My Reincarnation Is As Abnormal As I Expected

Life is fickle. People are sickening.

I am no loner, I merely am a realist. I am not too fond of people, for I hate hypocrisy. Honestly speaking, everyone is a hypocrite. It runs in our blood as a human. If you want to deny it, then you should also try to erase "Bias" from everyone's dictionary.

Bias resulting in double standard. Double standard is the embodiment of hypocrisy. It all comes from the people, and therefore, people are hypocrites. It is the reason why I distance myself from people.

Me, not associating with many people, is one of my benevolent act of respecting another's existence.

"Huuh... You are monologuing again, Chris."

As expected, whenever I am too deep in my profound thoughts, someone will always be there to interrupt me. Normally, I will roast that person to crisp — figuratively, of course.

But!

This person is someone that I honor. Someone that I am afra— fond of. I can not just roast this person. If I do so, my body will be found in a trash bag by tomorrow. Yes, you got it right. This person is my older sister.

"How many times have I told you that is called Profound Thinking?"

"Hmph! Quit your bullshit, and eat!"

As expected of any female creature, she was unreasonable as ever. That snort of her exceptionally provoked my debating spirit. However, I know not to provoke the ire of a woman. The wrath of a woman is greater than Hellfire, after all.

"I will seriously bonk your head to oblivion, if you keep nodding your head while caressing your imaginary beard!"

Bonk!

"Gah! How dare you bonk this one's head, woman?!"

"Huh? What did you call me earlier?"

Oh boy... This is bad. I shouldn't have said the "W" word. I couldn't help it. Why would someone immediately do what they say they are about to do? That kind of illogical action only belongs to women. As expected from a female creature!

"Chhhrrriiiiisss...?"

Eyes widening, pupil shrinking, the woman stared at me. Her horror inducing gaze, and her terrifying weapon called spatula are pointed directly at me. At this moment, I realize how terrifying this female creature in front of me.

Therefore, I opt to commit the best course of action. Namely —

"I am sorry, Big Sis!"

— Dogeza.

Yes, you heard it right! Dogeza. Haven't I told you that human are fickle? This is one of the example why human are fickle. Irk someone, apologize with the most pathetic expression you have, then they sympathize you. Just like my sister

"Chris... You..." I know she is already smiling softly like those kind sisters from the anime. Therefore, I cannot help the triumphant smile on my face. "You pretentious, Bastard!"

Or not.

Stomp!

"Gahh!! My head! My head! You are stomping on my occipital bone! You are risking my consciousness!"

"I know no shit about biology!"

"Dammit, woman! To kill someone doesn't require biological knowledge!"

"You just said it again, huh?!"

Crack!

No, it didn't happen. It was just me saying it in my mind. I know she didn't increase the strength of her foot. However, her audacity to rub her foot on my head violently is outraging! Still, I know I have to comply to any of her wish right after this.

"Apologize. Proper. Ly!"

"Ly is not a word!"

"Chhhrrriiiiisss?!"

"I am sorry, Onē-chan!"

Gah! Humiliating! Why do I have to be born in a Japanese-American family?! I know she is smirking while looking down on me right now! But still, I can only accept it willingly. If I didn't do so, she would force me to.

"Heehhh... Now, that's what I call an apology!"

I am touched that my skill has finally worked on this Great Demon Lord called my sister. However —

"My head!"

— when are you going to remove your foot, woman?!

Of course, I make sure to keep it to myself, lest I want to provoke her overwhelming rage.

"Hmph! Get your ass on the chair and take a seat!"

"Yes, ma'am!"

With her foot removed, I quickly dash to the chair. Putting my butt on top of it, I sit primly and properly. The savage woman, called my sister, looks at me weirdly. However, I disregard her.

It is in my expectation that a savage like her will not understand what table manner is.

Bonk!

"Gah! What are you doing, wo— Onē-chan?!"

