Monsters are real

"Monsters are real. Ghosts are real too. They live inside us and sometimes they win"

-Stephen King

Mishti lay on the hospital bed listlessly watching the world go around her, trying to process everything that had happened to her. Three days had passed since Ronobir's last visit and she still wasn't able to lessen the ache in her chest every time the memory of his words came back to haunt her. Her eyes were trained on the ceiling as one of her hands played absently with the tube that was connected to the other one.

Her father hadn't returned either and Mishti wondered if he was ever going to show up, she couldn't shut off what Ronobir had told her about how her father was going to sacrifice his freedom to give her the life he thought she wanted.

But was that what she truly wanted? And even if it was, how could she allow her father to make that sacrifice for her? Condemn him to a life in the shadows? She knew he had done his fair share of evil deeds and probably deserved to be locked away, but he was her father and the instinct to protect him overrode other sensibilities or conscience, plus who was she to decide who deserved punishment? Weren't her own hands tainted with blood, gone was the innocent Mishti!

Her mind strayed to the past, to the time when she had been uprooted from the only life she knew; she had hated Ronobir in the beginning, oh how she had loathed him! But somehow unbeknownst to her, the man had found his way into her heart and rooted himself there, making a room in her heart that kept growing until it took over her entire heart, making life without him an impossible feat. He made her fall for him and proceeded to break her heart by telling her he never loved her and that she was a stumbling block in his way.

But Mishti knew her husband well and even if he believed he could fool her, the truth was that she had him figured out. His words had hurt her more than anything, the blow he delivered two days ago had been more brutal than any of the cruel acts he had committed against her in the past, but deep down inside her soul, Mishti knew that none of what came out of his mouth was what he truly meant, it wasn't true. It was a way to 'protect' her and 'decide' for her what her future should be.

Because she knew deep inside to the very core of her heart that Ronobir loved her, she had seen it in every glance and every touch. He was abandoning her out of some stupid sense of righteousness and she was going to allow it because she was done fighting for him. Throughout their marriage, she had been the one that was always trying to pick up the pieces and trying to make the best of it, but no more. She was done!

Mishti's inner turmoil was interrupted when the young doctor, Avantika walked in with a troubled expression. The girl lying on the bed couldn't help the hostility in her expression as she regarded the doctor, she knew the woman was guilty of nothing but at the moment she couldn't help but feel that everyone associated with Ronobir was an enemy.

"You knew didn't you?" the words came out with more bite than she had intended but she couldn't find herself regretting it.

Avantika looked startled for a second before schooling her features again as she moved closer to her bed, "I'm sorry Mishti!" The young doctor took her vitals and checked her wounds while Mishti tried her best to refrain from verbally lashing out at her, she knew she was being unfair but she wasn't thinking rationally at the moment.

"Is there anyone in the world who isn't loyal to him?" she asked harshly once Avantika had stepped away from her and was scribbling down on her chart.

The glare the doctor sent her way let her know that she might have gone too far, "I am loyal to my patients Mishti," she said in a clipped tone before looking around to make sure there was no one outside the room and walking close to her again, "Which is why I'm going to tell you this."

The worried look on Avantika's face was enough to send Mishti into a worried frenzy, she had a sinking feeling that whatever it was she wanted to tell her couldn't be good, "What is it?"

She sighed and bit her bottom lip furiously, "Ronobir might kill me for not telling him this, but this should concern you and only you."

"Avantika...what's going on?"

"When you were brought in we did some tests on you, you're five weeks pregnant"

The words that left the woman's mouth were enough to render Mishti speechless, her hands moving instantly to her flat belly. She didn't want to believe the doctor's words but a part of her knew that there was a strong possibility that what she was saying was true.

"What?"

"I wanted you to be the first to know so I didn't tell Ronobir and then Rudra told me about Ronobir's plans and I..." Avantika looked down as if the thing she was going to say next truly pained her, "Whatever happens next is up to you." Mishti's eyes flew to hers immediately, "If you choose to have this baby and start your new life with it, I will take this secret to my grave." The doctor smiled kindly at her, "And if you choose to terminate this pregnancy, I won't utter a word."

