Sickness is painful

Sickness really is painful. I can't even bring myself to write an extremely cliche scene. Everything hurts, chest and back hurts from all the vomiting and dry heaving.

When I sleep u beging hallucinating some real trippy stuff maybe a bit better than weed. okay that's a lie and we as know it.

These are the times you wonder if this is finally it. That maybe when I close my eyes I'd probably be standing elsewhere.

*sigh*, it's really confusing - on one hand you just want things to finally end. On another I don't wanna go just yet cos I feel I haven't done enough for my wife and family. And on another(three hands?) I feel completely different when I stare at the knife in the kitchen.

All I know is I want to be there for my family. That feeling tops the others.

and now I feel so weak sick in bed I wanna throw up and sleep and beat the meat all at the same time. I feel terrible.

Last night I dreamt I was kicking down buildings, I got somewhere else and then I couldn't breath cos I used all my air breaking down those buildings so it felt like I was being compressed, unable to properly breath, whole body hurting. It felt so vivid when I woke up my legs and chest and neck all hurt. Maybe I was sleeping wrong during.

1pm and I feel hungry and tired and wanna throw up.

Sickness sucks