Tropical State of Mind

The whole afternoon was spent with visiting the local spots and hunting delicacies. Nothing beats a gala with an insider. With Joaquin around, we were able to go to places that the tour guides won't normally take us.

Should I consider it as one of the perks of having him? With us. That's what I mean.

"Ate, 100 na lang please." nakailang tawad na ako sa tindera. Ate, please bumigay ka na.

I want the shirt with the Palawan map. This will be one of my mementos of this place. Bibilhan ko na din si dad para pareho kami. Pipilitin ko na din sila kuya para isuot namin ng sabay-sabay. The original price was 250 pero nakuha ko pa din ng 120. I remind myself na singilin ang mga kapatid ko.

Naengganyo din ang kaibigan ko. Georgina tried copying me but failed miserably. Sa awa ko, tinulungan ko siya sa binili niya.

"This is fun" sabi niya.

My heart and stomach are full. Kadarating pa lang pero I feel so happy with this place. It's like where I belong. Maybe I should move up here like everyone else is doing?

"Hanggang kailan ka dito?" I heard sangko asking Joaquin. Pasimple akong lumapit para marinig ng maayos ang pinag-uusapan nila.

"Maybe two more weeks." he replied.

Magpaiwan kaya ako? I pinched my thighs to stop myself. Stop daydreaming Lilliana!

Si Joaquin na ang nagdrive sa van na sakay namin dahil siya ang may kabisado sa lugar. Good thing the traffic was light kaya mabilis lang ang naging byahe.

"Here." Georgina gave me her sunscreen.

Again? This is the nth time. Pakiramdam ko ang lagkit na ng balat ko.

"Wipe yourself first kung naiinitan ka." kinuha ko na ang buong bag niya na kung anu-anong 'essentials' ang laman.

Hindi ko na matandaan kung nakailang apply kami ng sunscreen. Georgina wanted to be tanned but not toasted. But you see, there's a fine line between 'tanned' and 'toasted'. Once you miscalculated, it's already too late.

Are we vampires in the making?

Naiiling na lang ako sa laki ng impluwensiya niya sa akin. That's why they say 'choose your friends'.

Her goal is to achieve that glow from the sun kaya naman she's being very careful. Pinaghahandaan ang darating na pasukan.

"Maybe we should go home." aya ni Joaquin. His voice too deep, causing chaos to my system.

Just keep talking please, hiling ko.

"Malapit na ang rush hour." I shrugged. Fine with me now that I have you here.

Napatitig ako sa kamay niya na nakahawak sa manibela. I blushed hard when I remember our not-so-wholesome conversation. Kita rin ang ugat sa mga ito. His hands are long and dangerously masculine. I fanned my face.

This is your fault Georgina! You and Barbara has corrupted me. I better filter everything you say the next time.

Padami na din ng padami ang tao dito kaya naisipan na naming bumalik. Iniiwasan naming gabihin sa daan.

"Let's play volleyball!" aya ni Georgina.

I snapped my head in her direction. I can be considered athletic but that sport hates me. Really. I can't, for the life of me, learn to be good at it.

Mark is the volleyball team captain of our school. Patting my head, he flashed an understanding smile because he knows my dilemma.

Joaquin caught our interaction and his jaw tensed.

Last time my PE teacher almost attempted to force me to quit playing. Nahihirapan kasi akong kontrolin ang lakas at direksyon nito.

"Miss Severino! What is your problem? Can't you grasp your body's coordination?" halos maubos ko na ang kaniyang pasensya. Nakailang tips na din siya pero wala pa ring epekto.

"I'm sorry Ma'am. I'll do it again." pero pagod na po ako.

I swear I'm trying pero bakit tila walang epekto?

I steeled my heart and pushed myself.

The Severinos are dedicated to its task. But can we switch to other sports? I'm quite skilled pagdating sa basketball. Pwede ding football.

That's the first time I hated our PE class. I swear iiwasan ko ang sports na ito sa college.

Kuya laughed ng makita ang mukha ko. There's a grimace visible on my face while reminiscing.

"We're just playing for fun Lil." for you, not for me.

I give him my best puppy eyes. Not volleyball please. We can build sand castles kuya.

"You can team up with me" Mark suggested. Sumang-ayon naman ang mga kaibigan ko. Bakit ngayon mo lang sinabi?

Joaquin's eyes dimmed a bit when he heard it.

I hopped to Mark's side oblivious to what's happening.

"Yes captain!" I saluted and held his arm. He just chuckled at my actions. Nasanay na siya sa aming tatlo.

Feeling someone staring at me, I checked my surroundings pero wala naman. Baka guni-guni ko lang. I brushed my thoughts to focus on the game kahit alam kong walang pag-asa.

Kaharap ko si Joaquin while playing, resulting to me being more clumsy than usual. Nagpipigil sila ng tawa sa kapapanood sa akin. Hindi ako sigurado kung parte ba ito ng strategy ni Barbara, tinawanan niya lang ako ng simangutan ko siya.

"Mine!" sigaw ni Barbara sabay kindat sa akin.

You're using my weakness against me! This is unacceptable.

Joaquin still has this dark aura looming around him. I ignored him, trying to not even spare him a glance but the ball kept coming to him. Bumibilis ang tibok ng puso ko tuwing nagkakatinginan kami. Pagod lang ako, I reasoned to myself.

