No Refunds

In a dark room, Nathan Cross sat, staring at the tv across from his bed, with the only light and sound in the house blasting out of the screen. The man, or slob if we're being honest, that lay curled up in blankets rewatching anime shows he'd seen more than ten times over was not an attractive figure. While pictures on his wall showed him as an accomplished athlete in his youth, competing internationally for both his martial arts and parkour racing, the lean, smiling figure was no longer present, instead a slightly overweight ball of regret and 15-year-old depression remained.

While the boy was not abused, cheated on or left alone due to family deaths, the life he had lived pushed him to a breaking point 4 months ago, just short of Nathan's 26th birthday. Raised by an absent father who provided limited money despite working ridiculous hours, distancing him from his son and wife, and a mother, who although cared for him, was controlling, manipulative and narcissistic. Rather than raise the child themselves, Nathan was put into different sports programs, becoming proficient at swimming, karate, jiu-jitsu, and gymnastics, though he never told his friends at school that he did that last one. Winning competition after competition, he continued his martial arts and even found a use for the gymnastics training his mother had put him through in his love of parkour. However, at 19, Nathan was pushed off an obstacle mid-course, and his ankle and knee joints were never able to function the same again, preventing him from fighting, and racing forever. Combined with drifting friendships, Nathan forced himself to focus on his education, to get a degree and teach the subjects that had kept him going through school, even when he wasn't interested in the slightest.

During his time studying, Nathan had several relationships. None surviving more than 8 months, as Nathan himself knew, he wasn't ready to settle down, because if he relaxed, he felt he would lose his drive. After getting his degree, Nathan's search for teaching jobs was disastrous, being stopped from finding work due to the pandemic that covered the globe, closing schools and forcing people to work from home. In his frustration and exhaustion, Nathan developed a hobby of binge-watching anime and fantasy tv. Not binge-watching like 3 episodes at once, but watching non-stop for 15 hours plus per day, stopping only to sleep, as he went through One Piece, Naruto, Boruto (But he pretended it never happened after they butchered the characters) and his favourite anime, drawing from the supernatural elements, Tokyo Ghoul. While others who watched it hated Kaneki for being such a wimp, he felt that the character was realistic, having lost his humanity, then his sanity, then his friends, and after reading the manga he loved it all the more. The character development was surreal and the abilities were so cool! Whether it be the spider-like kagune, or the one that pierced enemies like a giant spear, each having their own quirk that made them and their character unique.

POV- Nathan Cross

*GGGRrrrr*

Rubbing my belly, I begin to wonder whether I should really be getting hungry watching people cannibalise each other. 'Oh well, time to get something to eat I guess.' Looking at the empty fridge I slap myself for not remembering to go shopping yesterday. 'All that time cooking with my family and the one time I feel motivated to actually cook a meal for myself and I'm stuck with no ingredients. Huh. Spaghetti bolognese from a can it is.' Taking my steaming hot bowl back to my bed so I can continue watching, very nearly spilling the entire bowl full of meat and red sauce all over my bedding, I see a notification on my phone for a service called "Reincarnation Resort." "What the fuck?" I mutter to myself. "What do they advertise it as, we hope you enjoy your stay because you're dead now and don't have a choice. Hahaha." Clicking on the notification, I am taken to a quiz on my dream reincarnation.

Welcome User, would you like to see and experience another world?

"Uh yeah, who wouldn't?" Pressing the yes button I question whether I'd be so confident being taken to an Attack on Titan universe, "probably not."

Would you like to spin the wheel? Don't worry, you will be given 3 attempts to select a destination you desire.

Looking at the choices I can see a mix between some acceptable places and some that I wouldn't wish on anyone, I mean, who wants to go to a 'my little pony world'? Would you reincarnate as a magic pony or a centaur, or would you just be the sole human surrounded by talking horses? Munching on my pasta I spin the wheel, passing over supernatural, thank the heavens, twilight, which although relatively peaceful would be nauseating, and others like DBZ. The wheel stops and my breath catches.

"Nope, Absolutely the fuck not! Not DC! Sure every woman there is absolutely stunning, and the villainous ones more so, but there's no way known I want to deal with Darkseid, Joker and Savage." Spinning again I begin to question whether the gods are spectating this and laughing, seeing the name DC flash on the screen. "One more time, please. I'd even take Twilight." Thinking to myself, 'I'll just need to kill Bella, then it might be tolerable, and then Jasper and Emmet, because they're dating the hottest characters besides that fiery redhead.' "One Piece, Lord of the Rings, Arrow-verse (DC) ... MCU (Marvel)." Stopping, I think it over, "That could work. It's not great, but there are certainly worse places I could go...Wait, why am I acting like it's actually gonna happen? This is like some Buzzfeed thing telling me I'm a red onion or finding out I'm a Slytherin, it means nothing."

Shaking my head as I take another bite, I throw my phone somewhere on the other side of the bed, reaching for the remote to begin the next episode. However, in between the shaking of my head, the leaning of my body, the frustrated sigh as I gave up on the quiz and no small amount of divine intervention, my spaghetti sticks together into a ball...inside my throat. Coughing and smacking at my neck I desperately fumble for life, but the red-faced reflection turns dark with the rest of my vision as I slip into the endless sleep. Or I mean it would have been if it wasn't for him.

"Hello there little one. Are you okay now? No more threats of strangling spaghetti or perilous pasta? Hahaha!" Yup, I already want to smack him in the face. "Well, you can't be doing that. I'm your travel agent for now until the event of your resurrection, so please refrain from attacking me with whatever cooking utensil you are currently thinking about."

"So you can read my thoughts?"