"I will ignore your slip this time. But, I knew you were thinking something bad of me."

This time, I look at my sister weirdly. What does she mean by 'thinking something bad of me'? I have no such thought over her!

"I am sorry to burst your bubble. But, I will never lay my hands on someone's wife."

Bonk!

"What the—"

I shut my mouth instantly. Bloodlust is permeating strongly in the room. Her eyes are staring dagger at me, and I can only lower my head.

Rule number one in the pack, bow your head to the stronger one!

"Huuh... No wonder you haven't married yet. How can a girl stand you?"

"Hmph! No wonder your marriage is ruined. How can— I am sorry! My mouth got the better of me!"

"Huuh... Just eat the food."

My sister sighed to herself, and I do what she told me to. Scooping the soup with my spoon, the rich flavor of this heavenly liquid quickly washes my palates.

I sigh in contentment unconsciously.

If I am asked what is the best thing about my sister, aside from her bewitching beauty, I will also say her godly cooking. Any dish she makes is heavenly good. If she hadn't married yet, I would have married her.

"S-stop saying that embarrassing thing!"

Oops! I unintentionally said that out loud. Luckily, she isn't mad at me. However, why are you blushing, sis? We don't even have wine for this dinner.

Or course, I don't have any intention to confront her on that. Having a hole in my head is the least thing I want for tonight.

"Kuhum! So, how is the business?"

"Normally, I would say this conversation is a waste of breath, considering we are siblings. However, I will answer your question as tonight is a special night. My business is good, but the world is suffering —"

"What do you mean by that?!"

"— happy birthday, Christine!"

"..."

I know, my sister. I know that wasn't the best pleasantries before giving a present to someone. But, please, bear with it. Your little brother is stunted emotionally. He is so bad at sympathizing others that everything comes out of his mouth sounds like an insult toward anyone.

"T-thank you, Chris."

"You are welcome."

I thought you were so unamused that you couldn't even utter anything? It turns out to be the exact opposite.

You are impressed by my word? Hahaha! As expected of—

"No, I am not impressed with your crappy congratulatory. I am just touched with your initiative."

—my autonomous mouth!

This mouth of mine is getting dangerous each day. It can move without my conscience! Maybe I should consider to stop speaking once and for all.

"No, no, no. You just have to stop monologuing."

"Did I say that out loud?"

"No, I somehow read your mind."

So, this woman is the problem, huh?! No wonder my 'slip' only happens whenever I am around her.

"That means, I know you better than anyone."

"Yeah... Sure."

Let's ignore the fact that she could read my mind earlier. Telepathy doesn't exist. If it does, she would have noticed I said the "W" word.

"I knew you said that."

Well, things happen. At times like this, I just have to play it cool. That means, continue eating my food in silence.

"Ah, I will give you the present after the dinner."

"I don't need the present. Just the fact that you remember my birthday is enough for me."

"You're acting like I have always forget about it. I have always remembered your birthday every years, and never once did I miss it, Christine."

"You really are emotionally stunted."

"I am sorry that I am your brother."

"No, no. Everyone has flows."

And, you have the most flaws!

I will be honest with myself. I really wanted to say that! Sadly, I can't. If I do, I can kiss my sorry ass a goodbye. Thus, I opt to stay silent.

"So, are you in a relationship right now?"

"Are you hitting on me? Just to be clear, I have no interest in marr—"

"You can complete that sentence, and I can get your chopped off head."

"—no, I am not in a relationship."

"Why though? I believe, with that charming face of yours, every woman will be head over heels for you."

I quirk my eyebrow. My sister has stepped into a dangerous zone. Now, it's time for me to shine. I'm sorry, but I'm not sorry I'm about to bombard you with my life lesson.

"In primary school, if you have fast feet, you get the girls. In junior high school, if you score the highest, you get the girls. In senior high school, if you follow the trend, you get the girls."

"What is your point?"

