Chapter 1740. Can you hold on? (5) / Can you endure it? (5)

It's quiet. Neither the person standing nor the one sitting opened their mouths.

Although they knew of each other's presence, they maintained silence.

The half-draped moonlight moves slowly across Baek Cheon's face, as if gently tickling it. Thus, the moonlight slowly traces its path and disappears, allowing deep darkness to settle in.

Hiding, time passed enough for deep darkness to settle.

During that long time, Cheong Myeong stood silently.

At the end of an eternity of silence, Cheong Myeong's firm lips finally moved.

"Are you holding a grudge?"

Baek Cheon's eyes slowly turned to Cheong Myeong. It creaked like rusty hinges opening. The difficult movement stopped, and empty eyes stared at Cheong Myeong.

Cheong Myeong thought the gaze felt a bit unfamiliar.

When he first faced Baek Cheon, how was his gaze? He can't remember well. It became a thing of the past before he knew it.

But at least, it wasn't the same gaze as now.

It was probably filled with hope and confidence. Foolish, yet with the dazzling confidence that could be held like that.

"A grudge..."

A cracked voice leaked out quietly. It was a hollow sound, like his gaze.

Baek Cheon's eyes see beyond Cheong Myeong to somewhere farther. Cheong Myeong saw his past self overlapping with Baekcheon now.

What is Baek Cheon seeing right now? Cheong Myeong clenched and unclenched his fist.

Baek Cheon spoke slowly.

"...If I must, where should I start?"

"...."

"Would it be the Great Sect Leader who made such a decision... or Evil Tyrant Alliance, who made me like this? Or would it be myself, who lived recklessly without knowing the cost? Which one of these..."

Baek Cheon, who had been muttering to himself, let out a scoff. No, to be precise, it tried to be a laugh, but in the end, it was a torn fragment that scattered and vanished. The hollow sound spread through the descending night.

"Whom should I resent? No... whom should I resent first?"

Baek Cheon's gaze turned to his own hand.

What was it that he had to hold?

Well. Now there is nothing left for him to hold in his hand.

Maybe this hand can't hold anything anymore. Everyone knew this fact, but he might have been the only one who hadn't admitted it.

Even so...

"...I could endure it."

Baek Cheon looked up at Cheong Myeong again.

"I could endure it. The ridicule, the pitiful looks, the pain that felt like my insides were being torn apart... and the misery too."

A small sneer appeared on Baek Cheon's lips.

"Even if it meant enduring everything, even if it was akin to experiencing hell alive, I just wanted to choose. By my own will. With my own hands."

His gaze became vacant again, though a small light flickered in his eyes as if searching for something.

But only for a moment, Baekcheon's eyes went blank again. There was nothing to look at.

"But... even that isn't allowed. Even that..."

His words scattered hollowly.

He knows. All of Hyun Jong's decisions were solely for Baek Cheon. For him, Hyun Jong threw away so many things.

It was the same for others. Everyone was concerned about him. Perhaps he was a blessed person.

But...

"It's strange. I worked so hard, tried so hard... but in the end, I'm back where I started."

Cheong Myeong's eyes darkened a little more.

"In the end, I'm living a life different from my own will. Even though I didn't choose it, it's supposed to be a life for me."

Baek Cheon's eyes turned to Cheong Myeong.

"Where did it go wrong? No, was it wrong from the start? Was what I wanted too much and too difficult? Was I perhaps too presumptuous? Was it something someone like me should never have wished for?"

"..."

"Answer me."

Baek Cheon's voice cracks.

"Answer me."

Baek Cheon, crouched in the darkness, looked on the verge of collapsing at any moment.

"You always gave me answers. You showed me the way."

Cheong Myeong closed his eyes tightly. His eyelashes trembled slightly.

"So please tell me. What should I do, where should I go. I... I don't know what I can do."

Cheong Myeong said nothing. He couldn't. Any words would be meaningless.

No matter what he said now, it would just be empty.

"Do something. Even if it's not an answer... comfort, scolding, even a curse... anything. Don't just stand there."

"..."

"Anything... please say something, please..."

The pleading Baek Cheon finally broke down. He collapsed, helplessly.

"Please..."

With a thin hand, he weakly scratched the old floor. His shoulders were shaking slightly.

Looking down at him silently for a while, Cheong Myeong finally spoke.

"Nothing's wrong."

"..."

"Loss is something you can't choose. Even if you don't want to lose, you lose. That's what loss is."

Just as you gain many things, you must also lose many things. That's what it means to live.

Cheong Myeong knew it as well as he knew himself.

The pain of losing something you shouldn't lose. He also knows that the color of loss makes death seem less harsh.

But even so, he couldn't understand how Baek Cheon felt right now. For every person, there are a hundred kinds of loss and just as many ways to cope with them.

So Cheong Myeong didn't offer any clumsy comfort. Because it would be disrespectful to someone struggling fiercely at the edge of despair.

Baek Cheon, with his empty pupils, responded to Cheong Myeong.

"...Nothing's wrong."

"Yeah."

Baek Cheon smiled faintly.

"Is that so? Then what should I do now?"

The hollow laugh pierced deep into Cheong Myeong's chest. But Cheong Myeong could only keep silent.

"Answer me."

He just looked at Baek Cheon. Then many emotions, which had been absent, surged and mixed in Baek Cheon's eyes.

Cheong Myeong spoke with difficulty.

"I've never given you answers. If you felt that way, it was your misunderstanding."

