The Madam’s Story

She had been "Madam Zhang" for so long. "Madam Zhang" to some, "Mother" to others, and the meaningless "Dearest Wife" to another. It was easy to forget that a long, long time ago, she had another name. It was a name of a simple-minded girl, who never experienced the cruelties of life, sheltered by her precious family. 

"Zhang Ruoyu" — that was her name. 

Zhang Ruoyu was a girl with loving parents. Her father was an imperial physician, her mother a virtuous wife. And above all, there was her sister— Zhang Ruoqing. 

Her sister was older than her by two years, but the two were like twins. Throughout their childhood, Ruoqing and Ruoyu were practically inseparable. Everything they did, they did together. 

Then, there was an outsider. A friend. Her name was Liu Yuxi, the daughter of a fourth-rank official, who was also a physician like her father. Ruoyu's father and Yuxi's father got along well, as coworkers. The families were extremely close. Ruoyu's father always talked to her about the importance of treating everyone around her kindly, even if he was at a higher rank than them. She always listened attentively, memorizing his beliefs.

To be kind was the key to life, not arrogance. To have mercy was true justice, not cruelty. To give forgiveness was the greatest strength, not a weakness. 

Kind, merciful, and forgiving— those were the traits that the sisters were raised upon.

So, even though her father was at a higher rank, Ruoyu frequently played with Yuxi. She would invite Yuxi on the habitual walks she took with Ruoqing. She would let Yuxi join in their conversations, their silly games. She would play dress-up with Yuxi, borrowing the jewels and robes of her older sister.

Liu Yuxi and Zhang Ruoyu, born in the same year, became friends as close as sisters that way. 

Of course, Ruoyu still saw her older sister as the most important. There was something about family that friends just couldn't replace. She would talk about everything and anything with Ruoqing, and her sister always listened patiently, telling Ruoyu all of her secrets as well. And when Ruoqing called her over, Ruoyu always chose her older sister over Liu Yuxi. Although at times, the young Ruoyu would catch a glance of something different in Yuxi's gaze as she watched Ruoqing pass a secret to Ruoyu by the side, Ruoyu would choose to dismiss it as a trick of the light.

Time passed quickly and happily this way. Within the blink of an eye, Zhang Ruoyu turned seventeen. 

One summer day, as the two of them dipped their bare feet into a secluded pond, playing with the water, Liu Yuxi leaned over, a serious expression crossing her face.

"I have something to tell you," Liu Yuxi had told her.

"What is it?" Ruoyu had responded, smiling in anticipation. 

A flush crept over Yuxi's face, an embarrassed grin spreading across her lips as well. "I have someone that I like."

Ruoyu, who had been splashing her feet gently, froze. She looked up, eyes widening. "Who is it? You must tell me!" she demanded, grabbing Yuxi's hand. 

"The Yang Family's first son," Yuxi admitted, lowering her voice to a whisper. 

"Him?" Ruoyu had giggled, out of pure excitement for her friend. "I have not seen him before, but the Yang Family… they are the same standing as your family. You two will make a good match."

"You can't tell anyone though, alright? Promise?" Yuxi demanded.

"Of course! But tell me— what is he like? How did you two meet? Does your father know yet? I'm sure he will approve."

At all of Ruoyu's questions, Yuxi gave a shy smile and began explaining. 

…

Yuxi had not informed her father about her crush. That was expected. But if her father knew, like Ruoyu said, he would likely approve. The Yang Family had a loyal history of working in the government, their Old Master a fourth-rank official just like the Liu Family's. 

Ruoyu was genuinely happy for her friend. 

At the same time, her sister was also given an engagement, with a family at a higher standing than the Zhangs. It was a marriage created by parents and matchmakers, yet Ruoyu's older sister was not unhappy with it. Her suitor was a handsome young master, holding a gentle demeanor just like her. Ruoqing would surely be treated well in that household.

Ruoyu was genuinely happy for her sister as well.

…

Things only began changing when Ruoyu met a young man, while browsing through the marketplace with her maids. He had bumped into her by accident, making her drop the pastry in her hand. 

Instead of holding a single bit of arrogance, the young man had apologized greatly, a look of concern crossing his face. When she got a better look at his face, he was handsome, with evenly proportioned features and a lively gaze in his eyes. 

