I Wonder Why

I had been thinking a lot about a lot of things. Just weird thoughts. Like, I remember our family barber (yes, we have a family barber; Well, dad is the only one who uses him now since i moved away.) shaving my hair as a kid, and i would just cry so hard. I remember crying, and i only remember something just telling me to cry and cry hard for no particular reason. It was not like it hurt. I grew up and realized it was not just me. Kids still cry when they at the barber shop.

Well, some kids. I remember crying so much, my dad by my side was practically chanting "Shame, shame" like GoT. It was to a point where even after i grew up, i freaked each time i saw the barber oiling his machine. I really got scared and had to close my eyes to prevent myself from seeing that action; And this was Junior High School. It was only later did i feel it was ridiculous. You could say i faced my fears. Haha. Not like fear of snakes, but still.

Speaking of snakes, i heard from my wife, who heard from an old local dude, that snakes would never bite you unless they felt threatened by you, that is, you looked like you want attack, or if someone sent it. Now i know what some of you are thinking; "Someone sent it?". Shhh. This is Africa; Land of nice ass and magic; Black and white. I know, some of you don't believe in things like that, but still. That does not mean i would stick around or just walk by normal when i happen to meet a cobra or even a "decorative" snake. Just so you know, there is no such thing. Crazy people keeping snakes as pets, saying stuff like "it don't bite". Crazy. Every one knows even pet dogs bite when we say "He don't bite", let alone a snake. A dog knows it's a pet. A snake does not. No matter how many times you feed it the cobra in the tank, it still raises it's head at you, ready to strike.

I wonder why most ex-girlfriends get offended when you say you want to hook them up with a friend. Most women's minds work in the most weird, unique, crazy, fried rice kind of way. Maybe I'm just the douche bag that tried to help a friend out. Or maybe i just do not know what is or is not appropriate. Maybe. Okay, so i called up an ex because it had been a while, plus i was feeling a little guilty about getting married and not telling her. Quite frankly i shouldn't, because i did not even tell some of my family members. The only reason I felt "guilty"( I'll explain later why i put those in quote.) was because me and her still kept in touch even after our breakup with the occasional lower part scratching; But not after i got married. In fact, I kind of cut contact with her a little, so i understood. She was mad; But we still got in touch occasionally, just not like when i was single.

So, i called like i usually do just to check up. I say "Hey", she says "Hey back", I say "Been a while", she says "Mmm", I say "I know", she say "Mm". At this point i felt i should just hang up, because she was in one of her moods, right? Who could blame her; I go for long time and later pop up with a call trying to seem friendly.

I was supposed to go back home and felt maybe i should pass by and say hi, so i called and informed her.

I know. I know. Some of you are already calling me dumb.

So, i call her. She says no. Again. I should have probably left it there, but no.

Then i go, why? Then she goes, "I can't keep doing this. Are you trying to tell me after going away for so long, you don't have a girlfriend?" So i felt it was a great opportunity and said, "In fact, I'm married." For some weird short moment, i felt relief. I had been wanting to find a way to let her know, and i had just done that. Felt so relieved. But then she goes, "There you go, so why do we have to meet? I also need to marry"

"????"

Hold up.

That was not the reaction i was expecting. Of all the reactions i had envisioned, that was not one of them. Either she already knew, or she did not care, or she thought i was lying; Either way, it was good for me?

Either way, i had finally let her know. So i go, "Since it's like that i have a nice gentleman i can hook you up with. Just looking out for a friend."

Oof.

She totally freaked. Telling me i was passing me off to my friend after i was done with her.

What?

firstly, yes, i get how you could interpret it that way. But i felt, that should have been the absolute last thing that should have come to mind. We argue back and forth, which, again, i could just as easily have ended the call and not care, but, i wanted to understand that particular reasoning. Why, would you think like that? So i say, "i just felt you and my friend would be a good match. Besides, he is a good guy and would be good for you."

Then she goes, "So you knew we were not a good match, yet you still went ahead and did all those things to me. Why did you not hook me up with your friend then?"

First, calm down; I did not "do all those thing to you.", we had sex. Maybe i'm slightly freaky, but, it was just sex.

My question yo her was, if you with someone, why would you think you not good together and match the other to their friend? We kept arguing till i finally had enough of her non reasoning arguments.

Still baffled by this. Maybe i was the one wrong. I just need this explained to me because no matter how much i think about it, i still do not understand. What a weird mind.