Chapter 68: Crossroads

Xiao Hong understood what Chen Yu meant when he referred to her mentality: she was not ruthless enough to tread the Pathway of Ascension. Not just to her enemies, but also to herself. She was unwilling to cut away a portion of herself that could only serve to disadvantage her.

Ruthlessness was quite necessary for survival in this world. 

"To survive in this World one needs power. To gain power, one needs to tread the Pathways of Ascension. And treading on a Pathway of Ascension - be it the Immortal, Martial, Ghost, Buddha or whatever the hell - conflict is completely unavoidable." she muttered, still in a daze.

Live like a hermit, then, you say? Live far away from others, in a desolate place where no one lives, you say?

Then how are you going to get the resources to tread your Path? A desolate place is desolate because there are no resources for Cultivation. As long as you want resources, you need to search for them and in the process you will meet competition. In the end, you need to fight - there was no other way.

Then don't cultivate? Heh. Like she would ever leave her fate to the fickle winds of chance. Her belief in her luck had long hit rock bottom. 

In conclusion, she basically had no choice but to tread the Pathway of Ascension. 

A sardonic chuckle escaped her lips.

"The Pathway of Ascension is quite sinister, isn't it?" She whispered to herself. "At first glance, the Cultivator gains power by spending time and effort - an equivalent reward for your hard work. Everything is perfectly normal.

"But, hidden in here is the trap. As the Cultivator's power swells, so does their desire for it. And to fulfil their desire for more power, they need resources, which in turn will require them to fight and kill. From the gained resources, they gain greater power… and desire even more power. This cycle repeats over and over until your thirst for power is already insatiable. 

"And this cycle is unbreakable. Because, the moment you don't ruthlessly destroy all your enemies, you endanger yourself and your loved ones.

"Even if you do kill all your enemies, you'd make more enemies anyway - Heavens know if that annoying and arrogant Young Master you casually slapped to death has an uber-powerful Ancestor who could probably bench-press a mountain range!

"Who knows when the old fogie would show up at your Cave Abode with a grudge the size of a Continent? And would, without a doubt, casually kill 18,000 generations of relatives so as to avoid that 'loss of face'? 

"So you take every chance - no matter how small - to strengthen yourself. Even if it means that you have to abandon a portion of yourself. A portion that made you more humane…

"Because if you don't, it is your and your loved ones' heads on the line." 

A heavy escaped Xiao Hong's lips. "Kindness is a luxury afforded only to the strong." 

From the moment she had stepped onto the Path of Immortal Cultivation, she had no choice but to reshape herself. You have no choice but to be a predator because, otherwise, you will be the prey. The rational part of Xiao Hong exhorted. 

The question remained though: could she become the hardened cultivator she needed to be without losing the essence of who she was? Could she embrace the ruthlessness demanded by the Immortal Path without allowing it to consume her entirely?

She stood at a crossroads. On the one hand, she could retain that part of herself from Earth for a little longer - until this ruthless world inevitably wore it down. Her current circumstances weren't even that bad - she did not have much to fear for her life even if she did not achieve Nirvana before 30. She had saved the bunch of the most powerful prodigies in the Outer Sect. And each of them would wield tremendous influence in the future!

"If I thicken my skin and endure, I can totally rely on these connections to keep myself safe until I reach the Fusion Stage." Xiao Hong's eyes brightened as she pondered, excited at the possibility. 

"As long as I stay under the radar of people who are much too powerful for my connections to deal with, I will be able to stay safe… Oh." Her eyes suddenly dimmed as she remembered her actions - showing her proficiency in Formations and Pill refining - had basically obliterated any chance of staying low-key and away from their sights.

She would be a celebrity in the Sect for a while and fame would protect her for that duration. But that was it. Sooner or later, it would all die down. 

Of course, she also knew that she'd stay safe as long as she stayed in the Sect even if she did not achieve Nirvana by 30. But, could she stay cooped up in the Sect until she reached the Fusion Stage?

