Chapter 49

Ardiel Elrond

'It's quite something, isn't it?' Vie said with amusement in her voice.

"Quite something" would be an understatement. I doubt even Loueras's mithril sword would be able to cleave through something so effortlessly, so serenely. Not a sound or even an impact.

A milky-white sword that looks and feels almost ceramic, which was the epitome of calmness. Calmly and without effort it sliced through the metal, as if the metal turned incorporeal. Without a disturbance, maintaining the peace around while doing its job. It was a shard that broke off the embodiment of tranquility in the heavens and landed here.

"Serenity's Shard."

'Hm?'

"A sword should have a name." I said while holding it to the light, blinding myself with the gleam it cast as the sun's rays shone off of it. Brighter than any fire or lamp, it was as if a piece of the sun descended down to earth and embedded itself into the blade of Serenity's Shard.

'I like the sound of that.'

The sword was light as if it was hollow, and thin as if it was fragile. But it carried a power exceeding even the finest mithril. Even if I only tested it out on rusty metal, only a fool would ignore how obvious it was.

Whoever made Serenity's Shard must be the finest bladesmith in the entire world, or else my only explanation would be that this sword was forged by the gods. 

'Hey Vie?'

'Yes?'

'Do gods exist in this world?'

She took a long pause before finally responding. 'I do not know. Perhaps, or perhaps not.'

After all my thinking, my only conclusion was that the sword was demon-made. Helga was a prime example of how the demon-folk have interesting and unique quirks that are absent in representatives of other races. I mean, where else could you find an elf or a human which can visibly see someone else's mana flow? Because of my vague insight on their people, I could only guess what other abilities other demon-folk races have. Maybe this unique material that my sword is forged from also comes from their lands.

'But swords aside,' Vie interrupted my internal monologue. 'You have really neglected your mana training for a while now.'

'Well, I have been busy first with learning the human language, then the exam, then Tariel's disappearance.'

'That is now what I meant. You began to prioritize the sword over your mana training. I understand that multitasking isn't the best way to go about things, but for the past time it has either been sword training, or none at all. You did not forget our, and most importantly, your own promise, right?'

'My promise of being strong, yeah, I remember. But I already am, no?'

'Again with this lazy mentality,' she said in the tone of a disappointed mother. 'For your age, yes, I have to admit that you are more capable than many. But if you let yourself go, thinking you are already good enough, then although you will be strong on the outside, you will be weak on the inside. You will not learn to persevere and overcome challenges. Settling on what you believe is "good enough" is a weak mentality if you have the opportunity to go much further. Why would you stop in the middle of the race if you have not yet reached the finish? If that is how you will continue to live, when the time comes for you to overcome a real challenge, you will not be ready in the slightest. Real strength comes not only from the outside, but within.'

I stayed silent, listening to what she had to say without saying a word because I knew that everything she was saying was true. I had nothing to refute. Maybe she is right by considering me a child. Out of the two of us, she was the real adult, scolding and disciplining a little, immature kid.

'As with learning the language, your laziness appears here too,' she continued. 'These things I ask you to do is also to teach you to stop giving up halfway through. If you do not learn to push yourself, to better yourself, to overcome your own self, how will you be different from the bum you were in your past life?'

"Bum?" I asked offendedly.

'Yes. What other word would you like me to use? Failure? Disgrace? A sad empty shell of a man? You asked yourself whether if you had a new life, you could start anew, and for the time I was watching you, indulging yourself into mana arts, I had hoped that that was true. But what now? Why are you doing the same thing that led you down the path of misery in your past life, in this new life now?'

'I never gave up!' I retorted.

'No child. Compared to how you were before, you did. You got blinded by your own accomplishments and believed that what you had already done is enough.'

'No, I know that what I have done isn't enough. We still have our agreement, no?'

'Is that now motivating you to act? An agreement? A simple and shallow agreement? What happened to your own drive to improve yourself? Did a cozy life in the elven forest and being the strongest for your age get to your mind?'

'You act like I just sit around lazily doing nothing. Just now I practiced!'

'And do you remember how much you practiced before? Albeit you have less time now, I admit that, but in the past, you used all of your free time, every single day, to harness your abilities. Do you think that you got to where you are now just because you got a head start? No! It was because you pushed yourself to the limit every day. And now you got drunk off of your power.'

'I…didn't.' I mustered, unsure whether it really was true.