Mishti felt her throat getting dry at what Avantika was implying, "Terminate...?"

Kill her baby? Her hand clutched her gown above her belly as she thought about the life growing inside her. Her eyes watering as she remembered the talk she and Ronobir had in which he expressed that he wanted many children with her.

A baby, she was having his baby. It felt surreal as she struggled to process what that meant in her life at this junction of time when everything was a mess!

"This is completely your choice Mishti," Avantika's quiet voice snapped her out of her trance and she blinked to focus on the young woman again. Her mind was a jumbled mess and at the moment she couldn't understand the implications of her condition.

"I need..."

"Yes of course," Avantika nodded, "You'll be getting released later this afternoon so I'll come back to check on you in a couple of hours." The doctor squeezed her hands before giving her a reassuring smile and walking out of the room.

Mishti let out a breathless gasp she didn't even know she was holding while she allowed the tears to fall freely from her eyes. An instant surge of protectiveness washed over her and she covered her belly with her hands, she was horrorstruck at the thought of what her baby could have suffered while she was in the hands of the sadistic Salim Kamali.

There was no doubt in her mind that ending her pregnancy was the last thing she wanted. There was a life growing inside of her, a life created out of her love and passion for Ronobir, a life that would always remind her of her love for him, and she was going to protect it at all costs. Suddenly the idea of her father's plan seemed perfect; her child would grow up in a safe environment and not amidst violence, and no one would expect him or her to follow in their father's footsteps.

But could she do that? Knowing what she knew about her husband and how damaged he was, could she deny him the opportunity of redeeming himself? Of having the one thing he didn't even know he wanted? Could she take his child away from him?

With a heavy heart, Mishti closed her eyes as tears rolled down her cheeks.

She slept most of the morning, too emotionally drained to keep herself awake. She couldn't get the images of her siblings lying dead, out of her head or the expression on Veer's face when he realized she had shot him. Mishti wondered if she was ever going to be okay with what she had done. She had ended a life and it was difficult to reconcile with that fact.

Her best friend waltzing into the room, woke her from her uneasy slumber. Mishti's face lit up with joy and her heart expanded at finally seeing Ananya, who hadn't been able to visit her until now.

"Hey there gorgeous!" the girl said with a wide smile as she perched herself at the foot of Mishti's bed, "I'm sorry I haven't been here before." Mishti stretched her hands to clasp her friends' trying to erase the remorseful look from her face.

"It's all right!"

Ananya sighed as she squeezed her friend's hands, "Dad wanted me back home and I only managed to escape now," Ananya's eyes searched Mishti's hesitantly and she realized that Ananya knew exactly all that had happened to her and that the events that had transpired had changed Mishti's life forever.

"It's fine Anu" Mishti reassured her while shaking her head sadly.

Ananya looked down for a heartbeat, her mouth opened and closed a few times as if she was gathering her courage to say what she wanted to say, when the words finally left her mouth Mishti knew why she had been so hesitant, "I heard about your father," she whispered.

Mishti's heart stopped in her chest and she raised her eyebrows in surprise, "You did?"

"Sikander told me," Ananya looked ashamed as she spoke.

"Of course!" Mishti spat out disdainfully. She loved him as a friend but at the moment he was only a reminder of the man who had broken her heart.

"Mishti..."

"I don't want to hear a word about Ronobir," she snapped, "I'm tired of everyone thinking I can't handle things."

Ananya gave her a sympathetic look as she squeezed her hands again, "They do it because they love you."

Mishti rolled her eyes in a gesture that made her look like a petulant child, "Maybe my dad."

A small smile played on Ananya's lips as she regarded her kindly, "You don't believe that."

"Yes, I do!"

They remained in silence for a few seconds until Ananya spoke again, "I think it's a good idea."

"What?" Mishti's eyes snapped up at her in utter surprise.

"You'll get what you have always wanted Mishti," Ananya's smile was encouraging but in her eyes, Mishti could see the truth, the girl didn't mean what she was saying. "This life was never for you, you don't thrive on power or violence. You wanted a simple life; this is your chance of getting it."

