Beginning

And so, this is my story, the story of my life and death, if I may say so, I am an ordinary worker in a metallurgical plant, my task is to press various buttons, so that the metal poured out when necessary, and where necessary, and, here my working day came to an end, I said goodbye to my buddies and went to my car, oh yes, I almost forgot to describe to you my appearance. And so, I am a man of European appearance with a short beard, hair color gray, I'm 43, despite this, I never started a family, it played a lot of reasons that I'm too lazy to list, something we got away from the topic, and so I went to my car, then opened it and got in, and then started.

Vitya: "Today is a good day."

Vitya thought, because this time his seven started the first time, he was driving home, he drove to the intersection and saw 2 teenagers sucking on each other.

Vitya: "What if."

Vitya drove back and pressed the gas pedal, then he turned on the headlights and started beeping.

Vitya: "it's time to race the youngsters!"

Then the teenagers jumped out of the way expecting the car to hit a bench, but then it just turned, they heard laughter from the car. 

Boy: Are you out of your fucking mind!!!??

Hears Vitya driving away.

Vitya: (laughter) (sighs) never get bored.

We forgot to mention an important factor, Vitya liked to make fun of people, but his jokes sometimes (almost constantly) crossed the norm not only morality, but also the law, and he also liked to watch cartoons.

After that, Vitya safely arrived at the house and parked, then he went out past his neighbors and old grandmothers, who of course considered him a drug addict, then a gangster, then in general a drug dealer, a couple of times even called the police, and once the special forces, though he did not understand the reason, Then the SWAT team told him that they had been informed that a child kidnapper lived here, and as you can see he had a bad relationship with his neighbors and grandmothers, as luck would have it, their balcony with pickles and other supplies was right under his window, and he loved to feed the pigeons. After he went into his one room he sat down at his computer and started watching Phineas and Ferb, of all the characters he liked Fufelschmerz the most, mostly because he was laughing with him, after watching the last season he decided to go for a walk.

Vitya: "it's such nice weather today."

Then all of a sudden some gopnik with a knife came out from behind a pole.

Gopnik: Got any change?! 

Vitya: I do, I'll get it, but please put the knife away.

Gopnik: you'll give me some more...!

Vitya took out a pepper spray and sprayed him point-blank in the eyes, then he ran as far away from the screaming gopar as possible.

Vitya: "Fuck you, I've already spent three pepper sprays."

Vitya saw a policeman who was walking around the city, so he ran up to him.

Vitya: (sighs) there's an armed attack on me! The perpetrator may still be there! 

Policeman: Okay, show me where it was! 

They ran to the place, there they saw how this gopnik wiped his eyes, and then when he saw them he ran.

Policeman: stay here! 

Vitya: okay.

The policeman ran after him, and as expected caught up with him, after which he tied him up, then there was all that, filling out the protocol, etc. In general, Vitya came out only after about 2 hours.

Vitya: "Not doughboys so gopis, God, why the fuck are they still there?"

Vitya went home, he safely reached home, then undressed and sat on the couch.

Vitya: "Yeah, if it goes on like this, I can safely be taken to the police, well goparets thanks to me they certainly half of the precinct they've recruited".

Then Vitya stripped down to his underwear and went to sleep on the bed, and then he died, his blood clot had broken off.