In fact, Cheong Myeong never thought of himself as someone who 'shows the right path.' He couldn't even find the right path himself.

Rather... it was Cheong Myeong who depended on them.

He couldn't find the 'right path,' but he believed that they could.

But the one he believed in the most lost their way. The one he thought would open the way for him is now crumbled here. At the edge of a cliff where they can't go any further.

Cheong Myeong didn't know what to say to such a person.

Someone who wasn't allowed to turn back or move forward, what could he possibly do?

At that moment, Baek Cheon asked back.

"Is that so?"

At that moment, Cheongmyeong saw it. In Baekcheon's eyes, where countless remnants of emotions had settled, a single emotion clearly emerged.

"Then what did you come for?"

It wasn't resentment.

"To comfort me?"

That was... jealousy.

"Did you come to mock me? Or to preach with your righteous words? What are you going to spout with that great mouth of yours now?"

It seemed impossible.

It must be dazzling. Unbearably so. Because everything Baek Cheon desperately wanted was now with Cheong Myeong. At least it would seem so to Baek Cheon's eyes.

When he thought they were walking together, when he thought they were following the same path, it must have seemed just brilliant. But when he felt he could no longer do so, that light was unbearably blinding.

Blinding enough to burn someone's heart black.

Cheong Myeong was used to such gazes. Even so, the reason this moment was so painful and suffocating was that the person in front of him was someone he thought was farthest from such a gaze.

"I..."

Cheong Myeong hesitated for a moment. He felt sarcasm would spill out.

Baek Cheon probably wouldn't know.

"You seem to misunderstand... I'm not as great or outstanding as you think."

He had said it many times already. It wasn't false humility. He said it repeatedly with all his sincerity.

"Someone like me doesn't have anything to say to you."

People might see brilliance in Cheongmyeong, but it was nothing more than a façade. Cheong Myeong was nothing more than a ship adrift in the vast ocean without a will.

Not knowing where to go unless someone told him.

"Then why are you here…"

"I didn't come to tell you anything."

Cheong Myeong interrupted Baek Cheon with an indifferent voice.

"I came to tell my story."

Even in deep despair, Baek Cheon was bewildered. He couldn't understand why Cheongmyeong would talk about himself in front of someone like him.

"No one asked."

"What….?"

"How did I escape from Evil Tyrant Alliance's encirclement? Why did that guy let me go so easily?"

Baek Cheon's eyes slightly wavered. He hadn't thought about it. It was fortunate enough that Cheong Myeong had arrived in such a dire situation.

But hearing this, a belated doubt arose. Why did Jang Ilso just let Cheong Myeong go?

Even if he couldn't kill him, he could have kept him from intervening in the battlefield. Why did he let Cheong Myeong go so easily?

"Do you know how I escaped?"

"You, don't tell me…"

Cheong Myeong smirked as if he had guessed what Baek Cheon was thinking.

"Don't misunderstand. There was no deal."

"He just let me go."

"What?"

"He just let me go, without any conditions or demands."

Suspicion spread across Baekcheon's face.

At the same time, Cheong Myeong's lips curled into a strange smile. It was a completely different feeling from what Baek Cheon had seen so far.

Cheong Myeong suddenly looked up at the night sky, as if hearing Jang Ilso's mocking voice in his ears.

- Why do you think I would be wary of you? Hm?

"He said that."

- After all, you're nothing more than just a well-fed pig too.

Cheong Myeong blinked slowly.

- Isn't that right.

"The moment I chose the Tang family over the Dianchang sect, I too became nothing more than a hypocrite who only talks big."

Jang Ilso's bright laughter echoed in his mind. It felt like it was suffocating him.

- Tell that to the people who died there. That you're upholding that great justice of yours. Don't you think it would be quite amusing?

Jang Ilso left after saying those words.

But in truth, he hadn't really left. At least not the words he left behind, which were still etched into Cheong Myeong's mind.

No, in fact, they were already etched in. Jang Ilso had just keenly uncovered an unhealed scar and sprinkled salt on it.

"It was something I was prepared for."

Since that moment. No, maybe even before that.

When the time for choice came, he swore he would never hesitate, no matter how difficult. And if there was a price to pay for that choice, he would bear it alone.

But...

"You said you wanted to put your will into that hand, right? That's a good saying. But, Sasuk."

Cheong Myeong smiled faintly.

"I am someone who can't hold that."

"...Cheong Myeong."

"I mean. Me too..."

He wanted to be honest with himself. This time, he wanted to give his best. But he realized.

The best efforts without direction, blind efforts, are like swinging a sword with closed eyes.

Someone who lost the strength to fulfill their will, and someone who had strength but didn't know the way.

Two people who should have complemented each other could no longer stand back to back. So then...

"You told me to answer. But, before that, answer me first, Sasuk."

"..."

"What should I do now? What should I do?"

Baek Cheon's hand trembled slightly.

The moon peeked out from the clouds again. The pale moonlight hovered over Cheong Myeong, who was staring at the sky.

"I don't know."

"..."

"Now I also... don't know anymore."

Only then did Baek Cheon realize. Cheong Myeong's small shoulders were collapsing.

Baek Cheon, who could not bear to see it, closed his eyes.

'You were relying on me.'

Cheong Myeong's once strong back now looked endlessly precarious. But even though Baek Cheon wanted to support him, he no longer had the strength.

Those who had lost what they must not lose, did not know where to go, and had stopped in their tracks... were not just Baek Cheon.