Mishti knew what her friend was saying made perfect sense especially now that she had a baby growing inside her belly, but the more she thought about it the more she realized running away was not what she wanted. It might seem like a convenient solution but she realized that she was tired of not facing up to who she was, the reality of what it meant to be born in the life she had been, how much that had shaped her even without her realizing that it made her who she was and she didn't want to give that up. She did not want to give up her whole existence

Perhaps that made her selfish as far as her baby was concerned, but she believed it was time she thought about herself for a change. All her life, Mishti had done what her family expected of her, she had even married Ronobir to secure her family's future but every single one of those actions had backfired on her.

She was done pleasing everyone. She was now going to reclaim her life, and show everyone that she was more than a pretty doll on a display, she had a mind of her own. The experiences of the recent past had changed her inexorably, made her stronger, perhaps a little cynical but she felt empowered by her ability to make decisions for herself without being a helpless victim whose life was tossed around by decisions made by people around her. No one was going to bully her now, right or wrong she would make the pivotal decisions regarding her life, and herself!

"No, no Anu!" she spoke urgently as the fire inside her blazed on, "In getting this I lose everything else." She sat up on the bed ignoring the pain that shot up from her wound, "I've built a life here and I won't leave it just because they have decided it's what's best!" Ananya seemed to want to argue with her but Mishti didn't even give her a chance to speak, "I'm tired of people making decisions in my name." She took a deep breath, "Would you want me gone?"

Ananya's face changed after hearing her friend's words, "Of course not, you're my family."

"And my family is here, I won't hide anymore," there was a determination on her face that Ananya had never seen before and she realized at that moment that her friend had changed so much from the girl she used to be, "I was born into this world and I'm going to die in it. There was never a chance for a normal life for me and I won't let my father sacrifice himself so I can get it."

"You've grown up" she voiced her thoughts while she gave her a proud smile.

Mishti shook her head, "Maybe, maybe not but I sure as hell know what I want and it's not to run away."

Ananya nodded in silent agreement feeling extremely proud of her best friend and promising to support her through everything. If Mishti wanted to fight she was going to fight alongside her and they sure as hell were going to win.

Rishabh stepped into the living room and snorted when he saw his brother lying next to the fireplace. Two days' stubble on his face, probably two days' clothes on his body, and a bottle of bourbon next to his heart.

"I am supposed to lie down next to you and tell you it's going to be okay?" he jested as he looked down at Ronobir, "I never took you for a Grey's Anatomy fan."

His brother opened one eye to see him and raised his middle finger in his direction, "Screw you!"

Rishabh sighed and proceeded to lie down on the floor next to his brother, "You are depressing, just being next to you is making me depressed."

Ronobir made an annoyed sound before raising the bottle to his lips and drinking, "Shut up Rishabh." The youngest brother raised an eyebrow in the direction of the older, surprised that the man hadn't choked on his liquor yet.

"I'm just surprised at you Ronobir; I never took you for a coward."

This seemed to catch Ronobir's attention since he opened both eyes and turned his head to stare balefully at his brother, "What? I'm not a coward, you idiot," he scowled. "This is the first time I'm being fucking selfless in my life why don't you show me some support?"

Rishabh laughed under his breath, sometimes he wondered if it would be possible to fix his brother's fucked up mind, "I would if I thought you were making the right choice but as far as I'm concerned you're making the biggest mistake of your life."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, you're underestimating Mishti and making the same mistake again."

"What mistake?" Ronobir asked, trying to fake nonchalance as he swigged from the bottle again.

"Making Mishti's decisions without asking her."

"She would have never agreed if I asked her."

Rishabh snorted, "And doesn't that tell you something."

"I can't have her getting hurt, Rishabh," there was a vulnerability in his voice that Rishabh hadn't heard before, "And you know damn well that I can never leave this business." That was a truth that they couldn't ignore, they knew that the only way out of this world was in a coffin, especially for men like Ronobir who had managed to be so renowned and dangerous.

