31

Today is a new day...and every day has had something new. I made a bucket list of sorts, things to do and try- some I want and some that Jasper insisted I be exposed too such as a date with a human man or women. It makes Jasper feel better, knowing I'm experiencing a world outside of him. I can't pretend that some of it hasn't been fun, at least when Jasper is doing activities with me.

Most of them have been small achievements but just leaving the safety of the Cullen's land is frightening. Jasper and I took a walk at a part yesterday, there were people and children laughing and playing everywhere. I was afraid at first, of all the people and no real idea on how to interact with them. I've been in large crowds before of course, but I was a slave then, all my adjectives were clear and my role was one I understood. Now I'm free and it makes me feel like a fugitive, like I'm wrong or need to hide. After a while of feeling this way, Jasper took my hand and helped the feeling go away. He didn't use his ability, he vowed the first day we started that he wouldn't stifle or change my experiences. So, it's merely his touch in and of itself that helps soothe me. It didn't take all the anxiety away but it helped me feel at home in a different way than I did as a slave. The park really was beautiful, the sun on my face and the joy surrounding the area was so warm.

-Two Days Later-

Today I am doing something I wanted to do from the git-go, I am going to start a YouTube channel for my music. I'm going to put myself out there. It's a risk- a really big risk but I figure that it is safe as long as master can't report me as a stolen slave and the Cullen's are not seen or referenced in the video than it would still look like I am normal in both worlds. I keep telling myself that it is okay and that when the time comes, and Master wakes up, I'll do what needs to be done to keep everyone safe. As a reaction to me actually addressing my musical path, Jasper got me a special camera. The Cullen's decided to pay for an editor/ cameraman to work for me as well while I decide if this is for me. Today will be the first time I'm going to meet him since getting stuff set up in a side room that the Cullen cleaned out for me to use as my room and a studio. The Cullen's hand picked this person and promised that I had nothing to worry about in meeting him though Esme was worried about my decision to have a man as my editor, she knows about my willingness to fight through my fears one step at a time, Carlisle promises me I have nothing to worry about and that this guy is talented and motivated, apparently Charlie, Bella's dad, had something to do with the selection and he is a cop so I guess that would mean he doesn't have a record. Though, admittedly, that could just mean he's good at what he does. You know what they say, better be good or good at it, the existence of a record is irrelevant but I appreciate them going the extra mile to make me feel comfortable. They didn't plan on telling me but I overheard it when Rosalie was pissed that they involved Charlie at all, thinking he'll get curious why they reached out. I can't say I don't blame her and her logic really is solid, however I've come to learn that those who are truly good tend to have their reasons, and they aren't self serving.

I recorded two videos to post, one is my initial apologies for going offline, expressing a change in my stage name and addressing my fans. I didn't state anything about Master or his condition, I didn't want his lies to taint something that I can call my own. The second video is a song I wrote, it's something I'm quite nervous about anyone seeing. I've never wrote anything like it, soft and warm.

I hear a soft rasp on the door, knowing that is the guy, my heartbeat picks up a bit as Esme goes to open the door, the only one who's jaw doesn't drop is Carlisle's.

I stand staring at a young boy, no older than 14, standing in the doorway with a laptop crushed to his chest. He is dressed in a light brown knitted sweater that droops low on his slender shoulders, he is both awkward and adorable at the same time.

"This is Ryu, he's originally from Japan, I work closely with his mother at work. Ryu is very skilled and has won many short film contests in the editing category, though he did produce most of them as well. I've been sponsoring him for the last two years. Ryu struggles with communicating and connecting with others, I figured it would be nice if he spent some time out of the hospital and that you and him could benefit from each other." Carlisle gives a warm nod to Ryu, whose eyes hardly leave the floor to nod back. Ryu looks kind, anxious maybe, but kind nonetheless. I don't feel threatened or weird by him, actually his awkwardness makes me feel comfortable in a way. There isn't the pressure I feel when talking to people from the outside.

"Hi Ryu, It's cool to meet you, you wanna get started?"

He nods and makes eye contact with me, out of the corner of my eye I see Carlisle smile a little, this is proof to him that pairing Ryu with me was the right choice. I lead Ryu upstairs, sparing a glance at Jasper as I do, reassuring him that I'm okay, or maybe I wanted to see if he was okay? I know he can feel that I am alright but I want to make sure that doesn't hurt or upset him in anyway. He smiles in my direction, it doesn't seem forced, it's proof he truly wants me to feel safe even if it's with someone other than him, I understand that Ryu is a child but Jealousy isn't always romantically charged. People get jealous over the amount of attention they get, over how they look in comparison to someone else, how other feel around them can be a source of Jealousy. I find myself pleased, and slightly shocked by how supportive Jasper is in action.

A lot of jealousy issues occurred in the Trade, between slaves and masters alike, people would say things were fine, act friendly, but then the next thing you know someone's dead or missing or a special slave has wound up missing. It wasn't uncommon for trading and negotiations to fail and to have a master die at that persons hand, all of his slaves, including whichever one he wanted originally, would go to the killer. Jealousy is powerful, its often irrational and dangerous. I wonder what would make Jasper Jealous, or is it just that he is so trusting in our bond that he doesn't worry? Regardless, he doesn't appear to be jealous in any way now. Its just something new I learned about him, I wonder if I can say that I would feel the same? If he was smiling at someone else, other than me, would I be as secure as he is? Every time I learn something about him I find a new question to ask myself, I know that is what he wanted, for me to challenge and discover myself by interacting with other people and the world. I've been all over the world, but I've never explored it freely.