"Yes, currently I can. My name, although you have not inquired, is &@%(&^*$#^^%, and I'm here to get you on the way for your reincarnation resort, all booked and paid for."

"Paid for? I get booked, seeing as I did the quiz, but how did I pay for the.. Oh no."

"Oh yes, young Padiwan, in order to go enjoy your resort you must be, well, reincarnated, and as a result, dead. Seeing as you only had like 7 years left before you die alone as you're hit by a school bus, traumatising 48 children for life." The pretend sadness and pity melted as he looked up at me again, meeting my eyes as the corner of his mouth upturned into his steady smirk. "I guess you could say I did the world a favour. Right, well. Anyways." he says, drawing my eyes from the damned cocky grin. "Now that you're being transported to the MCU, we would like to bestow upon you some gifts/ abilities that will help you survive and enjoy your resurrection."

He then pulled out a notebook from seemingly nowhere, making me question the skill this being has with his prison pocket.

"I SUMMONED IT, I DID NOT PULL IT OUT OF THERE!" the wispy, frail-looking man shouted, his attitude a stark contrast to the jester costume he wears. Patting down his puffy pants, &@%(&^*$#^^% continued, "Pick a show."

"Tokyo Ghoul," Nathan states, unsure where this is going.

"Pick a character whose abilities you want to possess."

"Do we get the abilities by themselves, or the accompanying drawbacks? And will I be affected by the kakuja (centipede form) or owl form's mental instabilities?"

"Excellent question. When you select a character, you will also gain their experience using their bodies and abilities, so yes, mental drawbacks such as Jason's or Owl's instability will impact you should you select them. However, Kaneki's loss of control when in his kakuja form was not due to the form itself, but the combination of trauma, fear, guilt and pain he experienced in such a short time, losing control as he accepted his ghoulishness."

Without further hesitation, I call out, "Pretty easy choice then, Kaneki Ken. 'The One-Eyed King.'"

"Ahh, well in that case your abilities will include:

-Superhuman strength, reflexes and regeneration (Further enhanced through eating flesh)

-Enhanced speed

-4-armed Kagune form

-Centipede kakuja form

-Ghoulish Consumption. (Eat from an ability user to copy their ability)

"By the way, the system provided for you will be quite basic, merely stating what abilities you have in order to better remind you which abilities you will have consumed and forgotten."

'Urggh systems,' they always end up ruining stories by having characters chase after XP and complete quests with ridiculous punishments for failure. I'm glad mine won't have them because if it had a HUD or status I probably wouldn't be able to take the world seriously and act like a game character myself.'

"Will me being a ghoul, eating people and everything force me to run from those around me? I feel like cannibalism would be frowned upon, regardless of the universe," I ask, not really wanting to be hunted down by the likes of Iron Man and Thor.

"Hmmm, it would be an absolute waste of my efforts if you were hunted down by everyone around you, so I can adjust the world slightly for you. So long as you remain friendly, and eat only dangerous criminals, those around you will be under the indication that your eating is disturbing, horrifying even, but not evil in any way. They will understand it as a necessity and approve of your dedication to making the best of it...Now for your last gift, a choice. If you choose to pick from the white box, which I will call the minor ability box, you may select 2 powers, like enhanced senses, or psychic barriers however, should you select the black box, you may only choose 1, but it will be a significantly stronger ability, such as laser eyes or gravity manipulation (minor). So, choose Nathan Cross."

My hand on my chin and a furrowed brow later, I consider the advantages of both. 'One is obviously more powerful straight of the bat, however, looking at his examples the minor ability box seems to have utility or supporting passive abilities that will make life easier, while the major ability box has active powers that will require time training and aren't always useful, because while adamantine claws are epic, just like laser eyes, depending on the situation and how I fight, I might not get to use them that often.' Having made my decision I select the minor ability box.

"Ohoho!? Really? Interesting decision but you've thought it out as best you could and figured out the true difference between the boxes." Pulling the lid off the box and revealing a short list of 6 powers I begin to sift through them.

"Enhanced IQ, no thanks. Considering the foolish actions of some of the so-called genius IQ characters in Marvel, I'll stick to common sense thanks. Peak physical body. Again, skip. Apart from my speed, there isn't any improvement, and if I consume a speedster, I'll be way faster than peak human."

'Though trying to catch and eat a speedster will make me wildly similar to Wiley Coyote.'

"Moderate martial arts training-Taekwondo (Black belt standard), not particularly helpful as combat isn't measured in points, but who remains standing at the end, so pass." A grin surfaced on my face as I select one of the most OP abilities known to comics. "Willpower-(Batman) The sheer dedication he puts into training, working, and keeping up his identity for decades on end is by far Batman's most terrifying feature, disregarding the bat nipples, which was his most disturbing feature during the Clooney phase." Looking at the last two I'm stuck between I am stuck for choices as both could prove incredibly useful in my new world, especially if applied correctly. "Mental Psychic Barriers and Superhuman Senses of Hearing and Smell. The barriers could prove vital in defending from telepaths, but the enhanced senses can be used to find people, track villains, detect poison or explosive materials, determine a person's truthfulness using their heartbeat, or simply eavesdrop from 3 blocks away. I could pick the safe choice, or I could put my hopes in finding a method of shielding my thoughts from others and pick the ability that will have an effect 100% of the time."

*sigh* "Willpower and Superhuman Senses. Those are my choices."

"Excellent! Now just remember, your body won't be as it was before, especially as you won't truly even be human anymore, so enjoy your new life, and... don't get labelled a villain due to the whole, eating people thing. Good Luck!"

A mass of swirling colours slams into my chest, throwing me backwards into a dark long tunnel, as I continue falling, tumbling down the metaphorical rabbit hole. At least I hope it's metaphorical. I hate rabbits.