"She is strong, Ronobir... she even killed Veer!"

His brother sighed sadly, "And that will eat her alive." The guilt he felt for what had happened was eroding him from the inside, he wished that he could have prevented it, he wished that she hadn't gone through that horrific experience. He kept picturing her face as she saw Veer bleeding to death, the last thing he had ever wanted, was for Mishtil to have blood on her hands; he was the tainted one, he was the monster, not her. She shouldn't have been put in a position where taking that decision was a matter of life and death if hadn't been for him. "I refuse to change her, I refuse to make her part of the world she's wanted so hard to escape, and I can't change myself so the only way left is to let go of her." On more than one occasion, Mishti had made it clear that she hated this lifestyle before Ronobir had been too selfish to let her go but after almost losing her, when Salim first tried to kidnap her, he realized that the only way to keep her safe was to let her go.

"But why don't you give her the chance of making that decision?"

"I was never meant to have her Rishabh," Ronobir whispered absently, "She was always too good for me, I snatched her away and plunged her into my life. Truth is, we were doomed from the beginning, I am a monster, Rishabh, it's what I've always been and what I will always remain."

"That's not true!"

"But it is, I am. And I fell in love with her and now I must do the right thing by her, I can't let myself keep consuming her, extinguishing the light that shines brightly inside of her. I already hurt her so much when I forced her to become my wife, I don't want to keep hurting her."

Rishabh sighed while shooting his brother a sad look, "It's impossible to argue with you when you make semi-valid points." The younger brother took the bottle from the other's hand and gulped, "I still think what you are thinking and doing is crap though," he returned the bottle to his brother, "And that you must have faith in her but since I know better than to fight you..."

Ronobir nodded absentmindedly, in some dark recesses of his mind he wondered if perhaps his brother was right. But with the condition he was in, he couldn't give it much thought so he did the only thing he could think of, he kept numbing the pain with more alcohol.

He brought the bottle to his lips only to realize it was already empty, he exhaled and sat up as he eyed the cart filled with bottles, "You want to get drunk?" he asked his brother.

Rishabh laughed out loud, "Why do you think I came?"

On the other side of the city, Mishti was storming into her parent's hotel room, Ananya and Shruti had picked her up when she was released from the hospital minutes ago and agreed to take her to her parents.

"I won't do it!" she spat out the minute she was face to face with her parents, who were currently sitting quietly in the small living room of their suite, enjoying their meal. Mishti flinched slightly at the sight of them alone when it always used to be her siblings and herself surrounding them, she realized with a pang that she had lost almost half of her family.

"What?" her father dropped his cutlery on the table as he raised his eyes to stare at her.

Mishti regarded him warily, "I won't let anyone sacrifice themselves for me. If you want to hand yourself do it for yourself, not for me, if not straighten up and get your shit together."

Her mother bristled at her choice of words and her father got so worked up that his nostrils started to flare with barely concealed rage, "Mishti Khanna..."

"I'm not done!" she interrupted her father by raising her hand, "I love you, daddy, I love you so much for wanting to protect me but I'm sick of this," she sighed in exasperation. "You won't keep treating me like a doll, this is MY life and no one will tell me what to do."

Mauli's face softened as she stood up and started walking towards her, "Honey..."

Mishti raised both of her hands in front of her and stopped her mother from coming towards her, "I am Mishti Khanna and I will not go into witness protection, I won't change who I am, I won't be ashamed of who I am and what I've done."

Her mother frowned and a pained expression appeared on her face as she stared at her daughter, while Ishaan's eyes twinkled and a proud smile appeared on his face, "You've changed" he whispered.

It was the second time Mishti had heard these words today and the more she thought about it the more she realized how true they were and how much she had grown since the time she had stepped into the plane to fly towards a life she had never known. She had managed to make a spot for herself in an unfamiliar world and become an integral part of it, no more was she in the shadows and periphery of her own life, she had taken control of her future and she was so glad for it because she couldn't be scared anymore, she was not alone anymore she had to be strong for the life growing inside her.

"The hell I have; I'm done being bossed around."