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Betrayal Beckoning Revenge – Chapter 1

Far from Earth lies the magical world, Hysteria, where beings temper their bodies and clash with each other for dominance through martial arts. Humans cultivate to gain extraordinary abilities to which mortals are incomparable. By meditating certain mantras, one can direct the natural chi or life force of the world and gather it in their dantian within their bodies.

Gathering chi within one's self allows them to achieve levels of physical strength far above mortals, heightened senses, and excellent combat techniques including the manifestation of chi.

Currently in Hysteria:

Hao Zhang is the young master of the prestigious Zhang Family. Hao has been praised from a young age because of the immense talent possessed in martial cultivation. He can be called one thing… the number one genius under the heavens. Through the practicing of the Divine Thunder Tribute arts, he has been able to overcome all which challenges him and surpass all. Becoming a full-fledged immortal with his childhood friends, Yi Ran and Shen Bai, he has no longer anything to fear. His success gave him the authority to rule over all and the ability to never accept disrespect to himself or principles.

Hao: Never had I thought that I would be able to surpass all those who have ever walked Hysteria. Once I had reached the Immortal stage with my lover Yi Ran and brother Shen Bai, I did not consider that I could be dethroned at my level unparalleled power. Sitting on the highest mountain across the terrain, I gazed down on the continent. The landscape to my back was lush and thick, and I was sitting on a stone cliff swinging my legs over the edge. How vast was the seemingly endless night sky… I grasped tighter the warm soft hand of Yi. Shen sat on the other side of me admiring the view although appearing to be in a daze and bringing me a sense of comfort quelling my beating heart. Yi was so close and so warm causing my heart to beat out of my chest. How I longed for the day I would not have to live in the fear of other cultivators. Finally, the serene moment of viewing the luminous full-moon was distraught with hatred.

Shen quickly while I was distracted by Yi's beauty turned and stabbed me in the back with a long-serrated dagger. Brother why have you betrayed me…? Its black hilt met my back as the bright red blade cut into the depths of my aching heart. My back felt as if being scored by a burning piece of iron accompanied by thousands of needles being driven into my body. Falling backward onto the rough cold stone cliff, Shen seized a kiss from Yi's lips. My mind seethed with anger at the recognition of their betrayal. Why had they done this…? For petty greed or jealousy…? Why had they colluded against me? I had given them everything from my love to power. Everything...

The landscape around me darkened until pitch black and my mind faded into utter blankness. Shen and Yi finished the job by pushing my almost deceased body over the edge of the cliff.

I swear… I will never let anyone bully me ever again… More so… I promise to never let another soul betray me and succeed unpunished! In the endless darkness of my dying mind, an amulet my mother gave me for my 10th birthday suddenly appeared. Around the radiant blood red stone was swaddled a yellow decayed talisman. The answer to what it was seemed so close, but it was impossible to grasp when I had the intent to approach the item. Does it seem I have not yet died or am I already deceased? At once light protruded the darkness forming a welcoming bright area with the most beautifully stunning woman, I have ever laid eyes on. Her blonde hair swayed at level to her hips and her gorgeous figure allured my mind into pleasure. She asked with brevity, "Would you like to experience rebirth?" I responded to her sweet and angelic voice immediately, "Yes, I would never ask for anything more than to once again live!" Before my mind exploded with the brightest existence imaginable, she turned and responded, "Take advantage of this chance and savor life on Earth to the greatest of your ability…"

And so, life was once again a path I could traverse; however, I shall never be taken advantage of again!

I am a 9th-grade writer and would like input to improve my skills. How would u rate this 0-5? What do you suggest? Repetitive? Interesting? Write from a different perspective? Thanks!!!

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