'I have seen it so many times where young talents got blinded by their own success, and their once prodigious abilities withered away like a rose left in the sun. A young, beautiful rose will never flourish if it is left under the sun's rays. It will dry up and crumble to dust. It will need water to aid its growth, and sometimes, it will need to be in the shade so that it can once again experience the sun.'

I sat silently, listening to everything she had to say. She paused, let out a sigh, and her tone of voice went back to being soft, gentle, and warm.

'You are strong, child, very strong. But strength must not come from only the outside, but within. Everything I tell you to do, I do so with the hopes of you being able to grow and mature in both aspects. This was never about how much mana you can cast, or how well you swing a sword. I want to see you constantly improving yourself in this to teach you to overcome challenges. Life will throw many hardships at you, Ardiel, and when it does, it will be up to you to confront them or run away. If you do not learn to overcome even the basics of challenges now, how will you do so in the future? Promise me that you will continue working on yourself, and not let success blind you, ok?'

"Ok." I mumbled out loud.

'Do you promise?' She probed.

"I promise."

I really felt like a little kid right now. My view was always too nearsighted, and I never looked at the bigger picture unlike her. I thought that training would bring me strength, and it did. But now that I look at myself, what does all of my strength amount to if I myself am weak? If you hand a weak individual a powerful weapon, they will be strong, but only on the outside. The moment they face a challenge, the moment they lose confidence in their strength, they will revert back to being weak. So what does all that strength amount to?

I am that kind of person. I can wield a sword and cast magic better than anyone my physical age, but happened when Tariel disappeared? What did I do? Nothing.

I relied solely on Loueras to resolve the problem. I contributed, but I never dared to take the lead. I felt like I carried responsibility for her disappearance, but placed that weight on Loueras's shoulders, instead of sharing the weight. 

I did beat up that kid who kidnapped her out of anger for what he did to Tariel. But did I beat him up just because I was mad at him, or because I was venting out anger at myself who was incapable of doing anything? It seems like it was a mix of both. Anger at him, and frustration at myself. I have all this power, but when my friend was in danger, I stood like an idiot allowing someone else to resolve the issue. 

So am I really as strong as I consider myself to be? What Vie said was like splashing cold water on the face of a sleeping person, making them jerk awake. That was what I felt. Like a slap in the face with the reality of how much I really suck.

And if what Vie said was true. If life would throw even more difficult challenges my way, then does that mean I really am fucked? Yup. I am. 

I promised myself to be strong if I get a new chance at life. When I came into this one, I began fulfilling that promise, and distancing myself away from that disgrace. But what now? Have I really distanced myself from that life, or am I just displaying a gilded facade hiding a hollow core?

With these thoughts occupying my head, and with Vie being silent, I made my way back inside the inn, and glumly marched up to my room. 

I wasted a whole decade trying to improve myself, but in reality, I just stood on the same spot. I learned magic and swordsmanship because it interested me, it excited me. But now that my mood to these things was moderate, so did my strive to improve.

I pushed myself because I just wanted to be strong, be the best. It was like a game to me.

"How disgustingly shallow." I said to myself as I plopped myself on the bed. I looked up at the ceiling, and noticed a spider scurrying around the place. It reminded me of my last moments on Earth.

A sad smile crept up on my face. How cruel was it to look up at this spider. As if the world itself was reminding me of who I was, and that I did nothing but stagger in place throughout my entire existence in this world. 

I never moved even an inch away from my sad past life. Just like that spider. Running around on the ceiling, thinking he's above everyone else. But in fact he is small, and is just running around in circles. And that ceiling he is on, is by far not the highest place in the world. 

I looked over to my sheathed sword, and then at my hands. 

"What is the difference between being made strong, and becoming strong?"

It was a rhetorical question. I perfectly knew the answer to it. I was basically made strong. I was given my adult mind to start before anyone else, and used it to gain strength. I was made strong. But what Vie was trying to accomplish was make me become strong. 

Being made strong, you lack your inner mental fortitude. When someone becomes strong, they not only better themselves on the outside, but grow on the inside as well, metaphorically speaking. Being made strong is a fake strength. Becoming strong is the true strength. That is the lesson that Vie is trying to convey to me.

"Thank you for this, Vie." I said with a smile. I heard no response from her. 

I will not be made strong. From this day on, I will become strong.