6

Chapter Six: Advanced Potion-Making.

As the weeks passed, things between Ginny and Harry had gotten better. Harry knew that Ginny still had feelings for him, but it was hard to feel guilty about it. Of course he didn't want to hurt her feelings, but he just didn't like her in that way anymore.

Ron had come off it, which was good, and they were now back to being best friends. He didn't expect Ron to take the news too easily, but Hermione had had his back from the start, which was nice. And Ron eventually realised he was being quite a git over the whole thing.

Harry, personally, was tired of everyone expecting him to be nice and perfect to everyone. He thought that once Voldemort had been defeated that his social status would go back to normal. He was wrong. People still crowded him, wanted things from him, and expected him to be forever a hero.

Of course, since so many students weren't at Hogwarts anymore, it had been much better. Less giggling around him, less whispers. It had been good. Great, actually. But he knew once school picked back up that he wouldn't have this much privacy. It really bothered him, and it also got him down rather badly. He just wanted to be alone sometimes!

He was uncertain about staying at the Borrow these holidays. Mainly because he didn't want to upset Ginny. He was still more than welcome, but he didn't want to hurt her even more. Now that the house was smaller than it had been, he just didn't want Ginny to feel awkward around him. But it wasn't like he had any other friends to stay with. Ron and Hermione were like his family now.

Packing his things into his trunk, he rolled it down the stairs of the common room. Of course, everything would be put on the train by the elves, but he still rolled it down the stairs for them, meeting up with the rest of the left over Gryffindor's.

Seeing Ginny, his eyes lowered a little, not knowing what to say around her. He didn't want to act like nothing had happened, because he knew she still liked him. It felt like the worst thing to do, be normal and lead her on. But he didn't want to bring it up either. Ignoring her felt wrong as well, though. He mentally sighed. He didn't want to have to deal with this all holidays. Maybe staying at Hogwarts would be better for them all…

"Ron," he said, the red-headed boy looking at him. "Can I talk to you for a moment?" When Ron nodded, they walked out of the common room and headed down the stairs a little bit.

"Are you sure this is alright? I feel bad about Ginny. I don't want to upset her any more than she already is," he insisted, pushing his glasses up a little.

Although knowing that Ginny was upset, and she was his sister, Harry was also Ron's best friend, and he knew with everything that had gone on, it wasn't exactly Harry's fault that he couldn't be in a relationship right now.

"Mate, it might be awkward, but you're still welcome. Besides, where else would you go?" he asked, shrugging his shoulders. "I wouldn't want you going back to your aunt and uncle's."

The thought wasn't nice, but at the same time, at least he didn't feel incredibly awkward there. He was just abused and picked on. Plus, now that he was of age, he could always threaten them that he could use magic on them.

He'd heard that the Durlsey's had moved back into Privet Drive now that the threat was gone. Figures they would. At least they had been nice enough to send him a notice.

"Don't worry about it, mate," Ron said, nudging him on the shoulder. "Now c'mon, we should have been done ages back. Don't want the train to leave without us, do you?"

"Of course not," Harry laughed, remembering the enchanted car from Ron's father they had stolen. He smiled a little, but stopped when he heard a familiar call coming down the corridor. Fawkes? But what was he doing here?

Putting his arm out, the phoenix landed gracefully onto it. "Hey, Fawkes," he said, letting the bird nibble his fingers much like Hedwig had done. He wished she were still here. "I should probably take him back. I doubt Snape'll be happy knowing he's out and about."

Ron shrugged. "He'd probably rather come home with us than go back there," he laughed, though stopping when Harry gave him a rather nasty look. "Alright, go take him back. We'll meet you at the docks."

Nodding, Harry walked away from his friend and headed to the dungeons where he figured Snape would be. It was curious what the bird was doing out. Usually Dumbledore had him kept in his office in his own company. Maybe Fawkes really had flown away. Either way, he knew Snape wouldn't be happy about him having his phoenix.

Making his way down the stairs, he knocked on the open door before walking in. Professor Snape was at his desk, a quill in his hand. "Sir… I just came to return Fawkes. I thought he may have flown away without you knowing," he explained, his voice soft.

Snape didn't lift his eyes from his parchment, still continuing to scribble. "I allowed him out," he said bluntly.

Harry's eyes opened a little. Did Snape hate Fawkes so much that he didn't care for him at all? He looked over at the perch where the bird slept. However, he was surprised to see there was a plenty enough amount of frankincense and odoriferous gums, which were the bird's natural diet. Snape was actually looking after him?

