Chapter 90

Memories flooded him of all the things he had shared with this woman. Moments both good and bad. Some of those moments he would have given everything to take back, like hitting her as violently as he had when he had caught her with Raoul. But there were also moments he would not give away for anything the world had to offer: like the night of his masquerade, when he had made love to her on the study floor, or when she had told him that she loved him for the first time. He looked down at her pale face and would give anything not to have to look away. He brought her into the room and laid her gently on the bed, his hands lingering on her face and in her hair. He frowned slightly when he noticed the dark circles under her eyes and wondered why she had not been getting enough sleep that would cause her to collapse in exhaustion.

He also noticed how thin she appeared to be under the chemise and he wondered how the hell her brother and father could let her get like this. He ran his hands through her hair and rested his hands on her abdomen, closing his eyes and letting the tears fall. He knew he should not be there but every moment he was close to her the harder it was to let her go. He leaned forward and pressed his trembling lips to hers. To his shock her eyes began to flutter. He backed away hastily and nearly ran towards the balcony.

"Erik!"

Erik became rooted to the spot at the sound of her strangled shout. He slowly turned towards her and she was looking at him in horror with a haunted gaze and she began shaking her head and whispering to herself, sounding for all she was worth like she was insane.

"No...not this! I do not deserve this! Why... why? Have I not suffered enough?"

Her voice caused a chill to go down his spine. She was looking at him but not really looking at him. She put her hand on her abdomen and slowly began to rock back and forth. Erik realized what it was that was distressing her so much: she believed she was looking at his ghost and he was sure his white mask did not help. Erik was torn. What should he do? Could he leave her in this state? Her believing she was looking at her husband's ghost? He knew Christine could not be in a very good state of mind and he knew this could very well affect her for the worse. But if anyone heard her it could mean her death and Erik did not know if he could risk that. But Christine was sobbing and looking more hysterical by the moment. He slowly began to walk towards her and she scrambled back, sobbing.

"No! I have tried so hard to put you into the back of my heart! I cannot stop thinking of you! I cannot sleep! It is a struggle for me to eat! What did I do to deserve living without you?"

Erik had never heard anyone so broken and sad. He had no idea what to say to her at all. Did she not know that it had been a living hell having to be without her?

"Christine-"

"No!" she sobbed putting her hands over her ears, shaking her head.

"I hear your voice when I sleep, when I am awake...everywhere..."

Erik finally got to her and took her by the shoulders and she immediately began to fight him, thinking she was going mad. What did she do to deserve this madness? Erik found tears freely falling down his face as Christine kicked and hit him with everything her small body could muster. She did not scream, she simply fought him with everything she had. Erik let her beat at him because if he were to accidentally hurt her it might hurt the baby. He pleaded with her, spoke words to calm her down, but she continued. Erik did not know how to get through to her. Her hand hit him squarely in the jaw and the room suddenly became deathly quiet as his mask clattered to the floor.

A choking, strangled sound erupted from her throat as she looked at him in all of his horrible glory, finally coming out of her delusional state. The way she was looking at him made Erik very self-conscious. He turned his head away from her. Her trembling hand suddenly found his cheek and she turned him to look at her. His gaze met hers and slowly her fingertips trailed over his ravaged skin. Christine's touch after so long without was like being graced by an angel. Her fingers ran over his lips and she suddenly scrambled from the bed, overcome with far to many emotions as she tried to get as far away from him as she possibly could.

"No...I saw him kill you! I watched you die..."