"Yeah, I don't see the Sect allowing that." No matter how awesome her talent was, the Sect would not allow that. Unless she became a Grade 4 Alchemist, she would have to go on compulsory missions from the Sect. Those simply could not be avoided. And achieving the Grade 4 Alchemist requires a Cultivation at the Soul Palace Stage.

On the other hand, she could take the initiative to cut away that part of herself, rewrite her own definition of right and wrong, and redefine her own rules - instead of holding on to them stubbornly. 

She was very sure that this world would wear down her morality over time, anyway.

"Humans change, after all. Just look at how easily I take lives now." She stared at her hands, flexing her fingers slowly. They were dainty and delicate - almost doll-like. She could totally star in those hand cream commercials back on Earth! Yet, the number of lives these very hands had destroyed could not even be counted on them anymore. "The previous me would recoil in terror and disgust at how casually I can take lives now, wouldn't he?"

She did not regret it, however. It was her or them - and she chose herself. That's all.

However, this also proved that the world influenced a person, whether they liked it or not. And it wasn't a gentle sculptor - it wouldn't merely brush away stray curls or smooth rough edges. Oh, no, no no. It was a relentless chisel, chipping away until you fitted its standards - a cog in the giant machine. 

And Xiao Hong knew that she would not escape the ruthless chisel of the world.

As for holding on with sheer willpower? 

"Heh!" Xiao Hong snorted to herself. "That only happens in a fantasy. No one can have such a strong willpower without some very powerful motive driving them." 

And Xiao Hong did not. In fact, she even saw more advantages on the other side!

Even if such a thing were possible, Xiao Hong did not delude herself into believing that she possessed such willpower. If she truly possessed such unwavering resolve, wouldn't these doubts have been silenced long ago? Wouldn't her path be clear and unwavering, devoid of these internal battles? Wouldn't she have passed by them like a surging river, unhindered by mere pebbles? 

Yet, that wasn't the case - she was still in doubt, unable to take a step further because she was much too afraid of the consequences of whatever path she took.

So, she did not foolishly believe that she could persevere on will alone. She did not indulge in such wishful thinking if she didn't even have the prerequisite.

It seemed to her that giving up that part of her was the obvious choice. At the very least, it would happen on her own terms and she could redefine her own bottom line, according to her own standards.

But the problem was… if she compromised on her beliefs once, would she do it again?

She didn't know.

There was a solution of course. A perfect one too - a Dao Heart Oath or even a Heavenly Oath. She would not be able to violate her oath without dire consequences once she took the oath. 

But yet again, she was indecisive. What if she had no other choice? What if she faced another similar dilemma? What if this? What if that? What if…?

A thousand doubts clouded her mind once again.

"Ugh. If only my talent were a bit better…" She lamented. If her talent in Physical Cultivation were just a bit better, she would be able to reach Nirvana before 30 and all of this would not bother her at all!

Indeed. Xiao Hong had determined that she would not be able to reach Nirvana in Physical Cultivation even if she tried her best and cultivated non-stop at her absolute limit. Why was that? It was because the Body-refining of Immortal Cultivation was different from Qi-refining Immortal Cultivation in their Disasters. While Qi Cultivators had to transcend nine Disasters, Body-refining Immortal Cultivators had only three Calamities.

However, it was utterly foolish to think that Body-refining was easy because of this. Each Calamity was far more terrifying and difficult to cross than a Disaster. And each of these Calamity stages would take almost as much time as cultivating from the Divine Sea peak stage equivalent of Body Cultivation all over again!

Unlike Qi Cultivation, the Calamities of Body-refining were somewhat specific to their Cultivation Method - they just followed a general rule - the Calamity of Birth, the Calamity of Death, and the Calamity of Rebirth. How each Cultivation Method interpreted these Calamities would be different.

For example, Xiao Hong's Ancient God's Physique Scripture had Star Forging, Star Shattering and Stellar Metamorphosis.

And Xiao Hong would, at most, complete the Star Shattering by 30. That is, if she cultivated non-stop and had an infinite supply of resources like Yuan Essence that allowed her to cultivate at the limit of her talent. Acquiring enough resources might be possible, and with the Heaven-devouring Roc Breathing Method, it wouldn't be impossible to do it even if she did not manage to acquire enough resources. 

