Father, This is Your Son in Law

At the next bolgia, Zhe Chouhen/Leandro regained awareness of his surroundings and realized where they were.

Just as Daniele was about to mindlessly step forward, he yelled, "Don't!"

But the bridge where Daniele was standing had crumbled to pieces, and he had fallen into the dark, boiling sticky waters.

"Help!" Daniele called. The water did not hurt him, but the gushing was strong, and he was also surrounded by many people swimming in this sticky tar.

'Leandro' reached out and tried to pick him with his dark magic tendrils, but soon realized that he can't do this. Daniele would realize that he's a sorcerer. He has to either go down and retrieve Daniele himself, or enlist some help.

He run on the edges of the fifth bolgia and passed by a couple of people trying to climb out the pitch. Demons then flew and clawed at them, turning them to ribbons while some were caught with grappling hooks and tossed into the sticky water again.

Soon, he saw it. The biggest demon with the biggest reptilian tail, big enough to smash rocks into bits. That tail is used to swat the sinners that were climbing.

"Malacoda!" 'Leandro'' called to this creature. "I demand you to get your Malebranches to catch a certain fish for me!"

"And who are you to make such a request?" The Malacoda said.

"I am the student of evil and malice itself, destined at Satan's side."

He snapped his fingers and the tendrils latched around the Malacoda.

Surprisingly, the creature was not in the slightest frightened for being incapacitated, but delighted.

"Ah! It is you! The snake's heir! I have longed to see you, I must take you to the Lord at once!"

(The snake's heir? What does that mean?) Zhe Chouhen asked the Panda in his head.

[I..... Don't know either.]

(Stop screwing with me! The hell you don't know, you're the one who writes this whole thing!)

[But in the original story, Daniele never fell into the pitch. You may have unlocked a hidden plot point that even I haven't explored.]

(A hidden plot point? That's possible?)

[Dunno. I'll just keep watching how it goes.]

Zhe Chouhen grumbled but took his word for it. There are many strange things that Daoist Panda can't explain.

"I apologize for not recognizing you sooner, the mark had been dull because of your long time outside the Inferno." The Malacoda said. "But if you unrestrain me, I will go find the one you are looking for and bring you and him to your father immediately!"

"My father?" 'Leandro' eyed the demon suspiciously.

"Yes. The Lord of this very Circle, The Serpent, The King of Liars and Tricksters. How else would you have the gift?"

(The Serpent?)

Zhe Chouhen racked his brain on his biblical knowledge. He studied quite a bit of Christianity extensively through Western classic literature, but he was still raised in an atheist household after all. Even his knowledge of Buddhism, Confucianism, and Daoism is through books.

(Could it be.... The serpent that tempted Adam and Eve?)

Panda: [<blinks> Leandro's father is that powerful and important?]

(What the fuck!? How come you don't even know this!?)

[Because I never planned for Leandro to have a father, okay!? I just wanted him to have a mother who was widowed and uses dark magic!]

(Then.... How did you plan to explain why she had dark magic? Who taught her?)

[Er... I didn't really have any plans, I just wanted to write a gay Inferno fanfic.]

Zhe Chouhen: ...

He thought about it for a while, and had an idea. (So..... It must be a plothole, right? And since the book had turned into a world, a world cannot have a plot hole. This may be its way to fix its own plotholes by itself.)

[I didn't even think that was possible. If so, then everything is also unpredictable for me. Whenever you unlock a certain plot point, I would be of no guidance to you.]

(Since when have you been a form of guidance to me, anyway?)

Panda: [... Bro, you don't have to diss me like that.]

He looked at the Malacoda and decided that questioning it further would be the best idea.

"You are the 'Evil Tail', correct? Leader of the 'Evil Claws' that are guarding the pitch. How do I first assure myself that all that you say is true and not a blatant lie to get me to free you?"

"You can find your father in the deepest part of the pitch! At an underground cave full of gold!" The Malacoda's long tongue licked its lips excitedly. "He would surely rejoice from seeing you come home!"

"Well, then..... I guess I shall pay this estranged father of mine a visit." Leandro unfurled the tendrils. "But if I learned that you were lying... Be prepared to have that long tail of yours cut and boiled then shoved down your throat."

"Yes, sir!" The Malacoda said enthusiastically and flew away to tell his demon bodies Malebranches about this good news.

(I wonder what Leandro's father would look like. And how did he come to meet his mother.)

He rubbed his hands excitedly. (This is getting quite interesting. This doesn't even exist in the original Dante's Inferno.)

[Are you sure about meeting this new character? You're forgetting about Daniele! You should focus on saving him!]

(Who told you I forgot about Daniele?)

Zhe Chouhen smirked with Leandro's thin lips. (It is most likely that he is with the Serpent right now. The water did not boil him, so of course demons would get curious and bring him to their patron.)

[Ah... That's a good point.]

(See? I have more IQ than you, Panda-laoshi. Maybe I should be the one who you call teacher.)

[Fat chance.]

(As fat as you?)

[I'm not fat!!! =_= ]

[Yes, you are! Look at those chubby fingers.]

[This is just an avatar, I'm not a panda in real life!]

(But it would have been better if you were. At least then you would be cute. I bet you're super ugly in real life.)

[Hah! I'll be waiting for the day when you choke on your own words.]