"Oh…" he said, surprised. He didn't move, not to put Fawkes down as he was uncertain if Professor Snape actually wanted him there or not when he was working. "Do… do you want me to put him back, or let him back out?"

Looking up from his papers, Snape placed his hands together on the desk. "Mister Potter, it's come to my attention that you no longer have an owl. I merely thought that, if you sought, you could take that wretched pigeon over the holidays so I could get some work done." He picked his quill back up and continued his notes.

Once more, Harry's green eyes widened at the thought, amazed that Snape would ever allow something. He didn't bother asking why, though. He didn't want to ruin this chance.

He grinned, the bird nuzzling against his cheek. "If… if you're allowing me to? Then… yes, Professor. I'd love to," he smiled. Wait, Snape was working over the holidays?

Frowning a little, he moved forward, Fawkes climbing down his arm and walking across the desk. "Wait… you're staying here over the holidays?" he asked. "Don't you have anywhere else to stay?"

Snape scowled as Fawkes pecked at the quill in his hand, snapping it away from him. "Due to recent events, the headmistress has asked me to stay at Hogwarts over the holidays. I agreed," he said, lifting a brow as he looked to the boy. Harry seemed somewhat… hurt by this? He had no idea why he'd even care an inch for what the hell he was doing over the holidays. He was a professor, after all.

Right, the bounty hunters. Harry should have known. Still, he felt awful that Professor Snape had to stay here alone. "Are you sure you don't want to keep Fawkes? For company, I mean," he said, feeling his cheeks heat up as Snape's dark eyes rose to his.

Looking at the young man that stood before him, Severus saw the cheeks turn a very satisfying shade of red. Why Harry was blushing or embarrassed, he had no idea, but the look was quite nice on him. Not all that cocky arrogance. Instead, he looked rather vulnerable.

"The bird will distract me more than necessary," he made clear, Fawkes nibbling on his fingers. He groused, removing his hand from the desk.

Harry grinned. "I can see that," he said, though his smile disappearing when Snape shot him a rather detesting look. He swallowed heavily, taking a step back. "Will I need anything with him? His perch and food?"

This time, Snape stood up, picking the bird up on his wrist and putting him onto his stronger shoulder. Walking over to one of the cabinets, he pulled out a few phials and put them into a small velvety bag before thrusting it to Potter's chest. "That should last him the holidays."

He lifted the bird from his right shoulder and put his arm out for the boy to take him. "I will have his perch delivered with your trunk for the train," he informed, turning back around and taking a seat at his desk once more as Harry took the phoenix.

Watching Fawkes, he seemed to get restless at the idea he was going somewhere else. Harry smiled gently, patting his head. "It's alright, Fawkes, you'll have fun at the Burrow, and then you'll be back here with Professor Snape again."

Watching the scene before him, Snape didn't know whether to gag or downright puke. He did furrow his brow when he realised Harry seemed to lose his enthusiasm. "Is there something wrong, Potter?" he asked rather snappily, as if he truly didn't care.

Harry's green eyes went from Fawkes for a moment, giving a gentle shrug. "I just miss Hedwig… that's all," he said, a small and sad smile creasing one side of his lips. "It's nothing, Professor. I'll bring back Fawkes after the holidays, I promise."

As the boy turned around, shoving the bag into his oversized pocket, Severus frowned a little as he left the room. He never realised how much Potter could actually care for something, let alone something like an owl. Personally, he thought the boy would think it just a tool. Clearly Hedwig was more than that then he thought.

He had seen the way Harry had been looking at Fawkes a few weeks back, and it was clear the boy enjoyed the company of the phoenix. He'd been out and about the grounds a few more times as well before he'd come back for the afternoon and sleep here, flying near Harry and getting his attention.

Severus didn't mind the bird roaming the grounds as long as nothing happened to him. Plus… there was something… calming about seeing the two of them together.

Looking at the now empty perch, he realised it was as silent as ever here. Usually he wouldn't mind the silence. Silence was good. It got work done. Progress. However, he was becoming quite accustomed to the bird being in his office.

This set of holidays was going to be quite tedious, he knew that much.

*****

"Wow," Ron whispered in amazement to the fiery phoenix perched on Harry's shoulder. "And he's gunna stay with us? That's wicked," he mused, a massive grin on his face. Of course, this wasn't the first time he'd seen Fawkes, but it was the first time he'd seem him up this close, getting to actually pat him.

"I can't believe he let you keep him over the holidays. Mum and Dad are gunna love him. I bet he'll much prefer it at the Burrow than in Snape's dingy office," he snorted.

