NEW BEGINNING

I had no heart to decline Jay's pleading to greet my parents when he dropped me off.I gave up and agreed to his request. Jay and my parents were getting along so well. I am glad because Jay is the person I always admire and a big fan of his singing.His caring side what make us the junior feel welcomed to the club.His constant compliments on my dance performance always boost my confidence.He is the reason I feel much better now. The whole ride he was joking and teasing made me forget all the problems I was facing. The girl who gets him must be so lucky. I excused myself to my room to take a bath as I feel I needed a hot bath to relax both my mind and muscles.

Well...seems like I can leave him with my parents as he already handing out his number to my dad.I took a another glance at my door hoping Aidan will show up but I get disappointed again. Why Am I hoping again and again...when I know the ending?Am I that desperate?He has a girlfriend Gaya....don't hope anything..its about time to give up..quit trying already..

Those are the words I have to keep reminding myself so that I won't have a another breakdown. My eyes already red and puffy from all those crying and sobbing. Even my throat feels dry and rough.Gosh! I really have to pull myself together. I can't keep doing this..its draining me out..

I sighed for the hundreeth time today. My life just have been messed up. I brought this upon myself and I had to take resposibility for it. I am a strong person..am I?Yes I am? No more crying Gaya. Okay now go take hot shower and come back as new Gaya.

But the courage didn't last long when I saw our photo together during our highschool days on my desk. Ah shit...here come the tears again. How long this gonna hurt me?I clenched my fist.It feels so unbearable to take in the pain. One sided love always hurt. I repeat ALWAYS.

All these years..I loved a wrong person.I should have taken the hint. He such a red flag but I was blind as hell. I ignored all his flaws. He has only has his handsome face that I badly want to punch until it gets bruised.Ugh! Should I just burn the photo?Will That be extreme.Maybe?Oh I will just throw it away so that I won't be sad when looking at it again.I will get over it then.I tossed the photo frame into the thrash can.Yes! I feel much better now.Now time to shower.

I regret it. I did it out of anger.I should learn to control my emotions. I might be angry with him but throwing away the picture of us is too much.I was impulsive. I sat in front of the thrash again hesistating whether to take the frame back or just leave it in.I just went all in and took out the photo frame.I cleaned it with some disinfectant tissues and place it back on my table. I am such crazy woman. I am just realising now. I drop the intention to go for shower.Instead I just sat back and stare outside of my window.I can clearly see His bedroom from here.I mean we are neighbours and both of us purposely picked out the room that we can see each other from our respective rooms.His windows were closed. How I wish I can turn back time and take back my confession.I clearly made everything awkward between us by lashing out.

I cupped my cheeks and squished it to knock some sense to my brain.Being friends with him was enough for me but now I can't even go back to friends again .I wonder why he didn't run behind me like he used to chase his ex girlfriends whenever they sulk or argue.

Here it goes my overthinking ability assuming the worst things.But it might be right this time. I wasn't important as He was to me. Thats the reality and truth about my life.If I was he will be reaching out to me right now.He wouldn't let me go just myself when I wasn't in my best state. That douchebag didn't even bother to send a text or call me.I bet he is with his new girl enjoying his date like nothing happened. Thick skinned guy!Shameless jerk. Screw you Aidan!

Wow my thoughts about this changes every minute. I rest my head against the headboard.I am tired. Tired of everything.I just want to shut myself from this world.On the other hand,I don't want to be harsh on me just because of a guy. I closed my eyes and hum my favourite song softly. This should make me relax and bring me peace. Some tears escaped my eyes when I think back of our old memories. I can't help it.Our first meet.First hug.First trip together. Its all fresh and clear in my memory.I wish I can wipe out all this memories from my heart.

Okay!I have decided not to cry anymore.Get up and be productive girl!You got this!Fighting!You are the campus crush.Girll....don't forget about that Gaya.

All I have to do is grab a load of junk foods and watch netflix.Ohh wait!! I don't think it can labelled as being productive.Ooohhh!!! What about I go to gym and workout....I hate exercises and sweating so that's off the list too. WOw I really don't have a life.I should get more friends.

The aggressive knocking on my door making me come back to earth again.Who's is this person so rude to interrupt my dramatic moment.Why ruining my mood?

I opened the door to see Jay standing there with a cup of coffee with an extremely awkward smile...while my mom just hyping him up to enter my room. Ahh...I see what is going on here..I gave my mom a glare while she was grinning ear to ear. My mom is seriously setting us up?My gosh!I feel so burying myself because the amount of embrassesmant Jay witness today is just enough reason for me to die right now.Where should I hide?

I invited him in and closed the door with a loud thud. I just can't handle this shit here. My mom is the person who can't read the room at all.Who did me, a genius is a daughter of my mom?

"Well you both open your hearts and embrace each other."My mom said from the other side of the door.

I look at Jay who was clearly uncomfortable. I took the cup from his hands and settle it on table.

"I am so sorry JAy.My mom like to ship some random dudes with me..all the time..I swear she is not crazy.Its just.."

"Want you to have a boyfriend."Jay finishes my line.We both laughed out loud. The awkwardness just vanish just like that.