"Look at the constantly changing standard. Fickleness is a sign of hypocrisy. Human are fickle, and anything associated with them is too. Dating is one of them. Therefore, that makes dating unhealthy. Source: me."

"Huuh..."

No. Don't look at me with that face. I know how disappointed you are with me. But, forgive me. Your relationship with your husband proves my word to be true!

"I don't know how many hearts you have broken with that kind of mindset."

This time, I frown. I feel the need to retort.

"Christine, I pushed them away because I respected them. I could have just dated them while multi-timing—"

"Do you mean two-timing?"

"Yes, and no. There are more than two of them."

"Did you just flex without flexing?"

"My point is, truth is indeed hurt. However, the wound it left heals faster than the wound you got when you are lied to."

I know. I'm a bastard for saying that blatantly in front of my sister's face, whose relationship is already in the brink of collapse. However, that's the truth, and she can't even deny it.

"I wish... He could be as good as you."

Although she muttered that with a low voice, I could hear her clearly. Normally, I won't say a thing. However, this time, I feel the need to.

"Don't worry. I will always be your home. The place where you return to when you are wounded."

I can see her eyes widening in surprise. She raised her head, and looks at me in disbelief.

I get it. I am surprised with my own words too. Luckily, she doesn't poke fun at me. She merely continues to eat, while hiding her smile.

"Thank you."

Badump.

Damn! This married woman makes my heart beat faster?! There seems to be a technical error occuring in my system!

I throw my gaze at her, and she dodges my eyes shyly.

This woman! Why do you have to act like that in this kind of situation? Where is the tsukkomi?!

So, the dinner has successfully turned awkward.

...

"I will not be able to come for a week. I got a new business offer. So, you have to take care of yourself!"

We are already outside of my apartment. We are standing in front of the building, and in the middle of waiting for Catherine's taxi.

"How do you think I could remain alive for this long?"

"Luck?"

"No, it's money."

Catherine shoots me a dirty look. I know, I'm heartless for saying that in front of a financially struggling married woman. But, it's not my fault that she refused my help.

"Anyway, make sure this time it is not a fraud. You were done a lot last time."

"Don't worry, it's from my husband's acquaintance."

"Right... You have a husband. I forgot about him, since he doesn't act like one." That came harsher than I thought. But, I don't care. "Since it is coming from your husband, I suggest you to not believe him too much. Too much trust is poisonous."

"Chris... I know. Don't worry, I'll be fine."

Like always, she brushes my warning aside, then proceeds to hug me. Surely, she also doesn't disagree with any bad things I have said about her husband, like always.

The waited taxi finally came, and it was time for goodbye.

"Then, see you next week, Chris! I love you!"

"Love you too!"

This is the only occasion where I am not embarrassed to say that I love someone. I know, you don't have to point out my hypocrisy. I am aware of it!

Looking at her disappearing back, I chuckled unconsciously. Autumn is soon to be over. Therefore, the air is pretty cold. Her fur coat looks too big for her.

I know it is not because she bought the wrong size, but because she lost her weight. I guess that's the reason why I'm crying right now.

She's a strong and irritatingly stubborn woman. She's so stubborn that she doesn't want me, her brother, to help her through her hard time.

Therefore, I want to be her home forever. I will always be there when she needs me.

Time goes by, and without me realizing it, a week has past. Christine hasn't come yet. I shrug my shoulders. Maybe, she is too fond of her job that she forgot to visit. Then, two weeks past, and she still hasn't come.

Within those days, I heard nothing from her. I have also dialed her phone, but to no avail. Today, I decide to come over her place myself. However, even before I step my foot out of my apartment, my phone rings.

"Hello?"

[Hello, am I speaking with Mr. Chris?]

"Yes, I am Chris."

[Sir, I want you to remain—]

"I am calm. Tell me what you want to say."

[It's about your sister...]

Out of the ordeals I have faced, this is the least expected one.