IX : Min-Jun

"I'll become a flowerpot on your small windowsill

Even if I can't talk or wish for anything

I could receive your smile and touch every now and then

And see your fast asleep face"

- Alex

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Hei-ran entered Min-Jun's office filled with anxious energy, she was going to say everything she felt today without backing down. Even though she had never lied about her feelings for him, she had always wanted to honestly tell him why she felt the way she did. It was easier said than done of course, she knew that he would reject her but she wanted more than anything to just have the chance to sincerely tell him how she truly felt. The horrifying feeling that filled her chest kept getting worse the closer she got to him, she knew she would 100% regret this after but she was already here and her pride would not allow her to chicken out.

"You look happy today, I'm guessing the date went well", she had noticed the small smile on his face as she entered the office. "The date went really well, I'm glad I went. Thanks for giving me a push, I know I don't say it often but I really appreciate you always looking out for me", she hated this about him, he was always so nice to her so she couldn't stop herself from thinking that there was hope left for her. She knew that she needed to do this for herself so that she can finally move on, "I'm glad it went well but I actually wanted to talk to you about something". Jun didn't miss the nervous energy radiating from his friend and started to worry that something bad may have happened, "Is everything okay? Why do you look so anxious? Did something happen?".

Thinking of a way to start the conversation has her practically wanting to sprint off in the opposite direction. "Nothing happened but I think we really need to have a long overdue conversation about us", "Hei-ran I-". She immediately motioned for him to stop knowing that he'll make himself feel bad by having to gently reject her again. "Please don't say anything Jun, I know how you feel about me and I respect that but just this once I'd like you to listen to my reason why I've held on to these feelings so long. I don't expect anything to change all I want is a chance to say this out loud just once, I just need to get this off my chest. So please just let me do this". Seeing the serious expression on her face has him feeling anxious as the last time they had this conversation she avoided him like the plague for two weeks.

"I'm not sure where to start so I'll just be as honest as possible. I don't even know when I started having feelings for you to be completely honest, I know for a fact that I had always considered you my person for as long as I can remember but it had always been in a platonic way when we were growing up. You were always the only one that I could count on even when you weren't doing all that well yourself. I guess along the way I started over thinking all of the things that you did for me, I started placing romantic feelings on simple gestures and started fantasizing about us as a couple knowing that at the time you were in no position to love anyone. I had known that you would reject me when I blurted out that I loved you that day 2 years ago, I had prepared for it but there was a part of me that wished you would have given me a chance. I realized of course that I can't force my feelings on you so I tried really hard to be considerate and respect the boundaries of our friendship but I'm only human and I wanted more. When I pushed you to go on the date, I was terrified of the end result, a small part of me wanted it to be a disaster and for you to swear off dating forever but the more reasonable, sane part of me wanted more than anything for you to be happy even if it would never be me. I'm not telling you this because I'm trying to make you feel any pity or guilt towards me, all I wanted was a chance to be clear. I want to move on, that's why I'm doing this but stop looking at me with pity when I tell you I love you. I'm not trying to confess my feelings to you every time I say it, I just genuinely love you and want you to know that so please accept it graciously"

She finally did it, she had to admit it felt good to be able to just say everything out loud. Jun was silently taking in all of the things that was just said a heavy feeling weighing him down as he couldn't help but to feel guilt and pity towards his best friend. The problem of course was not her it was that he had never once seen her as a woman, she was just his best friend. He knew that he had taken their friendship for granted all these years because he would not be as patient and understanding as she was being. He felt thankful for her more than anything she had always been his person too but he had always selfishly accepted that she would always be there for him when all he did was make her feel like she had to change herself to stick to him.

"Thank you for being honest with me, I know it was probably really difficult to say all of this out loud. I can't imagine how you feel right now but I know that I'm so sorry for not being able to appreciate you as a woman. I love you more than anyone but we don't love each other the same way. I want you to know that I'm so grateful for you, for sticking with me, for crying with me and for always encouraging me to be happy. I promise from now on I'll try to be the friend that you deserve". She sighed deeply, she couldn't help the disappointment she felt hearing this she knew that he wouldn't return her feelings but she wasn't trying to tell him that he was a bad friend, considering everything that has happened over the years there was no way that she would ever consider him to be lacking in their friendship.

"You fool I wasn't saying you were a bad friend, all I wanted was to express myself and you had to ruin it by being all emotional. This is supposed to be about me how dare you try to steal my spotlight. 'I'll try to be the friend you deserve', how cringey". She playfully shuddered while mocking him, "I don't even sound like that". Jun was muttering under his breath with a very visible pout on his face looking like an angry puppy. Looking down sadly she realized that her crush on him had started to make her feel pathetic, she wanted to stop that. She was going to start thinking of herself first instead of constantly prioritizing him.' What a headache' she thought, this was going to be as hard as she imagines it will be. Thinking that she should change the subject she asks about the date.

