Brotherly Advice

Hands shook my body roughly, as I heard a familiar voice saying my name."Tara! Tars! Are you ok? Wake up!"

I slowly opened my eyes, but they were swollen and crusty. My vision was so blurry that I could make out a figure sitting next to me, but wasn't able to make out who it was. Sitting up, I rubbed them until my vision cleared and starred blankly at my brothers face, still groggy.

"Tara what the hell is going on? You didn't answer your phone! We were supposed to meet up hours ago! I called Mama Welsh to see if she'd seen you and she said you wouldn't answer the door, but your car was still here. I rushed over and she gave me your spare key. I walk in to find you passed out in your bathroom! What the fuck are you doing on the floor? Did you pass out? Have you taken drugs? Tell me what the hell is going on!"

My head was pounding as my brother spoke. His voice sounding amplified from the headache. It took a moment for my mind to process the words he was saying to me. I was sleeping on the floor? What time is it? Why am I in the bathroom? As the sleepy fog lifted from my mind, it all hit me at once. I remembered the letter from Rose, getting nauseous and rushing to the bathroom, and sobbing on the floor. Tears began to pour from my eyes again and I threw myself into my brothers lap as sobs racked my body.

"She was there Sean! She was there with Rya!" I sobbed even harder as he held me tightly.

"Are you talking about Rose?" I looked up to see a worried Mama Welsh standing in the doorway.

"Who is Rose?" Sean looked to Mama quizzically. He began to rub my back in small circles. He face was twisted in worry as he looked between me and the old woman.

"Rose is this girl Tara met yesterday. They were supposed to have a lunch date today. Tara, what do you mean she was with Rya?"

I was unable to answer between the headache and the sobs, so I laid there, in my brother's lap, letting all the anguish and pain out from the day. He attempted to sooth me by shushing me and letting me know he was there and that it would be ok, to just take my time and let it out.

After I wept softly for a few more minutes, I was able to compose myself enough to stand up. The room tilted and swayed as I stood. Slowly, I walked into the livingroom, both Sean and Mama Welsh followed close behind.

I gave the letter to Sean and fell into the couch, still exhausted. He motioned to have me sit up enough to let him sit with me. I laid my head back down on his lap as he held the letter in one hand and slowly began to stroke my hair. Mama Welsh sat in the large reading chair I had placed over by the window.

As he read the letter his face showed no emotion. Once finished he sighed."Well shit." He got up and handed the letter to Mama to read, then came back to the couch and let me lay my head back in his lap. "That letter is insane Tars. I wonder why she would write you instead of telling you in person though. It seems like something to discuss in person. Who is this girl? Had you brought up Rya to her before?"

"That's the worst part Sean. She left the letter in the pizza box for me to find. I didn't know about it until after she left. I was so dumb! I told her my fiance died in a robbery a year ago as she basically ran out the door! What was I thinking? God! The look in her eyes was pure horror. She rushed out without even a goodbye. What sucks is we had just had sex." I blushed at the confession,"This is so fucked up Sean. I didn't understand why she left the way she did until I read the letter. What do I do?"

"Well Tara I don't know what do tell you. This is definitely an awkward situation. How did this lead you to fall asleep in the bathroom though?" he asked, still having a slightly worried tone.

"When I read the letter it made me physically sick. I went to the bathroom and puked. Once in there I just broke down in tears and afterwards was so exhausted that I must have passed out on the floor. I am sorry that I ruined dinner for you. I didnt mean to worry you this bad. I'm sorry I worried both of you." I glanced at Mama giving an apologetic smile.

"Don't you worry about dinner Tars. I am just relieved you are ok. None of this pizza has been eaten though. When is the last time you ate?"

"Yesterday. I skipped breakfast this morning and never got around to eating lunch as you can see," I laughed weakly.

"What about that noodle soup, dear? Would you like me to heat it up for you?" Mama Welsh got up and started walking to the kitchen.

"I don't know if I could eat Mama. I know I should, but I have no appetite."

"That does not matter Tara Nicole. You need to at least try to eat something. I don't want you getting sick like you did when Rya died. Mama if you wouldn't mind putting that in the microwave for her, I would really appreciate it. I am staying here with her tonight so you are good to head home if you want. Thank you so much for your help. I will call you in the morning, I promise. Tara I need to call Villy and let her know I am not going to be going home tonight. She is probably freaking out since I havent already called." Sean moved from the couch and walked to my bedroom to make the call.

