Ch 2. A Wild Asshole Appears

Warning: Do not read if you are squeamish or hemophobic.

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2 weeks later

Location New York City, district Z.

The last few week had been rather...eventful, even by Saitama's standards. It all started on Sunday when a bunch of reporters swarmed his apartment. Apparently they had seen a video of him fighting and killing a guy named Oni-chan. It took Saitama a while to figure out who they were they were talking about, partially because he had already forgotten about the incident.

Apparently Oni-chan was America's greatest defender, the so called defacer of democracy. At least until he tried to take over the world. Something about gaining their trust and other shit Saitama didn't care about.

He eventually managed to convince (yeah if by convince you mean scareing the ever loving shit out of them) most of the reporters swarming his apartment to leave. He had to physically relocate some of the more... enthusiastic reporters who refused to leave though. One even tried to break into his house. This went on for a couple more days before the paparazzi (mostly) lost interest.

Now whenever he went around anywhere, with or without his supersuit, he'd either get ambushed by the paparazzi, or receive weird looks. Well, weirder than normal at least. Whatever, it's not like he cared.

On Thursday and Friday he had to deal with a bunch of people dressed in suits constantly trying to sell him something ( Well he thinks they were, he always slammed the door in their faces before they could get more than a few words out. You can't trust door to door salesmen after all). It was always the same people everytime too.

Today, unlike all the other days, had been peaceful so far. He didn't have to deal with reporters or salesmen, the world wasn't being invaded, and the worst thing he encountered on his patrol was a purse snatcher. Normally he'd be disappointed by the lack of activity, but after how hectic things had been this week he appreciated it. But he knew it was only a matter of time before his good day went to shit, like all good things in district Z.

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Time: 4:00pm

Location: New York, District Z

Saitama was sitting on his ugly green couch in his civilian clothes, browsing through the 20 channels available to him on his old TV. Their was talk about some guys called the Terry Twins escaping prison once again on the news, an info commerical about how to grow your hair back, WWE, and a nature show on, and other stuff he didn't care about. None of them really interested him (okay maybe he was a tiny bit interested in the hair growth show) so he turned off the TV and stared at a wall. Cause that's more interesting than TV apparently.

The wall was an ugly brown color, it went well with the yellowish green carpet covered with stains of unknown origin.

Saitama heard a crash behind him, and as he turned his head to look (ending his staring contest with the wall) he was tackled from behind by a man wearing yellow and blue spandex. Smashing both of them through another wall the man, no teen, tightened his grip and flew down head first into the poorly maintained road next to Saitama's apartment building.

Not waiting until the dust cleared to continue fighting, the teen straddled Saitama's ass, not realizing or caring how gay it looked, and rained blow after blow on his opponents back.

Saitama, once he realized what kind of position his opponent had him in, lightly elbowed his foe in the gut, sending the blue and yellow teen flying into the sky.

The teen, once he had righted himself, immediately flew back down and superman punched his foe in the face, ragdolling him across the street and through a few abandoned buildings. And did so again and again, and again, all while screaming some generic shit like "You killed my father!", and "How could you?!", or even a "I'll kill you!" when he was feeling particularly creative.

Saitama, sick of all the screaming, waited for him to come back at him with another superman punch, and casually bitch slapped him the moment he got in range. Sending him flying through dozens of abandoned (well mostly abandoned) buildings, finally coming to a complete stop in the wall of the apartment next to Saitama's, ass hanging out on the outside for the world to see, swollen and bloody face on the inside.

The teen was delerious, muttering sweet nonsense to himself. At least until he was forcibly yanked out of his hole in the wall and thrown face first down onto what was left of the street below.

Groaning and moaning the brightly colored teen slowly got back onto his feet. "Where are you!" he screamed,.

"I'm right here." The teen spun around around to face the source of the voice, finding his hated foe standing there, cleaning his ear with his pinky.

Thee teen rushed at Saitama, at a speed that made the fastest of jets seem slow. Not that it did him any good.

Without even looking at him, Saitama lightly swatted him to the side like one would a bug. Knocking him through four buildings. He would've went through at least a dozen more without the ability to fly.

He raced back towards the bald hero, almost like he forgotten how well that had worked for him before.

Again, Saitama swatted him to the side and again the teen flew back at him. This time however Saitama decided try something that he'd seen in a few animes.

Like a total badass ( in his mind at least) Saitama caught the incoming superman punch with his righthand. He expected the teen to come to a full stop, but unfortunately for the teen, this isn't an anime, and the author is a sadist.

While his right arm may have come to a complete stop, the rest of his body was still moving forward past Saitama. One moment his arm was merely at a weird angle, the next tendons were straining and joints popping out of their sockets, then in a spurt of blood, his entire arm up to his elbow was torn from his body.

"Opps, my bad."

"AHHHHH!!!" The teen dropped to his knees, left arm clutching his bleeding stump, hunched over and screaming bloody murder.

Suddenly an orange, and somewhat beat up cyclops landed next to Saitama. "I hear your the one who defeated..." His voiced trailed off and lost all its enthusiasm as he noticed Mark kneeling on the ground missing part of his arm, looking back at the man he noticed him holding said part at his side, fresh blood still dripping out of it onto the broken concrete."

"Um is this a bad time? Because I can just come back later if you want-"

"Oh no I'm done here."

"You sure? Doesn't he need medical attention?" Said the wandering alien, with a mix of concern and curiosity in his voice.

"Nah it'll grow back in a few days or so, at least I think it will." Said Saitama, without a hint of concern in voice. Before turning around and throwing the still warm body part at the crippled and now even more traumatized teen. Who started screaming once again after it him in the face, blood side first.

" See, he's still screaming, which means he's fine."

Not really believing a word the man just said but unwilling to risk offending the man who had supposedly killed a Viltrimite by calling him out on it, Allen the Alien reluctantly followed the bald, overpowered, and possibly insane man to his apartment building.

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I found my inspiration again.

Hope you liked the chapter and please leave a comment or review.