I want to know

(Rorim's POV)

I counted the days until the time was right for me to execute my plan. My <i>prank</i>. And two days have already passed but Norman still hasn't come up to me. Not even just to check me up after I left him there (last Wednesday) or just to return the bracelet with a repaired lock. That was the only thing I needed after all, a cue.

In those two days, I made an excuse. Sam came to me many times, more frequent than I expected her to, and would invite me to do 'stuff' with them. I couldn't. I had to do it for my plan and I had to indulge other acquaintances' selfishness - eating lunch together. Truth be told, it was a bit unsettling. Not because there were other unfamiliar faces around and not because I didn't know what they were all talking about, no. It was unsettling because I could see the group's eyes dart on my table from time to time. I could sense a bitter feeling of betrayal emanating from their side, like dark, stinging electricity ready to bite everyone on the table but me. The hissing bitterness was definitely Sam's. Apart from that, there was also a inscrutable stare from Norman. To both, I ignored.

That Saturday morning, I woke up early and prepared. I slightly looked forward to it, knowing that I haven't done that since the <i>accident</i>.

I still have our last trip from grocery errand ingrained in my memory, when Robin, mom and I enjoyed ice-cream in the car while dad drove the long road slowly back home. The song on the radio played, Robin savored his melting ever-favorite mint chocolate chip, mine on my strawberry and peanut butter pint, mom held their dark chocolate cone to dad as he leaned in a bit for a taste. That casual leisure had become a ritual ever since Robin and I asked for a vanilla cone when we were ten. We could have been doing that until now, except that I was left here with those memories.

Riding the bus to the city, I sat next to the window. Gilbert was next to me and Zen next to him. October breeze swept my hair as I watched the cars go, the colonnade of trees' chase and the road become nothing, making the bus float swiftly in the air. The ride there was smooth, mostly quiet, peaceful.

We reached the city within an hour. The bus stopped at the station and the three of us headed to the mart.

"Do you want to stop by somewhere before we go to buy groceries, Miss?" Gilbert inquired as we walked.

"No. Maybe Zen does." And we both turned to Zen, who paused awkwardly. Under the sunlight, Zen seemed both foreign and familiar.

"Well, I haven't been here so I have no idea where to go."

"We can give you a quick tour." I offered and glanced at Gilbert for permission. He only replied with a nod.

"Let's go." I led the way.

We spent an hour roaming around a few streets in the city. We passed by some cafes, concept and old bookstores, rows of luxury stores, furniture stores and thrift shops, and so on. Some stalls from last year were no longer there, so even I had given myself a new tour. I glanced at Zen from time to time and caught him stare longer on other fronts, mostly of bakeries and dessert stores.

"Sorry, I must have developed a sweet tooth when I moved here." He said and his lip curled shyly.

"No worries. I get it." I tapped his back and exited the shop. I suddenly tried to recall what my favorite food was when I was him. Then again, my favorite things, from food to objects, never changed ever since I first discovered them.

We had finally decided to buy groceries after the long walk.

"Let me." I grabbed the cart before Gilbert could. He may have been young and agile and looked younger for his age, but I wanted to do this little thing for me after having received so much from him.

Gilbert was about to protest but I was already speeding away.

My eyes were focused on the aisles when Zen stood beside me, mirroring my action. It still felt uncomfortable.

"Where are we headed first?"

I turned to Gilbert and watched him pull a list from his chest pocket.

"First, liquids."

"Lead the way Mister." I waved forward and he led this time.

......…

Currently, Gilbert queued on the lane to pay and Zen went to the restroom. I, on the other hand, looked around to find an ice-cream parlor. From afar, I heard the sound of a little bell they would shake and I knew that I longer needed to go in circles to find one.

<i>ting-a-ling-a-ling-a-ling </i>

I followed the sound until I stood before it.

"Welcome! What can we get for you?" asked the woman at the counter.

"Hi, do you have mint chocolate chip flavor?"