Zhe Chouhen kept teasing him as he moved down and used his powers to go into the surface of the murky pitch. He soon finds golden light at the distance from a whole, possibly the entrance of his fictional father's cave.

(Holy bean buns!!!!! That's a lot of gold!!!! Even more than the ones the Circle of Greed!)

[These are fakes.]

Zhe Chouhen almost coughed out blood from this deadpan revelation. (How can you tell?)

[I've learned to tell apart Fool's Gold between real gold. I can even tell apart how pure the gold is, and what metals were mixed with it.]

(..... Are you secretly a jeweler? Then you must be rich, right? That 'this poor author has no choice' thing was just a cover-up, huh?)

[I'm not a jeweler, but I do have..... Many encounters with gems and treasures in certain parts of my life.]

Zhe Chouhen's expression towards him changed from a mocking one to a friendly one.

(Panda-laoshi, I take back everything I said. You are the most beautiful, wonderful, extraordinary, breath-taking, totally-the-best person I have ever met. So....)

He knelt on one knee at the pile of fake gold.

(Please marry me~)

Panda:[ ..... And you said I'm the one who's bipolar and changes mood easily, yet the moment you learned I actually have money, you turned a complete 180°.]

Zhe Chouhen chuckled. (Nah, I'm just kidding. My parents had always wanted me to marry a rich girl, but if I could marry a rich boy, I could get them to shut up and accept that their son is a cut-sleeve*.)

Zhe Chouhen heard hissing noises, and their little joking around came to a stop.

When he listened closer, he can somehow understand the hisses, like it was another language that he was born with naturally.

"Interesting... This child has the halo of a saint, but he was sentenced to the lowest circle of hell." 'Leandro' could understand the hisses completely. "This may be the doing of certain dark forces, perhaps one of ours had taken a liking to him."

"Understandable, I myself have not eaten a boy as pure as this before. Pure lambs would surely make me full for a whole eternity."

(Yo, my dad is going to eat my boyfriend!? Not cool.) Zhe Chouhen frowned. (First, I thought he was cool because he was the Serpent. But I don't like the way he's referring to Daniele like he's some 5 meal course.)

"P-Please put me down, sir." He overheard Daniele's meek voice. "I need to find my stepbrother...."

"Oh, you have a stepbrother?" The Serpent said in human language. "Is he as good as you?"

"He has done some misdeeds but ..... He had already confessed them all and repented for them."

(Not all, I haven't told you that I killed you yet and am possibly a half-demon.)

The Serpent seem to be smiling when he said: "Is that so? I sure would like to get to know this brother of yours. Repentance is a very hard path and it's rare for someone to repent when in hell. But people such as you existing in hell is also very rare and a miracle in itself."

"Or perhaps, a misfortune." The Serpent chuckled. "From the tone of your voice, you seem to care about this brother a lot. Did you know that I have a way to take both of you to heaven?"

"Really, sir?"

Zhe Chouhen could imagine Daniele's eyes brighten as he said this.

But Daniele's tone changed into something more cautious. "But..... This is the Circle of Fraud and Malice after all. I cannot ..... trust just about anyone."

"Well, then. I'll release you if that would make you feel better. "

Zhe Chouhen peered for a moment to see how the Serpent and Daniele's interaction would go. He was quite shocked by his father's appearance.

He really is one huge snake! He thought it would just be metaphorical, or he would show a human form in front of Daniele, his prey. But nope, he's one big giant black phyton bearing the same shape as Leandro's magic tendrils.

He put down the small Daniele, who was like a puppy compared to his size, on the pile of gold with a plop!

"I will look for your brother now and bring him to you to prove that I can be trusted." The Serpent's forked tongue went in and out of his mouth whenever he speaks in the human tongue. "But first, may I ask..... Is there something in my teeth?"

"Huh?" Daniele looked at those shiny bright fangs glinting from the light of the shiny fake gold around them.

"My teeth, I feel like there's something in them." The Serpent moved closer. "Would you mind checking them before I go?"

"Alright..." Daniele nodded.

Zhe Chouhen could see the mouth of his snake father widen as he began to open it to devour Daniele's head—

"Do not eat him, father!" He used his magic tendrils to catch the Serpent's head like a lasso and pull it back!

The Serpent's slit red eyes widened as he see him. "Leandro?"

Even Daniele was confused. "You know him?"

The Serpent suddenly turned into a whirl of black and red tendrils, and coalesced into a form of a dark and curly haired man, with a straight nose and thin lips.

He really does resemble Leandro a lot, only older. The only difference is that when he smiles, a forked tongue slips out of his mouth.

"I never expected you to visit me so early, not when Diandre told me about her plans to take over a duke." The Serpent said his mother's name fondly. "That despicable woman... Ah, how I loved her so much!"

Wearing red robes that reached to cover his feet, he moved towards Leandro like he wasn't walking, but slithering. He patted his shoulder. "Do tell me how she is nowadays?"

"She is fine, father." He pointed to Daniele. "Please return my companion to me."

"Oh, so you are the stepbrother he was talking about! He must be the Duke's son!" The Serpent smiled. "Come, let's eat him together!"

"Father, you can't."

In a moment of pure improv acting, 'Leandro' whispered in a hushed tone, and even used the hellish language for good measure:

"That is your future son-in-law. My beloved fiance, who I plan to spend my whole life with."

[Satisfaction Points raised to 80%!]

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