END OF US

I have been waiting for Gaya reach out to me first for three hours now. After I heard Jay visited, I feel a bit unsettling and my mom spilling all the gossip in front of me is not helping me either. I never been this restless in my life but because of Gaya.I want to call her but my ego is stopping me.To add up to this I just had an argument with my girlfriend. She was complaining how I was uninsterested with her during our date today. I try to explain but she burst out when Gaya's name was mentioned. She was angry I was priotizing Gaya more.I can't believe it..I even left Gaya in that state just to see her and go out with her. She was being unreasonable.But I gave in and apologize to her.Well one problem settled.

Thinking about apologizing.Gaya never went this long not talking to me. She always text or call me when she reached home. She always waves from her window.Oh!The window! I opened my window just to see her window is close shut.Even her curtains were closed. This is so frustrating.Her room has light on so she is at home.She just don't want to talk to me.I Hate this.

I gave up. I will call her first. No matter what, I can't lose her. My only bestfriend. I picked up my phone and dial her number. I was biting my nails as I was nervous as hell. What should say? What should I say?What should I SAY?

The call got disconnected. Its okay let me try it again.Maybe she is showering. Let me try again. I was waiting for her to pick up but she didn't. She must have put her phone on silent.I will try one last time. I rang her number again but it went voicemail again.Ohh now I am pretty sure she purposely avoiding my calls.

Should I go to her?What am I doing? I should go to her house and check on her. What reason should I use..homework?Yes! I grabbed some papers and dash out of my room.Wait..we are not even in the same major. You know what I will come with a lie with her parents. I just have to see her now.The only thing that can calm me down.

*************************************

I was in front of her room door. I can listen to the song playing in her room. I smiled. She always listen song so loud that can damage your eardrums but she like it that way. I knocked on her door softly. I didn't call out her name..in case she won't open the door if she knows it's me.

I breath in relief when she open her door. She was shocked to see me but cover it up with the fakest smile. We both were silent.I didn't initiate any conversation too.I want to her to speak first.We never ran out of topics to talk about before. We talk everyday without getting bored.But now I can't even say hello to her.

Gaya seems emotionless to me right now.Her smile is gone.She looked tired. She even avoiding my eyes. Does she hate me that much?I was done with her.She was looking everywhere but me.What is the problem?Do I disgust her that much?I lost my patience and I gripped her chin and forced her to face me. She resisted but I am not letting her to escape.Not today!

When our eyes met.I felt like the world stopped spinning. It was mt first time staring at her eyes and I lost into her eyes.I can feel myself getting relaxed.Was her eyes always this beautiful?.Her brown eyes are so enticing I forget what I was going to talk about.The way she blink her eyes is so cute. I let the grip off when I came back out of my thoughts.Get a grip man! You came here to talk.

"What was that?"Gaya asked. She was angry. I can sense it from her tone. Plus her face is all grumpy.

"Well, you shouldn't have avoided looking at me."I said as if I am innocent.I shrugged my shoulders.

She huffed out. I excused myself into her room.I look around to see is there any traces of Jay presence in here. So far I don't see anything than her study papers all over her bed. Was she studying?Well I don't care I have to talk to her.

"Now will you sit for a while. I have to change my clothes."

"What's wrong?"I asked until I realise what she was wearing.

She was wearing shorts and bikini strapped crop top. That's a lot of skin showing but I don't mind.I don't have any perverted thoughts anyway. oH come on she is my best friend..That will be super weird if I have any thoughts. She was taking out her clothes from the cupboard. I took a closer look what she was wearing.

The shorts she was wearing was too short that I can see her thighs. Her thighs!Gaya have this curvy body type so the shorts hugged her thighs so perfectly.The white crop to she was wearing was showing off her butterfly tattoo on her left shoulder. I want to touch her tattoo.I want to trace it.What a an unholy thought I am having but I rarely see her tattoo as it will always covered by clothes.Her dusky skin is so beautiful.The messy bun adds up to her outfit. Wait!Was Gaya wearing this when Jay was here.