"What time is it Mama? It's not that late is it?" I asked, peaking my head up from the couch.

"Its nearly midnight sweetie. You really worried us." Having put the leftovers in the microwave she walked over to the grungy couch and sat next to me. she pulled me close to her and hugged me tightly . She had that distinct old lady smell, but it was comforting and calmed my nerves." Rose is probably taking this just as hard as you are, you know? This was her trauma too. I hope she is going to be alright. Do you plan on talking to her about this?" She asked.

"Do you think I should? What if she wants nothing to do with me?" my voice cracked as I spoke and I felt my eyes burn as no tears came. There were none left to cry.

"Its not my place to say Tara. This is a unique situation. You should do what is best for you at this point." The wise woman squeezed me tightly, standing up as my brother walked back into the room."I guess I will leave you to take care of our little Tara, Sean. Please come get me if needed though. I love you both so much. You will always be my little orphan angels."

"I haven't heard you call us that in so long Mama, it mind bending to think about how long it's already been. We love and appreciate you. Thanks for the help tonight." Sean kissed Mama Welsh on the cheek and opened the front door for her as she left. After closing the door, he sauntered into the kitchen and pulled the food from the microwave. Grabbing a spoon he set the soup in front of me.

"Eat." He was using his serious dad voice. I took the spoon and ate a small bite. As soon as the broth hit my tongue, I realized just how hungry I was and began shoveling the lukewarm meal in my mouth. Sean sat next to me quietly.

Within minutes the large container was empty. I sat back on the couch, belly filled."Sean...what do I do?" I stared at the ceiling.

"You need to talk to her Tara. As hard as this is on you, think about what might be going through her mind as well. According to her letter, she has PTSD from the robbery. She came here to escape what happened and then you dredged it back up in the worst possible way. She is likely having just as rough of a time with this information as you are, if not worse. To watch someone die...it changes people. Think about watching dad die. It was the hardest thing we had to go through, but he was sick for so long that at least we were able to make peace with it beforehand. I can't even begin to imagine what this girl went through. To have a stranger die so suddenly and violently in your arms. It's no wonder she tried to drown the thoughts out with substance abuse. You do need to at least check on her and make sure she is ok. She stated in the letter she was worried of relapsing. You need to do what you can to keep that from happening. Maybe you only met her yesterday, but obviously you already care for her a lot. You aren't one to rush things or sleep around. By the way. I am glad you are moving on. Rya would be proud of you."

Tears were running down my face freely. I hadn't thought of what this information might do to Rose. What if I tipped her over the edge and she did relapse? "I wish I could call her now, but it's too late in the night. I know I should talk to Rose, but I was planning on visiting Rya's grave in the morning. After today I need to see her even more I want to talk to her about Rose. Will you come with me? Then afterwards we can go to Rose's work and see if she is there."

"Of course I will go with you Tars. I will call my boss in the morning and let him know I won't be in tomorrow. Do you have work?"

"I do, but I have some vacation time saved. I will call them tomorrow. I think I am going to take the next few days to clear my head."

Sean got up from the couch and turned to me holding out his hands."We will worry about all that tomorrow. For now, let's go to bed. It's been a hell of a day for you." I took his hands and he pulled me up to my feet. We walked to my room and opened the door. Rocky sped out of the room past me."Oh shit I forgot I locked him in here when I came inside and found you. He n

is not gonna be happy with me for awhile."

We went straight to my bed and I laid down, not bothering to change out of my clothes. Sean slid off his jeans, exposing baggy, grey shorts. He always wore his basketball shorts under his clothes. He laid down in bed with me and held.me as I laid my head on his chest listening to his steady breathing.

"I love you sis, and I promise things are going to be ok. We will take care of everything tomorrow and it will all work out, ok?"

The vibrations of his voice in his chest relaxed me. Laying here with him reminded me of when we were younger. When our dad died I wasn't able to sleep alone for over a year, but Sean never once complained of his annoying little sister sleeping in his bed with him every night. My eyes felt like heavy, sore sandbag and as soon as I closed them I was asleep.