52. 53: Wednesday

53

The heat of the afternoon is slowly dying out, evolving into a more bearable warmth; it's a relief, because although they've been in and out of souvenir shops for a good two hours now, the fans inside do little to keep the heat out. Kate can still feel the sweat pooling at her lower back, the thin fabric of her dress uncomfortably sticking to that particular spot. She twitches, trying to get some air between her skin and the smooth silk that felt so nice this morning.

Castle has made it his mission to find appropriate presents for Ryan and Esposito; it seems to have turned into some sort of game with his mother, where they both look around for the stupidest or the most terrible-looking thing, theorize over what it could possibly be used for. It makes Kate laugh, but they've gotten insulted glares from a considerable number of salespersons.

Kate glances around, finds Alexis standing back, looking at her father but not really seeing him - she's been pretty silent all afternoon, not exactly sulking but not exactly joining in either. She's hanging back, a rather wistful expression on her face, and Beckett is surprised that Castle hasn't done anything about it yet. She cannot believe he hasn't noticed-

Oh.

Maybe he's giving her a chance to talk to his daughter first. Since that's how they handled the going away for three weeks issue. She takes a few steps towards Alexis, glances at him, catches him looking. Yeah. Wow. He's waiting on her.

Kate feels like shaking her head at him, but her chest is warm, her heart soft at the gesture; after all, Alexis is the thing that matters most to him.

"Hey," she says quietly, watches the girl blink out of her thoughtful haze. Clear blue eyes turn to her, and Kate has to resist an unexpected urge to hug Castle's daughter. She looks so very...young.

"Kate," Alexis acknowledges, trying a smile. It lacks her usual cheerfulness.

"You okay?"

"Oh, yeah. Yeah. I'm fine." Her tone says the exact opposite. Kate pulls her bottom lip between her teeth, wonders whether to push or not.

She decides to wait Alexis out instead.

It takes a couple minutes, but once they've reached the next store, Kate still close, just within reach, the girl finally sighs, says softly, "It's just..."

Kate holds her breath. Alexis gestures to the phone she's still holding in her hand.

"I got a text from my friend, Caitlin, and she's leaving New York today. She got accepted to Cambridge, and she and her parents are going on this European tour for the summer before she moves there, so I... I'm not gonna see her for a while, and I won't - I won't get to say goodbye. I wish I'd remembered last week-"

She leaves her sentence unfinished, but it's easy for Kate to complete it. But I didn't know I'd be out of the city then.

"Alexis," she starts, unsure what to say.

Rick's daughter shrugs. "I'm not trying to make you feel guilty, Kate. I promise. I know it's not your fault. And - I'm gonna see Caitlin again, you know, and there's Facebook..."

"But you wanted a chance to say goodbye," Kate says gently. "It makes sense."

Alexis fiddles with her phone, doesn't answer immediately. "I just-" she sighs, pushes back her red hair. "It's never gonna be the same again. I'll see her, yes, but we'll never sit in class together again, spend an hour bitching about our French tutor, or just study for a History test-"

Her voice breaks and she looks away; Kate is pretty sure she's doing her best to hold back tears. She hesitates, lifts a hand, rests it tentatively on the girl's shoulder.

"It won't be the same again," she agrees. "But maybe it'll be better."

Alexis turns her head back, a mute question in her shining eyes.

"See, when you're in high school," Kate explains, "all the friends you make - of course, they're great, and you have the best times with them, but it's always...situational. I mean, you're thrown together with these random people for a year or a class, and what can you do but become friends with some of them? It'd be terribly lonely otherwise. So you become really close, because you share so much of your day with them, but when it's over, everyone just...goes their own way. And many of those relationships will unravel just as quickly as they were formed."

Shit, she's not explaining herself right. But damn, Castle is the one with all the words, not her, and now Alexis is just giving her this horrified look-

"What are you saying?" the girl asks disbelievingly. "That in a year's time, all my friends won't be my friends anymore?"

"No," Kate hastily opposes, trying to fix this. She meant to comfort Alexis, not- "No, Alexis, of course not. But well - some of them won't. In a year, you'll already be able to tell who's still answering your messages, who's already given up and moved on. And the relationships you'll preserve, the new ones you'll make? They'll mean more to you. They'll matter more. Because it'll take a conscious choice to weave them into your college life, to keep them going. It'll take effort, and not just - not just showing up at school everyday."

Her words are met with a long silence; Alexis is toying with one of the braided purses on display, looking down, pensive. Kate's wondering if she's ruined it, if Castle's daughter is just going to stalk away and ignore her, when the redhead lifts her head to her.

"I understand," she says quietly. "I hope you're wrong - sorry, I can't help it - but I understand what you mean. And, I guess, if you're right... Then it doesn't matter that I don't get to say goodbye to Caitlin, right? Because either we're gonna stay friends, and I'll see her again; or we don't and then it just - doesn't matter."

Kate presses her lips together, gives a half-shrug. "That's the way I would look at it, yeah."

Alexis considers, tilts her head at Kate. "How many high school friends are you still in touch with?"

Oh, jeez. How did she let the conversation come to this?

"Um," Kate hedges. "Two."

Thank god for Madison. Three years ago, the answer would've been one. Pretty pathetic, she knows.

"Two?" Alexis echoes, her eyes wide, such disappointment in her voice. "Oh. Really?"

Kate cannot help feeling a tiny bit defensive. "Well, how many high school friends of your dad have you met?"

Alexis's brow knits at her question. "I... Oh," she realizes. "Not many, I guess. But I thought, you know, it was because he's mildly famous now - and he can't really trust that people from his past aren't trying to reconnect with him just to get money or favors from him."

Oh - Alexis has a point. Kate never thought of it this way before; how lonely Castle must have felt, even with the money and the fame and the blondes-

She feels a rush of tenderness for him, seeks his eyes; he's standing at the other end of the shop, laughing at something his mother said, but he's watching her with a mixture of pleasure and pride that is almost enough to make her blush.

"It's probably different for your dad," Kate agrees, tearing her gaze away from him. "But in my experience - people don't stay that close to their high school friends. I'm sure there are plenty of exceptions though-"

"It's okay," Alexis says, and there's a soft, playful smile on her face now. "You don't need to cheer me up, Kate. I like that you're honest with me. You never try to sugarcoat the truth. It's - refreshing."

Relief floods Kate's chest, and she arches an eyebrow, tries to laugh it off. "You might not love it when I start to rag you about your boyfriends," she warns, and then she hears her own words and all the unsaid things behind them, how she's planning to stay, how she's assuming that Alexis will want her opinion.

But Castle's daughter doesn't look upset at all; she smiles, gives Kate a long, knowing look. "No," she says at last. "I might not love it, but I'll probably still love you."

Kate's heart tangles in her chest; her words are gone and she can only squeeze Alexis's hand, praying inside:

I hope you're right.

And

I'll love you too.