"It was good, the place we went was good, good conversation, good food, just good, yeah good". "How informative Jun, sounds like you had a good time", she couldn't help the chuckle that came out of her mouth. He was so awkward; how did this guy even hold a conversation with his date at this rate. "Stop being so weird and tell me what she's like", "She's nice, really pretty, I had a good time". Face palming she knew he felt uncomfortable telling her about the date when he knew how she felt ,but she genuinely wanted to know if he enjoyed himself and if he wanted more dates ."Jun, I get that you're feeling like it would be wrong to tell me about this especially since I basically confessed to you but that was really just something that I wanted to do for myself ,it wasn't to make you feel guilty or uncomfortable .We will always be friends before anything else ,so tell me about her ,is she nice? do you like her? are you going out again?".

Jun sighed softly, he felt like he didn't deserve Hei-Ran because he knew had he been in her position he would have resented the hell out of her and broken their friendship out of pettiness. "She's really great actually, I enjoyed her company. I was really sceptical before she came because my dad was the one that set it up but I was pleasantly surprised when she showed up. Actually, I'm kind of impressed that my dad even knew her at all, even my mom was surprised when they found out who she was." Now Hei-Ran was curious as to who she was, "So are you going to tell me who she is or?". "Oh right, it was Baek Sun-Hee ", he heard the soft 'who' from her before he saw her register who it actually was. "Oh, my goodness Baek Sun-Hee as in the Idol?", "Yes that's the one, she's actually really down to earth and very adorable in person compared to what I thought Idols are like."

Hearing the loud gasp from his best friend, he could actually see the excitement in her movements. "Oh, my goodness, I love her. I even bought VIP tickets for me and So-Ra for her upcoming concert, can you please introduce me to her wait no I'll be too nervous get me her signature Jun, or no I heard that she is about to release a new album how great would it be to get a signed copy ". Chuckling at her ramblings about Sun-Hee he suddenly remembered that he never spoke to her after she had called him. Shit, she must think that he didn't want to go out again because he hadn't even looked at the text messages that she had sent. Hitting his palm against his head gained Hei-Ran's attention.

"What's wrong?", she asked curiously. Looking down, Min-Jun sighed dramatically "I've been a coward about asking her out on the second date, I'm pretty sure she thinks that I don't want to go out again". Genuinely confused Hei-Ran motions for him to continue, "We had been texting since the date to get to know each other better, which is great but she called me and brought up wanting to go out again. I had just had a conversation with Hee-chul about her songs, I was feeling a bit down and it was just after 9pm so I was tired you know. I made a comment saying that she must be really confident to make the first move and that I've been really nervous to bring it up because I'm sure that her schedule must be crazy. She just sighed, she seemed to be busy at that time of night cause people kept calling for her so she kind of just had to get off the phone before we could continue the conversation. I haven't texted her since because I feel like an idiot and she hasn't either because she's probably busy. What do I do? "

Hei-ran couldn't help the snort that left her mouth, she couldn't believe that Min-Jun was being so clueless about this," Jun, if you want to continue to talk to her you should also be making an effort. It's probably not easy for her to even bring up a second date but she did it because she wanted to see you again. The fact that she took some time to contact you even though you could hear that she was really busy shows that she likes you enough to want to make the first move. It's really not as complicated as you are making it out to be just apologize to her about the call and ask her on the second date. How long has it been since you talked? ". Min-Jun scratched the back of his neck awkwardly, " almost 3 days "

Hei-ran kind of felt sorry for Sun-Hee, she must think that he ghosted her. I mean 3 days is not long at all but considering their last conversation she probably felt that she was being too much and he didn't want to meet up again. "Jun, I know it's been a while so it's normal to be awkward or say the wrong thing because you're just getting to know each other. You just have to be a bit brave and just call her, apologize for the last conversation and setup the next date. If you keep doing nothing about it then it'll end on the last conversation you had, I'm sure that's not what you want her to remember you by right?". She heard him groan in defeat, "Of course not I should call her but what do I even say?". Hei-Ran stood up and got his phone from the desk, went into his contacts and dialled Sun-Hee 's number fangirling a tiny bit as she put it on speaker. "Hello", She heard the soft voice on the other line come through and almost squealed even though she was a bit jealous of the fact that he was so torn apart about her not talking to him she was a big fan of the Idol.

