1. Chapter
I've been crying for hours, drowning in self pity, falling deeper and deeper into unknown darkness and cruelty. As if my silly little world has fallen apart, again. As if everything I've ever know, everyone I've ever know betrayed me.
I wasn't enough, again.
I wasn't enough, again.
I wasn't enough, again.
I burst into tears and let myself fall deeper. I don't know where I'm falling but my heart seems to get heavier and heavier and it gets hard to breathe. There's no way out of here anymore.
He left me.
The thought of him makes my heart stop beating for a few seconds and I reminisce about our time together.
The way he made me feel, how the innocence and purity of his love found a way through my darkest thoughts.
He left me.
The tears suddenly stop and numbness overcomes me and I find myself gazing into the distance. Everything feels so empty now. I've been crying for 3 weeks now, trying to find him, trying to make him stay with me. Every night for 3 weeks, I've wanted to hear his voice again. I've stopped eating, I've stopped looking after myself.
"I'm okay with losing you, Dalia." One of his last words for me after he decided to leave me and end our relationship.
These words haunted me, they seem to follow me. I can't stop hearing his voice telling me that he doesn't want me in his life anymore.
He is okay with losing me.
How ironic everything is. How stupid the world is. How fast people change. How cruel humans can be. The madness gets unbearable, I close my eyes and lay down. I let my pen and my letters drop to the ground.
I've started writing him letters every night with the hope I'd send them to him one day.
How stupid I was. The realization makes me shiver and I open my eyes again, now staring at my ceiling.
It feel so bitter everything.
My thoughts turn into emptiness and I can't find the strength to feel sad anymore. It feels like it's been replaced by a stronger feeling, by a crueler feeling. My heart is not sinking anymore, it feels numb and all my feelings disappeared.
Maybe that was the moment, when I look back in time, the moment that I realized something.
That moment that changed me forever.
When the never ending pain and suffering suddenly seemed to come to an end, when I heard my heart make a last cracking noise.
When I understood the cruelty of this silly, silly world.
This night has opened my eyes. I can feel the life slipping away from my heart. Leaving me and turning me into a heartless being.
That was the moment, when I realized that nothing will never be like before.