Ultimatum

I sat on a private beach with the wolves and a few others. They were all here today, just having fun, because, as Jacob had explained to me, sometimes they just needed to relax.

Of course, I knew the other part was that Victoria had been strangely absent for over a month. There was little point in constant patrols with her gone.

Sam, Paul and Emily sat around a bonfire about a hundred feet away from me. In the area between them and me were some of the others. Jared and Kim sat together sharing a beer that was completely illegal for both of them, but it was summer and no one here was going to bust them. I was relatively sure that it had been Sam who'd bought all the beer for today's little party.

Then there was Quil, Seth, and Embry, sitting next to one of the coolers filled with food. Seth kept trying to sneak his hand in the cooler, and every time he did, Embry would slap his hand. It was amusing to watch.

Rachel and Jacob were closer to me still. And closest of all was Leah. She didn't like me much, but she hated the whole pack brothers even more. It was ironic, she and I didn't really get along, and yet we probably saw eye to eye more than with anyone else here. We were both the odd ones out.

On the opposite side of the bonfire were Brady and Collin, the two newest – and youngest – members of the pack. Brady was laid out on the beach, sunbathing, but Collin was sitting as stiff as a rod and glaring at me through the fire. Leah and I might not get along all that well, but Collin flat out hated me. I wasn't one to judge though. He'd seen first hand how monstrous vampires could be.

"I hate him, brother. I really do," Rachel said to Jacob as she glared at Paul.

"Well tell him that, preferably at the same time you tell him that you're moving back to Seattle," Jake replied.

"I'm not moving back, and I can't stay mad at him. You see, he does thing thing with his tongue –"

"Oh my god! Shut up, Rachel. I don't want to know anything about your love life!" Jake screeched, putting his hands over his ears.

I chuckled and Jake shot me a withering glare.

Leah snorted, then she turned to me. "I'm going to get a beer and then I'll be right back. You better not move."

I rolled my eyes, waving my hand at her in a dismissive manner. Of course, that was the real reason why she was so close to me even though we didn't get along. Jake had decided I couldn't get closer than a hundred feet to the fire and he'd asked – with an implication that he would order it if she disagreed – for her to keep an eye on me.

But as Leah got up to go get her beer, my eyes tracked the other person on the beach – the one that Quil couldn't take his eyes off of. Little Clay Young was playing on the rocks, picking up random ones – sometimes he'd try to throw it in the ocean, other times he'd half run, half wobble, as he carried it over to Quil or Emily, and every once and awhile, he'd bring one over to me.

I'd met him for the first time several weeks ago, when my eyes had still been a weird orange-red color. By the next time I saw him, almost two weeks later, my eyes had been pretty much solid gold. Only someone looking for the red would have seen it then. Ever since he'd been obsessed with the man with the 'pwetty eyes,' much to everyone's consternation.

The ironic thing was that among the humans; Kim was afraid of me, Rachel was concerned by me, and Emily was troubled by me – only little Clay was completely unafraid. He'd come up to me without fear, even having gone so far as to try and jump up into my arms when I'd tried to back away from him one time. I understood without any interpretation that he'd decided I was his friend and there was nothing I could do to discourage him.

Today, he wore a pair of shorts and a little blue t-shirt. He wasn't quite three years old and already had thick black hair that went halfway down his back, and bright brown eyes that matched Quil's fur color in his wolf form. He had little puffy cheeks, a stomach that was slightly more paunchy than it probably would be in a few years – baby fat – and the most innocent smile I'd ever seen.

It was hard to believe that Quil's life was inexplicably tied to his, but, you see, he was his imprint – the same way Kim was Jared's, Rachel was Paul's, and Emily was Sam's. The only difference, Quil would have to wait close to twenty years before there'd ever be anything between them other than a big brother/little brother kind of relationship. It was the first one of the imprint pairs that I'd got to witness who weren't a couple. I didn't know if I felt sorry for Quil, or if I envied him, because of the fact that the love he had was so simple and pure. Nothing inappropriate. And there's a chance Clay would be straight when he got older. Or even if he wasn't just because Quil imprinted on him didn't mean Clay wouldn't get a choice on what he wanted Quil to be to him in the future.

He grabbed a small gray rock off of the beach, and quickly toted it over to Quill, who clapped his hands before gently taking it from him, responding to some instinctual knowledge of what he wanted in a way that only he could. It was another part of the imprint bond, but it was the most confusing part of it.

He raced away from him, looking around before picking up a small green shell and carrying it towards me.

Then he fell. I smelled the blood coming from the open wound immediately. I cut off my air supply. I could have raced to the forest, but I didn't, because I didn't want to frighten the little boy... or worse, make him even more obsessed with me.

He got up and continued wobbling over to me. Quil had seen him fall and he got up, but he was subconsciously aware of his desires so he didn't intercept him, the way I wished he would have. He made the last few steps to me before he held the shell out to me.

I put my hand out and he dropped the shell into my hand.

Quil had stepped up behind him so I said quietly through my teeth, "Get him away from me."