Looking at Hei-Ran with wide eyes Min-Jun says a nervous hello back and turns his head away in embarrassment. It was very amusing to see her best friend being an awkward mess, "Min-Jun? "." Are you really busy right now? Do you have a minute?", there was a bunch of noise in the background that was slowly fading away meaning she was probably moving to a quiet place to talk. "Sun-Hee?", "I'm sorry I just got off stage, give me a sec I just have to remove my mic pack. Can you hold on for a bit?". Hei-Ran 's eyes widened, feeling bad for contacting at a bad time, "If this is a bad time I can call later ", "It'll only be a few minutes till I'm back in my dressing room then we can talk ". At this point Min-Jun was feeling the guilt of not trying to message her even though she seems to make time to talk to him, "That's okay I'll wait". "It'll only be a few minutes".

Hei-Ran and Min-Jun sat in complete silence hearing the background noise, which sounded like a song 'Little Sunshine you did it again, I told you to be careful about being so passive aggressive towards stupid questions. I know it's annoying but it's your job I'm not going to repeat myself again ' they looked at each other unsure of whether they were allowed to hear the conversation or not.' I swear I wasn't trying to sound that way; I've been exhausted lately with practice and prepping for the upcoming tour and album ', 'When is the last time you had a proper 8 hours of sleep Little Sunshine'. Okay so now Min-Jun was really feeling all types of guilty, '8 hours of sleep? Uhm when I was like 7 or 8, I guess *chuckles lightly*'. They heard the sigh of disappointment that left the person's mouth that Sun-Hee, 'forget I said anything go home and sleep and we have to move some stuff around because the venue needs to be setup so you can take some time off until Monday '

'Seriously? I don't need to come in at all', they could hear the genuine excitement in her voice. 'You can just relax for the next few days; we're going to be super busy after this though so get enough rest okay Little Sunshine'. 'Thank you, Hyun Shikie, ', they heard the man groan in what sounded like annoyance 'Yah! I'm older than you , you brat ', they could hear the giggling in the background causing them both to smile . They heard light shuffling " Hey, sorry I took so long my manager was just talking to me. What did you want to talk about?". Now Hei-Ran knew she was supposed to be jealous but she loves Sun-hee's music and has been a fan of hers for the longest so hearing her over the phone felt so surreal." I wanted to apologise for the other day when you called, I had a conversation with Hee-chul about the songs he listens to like you said I should and it really helped to understand what he was thinking .it feels like an excuse now that I say it out loud but I was surprised when you called and acted like an idiot so I'm sorry and I would like to have that second date if you're still up for it". Hei-Ran was surprised at his little confession and a bit curious to know what Hee-Chul said to make his dad go into a daze after but would leave this question for after the call.

" Oh you don't have to apologise it wasn't a big deal honestly I think I was being a bit straight forward towards you *chuckles lightly * it's been a while since I've had someone nice to talk to so I got a bit excited hopefully I didn't make you feel uncomfortable ,that's great that you spoke to Hee-Chul ,as honoured as I feel to know that he listens to my music I just can't help but feel like it isn't exactly kid friendly you know and I would like to have that second date". Min-Jun smiled slightly realising that Hei-Ran was right he was thinking too much he should have just made an effort and it would have fixed everything. "No, I did have to apologise, you seem to be very busy yet you took that the time to call me. To be honest I was just really nervous and thinking too much, I wanted to be the one to ask you out again but I'm just not good at this. Also, according to Hee-Chul your music is very pretty that's why he likes it, it was as simple as that *chuckles lightly *. Let me know when you're free for that date okay"

He heard a soft giggle on the other line "Well then apology accepted, there's no need to be nervous it's been a while for me too and we're literally just getting to know each other. I'm glad he finds my music pretty, that's the first time I've heard that tell him I said thank you. I'll have to make sure my next album sounds pretty to-" 'Hey Sunny have you seen my earring?','Oh Jihyo no I haven't but you can look around babe '. He heard shuffling in the background of most likely Jihyo 'oh you're on the phone who are we talking to " Hi person on the line ooh Min-Jun with a smiley face that's so cute Sunny". "Oh my gosh please stop, I'm sorry Min-Jun please ignore her " chuckling in amusement at Sun-Hee's embarrassment he faintly heard Jihyo's teasing in the background .After Jihyo left they continued their conversation getting date sorted while Hei-ran silently listened trying not to let the smile on Min-Jun face bother her too much this was good he was happy so she was happy right?.

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"Too far away, too far away, too far away, you are going

How can I stop these trembling tears

You, took my heart from the beginning

And made me fall ill with an incurable sickness

I want to become a flowerpot, I always pray"

- Alex