But it was all useless since she couldn't cultivate all day every day. Cultivation also requires rest. Even a machine would fail if it ran at full power all the time, much less a human being.

Xiao Hong let out another sigh and got to her feet. "I gotta get out." Her comfy house seemed so suffocating now. 

So, she decided to take a stroll.

***

As Xiao Hong mindlessly drifted down the streets of the makeshift town, politely replying to the disciples who greeted her almost reflexively, ignoring the usual stares, something snapped her out of her dazed state. Her attention was attracted by the familiar rhythmic fluctuations of Qi and Divine Sense - the telltale signs of Qi transmissions. She headed towards it to find a small gathering of people near one of the apartments.

Somewhat curious and wishing for something to distract herself, she walked over with hopes of listening to some juicy gossip and taking her mind off her stressful thoughts.

She gestured to one of the disciples, who was incidentally quite familiar to her, "Junior Sister Yu, what happened here? Why are so many people gathered here?"

The female disciple turned to Xiao Hong with surprise apparent in her tone, "Ah, Senior Sister Xiao! It's good to see you. Are you healing up well?" 

"Yes, I'm healing up quite well thanks to your care, Junior Sister." Xiao Hong smiled at the Junior Sister Yu, whom she'd saved. She then repeated her question, inquiring as to why so many disciples were gathered there.

Junior Sister Yu sighed sadly. "It's Senior Brother Shen. He… He took his own life this morning." 

Xiao Hong froze. 

"Why?" She blurted out an inquiry before she could even think about whether or not it would be too insensitive a question to ask. She did not know this Senior Brother Shen. But the fact that an Immortal Cultivator who pursued longevity with all their might took his own life seemed utterly surreal to her. 

"Ahem, I didn't to-" 

Just as she started to apologise, a loud voice interrupted her."... am I wrong?!" 

Xiao Hong's head snapped to the left to see a pink-haired lady whose face was utterly devoid of expression and whose eyes were deader than a thousand-year-old fossil. Staring at another disciple with black hair, she continued, her tone still mocking and cold, "He was just a coward who couldn't even face his own circumstances, after all!" 

"How dare you?! You damned bitch!" the black-haired disciple roared, his clenched fists shaking as he glared at the pink-haired lady, looking like he was ready to spit fire. 

"Haha." The pink-haired lady just laughed mirthlessly. "Isn't that really the case?! That coward was unable to take the fact he couldn't Cultivate anymore and took his own worthless life! Isn't that all there is to it?! Am I wrong?!"

"Y-You bitch! How could you say that?! You're supposed to be his Dao Companion!" 

"I'm just speaking the truth! Such cowardly trash shouldn't even think about pursuing the Immortal Dao - he's better off tending to farmland at the edge of the world!"

"Die!" The black-haired disciple couldn't take it anymore and let out a bellow. He shot towards the pink-haired disciple, face twisted into a murderous scowl. Palm covered in raging flames, he attacked the pink-haired disciple with all his might. 

However, his paltry 1st Disaster Stage Cultivation Base was nothing to the pink-haired disciple who was at the 6th Disaster Stage and he was easily smacked into the ground by her, devoid of consciousness.

The pink-haired disciple stared at the downed black-haired disciple for a short while. Her lips quivered ever so slightly before she closed her eyes and turned away. She muttered something under her breath as she walked away.

'Isn't this pink-haired lady a bit too much?' She frowned, 'He is her Dao Companion after all. Is there a need to humiliate a dead man like this?' 

She felt quite disgusted by her behaviour.

"Does it seem like Senior Sister Yan was being too insensitive?" Junior Sister Yu asked quietly. 

Xiao Hong nodded hesitantly. 

"Actually, it's better for everyone if it's like this."

'Huh?' Xiao Hong was stunned. 

Junior Sister Yu noticed her confusion and explained, "Senior Brother Shen Long and Senior Sister Yan's marriage was actually decided by their respective families. 