"Actually, I think Fawkes is rather fond of Snape," Harry said, shrugging his shoulders. Ron gave him a surprised look, but he just disregarded it. "Well, he came back for him, didn't he? I mean… I should be pretty grateful he even let me look after Fawkes over the holidays."

That got Ron's attention. "Yeah… why did he let you take him? Was he annoying him that much?" he laughed, Fawkes nipping him quite hard, as if offended by the statement. He took his hand back immediately, mumbling an, "Ow, bloody bird."

Hermione laughed a little at the defensive nature of the phoenix. She was watching Harry closely, though. He seemed rather happy about the whole thing. Actually, she hadn't seen him this happy since a long time. With everything that had gone on, and all the fighting and losing loved ones, Harry didn't have much time to smile. But it was wonderful seeing him so cheerful again, like when they'd first become friends.

As Hogwarts Express arrived at the station, they all stepped on and sat in one compartment of the train. It would be a few hours until they reached London, and then Ron's mother and father would meet them there. She supposed Apparition would have been much easier, but Harry insisted on taking the long way back. Saying that he wanted to remember the feel of the train when he'd just come to Hogwarts since it was safe again.

Ron didn't question, and considering the train was coming for younger students who couldn't perform such magic yet, they all decided they'd take it with him. Neither one of them really wanted Harry to be alone.

Of course, when they stepped onto the train, Fawkes was put into a different section. Harry had seen the perch was inside, as promised by Professor Snape, and Fawkes had no problem with sharing the compartment with the owls.

Hermione, of course, noticed Harry's eyes searching the cages, as if searching for Hedwig. She knew the snowy owl wouldn't be there, and she knew Harry knew as well. It was sad, though, to see him being reminded of one of his most dearly loved ones.

To many, Hedwig was just an owl, but she cared for Harry very deeply, and he cared for her in return. They had become quite close companions over the years. Harry was very distraught when she had been struck with the killing curse.

Harry had stayed quiet most of the trip, which did concern Hermione. Ron didn't seem to notice, as he was shoving his face with lollies that came down from the lady with her cart. She could see it in his eyes, though, as he looked out the window. Some kind of emptiness. She couldn't blame him. He'd be missing so many right now, and she was sure he wasn't looking forward to all the new faces poking at him when they returned to Hogwarts in September.

*****

Things seemed to distract Harry once they'd arrived at the Burrow. Molly and Arthur were amazing parents, and of course, anyone was welcome into their home—including Fawkes, who had taken favour to Arthur immediately.

They were all exhausted and tired from the long journey home, so when night came, Ron and Hermione left for their bedroom, while Harry was given his own room. Both Hermione and Ron said a goodnight to him before the other boy left into his own room for the night.

Opening the spare room, Harry looked inside and dropped his things onto the floor, smiling. He'd missed this place. It really felt like a home here, and he gathered it probably would be for a long time until he could get a place of his own. He could have stayed at the old Black house, but Hermione had said he needed more company, and it was quite dark and dank there. The Weasley's house was very colouring and comforting. Maybe next holidays he'd go back and pick the place up now that Voldemort was gone.

Settling himself down onto the bed, he took off his jacket and changed into his pyjama pants before walking over to Fawkes. The bird was staying in his room, which he preferred considering it gave him a bit of company. Last time he'd stayed here he'd bunked with Ginny, but… well, of course he wouldn't do that now. It just seemed wrong to.

Things hadn't been too awkward at dinner, which had been great. He thought it might be a lot worse than it was, but Ginny had been quite friendly, and they'd been able to talk without it feeling and seeming very awkward. Things here probably weren't going to be as bad as he thought they were.

Letting his hand go to the phoenix, he gave the bird a gentle scratch against the crest feathers, Fawkes giving a calm purr before he walked back to the bed. He took off his glasses and turned out the lamp beside him, closing his eyes.

*****

The following morning, Harry's eyes opened in shock as he felt an enormous rush of energy push through his systems, making his hand clasp his mouth. He was covered in sweat, like he always was when he'd had nightmares. Of course, the link with Voldemort had ended once he'd been killed, but that didn't mean he didn't see the deaths of everyone in his dreams.

But it wasn't a nightmare. He felt his cheeks burn a deep shade of red as he pushed himself up onto his elbows, feeling the hot, sticky semen on the front of his pants. Merlin, it had been a long time since he'd had any kind of sexually arousing dream.

