44. 45: Tuesday

45

Kate glances around her apartment.

Half cleaned up, half a jumbled mess. Whoever worked over her apartment slit open the fabric on her couch; her computer was untouched, but when she tried turning it on - nothing. Probably swiped an industrial magnet over the CPU.

Castle's hand brushes down her back. "You're ok."

She nods and steps away from him, heading for the bookshelves. They swept out all the glass last night, stacked up picture frames and trinkets that could be salvaged, gathered things back together as best they could, but she was too pissed off to stick around and do anymore.

"I can get a guy in here to re-cover the couch, or repair it as best he can."

She nods and steps through the pieces of her busted coffee table - Castle keeps saying they can get it repaired too, but she doesn't think so. No point. Why even bother?

"And we'll replace your computer. You'll need that."

She nods again and stands in front of her books, most of which have been dumped on the floor and rifled through. All of her books, some of the spines cracked now, each one taken off the shelf, fanned, and dumped in a pile. And his books are hidden beneath the weight of all the rest.

"What did I do wrong, Castle?" she says finally.

The silence is overwhelming.

"Just grab what you need for the next month. I don't care what," he mutters, tossing the suitcase onto her bed. "You can't stay here, obviously, and I don't think it's a great idea coming back to grab stuff on your own."

"Let me get my weapon," she mutters.

"Your what?" He lifts his head from the pile of clothes she sorted last night from the floor of her closet, watches her disappear inside it.

"I have my back-up piece in a box in here," she calls back. "I am not leaving without it."

He runs a hand through his hair and rubs at his eyes. Neither of them got much sleep last night, and when they told Alexis and his mother about what had happened to her place, shit, Alexis did not help.

He still doesn't know what to do about that. And Kate's been like a zombie ever since, just stunned and hard to get going, moving, which isn't like her, then switching to furious and almost desperate in her frustration.

But he understands. She made the choice to no longer be a part of that world, and it reared its ugly head and got her anyway.

No. No, he's not letting that happen.

"Hey, remember when I wanted us to get away - out of the country for a while?" he calls, stepping towards the closet to look for her.

When he ducks his head inside, she's sitting on the floor, hands pressed to her face, tears leaking down her cheeks, a cardboard box balanced on her knees.

"Kate," he murmurs, sinking down beside her. "Kate, what's wrong?"

"It's my mom's case," she groans, and she swipes at her face, over and over, damming up the tears. "The fucking case. I should've - shit-"

"What? What's going on?" he says, sitting down beside her, looking at the empty box.

"I took it all down. Off the shutters. Weeks ago. I meant to - I don't know - burn it or trash it or. . ." She trails off and looks over at him. "I think I had this idea that I'd let you do it. Something."

"Me?"

"Just." She shrugs and shoves the box off her knees. "A gesture."

"Okay. Okay. I - I still don't understand." She was going to have him clean it out, okay. But this?

"It's gone," she says quietly, pushing on the box with her shoe. "All of it. They took all of it."

He stares at the empty box.

"It's my fault. I should've just thrown it out. Then they wouldn't have found a single trace of it. Then they'd have known I'm not a threat. But now-"

But now.

For one fleeting moment, she does think. . .she does think, Maybe I should leave him.

She does. She's ashamed of it, she is, but there it is. Can't un-think that.

But she won't. She's just that selfish.

And of course, there's the way he's looking at her right now, like his heart would shatter if she did, like he knows exactly what she's thinking and it's killing him that it's there at all.

Kate throws her arms around him and squeezes his neck, taking deep breaths to keep from breaking down, from panicking and running away, reminding herself as she breathes that this is her future, this is her life, this this this.

"Kate," he whispers against her cheek. "Kate."

"Let's get out of the city. Like you said," she says suddenly, drawing back from him. "Everybody. Your mom, Alexis. No one left to-" She swallows at the skittering of fear in his eyes and sees that he gets it now, he knows what she's done to him.

She's made his family a target.

"Okay." He nods and stands up, pulls her up off the floor of her closet. "Pack then."

"For where?"

"Belize."

She swivels her head to look at him, a little surprised that he has a location in mind, but he's smiling back at her.

"You think I haven't been planning this ever since you agreed to go away with me?"

Despite herself, her lips twitch. "Okay. Belize then."

"So finish packing, Kate. Don't forget your passport."