"But despite it being the case, the two of them fell in love for real. They were totally inseparable, making many of our fellow disciples envious of their relationship.

"It was quite the romantic story a few years ago, actually.

"Senior Brother Shen, being initially very distasteful of the arranged marriage, hated Senior Sister Yan to the bone. He never let go of a chance to express his dissatisfaction with the arrangements between the two families. It was to the point that the families nearly decided to call it off.

"But one day, Senior Brother Shen fell into an extremely dangerous situation and it was Senior Sister Yan who risked her life to save him, even when all his 'friends' abandoned him.

"After that day, the situation was flipped on its head. Senior Brother Shen went around everywhere declaring his love, trying his best to make amends with Senior Sister Yan whom he had offended due to his actions over the years. Senior Sister Yan also eventually fell in love thanks to his persistence." 

Junior Sister sighed regretfully. "Unfortunately, things don't always go well and the Shen family was wiped out not long ago by some powerful enemies, leaving only Shen Long, his brother, Shen Ming," She gestured to the black-haired disciple who was being carried away by another disciple. "and a few more non-disciple members in their family.

"At this point, there were already many objections in the Yan against their union - which was further exacerbated by the fact that the Long family's Third Young Master fancied Senior Sister Yan. Especially since the Long family is significantly more powerful than the Yan family and they stood to gain a lot if Senior Sister Yan married the Long family's Third Young Master.

"However, the marriage contract ultimately held on because Senior Brother Shen Long was quite talented. Moreover, Senior Sister Yan's Mother - Elder Long - is also quite powerful.

"But in the previous battle, Senior Brother Shen Long's Immortal Foundation was damaged beyond repair…" Junior Sister Yu sighed in lament. 

Xiao Hong immediately understood. In the world of Immortal Cultivation, being unable to cultivate is worse than being disabled. The complete shattering of his hopes and dreams, the fact that he was unable to cultivate ever again, facing contempt and disdainful looks from his peers, the thought that his Dao Companion would be forced to marry another man. All of that drove him over the edge, resulting in him taking his own life.

Xiao Hong suddenly understood the pink-haired Senior Sister Yan's outburst. She probably wanted to completely cut off ties with the Shens. This way, they would not be suppressed too much by the Third Young Master.

"Knowing Senior Sister Yan, she would probably forcibly go through with the marriage anyway." Junior Sister Yu spoke up after a short silence and paused again. Then she continued somewhat abashedly, "She might've even… resorted to other, um, ideas..."

Understanding the cause and effect of the whole thing made Xiao Hong feel as though a loud gong had gone off in her mind! Yet again, she was reminded of the value of wielding power. It wasn't just cultivation levels and flashy techniques; it was a shield, a weapon, a force that could rewrite narratives and redefine consequences. It was the right to mould your own fate!

If Senior Brother Long was strong enough, he wouldn't be injured, and he wouldn't leave a devastated Dao Companion and broken ties behind.

If Senior Sister Yan wielded enough power, what the hell would the Yan family or the Long family matter? They could only shut their mouths and let her do whatever she wanted!

Power! That was what determined everything!

As Xiao Hong walked back to her home, the weight of understanding settled upon her. She smiled bitterly before closing her eyes, 'Yeah. There was never a choice here.'

She clenched her fists tightly before releasing them. She opened her eyes again, in front of the door to her courtyard. There was a firmness in them that did not exist when she left these very doors. A new spark burned within them, brighter and fiercer than before.

"This is the last time." Her voice, empowered by her Qi, spread throughout the courtyard, stirring up small gusts of wind. "This is the last time I will entertain a change in myself that is not on my terms!" 

Even if she did not say it explicitly, she knew that the moment she violated this oath, the consequence would be dire. 

Boom!

A bolt of thunder shook her Soul. The Sea of Red surged, as her Sea of Consciousness erupted into a tempestuous storm. 

The Spirit God's Soul Cultivation Method circulated at tremendous speed as her Spirit soared, free of the shackles of her own making, reaching heights she never imagined!