He looked around the room, as if horrified that anyone was seeing this. Fawkes was staring at him, but that hardly made him feel uncomfortable. He was just a bird, and he'd gotten used to Hedwig being awake when he was. Fawkes probably had no idea what had happened anyway.

Awkwardly, he pushed the covers from him and padded his way to the small ensuite that was in his room. He'd take a shower anyway, considering he hadn't taken one last night. He needed a good clean. So he stripped his pants off and tossed his sweaty shirt into the hamper. He just hoped it was all dry before Mrs Weasley asked to do the cleaning.

Looking at himself in the mirror, he realised his cheeks were still a pink hue, remembering what had happened in his dream. He remembered something hard and hot being pressed into his backside. He remembered skilled fingers against his…

Harry blushed even brighter, having to take off his glasses so he didn't have to look at himself.

He stepped into the shower, adjusting the water and letting it fall over his messy morning hair. He remembered dark hair in his dream, dark, long, shoulder length hair that was soft and silky. And then his eyes opened despite being under the water, making him cup his face.

It was Professor Snape!

*****

At the breakfast table, Harry didn't feel much like eating. As hungry as he was, he felt almost sick to the stomach. Professor Snape!? Why!? What in the world would ever make him dream of that man!? He was a bitter, cruel man who enjoyed tormenting anyone who wasn't a Slytherin. Alright, that was probably harsher than he meant to think considering the man had spent the last seven years saving his life and protecting him.

He rested a hand against his cheek, feeling a chill go down his spine. Despite being clean from his shower, he felt utterly filthy from his dream. How could Snape feel so warm and loving and… passionate!? The man was anything but! He was cold, sadistic and probably didn't even know how to really use his hands like he had in his dream.

Then again, the man was a Potioneer. He had to be skilled with his fingers. No! He wasn't going to think that! He couldn't! And to think… if he wanted to be an Auror, he had to take Potions class. Snape was the only professor that taught Potions now that Horace Slughorn had quit. At least it wasn't until a while before school started again. Still.

Snape was a man!

What the hell did this mean!? He knew he wasn't really into relationships, and Cho and Ginny seemed to be a phase, but Snape was a man! A fully grown man! Surely this didn't mean he was gay…? Wait, was it even that in the wizarding world? Or was it just normal? Did it even have a name!? Argh, this was all just too much!

"Harry, are you alright? You haven't touched your breakfast," said Mrs Weasley, watching the boy curiously. Of course, she didn't expect Harry to be happy as Larry right now considering everything that had happened, but even so. Harry was like another son to her, of course she would worry.

Of course, the whole family knew about the breakup between he and Ginny, but that hardly made a difference. The boy was still one of them. They didn't need to lose anyone else.

Looking up, Harry cleared his throat a little, looking at the bacon that was in front of him. "Sorry, I was just… Yeah, I'm fine," he smiled, picking up his fork and deciding that he should eat something, if not just to get Mrs Weasley from asking questions.

The whole morning he tried to keep his mind away from the dream he'd had, but it kept coming back. It was like some kind of irritant, poking and prodding back into his head at the most awkward of times. It made him feel strange, strange in both a good and a bad way.

He wasn't thinking about it on purpose, in fact, he was deliberately trying not to, but the more he tried to push it away, the more the images came back, and it made his whole body shiver in both delight and disgust as he remembered those fingertips against his body, the warm chest against his back.

He wondered if staying at Hogwarts might have been a better idea. Maybe if he was alone, he wouldn't have had such a dream. Maybe he would have just had his usual nightmares. Being in such a comfortable homey area had made him relaxed, had made his mind wander into strange places.

It did get him thinking about Professor Snape, though. A lot. Well, it was hard not to. The man wasn't exactly the most attractive of people. He gathered that some of the girls around Hogwarts probably thought he was charming in a cruel and mysterious manner, but he hardly thought that.

He didn't really know Snape on a personal level. How could he? They hated one another. Well… he thought they did until he realised what Snape had been doing this whole time.

Seeing in the memory that Snape had actually cared for him, he never once thought it to be in that kind of way! But he felt his cheeks warm up at the thought, his chest fluttering a little.

No, Snape had done what he had because he had been in love with his mother. Hell, he could be his own father if James didn't work out! The thought of that was a bit gross, but it did make him feel bad. His father had picked on Snape far too much to the point where he couldn't enjoy it. A snide comment here and there, but his father had been much crueller than that. He was sure he'd dislike his father just as much if he had been treated that way. It seemed like such a Malfoy thing to do…

It was late evening when he decided that he just couldn't hold it in anymore. He couldn't tell Ron, because he'd just laugh and he wasn't mature enough to understand, so he thought Hermione would. Plus, she was the smart one; maybe she could explain that it was nothing but hormones or something.