He reached down, picking up the young boy and carrying him away.

I got up just as Jake came over to me. "I'm leaving," I muttered.

His hand reached out, taking my arm. "You're doing fine, Beau."

"And let's not test my restraint more than I just did." Oh, I was sure I could resist. I'd been practicing my resistance with Jake every time I went hunting, because he always went with me when I hunted and watched me like a hawk. The thing was, I didn't belong at the beach party and we both knew it.

I knew he saw me as his temporary boyfriend, and he liked having me around, but that wasn't what our relationship really was. We shared an intensely intellectual bond where he just got me on every level, but there was nothing physical to it. He was just the person who saved my life, the person I talked to...

– – –

Jake puled me over to his side of the border. "It won't happen, Beau. So forget it."

"Jacob..." I shook my head. "Do you not see my eyes?"

"Yes, I do."

"Then you know what that means, and you already told me once that I wasn't a monster because I'd never killed someone. Obviously, that has changed."

"I also told you we'd reevaluate if you ever made a mistake. I didn't tell you that I'd condemn you to death for it," he snapped in anger.

"It wasn't some accidental slip-up, Jake."

Apparently my voice was firm enough that he believed me, because he looked at me. He let go of my hands, crossing his arms over his chest as he leaned back against a nearby tree. "Okay, why did you do it then?"

"Jacob, you don't want to know that kind of info."

"You're right, I don't, but you came here because you wanted me to kill you. So tell me why. Make me believe that you truly are nothing but a monster now. Mind you, monsters don't have consciences."

"I was here for Sam. I didn't want you involved."

"If that was true you would have gone to Emily's place, or at the very least you would have tracked down one of his pack. You told Quil though. You knew you'd get me."

"No, I just –"

"Yes, you did." His voice was harsh. "I'd ask if this was about Edward, except I've been at the Cullens every single day and know he's been worried sick about you."

"Why have you been there every day?" I was mystified.

"At first, because I was worried when you didn't show up the way I expected you too. Also though, you may have decided to flee the area, but we still have Victoria to deal with on our end. Now tell me what happened."

I gave in, turning so I wasn't looking directly at him while I spoke. It was easier that way. "I've killed four people since I went with Alice to Italy. The first was there, in Volterra. They weren't going to let us leave unless I proved myself to them. Honestly, of the four, she's the only one I regret killing. She was an innocent woman and didn't deserve to die like that. The other three... The first was a drug dealer, and the other two... Well, they weren't nice people."

I could see him tilt his head out of the corner of my eye. "And how do you know they weren't?"

"The way they smelled was malicious. I may not be able to sense emotions like Jasper can or read minds like Edward, but I still have my nose. I don't know what they liked to do. I don't know if they were wife-beaters, thieves, rapists, murderers... my sense of smell couldn't tell me that. I suppose it's even possible that they never did anything and just had those types of thoughts all the time." I paused thoughtfully. "I suppose they could have even been coroners that just really enjoyed their jobs. I don't know. I actually don't want to know."

"Because then you'd humanize your victims and you don't want to do that."

"What?" I blinked, looking over at him.

He didn't directly answer my question. "Do you think it would be easier for Sam to kill you than me? We both know you, we have both humanized you... the rest of the Cullens too, to some extent."

"Then I'll leave."

"You should leave and go home. But you won't. Because if you had any intention of going back to them, you'd already be there and not here. The question is why. I've spent enough time with them in the last weeks that I know they'd forgive you for killing a few humans. So what else did you do while you were gone?"

I opened my mouth but quickly shut it and looked away again, because not even Jacob would understand what I'd done and why I'd done it.

"You aren't going to tell me, are you?"

I shook my head.

"Whatever you did, I'm sure it's not as bad as you think. If I, a shape-shifter who values all human life – even when they are creeps – can forgive you for running off for a few weeks and just being a normal vampire, then they can forgive you for whatever you think you did."

I didn't reply.

He sighed. "Come on... Stay the day with me." He stepped forward, taking my hands again.

– – –

He never asked what I'd done after that, for which I was grateful, because though he assumed it wasn't that bad, I knew it was. It was worse than he could possibly imagine.

I missed Edward – I missed the Cullens as a whole – and I knew with every passing day that Jake thought I was going to go back to them... but I wasn't. I couldn't.

Because Jacob was a confidante, a friend... and even that was more than I could handle in my life...

– – –

It was a week after I'd followed Jake to La Push. I was staying in a small cabin a little ways into the forest. It smelled heavily of Jake. He'd told me that he stayed here when he didn't want to deal with his dad, but that I could use it until I was ready to go back to the Cullens. Somehow, after he told me that, the little wooden sign Esme had given me for my birthday that read, Don't be afraid to pick yourself up when you fall, had magically appeared on the wall.

"The eyes are freaky," Embry muttered, staring at me from where he was sitting on a chair.

"Why are you here again?" I asked from the wall I was leaning against.

"Because you're an idiot," he supplied succinctly.