Why am I noticing all this little details now.Maybe I am paying attention to her now as she confessed.Was she always this attaractive.No wonder all the Uni boys go over crazy over her. She just have this aura that can catch any man attention in a split second . I turn my attention somewhere when she was done picking her clothes.Acted like I wasn't checking her out a minute ago. I am innocent. I was just admiring the empty wall.I wasn't looking at her.I breathe out when she went to change. Was I holding my breath all this time. Aidan you have a girlfriend so stop checking out other girls.NO! Stop checking out your bestfriend. My face was burning up. I am sure its red too. I should calm down.

I was fanning myself when Gaya came out. Oh she change into a grey sweatpants and black t shirt. But how she could look good even she covered all up.I signnalled her to take a sit beside me. She just rolled her eyes before joining me.I was thinking how should I start the conversation but gets distracted with image of Gaya just now. I shook my head a little and face her.So now we can have face to face talk.

"Gaya...I..."

"Don't say a word."

convince her first.The nickname! The tactic that always work with Gaya.She always give in.

"Cupcake you have to listen to me."I said and showing her my famous puppy face.She loves when I call her that. She becomes all shy and let it be my way everytime.

She didn't answer me.Suddenly she burst out laughing.She was laughing but there were tears.As if she laughing to forget her pain. I was so confused as her behaviour didn't make sense.I was getting worried too. Her reaction is not what I expected. I thought we could make up with a hug and all will go back to normal.

"You really thought I would give in. So you didn't take me seriously.My words mean nothing to you"She said making me feel gulity.

Oh God!That was not it. I mean I messed up by choosing the wrong words. She thinks I never took her seriously..Then, why am I here talking and trying to make up with her. I left my girlfriend alone just to come back to her.

"Gaya.Thats not what I was trying to say.If I never cared about you why am I here apologizing. I am trying really hard to make things right here. I even finished my date early to come to see you. Can you just calm down and give me a minute to explain so that all of this can ends peacefully ."

"Its too late."

The same sentence my mom said it to me. Was I really late?

"Why because you have Jay now.Was my place that easy to fill in?!"I said while smirking. Of course, she didn't want me as Jay is there to buy her ice creams and give her rides.She is the one priotizing Jay over me.

When I realised the words I just spoke.The words that I never meant. I just spoke without thinking. I just made the situation 10 times worse than it is.I can see her biting her lips not try not to sob.I try to cup her face but she moved away.

"Gaya..I didn't mean..."

"You know what Aidan. Yes because I have Jay now. He was there when I needed him. He was there but you werent."The words speak truth. I wasn't there when she needed me.While Jay was with her,I was waiting for her to make the first move. I let her go away from me. Now coming back to her as if nothing happened obviously a dick move.

"Cupcake listen to me."

"Get out."

"I.."

"Get out."

I should have keep my mouth shut and let her speak.But that sentence triggered my anger. I lost my only chance to bring back Gaya to my life again. I messed it up by my own.I felt my heart break into pieces when she asked me to get out.If I walk out of this room now its same as walking out of Gaya's life. I can't do that. We been together for almost 2 decades and I can just do that.

"Out."She said again.

I have no choice but to leave her room. I feel so shitty right now.Cupcake listen to me! I won't let you go like this.I will try again and make everything right.

************************************

I have decided. I am breaking up with my girlfriend. I am now going to focus on Gaya.I thought I love my girlfriend and I would do anything for her but when she ask me to stay away from Gaya...I couldn't. Then I realised I do not love my girlfriend more than Gaya.I would always choose Gaya over anybody.

I took Gaya for granted over these years as se stand beside me. When she left me.I felt a part of my heart missing. The uneasy feeling when I think about her not being part of my life justifies everything.

I have to a makeup for my mistakes. I am gonna love her and cherish her but this time as a lover.

Yes! I took a break from everything. I have always loved her but i just ignored it as we were labeled as bestfriends. I guess I just didn't want her to disappear from my life if we break up one day. So I start friendzoning her for my own selfish reason. I thought it was weird to date your bestfriend.

I start to date other girls so that I can find one with same compatibility as Gaya and I have.I then indulge in that kind of life as people paid more attention to me. I dated my now girfriend because she was similar to Gaya in terms of attitude too. I basically try to find another Gaya but Gaya is one of a kind.

Her confession is an eye opening to my feelings. I try to go on with life but I can't. As my everyday routine always had Gaya in it.