"Hello. Mint chocolate chip please."

I turned to the familiar voice and checked. <i>What are the odds…</i>

"What size would that be, Ma'am?" I went back to the counter and checked the sizes of their servings.

"Your smallest size, thank you." Quickly, the woman scooped from the displayed ice-cream gallons and set it in a cup.

She held out my order with the spoon and I held out the cash, and we exchanged items.

"Thank you. Please keep the change." I smiled and left.

I was already feet away from the parlor when my phone rang. Must be Gilbert.

<b><i>Unknown Number</i></b>

I dropped the call and walked again, scooping on my ice-cream and taking in a spoonful.

<i>cuckoo cuckoo cuckoo </i>

Unknown number, dropped.

"<i>Rorim</i>!" For that moment, I was a tad bit relieved that the voice was Zen's and not <i>someone else.</i>

"I was just heading back. You too?" I asked, digging my spoon for a big scoop.

"Yeah. Shall we?" He offered and I nodded, with him leading the way.

<i>ting</i>

A text. 'This is Norman. Sam gave your number. Can we talk?"

I scoffed and pocketed my phone, not before putting it on silent.

<i>Maybe a little more effort</i>, Hyde.

"What does that taste like?" Zen ogled at my cup, a bit disgusted.

"Awful." <i>It was.</i>

Fanning with his hands in confusion. "So it is awful. Why then? Why eat that then?"

I cracked and coughed. "I wanted to know that too, actually." Truthfully, I wouldn't want to eat it if not to commemorate Robin's love for the flavor on a grocery shopping day.

We got back to the mart and Gilbert stood there waiting with boxes of our items laid beside him.

I finished my ice-cream, threw it in the bin and ran to Gilbert.

"Let's go home?" Gilbert asked and I smiled.

"Let's." I helped with one of the boxes and strolled back to the station.

———————————-

By the half of second week, I thought of things to entertain me and Norman while we waited and stayed inside the storage room. Sometimes when I walked outside, I would visit the tree and check if there were any Raven birds lurking from the branches. When I spotted none, I went to the chicken coop and observed. Warren was there whenever I took a peek and even though he saw me, he didn't mind that I was there.

One afternoon, he was taking out the eggs from the nests, placing them on an egg tray.

"How do you know that there are no chicks in the eggs there? I pointed at the tray next to him when he turned to look.

"Well, two things. One, hens lay eggs anytime and it's mostly unfertilized. Tw—"

"What's unfertilized?"

"Uhmm, it means there are no growing chicks inside."

"It happens?" Then can <i>the eggs </i>be unfertilized too?

"Yeah. To chickens at least. I don't know about other birds."

My chest tightened as I spoke. "What's the other thing then?" Please give me hope. <i>Please</i>.

"Well, if you do this," He pulled a torch from his pocket and grabbed an egg from the tray. "You light the egg from its tip and if it doesn't show any web or dark sac inside like this, then it's infertile." The inside of the egg showed a hollow color of orange and nothing else, no sac or web inside.

"Can I borrow the light?"

"S-sure.." He handed it out and I grabbed it immediately.

"Thank you! Bye!" I ran back, every step I took printed the earth like a silent prayer.

"Norman!" I cried as I opened the storage door.

Norman was laid on the floor, flat on his stomach and held a book.

"What happened?" He asked but I scooted him.

"The eggs." Sitting down, I carefully grabbed one egg and copied as Warren did earlier.

"What're you—"

"Please stop talking." Compared to chicken eggs, Raven eggs were smaller. Despite that fact, seeing the sac or web inside them was harder to distinguish, given that their shell was darker and had spots around them. I saw nothing. Then I felt a teardrop on my cheek, and I frowned, dropping to the floor.

Norman gently took the torch and the egg from my grasp. "What happened?"

Next thing I knew, I was bawling.