One of her maids berated him, scolding about how the pastry was from a shop all the way across the canals, nearly on the other side of the city, and that it was expensive as well. He only continued to apologize, but after a short second, he held his hand up, telling them to just stand there and wait, while he ran off. His own servant ran off after him, calling out "Young Master!" the entire time.

Ruoyu had been puzzled, wondering if he was really going to just run off like that. She waited for around fifteen minutes, then decided to start going. Yet the minute she turned to take a step, she heard his voice again, calling out.

Panting and waving a brown paper package in his hand, the young man came back, skidding to a stop in front of her. 

"I hope I didn't make you wait long," he said, a charming smile across his lips. Then, he handed her the package tied with string. "I wasn't exactly sure what kind of pastry you had been eating, so I picked a few that looked similar. I hope that's alright."

She shook her head, shyly accepting the package. 

At that, he gave her one last apology, bowed politely, and set off in the opposite direction. 

Ruoyu turned, watching his back figure walk away. 

He didn't need to do that. Any other person, if they wanted to make up for it, would just give her the monetary value. Yet he had dashed all the way to the other side of the city, just to fetch her that pastry again. He had a servant by his side, but instead of ordering the servant to go do it, he did it himself.

She felt her heart skip a beat, unaware of this foreign emotion. 

Later on, when she returned home and opened the package, there were indeed an array of pastries, carefully selected to match the one that looked like the one she dropped. He had been careful in his selection.

A strange story appeared in her mind, one that she would tell her grandchildren. "When we first met, your grandfather ran all the way across the city to buy me a pastry, simply because he made me drop mine by accident."

This idea was ridiculous, and she quickly brushed it away. However, time and time again, throughout the day, she would think of his smile, wishing that she knew his name, at the very least.

Little did she know how much she would regret it when she discovered his true identity.

…

About two weeks later, Liu Yuxi and Zhang Ruoyu were just taking a walk through the marketplace when Yuxi suddenly tugged on Ruoyu's sleeve, freezing mid-step. 

"That's him—" Yuxi whispered, gesturing with a nod of her head.

Ruoyu followed her gaze, seeing a young man walk by on the other side of the street. As he passed by, without noticing the two girls, she got a good look at his face, the familiarity apparent to her. It was the young man who bought her the pastries a while ago.

"That's… who?" Ruoyu asked, uncertainty lacing her voice.

"The person I told you about. Young Master Yang Chen." 

She felt her heart plummet upon hearing that name.

Out of all people, why did it have to be him? 

"You're joking, right?" she managed to ask, when he was already long gone.

"No." Yuxi frowned. "Why would I be joking?"

"Nothing," Ruoyu quickly dismissed. 

"You're hiding something from me," Yuxi pointed out, crossing her arms. "I know you so well that I can tell, alright?" 

That made Ruoyu pause. 

Yuxi was right— she couldn't hide anything from her friend without it being noticeable. If she refused to say anything, it might be interpreted as something more suspicious than the actual reality of what happened. Therefore, Ruoyu then decided to tell Yuxi everything, focusing on the fact that it wasn't anything special and that it was just a fleeting emotion.

Yuxi was taken aback, her face paling when she heard everything Ruoyu had to say. At the end, she stated, voice trembling, "You're… sure you don't like him." It wasn't a question.

���Yes," Ruoyu said, biting the inside of her cheek.

Hearing this, Yuxi was assured, a smile blooming across her face. "Okay. Good. I knew you were my best friend."

Ruoyu smiled as well, nodding.

This was the right thing to do. Kindness was the key to life.

…

On a quiet evening, a month later, where Ruoyu was eating dinner with her family, her father said something. "Since Qing'er's wedding is coming up soon, Ruoyu, I have found you a suitor as well. It is about time that you get married."

Ruoyu, who was reaching forward to pick up a slice of bamboo shoot, had set down her chopsticks, staring at her father with a smile. "Who, Father?" 

"The first son of the Yang Family, Yang Chen."

Ruoyu's smile immediately fell. "W-who?" she asked, even though she had heard correctly the first time.