I sighed, closing my eyes.

A few minutes later Jake came into the cabin. I opened an eye to look at him, he had something with him that I recognized. It was a laptop box. One that, the last time I'd seen it, it had been in the kitchen at the Cullens.

"What's that for?"

"You want to make amends for the things you've done? Start here." He put the the laptop on the cot. "Get my dad a van with hand controls."

I opened my mouth to reply but he held up his finger.

"I'm not letting you patrol until you're sure you're in control. I know you are already, but belief is nine points of the law, or so that story goes, and I know you don't believe it. So, this is something you can do now."

I rolled my eyes, but went over to the laptop, pulling it out of the box.

– – –

But that was the other part of why I was here. Jacob was my jailer.

Two months ago, the day after I'd shown up, he'd given me an ultimatum when I told him I was going to leave. He'd stated that I could either stay in La Push or go back to my family, but if I tried anything else then he'd follow, dismember me, and bring me back – in pieces.

He was just bullheaded enough to actually do it too, so I stayed. Because it was better than the alternative of returning to the Cullens. There was no way I could stay with them and not be with Edward – and that option was now lost to me forever.

And ever since, if he wasn't with me than someone else was; either one of his pack, one of Sam's, or one of the Cullens.

I shook his hand off and headed away from the beach.

He followed. "You can resist just fine, Beau. Why do you insist on doing this?"

"Because I'm not that Beau anymore."

"Yes, you are."

I kept walking. "Jake..." I swallowed. "Maybe I'd still be that guy if I'd never gone to Italy, but I've changed and what I see in my reflection anymore is no better than Victoria."

"No. If you hadn't saved Edward, you'd just be dead." He sighed. "I'm going back to the party. Return to it when you're ready."

But we both knew I wasn't going to. He turned to head back, but I couldn't just let him leave being disappointed that I wasn't doing any better.

So I spun around and reached out, grabbing his hand and squeezing it gently. "I'm sorry," I murmured softly. Then I let go – because hand-holding was as physical as our complicated relationship ever got.

…

No one was at the cabin when I got there, so I pulled out the cell phone Edward had given me about six weeks ago.

There was an unopened text message on the phone, so I opened it up, reading the short message from Edward before deleting it without replying.

I knew he still held out hope for that someday that I'd promised him before I'd left. I'd already told him that it would never happen twice, that he needed to move on without me, but he didn't believe me because, apparently, someone had told him otherwise. My money was on Alice, not that I was talking to her – the one time she'd tried, I'd ignored her completely.

I also wasn't talking to Esme and Carlisle, though it wasn't because I was angry at them the way I was Alice, it was just because I couldn't deal with what I'd knew I'd see and hear if I spoke to them. I couldn't deal with the compassion and forgiveness. I couldn't deal with the acceptance.

I did speak to Rosalie and Emmett, mostly because they were the ones that acted as bodyguards more than any of the others when Jacob asked one of them to.

… And Edward... talked to me. Everyday he'd call or text and tell me he loved me, everyday it got a little harder to not reply. I only spoke to him when he showed up at the cabin, because no matter how much I knew I should ignore him, I couldn't. My heart betrayed what my mind knew was for the best every single time. Fortunately, he didn't come often.

I used the phone now to text Jasper.

…

He showed up fifteen minutes later. "This isn't a good idea," he said.

"You agreed," I reminded him.

"Yes, but all the training in the world isn't going to put you in the right mind frame, which you currently aren't. Frankly, Beau, I'm relatively sure if you got in a real fight currently, you'd freeze up at a crucial moment."

"I think that'll be my problem when Victoria finally comes after me, not yours."

"And what's going to happen to our family when you die because you can't do what's needed in that crucial moment?"

"I don't know what will happen to your family," I said.

"You've already seen what Edward will do if you die, Beau," he snarled.

I flinched. "He needs to move on. I have."

"Liar."

Jasper was on me before I had a chance to move, his hand at my throat as my back hit the ground. I pushed to my feet, throwing him off of me. Then I dashed at him, but he spun away in a move far more natural and graceful than I could ever manage.

I flipped backwards as he came at me... and then we were really moving.

None of my practice with Jake prepared me for Jasper's skill, but that was why I'd wanted him to teach me, he was the most skilled fighter in the Cullen family, his years of experience in Mexico having given him skills that few other vampires had.

The second time I hit the ground – his hand at my throat again – it was harder to throw him off, because he'd already adjusted his style to make up for my one minor success.

I darted around a tree, but he was there, using the same move again to shove me down. I rolled to the side before he got his hand on my throat, bouncing back to my feet.

Two seconds later I hit the ground for my fourth time, this time face down. He grabbed my arm, yanking it behind my back. "Maybe you need an incentive to get your head on right," he said, his teeth at my arm.

I closed my eyes, sucking in a breath.

Jasper pulled back and I got up immediately

Jasper was staring at me in suspicion, but he didn't comment on what I was sure he had felt, instead he said, "We have company."

I turned to look