the now crippled Butcher.

I stand back up, now fully healed, and I move to help out the mortally wounded Chicken God. Equipping my staff, I begin firing towards a female bow-guard that is targeting the Chicken. It only takes two shots to end her life, and I begin to turn my attention to other enemies.

+1XP

[Lvl 2: 21/150]

[Bleeding] [Two Yellow Zig-Zags]

[20/450]

[Bonegrind The Butcher]

[27/150]

[Evil Chicken God]

I am able to defeat another three guards, two sword, and one staff before another wave drops in on us. It seems like it will never end, but I have to keep up hope; otherwise, the Good Chicken God and I won't make it out of here alive.

I equip my sword because a sword guard is getting close to me. He arrives with a practiced cut, and I move to parry his blade. Surprisingly, I block the blow, but he still cuts my right hand due to my sloppy blade work, and thus, I drop my sword. Then, I am forced to jump out of the way as he advances with a horizontal sweep attack towards my hips.

Deciding that I need to switch it up, I equip my wand and shoot him with a ball of icy ice-cold ice. He takes the shot to his face and is knocked down unconscious or dead. He turns into motes of light and floats off.

+25XP

[Lvl 2: 46/150]

Noticing that I gained a massive increase in experience, I am confused for a second before I realize that I can no longer see Bonegrind's boss bar, which probably means he is dead. I look towards the mega-large meat grinder he had fallen into, and I watch a brown bag fall out into a bin filled with meat.

I don't get the chance to look at the bag for long, though, as while I am distracted, a guard sneaks up behind me and stabs me in my back and out through my chest! Insolent!

"Uh, eh ah, ehh?" This is all that comes out of my mouth as I fall to the ground, stupefied.

[HP: 47/126]

[Bleeding]

Given that I'm not dead, I suspect that he missed my heart, but the problem is, I can't breathe. It doesn't hurt too; no, I just outright can't! Begin to panic, I roll onto my back. I don't know what magical force is keeping me conscious, but I'm in a hell of a lot of pain right now!

As I feel a constant stabbing force in my chest right, I watch the guard who caused this to happen move to stab me again while I'm down. I roll again, moving away from the blade that threatened to end my life. Because I can't breathe, I don't say potion, but I plead in my head for it to appear; nothing happens.

I struggle to my feet, desperate to escape. Firing my Ice Wand towards my assailant, he is hit in the chest region. It does enough damage to eliminate him, which I'm thankful for.

The Chicken God seemed to have noticed my distress and had already begun cautiously moving towards my location. I start running towards the door that Bonegrind had come from; if there was an exit, that's where it would be.

While running, I snatch up the brown bag from the meat basket that Bonegrind had dropped, but I don't pay much attention to it; I just keep going. The Good Chicken God reaches my location in no time and snatches me up again. It runs towards the door.

I now take the time to take the time, to grab what's in the bag and move it to my inventory. I immediately equip the ring and move the two positions I see to their color coordinating locations. I didn't even think about what it was that I grabbed, but I did note in my addled state of mind that the ring I equipped has a red gem.

[HP: 23/126]

[Bleeding] [White and Black Swirl]

Reaching the door, the Chicken God kicks it open, which leads to yet another long hallway.

The Chicken starts to run again. I notice some white alien word stone text appear telling me, "You have defeated your first minion of Oryx!" That's all.

As we continue to run, or rather, the Chicken continues to run, and I lay on its back, we turn a corner to find an army of thirty or so guards or something. The Chicken God starts to back up, and it spreads out its wings, probably trying to protect me; how kind.

[27/150]

[Evil Chicken God]

[HP: 18/126]

[Bleeding] [White and Black Swirl]

"Fire!" one of the guards yells, and each of the bow-guards and staff-guards fires their perspective shots towards the Chicken God. The Chicken reels back, and this knocks me to the ground. I only take one point of damage, and I stumble back to my feet. I'm still bleeding and slowly losing health, and now the Chicken God is nearly dead.

Just ahead of me, I can see a glowing white portal. There are also words that I failed to see at first that says, "This portal leads to the Nexus. You are safe there!"

I focus on the portal like I'm a dehydrated man in a desert who just found an oasis. The only problem is the army of men in front of me. I step forward, wand ready to fire. I aim the wand and... "CLUCK CLUCK CLUCK."

A veritable horde of chickens falls from the ceiling. I didn't notice until now, but there are more chutes, like in the Butcher room littering the roof. The chickens drop onto the guards and begin attacking them. An absolute massacre in front of my very eyes. The Good Chicken God struggles to stand but manages to do so; it then charges into the fray.

[HP: 11/126]

[Bleeding] [White and Black Swirl]

Stumble my way past the carnage, I reach the steps leading up to the portal, but before I can begin climbing them, I fall onto my hands and knees. I feel remarkably nauseous, and my chest is as tight as a string you wrap around pinky too many times. Fortunately, I can breathe now, but it sure is tough to do so, and every time I do so, I fall into a coughing fit.

I slowly crawl up the stairs, one step at a time, the sound of battle occurring behind me. Once I reach the top, I can see the portal in all its glory. It's floating just off the ground. I move towards it, but I stop right before it. I can read the words "Nexus" in the bottom right of my menu. Something stopped me from entering right then and there.

Maybe it was my own cowardice, maybe it was feeling of needing to do something more, maybe it was the greed to get extra experience points, maybe it was the DAMN FUCKING ARROW THAT JUST LODGED ITSELF INTO MY ANKLE, or... maybe, it was the longing to turn around to get one last good look at my chicken friends.

Whatever the case is... I stopped.

[HP: 1/126]

[Bleeding] [White and Black Swirl]

Oh, but sure diddley-doo, I didn't stop for too long, because right after I saw that health bar of mine, I jumped straight into that motherfucker, no questions asked!

And suddenly, my vision faded to black.