Of course, telling her that he'd had a sex dream about a professor was hardly how he wanted to start the conversation. So instead, he had Fawkes sitting with him outside, and just took the opportunity when Hermione came outside to check on him.

"He's quite lovely," the girl said. She was wary of patting him at first, looking at the sharp, curved beak, but when Harry said it was alright, she did so, letting her fingers glide through the silky feathers.

"Do you suppose Snape gave him to you because he knows you're missing Hedwig?" she asked, still wondering why the professor would ever give anything to Harry. She couldn't say much for Snape, because she hadn't been with him when Harry had been, so she didn't know how he was to act around her friend—besides the usual snarky remarks. Clearly there was some good in the man, though.

Harry however? She'd noticed Harry had been less hateful towards the professor ever since he'd seen the man's memories. Had they even spoken about it yet? Maybe they had, and maybe that's why they didn't seem so angry with one another. She couldn't imagine a conversation going down well between the two of them, though. And yet, she was quite curious to Harry's intentions.

Harry frowned, giving a bit of a shrug as he remembered his owl. His first owl. His first pet, really. "I dunno…" he murmured gently into the night. "I doubt he cares about the loss of Hedwig. I don't think he's ever had a pet before, unless you call the dead animal parts for potions pets," he laughed, Hermione giving a look of disgust.

"Actually, he has a very handsome raven. I saw it once delivering his mail. Although, I haven't seen it in a long time. Maybe it's gone now…"

Surprised, Harry didn't know that. Then again, he'd never really cared to know. Trust Snape to have something like a raven instead of an owl, though. Something dark and mysterious.

"He did notice she was gone," he said, looking at Hermione for a moment. "But… I think he knew that when she died."

Snape had been in the attack that night when he'd been moved from Privet Drive, so he was pretty certain he'd seen the death of his owl. "I think maybe he just wanted to get some work done before school starts again," he shrugged.

Hermione could see that. She knew Snape was a man who liked silence so he could get things done quickly and professionally. She was still curious and worried, though. But then maybe it was nothing. Maybe the man was just starting to be nice because the Dark Mark wasn't pestering him anymore, or maybe because Voldemort was gone or… who knew, really. If anything, Harry should be being more nice to Snape considering what he had done for him all these years.

Looking out over the field, Harry felt a small smile crease his lips at how much this felt like home to him. Not the cupboard under the stairs, getting fed like a proper human being, and surrounded by friends and family.

But there was something that still felt like it was missing. He didn't know what it was, but he knew there was a certain desire that came with it, making him look back away and causing him to turn his attention back to Fawkes.

He wanted to tell someone what he was feeling, but the words weren't right in his head. He couldn't even form anything. He wouldn't even know where to start! Maybe telling Hermione wasn't such a good idea, and he felt even better when Ron decided to come out and join them, breaking the tension that had been slowly growing.

They stayed outside for a while longer before Harry decided he wanted to head to bed. He put Fawkes back on the perch, the bird leaning down to grab some food to nibble on. He headed to the bed himself, putting his clean bottoms on and slipping beneath the sheets.

He was about to take his glasses off and turn out the light when he heard Fawkes flap his wings, landing on the floor near his open trunk. He watched curiously as the bird dug through his things.

"Oi," he whispered loudly, the bird pulling something out.

Pushing himself up to see what the phoenix had, he forgot that Fawkes could lift more than his own weight, and all of a sudden a book was shoved onto his bed in his lap. He looked down at it. Hesitant to take it, he knew what it was, he was just surprised. Why? Why would Fawkes give him this?

In his lap lay the Advanced Potion-Making book that had been property of The Half-Blood-Prince, which he now knew was Snape. He'd gotten it back out of the Room of Requirement before it had been burnt down. Of course, Snape didn't know this. No one did, actually. If Ron and Hermione found out, they'd probably have a go at him.

But why was Fawkes giving it to him? Wait, maybe he missed Snape? Yes, that was surely it. He smiled a little, trying to push any other thought out of his head. "When we get back to Hogwarts, I promise, the first place I'll go is to Snape's office so you can go back home," he said, lifting his hand and scratching the bird's neck.

Fawkes flew back to his perch and snuggled in for the night, but Harry didn't. Instead of sleeping, he opened the book and looked at the scribbled running writing of a young Severus Snape.