I couldn't tell him what I felt. I didn't know how. How was I supposed to say it all at once? How will I tell him everything properly? How will I now know that they're alive in there? Were they even there? Were we just wasting energy all this time? Was I getting excited for nothing? But we promised! I promised Ms. Hipher that we'll make it hatch, that they will hatch. She trusted us and we did everything - <i>for nothing!</i>

Norman just frowned next to me, spechlessly purturbed and unable to do anything.

Then, Gale appeared from the door. "What happened here? I can hear the crying fro—"

I threw myself to Gale, sobbing still. Because that was the only thing I could do.

I didn't leave my bed after that. I didn't leave the room. My eyes puffed and swelled, and even without seeing my reflection I knew because Gale would fix her eyes at mine and wince in a millisecond, and because it felt heavy when I woke up. I felt bad for not saying a thing to them then I felt worse for not wanting to say it out loud.

Part of me hoped that I thought wrong and that I was only basing it from the chickens. Chickens were never be compared to Ravens. Ravens were more than those. And I wanted to believe that. Still, a clouded mind could only clear once swept by willful winds.

"Raven?" <i>Speaking of the wind..</i>

I didn't move. I already felt bad enough to face him.

"Are you asleep?" I felt my foam move from the side of my feet but I remained.

"If you don't want to talk, that's okay. I just wanted to tell you that I was worried and that I've been annoyed." I gripped on my blanket. I knew it. "I change my mind, it's not okay that you don't want to talk. Because I need to know. You can't be selfish so don't keep it to yourself." I'm sorry…"We're friends and friends should help each other!"

There was a faint sniff and then silence.

I looked back thinking that he left but I jumped when I saw him still standing there, forehead creased. My cheeks heated from embarrassment, I covered my head with my blanket.

"<i>Hey!</i>"

"Go away, Norman."

"No."

"I can't tell you."

"Then I won't leave."

"Then don't."

"Then the eggs will be alone."

I bit my lip, and teared.

"It's about the eggs, isn't it?"

I sniffed, with all my might, quietly.

"Please tell me."

"I can't." I whined, already frustrated.

"Why??" I felt the desperation in his voice.

"Because I can't!"

He sniffed again. "Am I not your friend?"

I threw back my blanket and sat up, angry. "<i>Fine</i>. I can't tell you that the eggs might never hatch because female birds lay eggs anytime and not hatch! There!"

"What?"

"No repeating!"

"What do you mean they might not hatch? And female birds lay eggs and not hatch? That's not true."

I sniffed. "How do you know?"

"It's in the book! Wild birds mate and the female birds lay eggs. Only chickens and ducks do <i>that</i>." Wiped his tears with his collar.

"How are you sure?" Please give me hope..

"Books don't lie." The way he spoke it was so sure that it affected me. I wanted to believe that too.

"And if they don't hatch next week?" Brushed my tears with my blanket.

"<i>It will</i>. I promised you that they will." His look was stern and firm.

I slowly went to the side and stood. I thought while fixing my bed. I thought that he was always right and best at most things so he must be right about this one too. Then I thought about the eggs and that they were left there alone.

I ran to the storage room and checked. They were still there, resting peacefully in their box. I came and sat on my usual spot, sighed.

Norman stood by the door and closed it behind him. "You still owe me a sorry."

Guilty, I didn't want to meet his eyes. "I know.."

He then sat on his spot and focused on me, his whole body facing my side, waiting.

"I'm sorry." I murmured.

"What?"

"I'm sorry!" I glanced at him and averted my gaze again. I saw, before I avoided, that he was smiling.

"Apology accepted."

"If they don't hatch, I'm really going to cry."

"They will. I'll cry with you if they don't." He assured.

It never felt nice to cry alone. "Really?"

"Yeah. It's never nice to cry alone." <i>Hey</i>..

I leaned my head forward. "Promise?"

"<i>Promise</i>." He mirrored, his forehead touching mine.

With the willful wind clearing my heavy clouds, the warmth in my heart spread bright like the velvet sun.