Her father, noticing her expression, looked at her with worry. "His father is only a fourth-rank official, yes, but you two would make a good match. I've already seen the boy— he is a reliable and responsible young man. You will be happy with him."

Wordlessly, Ruoyu blinked a few times. 

She thought that Yuxi talked to her father already. She thought that Yang Chen already promised Yuxi to marry her. She thought that everything was final.

How could this engagement appear, just like that? Out of everyone, why did it have to be him?

Chair scraping against the wooden floor, Ruoyu stood up. In front of her family, she bowed deeply, her voice barely more than a whisper. "Please excuse this daughter's disrespect. I'm not feeling well, and I will have to retire early for dinner. Please continue on with your meal."

Like that, she left, walking slowly out of the room, before breaking out into a run back to her courtyard.

Moments later, her mother entered the room, asking Ruoyu what was wrong. Ruoyu didn't mention anything, only assuring her mother that everything was alright.

Moments after that, when her mother had left, her sister went in to check on her. When Ruoyu laid her eyes on Ruoqing's face, she burst out into tears. Ruoqing immediately rushed forward, cradling Ruoyu into a hug, desperately asking Ruoyu what was wrong. Was she unhappy with the marriage because of the lower rank the Yang Family was at? Or did she already have someone in mind before this?

Ruoyu could only shake her head, saying in between her tears, "I don't know— I don't know— I don't know—" 

She should have been happy. 

But when she thought of Liu Yuxi, how could she be? How was she ever going to face her closest friend again, with this engagement in place?

…

Ruoyu had avoided Liu Yuxi, and she never gave Yuxi an explanation why. Her sister's marriage occurred, and days later, she couldn't avoid her friend for any longer. Yuxi demanded an explanation. She demanded to know why she was being treated this way.

When Ruoyu told her, Yuxi stumbled back, shaking her head. The amount of betrayal and pain flashing in Yuxi's eyes— Ruoyu had never seen an expression like that before. She was unwilling to accept any of this, believing it all to be a lie. 

Ruoyu tried to explain. Explain that it wasn't her fault, that she did nothing, that her father was the one who set the engagement in place… and at last, she managed to get Yuxi to calm down, to listen.

But at the end of the meeting, when the two walked away from each other, Ruoyu clearly felt that things were different. After this day, things would never be the same again.

…

The day of her marriage finally arrived. Ruoyu was dressed in red, carried by the sedan to the house of the groom. 

She gave Liu Yuxi an invitation to the wedding, not to spite her friend, but that she genuinely wanted to see her closest friend on such an important day.

At the end of the day, when Ruoyu waited in the bridal room, she asked a maid of someone by the name of "Liu Yuxi" ever attended the wedding. The maid told her that there wasn't. 

Ruoyu gave a small laugh of defeat. What did she expect? Of course Yuxi would not attend the wedding. 

Only later on would she discover that on the day of her wedding, Liu Yuxi's father was thrown into jail for being incapable of treating the illness of the Empress Dowager. And only much, much later after that, when decades had passed, would she learn that her father, the man who always taught her kindness, mercy, and forgiveness, was the cause of the Liu Family's downfall. 

…

Ruoyu adapted well into married life. 

Her parents had taught her how to be a kind, merciful, and forgiving person, so she made a filial, virtuous, and loyal wife. 

Yang Chen was a good husband. Just like before, during the time with the pastries, he was always patient, gentle, and generous. And although it guilted her, Ruoyu did love him. It came naturally, not just as one of her responsibilities. 

She thought that he loved her too, for the briefest of moments, until one night, he came back home, staggering like a drunk. She could tell by his red face and the alcohol on his breath that he had been out drinking. 

It was then, while she helped him onto the bed and took care of him, that he called out one name: Liu Yuxi. He rambled about how he forsake her, how he hurt her, how he still loved her, and how he regretted everything. 

Ruoyu stopped. 

She lowered him gently, allowing him to slump onto the bed. Without covering him up with blankets, she stepped back, walking out of the room. The doors closed behind her with a soft thud.

There, in the darkness of the night sky, she slumped down, leaning back on her head and hiding her face behind her hands.

What had she expected? Yet again, she should've known better.

But it didn't stop the reality from hurting any less.