I Can't Help it

I want to be hugged by him.

I want to hold hands with him.

I want him to want me.

But its only a fantasy.

She likes him too.

But i cant help it.

I want him.

More than anything.

It hurts like hell.

To feel this much pain at once.

Why does it have to be him?

Someone that's been claimed for.

Someone off limits.

He's for her, not me.

But I can't stop.

She tells me how much she loves him.

To hear that almost everyday.

It hurts more each time.

Her telling me the "signs" he's giving.

I dont like lying to her.

She is my bestfriend after all.

But I have to.

These feelings will fade.

I hope so atleast.

As much as i hate to say it.

I love him.

I have never loved, and cried for someone so much before.

I hate this.

I hate this situation.

But when she said he doesn't like her.

I felt like jumping from joy.

But stopped myself.

I thought for just a moment.

"I had a chance".

And when i say a moment.

I mean all the time.

Thinking about that.

But how can I?

The last thing i want to do.

Is steal something she loves.

So, even if it hurts.

I won't chase after him.

I'll let her have this.

She's way better for him anyway.

Not someone like me.

I don't deserve him.

He's too good for me.

So it's time to say goodbye.

My first love.