Thirteen

I wake to darkness and then to someone lifting me up. I moan at the pain I feel in my stomach and in my head. Then, I'm set on a bed with a blanket wrapped around me and voices are all over. They're loud and soft and man and woman and I don't know who any of them are!

"Zahra?"

I open my heavy lids to see hazel eyes. I squint. "Roan?"

He smiles. "It's me. Do you think you can drink something for me?"

I nod, my mouth parched. He sits me up slowly and holds something to my mouth. I had thought it was water, but the smell was salty. And I found it was stew. Warm and comforting, I continued to drink, savoring the taste. Too soon, it was taken away. "No!" i cry.

"Hold on. There's more," Roan whispers.

And I was grateful he spoke the truth because I didn't know how starved I was until then. I drank slow so I didn't make myself sick, but cried out when he moved it away. It always came back though and I drank until my stomach couldn't take another drop.

I leaned my head against Roan's chest as he put the bowl down, then he shifted me the wrong way and I cried out. My hand went to my stomach and I felt warm liquid. A voice growled, "She opened a wound!"

"Damn it," Roan cursed and lied me down. "Zahra, I'm going to look at this, okay?"

I shake my head. "No, please don't! Not again! I can't take it!"

"Roan, I honestly think she's telling the truth," I hear a female say. "Whoever cleaned it last did a good job. But this wound has been opened and reopened more than once. She's been going on with it at least since she was taken."

"She's bleeding!" Roan said, and I heard desperation in his voice. I wanted to comfort him, but couldn't.

"I know, but Zahra doesn't have the strength to fight off more pain right now. It's best we wait until she's asleep."

Pressure is put on my stomach and I cry out. "Hey," Roan whispers. "It's just me. I won't mess with it. I just want to stop the blood. That's all."

"It hurts!" I hiss.

"I'm sorry. Just try to sleep. I won't leave you."

I manage to open my eyes again to look at him. "I can't forget." Then, everything goes black.

The next I woke, it was quiet and I didn't hear anyone. Panicking, I open my eyes and sit up, then remember my wound and cry from the pain.

"Lay back down. June won't be happy that you opened that again."

It wasn't Roan's voice. I look over and see a man with blue eyes. "Who are you? Where's my brother? What did you do to him!"

"Calm down, Zahra. He's just talking to Loki and June. He'll be in here soon."

I don't listen and lay down, but try to stand and find my brother. "Can't forget..." I murmur.

"Zahra, please lay down before you hurt yourself." The man touches me and I lash my arm out, and shoot fire. I scream and fall backwards on the bed, hitting my head on the wall.

"What happened!"

"She wasn't listening and I tried to help her but she went to push me away and tried to burn me again."

"Zahra?" Hands help me sit up and I rub my head, my vision blurred. "Zahra?"

"Roan! Where is Roan?" I mumble.

"I'm here. Blink a few times for me." I obey and finally see him. My cries begin.

"I can't forget, Roan! Don't let me forget!"

He pulls me into his arms and cradles me. "You won't forget, Zahra. I'm here."

I see the man and hold my brother tighter. "He took you! He took you away!"

Roan pulls back and looks at me. "Who?" I point to the man with blue eyes. Roan shook his head. "Zahra, I asked him to stay while I talked with someone. He was only here so that you didn't wake up alone."

I back away and curl up on the bed. "He made me do something! He made me do something bad!"

"Zahra?" Roan said, making me look at him. "Aspen can't make you do anything."

"He made me shoot fire!"

Roan shakes his head. "He didn't make you do that. You were scared and were protecting yourself. Aspen didn't make you do it."

I whimper. "I'm a bad person!"

Sighing, Roan makes me lie down and pushes hair off my face. "You're not a bad person, Zahra. You're my sister. You're scared and hurt, but you're not a bad person."

"I don't want to forget," I say.

"You won't," he breathes and stays with me as I fall asleep.

I wake to a forest bright and colorful and immediately look for my brother. 'Roan!"

"Calm down, Zahra."

