What the Plum?!

"It's bigger than before I slept."

That was my first observation when I got out of bed. Except it wasn't really a bed—just a sheet on the floor that wasn't mine, surrounded by walls that weren't mine, in a town that wasn't mine.

'It's Kyoto' my mind supplied.

"How in mystical sugar-plum did I end up in Kyoto?" I stated calmly.

'Seems like you died' my mind chimed in, sounding quite helpful.

"Well..." I looked around and spotted a door.

I opened what seemed to be a bathroom and stepped inside, only to stub my toe.

"Great... plumbing great. Who in the sugar-plum are you?" I exclaimed.

Instead of feeling embarrassed about walking in on another guy, I asserted my dominance, standing with my legs slightly wider and my arms on my hips like a total badass. But instead of this tanned meathead being afraid of my holy light, he adopted the same stance!

"The Auda—" That's all I got to say when I noticed it. The horror. The shame!

'You're tan' my mind gleefully told me.

No, this cannot be. Me? Tan? I? With short black hair like that one Japanese Imperial Demon Army guy?!

'Guren Ichinose?' my mind chimed in again, oh so happily.

"You need to shut the front door!" I yelled, only to stare in horror as I noticed, instead of my radiant supple skin, scratches and scars are blemishing my face and body!

"NO! This can't be my radiance! This has to be a nightmare!"

'You sorta have a phy—'

"Shut it!"

'Ehm, the physique o—'

"No!"

'Physique of him, no?'

'Are you crying?'

No. This can't happen. My lithe femboy build! What would my fans say?

'Won't females app—'

"Stop! I don't even want to think of them! *Shiver* 'Women'—the bane of all mankind! If I think what I don't want to think you're thinking of could happen, then that means I officially can't leave until this freakish body has become supple." I numbly supplied to my oddly helpful but not-so-helpful mind.

'Right... well, if you didn't notice, because I did, there's a laptop open that you might want to pay attention to. Just remember to breathe, no?'

Hmm... I feel like this is a trap as I walk out of the bathroom and turn to the desk where a laptop stood ominously. As I approach and move the mouse to awaken the beast...

'Not a beast, a laptop' my mind simply says, but for once I ignore it. It awakens, and as I stare at the screen that has my *shiver* new body's emails open, I notice one that stands out from the rest. Why? Because it has the worst email address to exist.

[Email from Kuoh@Girlsacademy:

'Dear Sasaki Ryou,

On behalf of the principal, we of the student council congratulate you on officially becoming a student at this humble and extraordinary school. Though it is a journey from Kyoto, we know you won't regret attending here.

P.S. As asked by the principal, you have been supplied a ticket for you to get to Kuoh at 12:15 PM.

School starts on Monday, XXXX, 2008.

-Sona Shitori, Vice-President of Kuoh Academy']

"What?" I *slam* my head against the desk.

'Done slamming your head?' my wise mind asks.

I'm done. *Slam*

'Well, not to sound bad or anything, but it's 11:47, and in the other corner, you have duffel bags packed, assuming they're clothes. Judging by when you wake up from *slam* your head on the desk, we probably have about 10 minutes before we need to start running to the train station' the accursed mind informs me.

'Rude.'

I can't leave looking like this! I gesture to this monstrosity of a body.

For one, it's tan! Two, it has muscles! Gross. And three, it's tall.

'Judging by your appearance—except for your name, for some odd reason—you look like Guren. You're probably 6' tall' my mind unnecessarily informs me.

My point! I should be 5'3! I can't leave!

'Time's running out'

Don't pressure me!

'You might run into Yasaka if you're not goi—'

"Let's pluming go to Kuoh!" I cut my mind off.

As I pick up my bags and walk down the hallway to the front door, I receive the greatest advice of my life.

'You should probably put some clothes on, no?'

You pickle, you were waiting for that.

'Yep'

I turn around to go back into my room, open the closet, and pick out some unfashionable clothes: a black shirt and grey sweatpants. *Shiver* I feel like I shouldn't have put these on. Whatever.

Just in case, I put on a black hoodie to hide from these infidels.

Now as I walk back, I notice a phone on the desk. Surprised, I grab it and unlock it effortlessly, then punch in "train station." I head to the closest one to get the pineapple out of here. As fortune seems to be on my side, I arrive at the train station just in time to walk onto the train and grab a seat.

'Now that we are all seated and rolling away to Kuoh, I think you should evaluate what's happening, no?' my trusty mind informs me.

Right. Figure out what's happening first.

You're not my mind, are you?

'No, I'm a degrading consciousness whose identity is feared as cursed—an object that many have wanted but have only gotten a cheap replica of a byproduct from the true me. I'm a sword'

What? Wait, what? That's it?

'Well, like I said, I'm a degrading consciousness. I don't have much time left, so while you are sitting here, I'm going to off-put introducing myself and help inform you. You know? 'Information is power' and all that crap?'

Oh, understandable, you pluming pickle.

'Rude. But besides the point, here is what you need to know about living in this new world that you've somehow found yourself in, because you're going to need it.'

{Author happily Here, before anyone asks. No he is not gay. I would've put a tag or put it in the description if it was. Have an awesome October}