Out of sight, out of mind. Maybe, it can also be out of heart.

"One more time. Please." Georgina says.

"Are you sure you want that?" mataray na tanong ni Barbara.

"We'll give Lilliana to you." I just rolled my eyes at their banter.

Nakailang set din kami dahil pilit humihirit ang mga kaibigan ko, Georgina can't accept the result. Ganoon pa man, natalo pa din kami ng kabilang team. This is the time when I should say 'I told you so'.

They have the perfect coordination. Masaya pa ding natapos ang laro. They stayed for a while pero pumasok na din para makapaglinis na.

Finally! I have this place to my own.

Naglakad ako sa tabing dagat. Nagpaiwan para abangan ang paglubog ng araw. Let's date Mr. Sun.

Kailan kaya darating ang panahon na may makakasama ako sa paghanga sa iyo? Realizing where my thoughts are heading, I scolded myself. Masaya ka naman kahit mag-isa Lilliana.

The Severinos should thrive independently.

I looked at the sun and sighed at its beauty. More beautiful than the next. It's like a woman in love basking in its lover's romance.

Ganyan ba kapag in-love? Glowing and blushing all the time? Hindi siguro. I'm sure there are ups and downs.

Finally feeling the fatigue and exhaustion from the day's activities, I closed my eyes and savor the singing waves. The sea is calling me, lulling me to sleep. Unable to fight the urge, I let my guard down and did just that.

Nagising na lang ako na balot na ng kumot. That was the best sleep I've had in a while. As expected, this activity is therapeutic. The cool air hit me, waking me up. Inabot na pala ako dito ng dilim.

Friends, where art thou?

Thankful for the moon and stars guiding me as I walk, I saw Georgina surfing the net while dipping her feet in the pool. Pangatlong palit na niya ito ng damit. I chuckled at her antics.

She gave me a meaningful look.

"Spill." nagtaka ako.

"Alin?" may nangyari ba?

"Sus, there's no need to be shy." I have no clue. None at all. Is this what you call a guessing game?

"Stop it Georgina."

"Oh, now you won't even share some juicy details with me." she clutched her hands, pretending to be hurt.

"Maybe I'll start talking kung alam ko kung tungkol saan ito." I said.

"Seriously? Kayo lang dalawa ang naiwan doon. Mahigit isang oras din iyon ha. I used stopwatch." she raised her phone.

This isn't funny. I'm alone. As far as I know. Isa pa, itinulog ko kung ano man ang sinasabi niya. May nangyari ba?

Umiling siya. Suko na sa pagdedeny ko.

"Your kuya Joaquin went there to check on you. Kababalik lang niya. Akala ko nag-usap kayo?" napatingin siya sa kumot na dala ko at itinuro ito.

"I thought it was my kuya who brought this." I whispered to myself. Nag-init ang pisngi ko. Pinanuod niya ba akong matulog? Binantayan niya ba ako habang tinatanaw ang palubog na araw?

Stop thinking Lilliana! Umaasa ka na naman.

My heart skipped a beat. Leaving a small hope I don't even know existed.

"Yeah. Keep calling her your kuya when all you wanna do is drop that kuya part." she crossed her arms and curled her lips.

Gusto kong burahin ang mayabang na tingin niya sa akin ngayon. Tila ba naghahamon na pabulaanan ko ang mga sinabi niya.

Still lost, I find logic in this doubtful times to stop myself from entertaining these traitorous thoughts. Just keep minding your own business. Feeling proud of myself for not giving in to this temptation, I smiled. Way to go Lilliana. This thinking will save you. You have a long, long way to go.

"Let's not interpret this into something it isn't." maliit na bagay. Pero ang totoo, gusto kong palakihin.

I tried to remind Georgina hoping and praying that I will also be reminded because of it. Indirect approach should be implemented at times like this.

We went island hopping the next day covered with never-ending sunscreen and wide breamed hat. Diko shaked his head at us.

Mark did his best at his job - catching our moments in his lenses. Kaya naman sa kada lakad ay hindi pwedeng hindi siya kasama. My friends won't allow it. Mawala na ang lahat, wag lang siya.

My heart stopped for a few seconds. Magnificent! Rock formations adorn the ocean. Nilibot namin ang bawat isla. There are some with white sand, with caves and wild waves.

"Let's do kayaking" Barbara pushed Georgina to the direction of my brothers.

"We should do it in pairs. You kids need an adult supervision." as if a 4 year gap will make you that old. I snickered at him.

"Even me?" tanong sa akin ni Mark. I nodded at him. Knowing my brothers, there's no way na papayagan siyang mag-isa.

Ang mga traydor kong kaibigan ay pumili na ng makakasama nila. They knew about Joaquin and me kaya naman inunahan na nila ako. Barbara went to the liveliest Severino - my sangko Severus. Mukhang nalugi naman si Georgina dahil kay diko siya napasama.

"Wear this." sabay abot sa akin ng life vest ni Joaquin. I looked at my friends. Aba't hindi man lang ako nilingon.

He looks like a lazy panther waiting for his prey. Lumapit na ako sa kaniya. I cleared my throat before speaking.

"Saan ako?" he raised his brow.

"I-I mean, sa harap o sa likod?"

"Saan mo ba gusto?" pilyong ngiti niya.

Tinatanong pa ba 'yon?