I look behind me and see Aspen. Relief floods my veins as I am able to recognize him. "Aspen?"

He smiles. "I thought this might help."

I run up to him and wrap my arms around him, glad to not be so insane anymore. "I can't do it! Aspen, it hurts! I can't remember anything and I'm scared of everyone and I'm killing and I can't stop!"

"I know," he says and wraps his arms around me. "I was the same way. But you're stronger and are fighting my father's control."

I shake my head. "I'm so weak! I can't remember June or Cat or you or Raven or Finx!"

"But you remember Roan. You remember who you are to him. That's more than I had. You're able to say what I couldn't."

"It hurts, Aspen!" I cry. "Make it stop!"

"We're trying. I promise. I'll try to bring you here every once in a while, but it's hard because I'm still gaining strength."

I nod and just stay silent for a while, then ask, "Can you just tell Roan that I didn't mean to do any of it?"

"He knows, Zahra. Trust me, he knows."

When I wake up in reality, I again do not remember the man with blue eyes. I was afraid of him. I was also afraid of the woman with weapons strapped to her body. I screamed when she first came into the shelter, and the only way for me to calm down was for her to leave. When she came back, it took all my strength not to beg for mercy.

"Zahra, this is June," my brother explained. "She's just going to look at your wound. She's going to make sure it's not infected."

I shake my head. "No! She's going to kill me! Don't you see all her weapons!"

The woman left again and this time when she returned, had nothing on but clothes. I took a long look at her and now saw her as a woman, not a monster. I was still afraid, but I let her come and look at my wound while Roan sat beside me.

Finding nothing wrong, the woman smiled and said, "You're healing, Zahra. As long as you don't open it up, it should feel better soon."

I nod and lean my head back on the wall, exhausted. Roan and the woman talk and I tune them out until I hear Roan say, "I don't think that's a good idea."

"Just let me try?" The woman said and I felt a hand on mine. I jerk away from it and look at the woman. She gives me a warm smile. "Zahra, do you want to try something with me?"

"What?"

Twirling her fingers, a snowflake appeared in her hand, made of ice. My eyes widen and I sit forward. "It's beautiful!"

The woman laughs and hands it to me, but as soon as my fingers touch it, it becomes water. I frown. "I broke it."

The woman shakes her head. "No. You can make one too."

I look up hopefully. "I can?"

She nods. "Now, listen."

My snowflake was more of a fireflake but I was able to hold it without it breaking, and I was happy. I played around with it for long minutes until it turned dark. Roan smiled at me and said, "Let's get some rest, Zahra. We can make more snowflakes tomorrow."

I yawn and get under the furs that were warm and comfortable. Roan kissed me, then made everyone get out. And to my happiness, he came back and climbed in beside me. I instantly relaxed, knowing he was there and i wouldn't forget him. He kissed me again and we fell asleep.

Three days later, I was able to walk around carefully. Roan and the woman I continue to forget the name, are never far from me. I make sure they never are, especially Roan. I can't forget him. I saw the man with blue eyes again and he smiled and showed me a game. I played with him all day and went to sleep that night easily.

A week went by and I was being let go to do things more and more. But a day occurred when a strange man walked into the village and ran up to me. "Zahra! You look way better now than the last I saw you!"

I screamed.

Roan came and explained that the man was a friend. Everything was alright and he was just excited to see me. I asked who he was and my brother said his name was Loki.

I tilted my head and remembered that name. "The wolf?"

Roan smiled and nodded. "Exactly!"

I looked at Loki and found his eyes matched that of the wolf I remembered from days ago. "I didn't know you were human!" I exclaim.

Loki chuckles and glances at my brother. Then, shakes his head. "It's alright. Do you want to see my wolf again?"

I turn to my brother. "Can I? Just for a moment?"

Roan laughed. "Do you want to stay with Loki for a few minutes? I'll be in my shelter if you need me."

I jump up and down in delight and Loki changes into the large black wolf. I push my fingers into his fur and smile. "Just like before!"